<<0>>
Three weeks before the summer break for their two children began, the thought of school finishing for three months and leaving her kids at home all day giving Tahira heart palpitations as she foresaw so many problems with getting away to meet with Keenan under those circumstances, Ali sat the family down to suggest a surprise holiday for them all.
From out of nowhere, Ali came up with the proposal that all four of them travel to Pakistan for a month's holiday. He laid out a vision of the family touring around, visiting relatives from both sides of the family, ones that had never had the chance to see the children since they were born. He also saw it as an opportunity for both of the children to get some much-needed exposure to their heritage.
Neither of the kids were initially wowed by this idea. For them a dream holiday was hitting the theme parks in Orlando, but they were quickly swept up by their father's enthusiasm for the trip and so it was at this point that he had turned to Tahira for her opinion. The delay while Ali was bringing the children on board with his proposal granted Tahira a few minutes to think about things herself.
Getting away, a whole month with just the family, it was the break she needed. Four weeks to clear her head, realign her priorities, make good, sensible decisions for her future. There was no other choice.
"I don't think I should go," she had said, hesitancy and regret clear in the way she spoke, her eyes downcast as she didn't want to see the disappointment on her families faces.
"Why not?" It was a simple question, Ali not putting any pressure or anger in it, just an honest inquiry.
Tahira had played the same card she'd used so often since beginning her affair with Keenan. She spoke about her parents needing her around, her concern that they might take a downturn in health when she would be half a world away. It wasn't true, she just couldn't imagine not being with Keenan for twenty-eight days. To not have his touch on her skin, his body entering hers for that length of time... it just couldn't be borne.
To his credit, Ali had been understanding. His disappointment was clear but he didn't make any attempt to change her mind, Tahira wondering at that but deciding it was a mark of his commitment to her supporting her family. Again, she didn't want to think of what that meant when weighed against her own actions, so she accepted the gift of his consideration and left it at that.
That meant she had three weeks to get everything ready for the trip away. Passports checked, clothes purchased and packed, gifts for those relatives that they'd meet chosen and wrapped before being added to bulging suitcases. A thousand and one tasks to be done.
Through it all, she burned with excitement at the thought of Keenan, uninterrupted, unfettered access to Keenan for four whole weeks. He'd been thrilled when she had told him what was happening, making her loins burn with the plans he had for her. Her children were infected by her good mood and barely repressed excitement, seeing it as their mother's delight for their chance to travel. For the entire family, the time before the departure date seemed to fly by and yet drag slowly closer at one and the same time.
Ali seemed troubled as he loaded the kids and luggage into the car early in the morning they were set to leave. Tahira figured that, as usual, he was a nervous traveler. It wasn't flying that put him in that mood, her husband was never comfortable with not having total control over a situation and the various cogs that made up the trip, plane departure times, luggage check and so on always set him on edge. The children waved and blew kisses from the back seat of the car, Ali simply offering her a muted salute as he backed out of their driveway and headed on the route to Heathrow Airport. She stayed watching, waving as they drove away, a knot in her stomach at the idea of being separated from them all for so long. Then a distinctly different physical pang lurched into life, emitting from a spot just below the knot in her stomach. Tahira's body already anticipating her extended holiday with Keenan.
They weren't due to meet up till the evening, the young black man working through the day to finish off his outstanding jobs, planning on taking the next day off to be with her. That gave her time and she opted to waste it away, settling down in the front room in front of the TV, her phone and a mug of coffee beside her. Keenan sent her a text a while later, confirming Ali and the kids were gone. Tahira got a flurry of texts then from her kids, giving her a running commentary as they passed through the airport and made it to their departure gates. The last text came from her daughter Aidah, letting her know they were all on the plane.
Tahira sent her a reply, reminding her not to fight with her brother and to be good for her father and above all else to have fun, ending it with a love heart. She made to set the phone aside again when it vibrated to announce an email, the summary notification telling her it was from Ali. She couldn't understand whey he'd be emailing her something, unless his control freak urge had prompted him to send her on their itinerary for the trip... again. She tapped the screen of her phone, opening the email that had an attached video. Totally nonplussed now, Tahira opened up the video file, thumbing the volume button on the side of the phone as she saw Ali's face, the background of the video their own kitchen. She hit play and watched.
"Wife. This is the last time I will give you that title, you cared for it as little as you cared for the words, husband, mother, family," Ali spoke into the camera of his own phone, she could tell the video had been made that morning, he'd risen before everyone else, she'd assumed to triple check passports and luggage but apparently not.
"I know you've been seeing someone else. I can imagine you now, shaking your head in denial but please, enough with the lies. I don't know who, I don't care. The shame is yours, not theirs. Did you really think you could lie to my face for all this time and I wouldn't know? Were you so arrogant and blind to me to think I knew nothing of you? That I couldn't read the deception in your voice, in your face?" Tahira had raised a hand to her mouth, a keening noise rising despite that as her husband made her worst nightmares a reality.
"You have a month to make your arrangements. I expect you out of the house on my return. Don't try to contact the children, I will take their phones from them when we land, they will learn of your infidelity from me and me alone, I won't allow you to tell them any more lies about this. When I emailed this message to you, I also sent messages to my family and to yours so do not expect your parents to have any compassion either." She could see the hurt in Ali's face now, realizing it had been there for some time now, she'd just failed to see it, too caught up in her own drama to recognize the telltale signs until it was too late. Already she could feel the phone vibrating in her hand as texts began to arrive from her family, in response to Ali's.
"I thought this trip might heal things. I hoped if I got you out here, away from whoever you have been with. I thought we could fix things. You showed me what a fool I have been, to expect anything less than treachery from you. Now you will reap the harvest of what you have sown, your children will know the truth of you and you will lose them and myself in the divorce. Remember, one month."
And that was it, less than two minutes of a video to spell out the disaster her life had just become. Tahira dialed Ali's phone; it went straight to voice mail. She dialed her son Mahad next, then Aidah. The same, all switched off for the flight. Her own phone fell from suddenly nerveless fingers, Tahira sliding from her seat, on to her knees as the racking sobs began.
She couldn't call her mother, to seek comfort there. Ali had seen to that. Somewhere in the next two tear-soaked hours, Tahira had reached out to her only avenue of solace. Keenan. His phone had rung out to the answering service, no doubt he was too busy in work to respond. In a voice thick with misery and interrupted by choked off sobs, Tahira left a message from him explaining what had happened. She rang off and then immediately called him back, leaving a second message asking him not to call around, not to contact her, not yet. She needed time. Hanging up for the second time, Tahira threw the phone away from her, curling into a fetal position as her voice wailed out in self-recrimination and utter loneliness.
The phone rang a few times but Tahira didn't answer. Late in the evening she heard an insistent knocking on the door, Keenan's voice coming through the letter box as he called out her name. The house was dark though, quiet as the grave, Tahira still lying on the floor as she had been for hours. The tears had stopped, only because she couldn't produce anymore, the urge to cry hadn't lessened one bit. She didn't respond to his voice, to him calling her name. All she could think about was how Ali laid the blame for all of this on her.
