Like most nineteen year-old college girls I loved to have fun, but I couldn't always find what I was looking for. I was a sophomore who lived for school, but my romantic life was lackluster. There were boys in my life, but none lit my fire.
My best friend was my roommate, Emilie, aka Emmi, from Seattle. During our freshman year the two of us quickly became inseparable, so it was natural for us to stick together in our sophomore year. We both attracted attention, and if you were to see Emmi you would understand why. She's beautiful! A tall, classy brunette with girl-next-door freshness. Her social situation was similar to mine. The main difference was that Emmi was less demanding of others, and so had better luck with romance. Regardless, at the time she was unattached and expressed frustrations similar to my own: growing boredom with the campus social scene.
In the meantime we made the best of our situation. To be honest, living in a residence hall with all kinds of students was still fun. Yes, sharing facilities with others got old, but we had some characters around who always kept it interesting! Plus, it was a coed building so there was the drama of hook-ups, romances flaring up and fading, the curiosity about whether so-and-so noticed you as you walked by in your bathrobe, etcetera. I was a bit beyond that in my sophomore year, but I loved watching the freshmen go through the transition.
And then there was Kalu. Kalu Mandinka. Kalu was different from the other freshmen, the son of African immigrants from Nigeria and Kenya. It might seem strange for an educated twenty-first century woman to describe a black man as different, but that was and is reality at the university: it has always been nearly exclusively white and Asian.
Furthermore, the small black community tended to stick to itself as a result of the very cliquey, fragmented campus. Kalu, on the other hand, has always gotten along with everyone, running with any crowd and usually ending up the leader. He is very intelligent and charismatic, with a generally easy-going manner. I say 'generally' because he has an edge and can be intimidating. He was more mature than the other freshmen, quickly rising above the fray to be seen as one of the building's elites.
I remember when we first met as Emilie and I were moving our belongings back into the building in late August. My dad and brother helped, but after they left we were busy with rearranging. Then a tall, dark-skinned black man with a sculpted body came by our open door in jeans and a tight t-shirt. He glanced into our room, noticing us struggling with some boxes.
Immediately he strode in introducing himself as 'Kal', effortlessly picking up and moving everything into place for us. He was ruggedly handsome and confident. And so charming! He had us both giggling with his cute flirtation but he never said anything corny or offensive. Poise! We both admired his statuesque physique as he left, both of us mouthing a silent 'Wow!' simultaneously before laughing out loud together. He was a feast for the eyes, for sure!
Kal and I became fast friends, developing an unusual mentor-protégé relationship. As if I were his big sister. Strange, perhaps, since I am less than one year older and white, but we got laughs out of others. I would instruct him in the proper way to do things, admonish him when he said or did something wrong, give him tips on how to deal with professors and school administrators, warn him to be careful when he went out, etcetera.
He jokingly called me 'Sis'. It was light-hearted, though I realized it was more than that. I found myself caring about him in a protective way. And yet, 'Why?' I asked myself. With Kal's brains and confidence he didn't need a guardian angel, so what was I protecting him from? The answer was obvious, as Emilie later pointed out: I was protecting myself. I was deeply though reluctantly attracted to Kalu, and this was my ineffective way of blunting my feelings. I found myself becoming jealous of the girls who gravitated toward him.
And gravitate they did! Kalu quickly developed a reputation. I thought it inevitable considering his masculinity: he was and remains a true Alpha. I never saw him with his arm around a girl romantically, but rumors started to fly about Kal, his 'gift', and his 'harem'. His suite was right down the corridor from mine and it was not unusual to hear suspicious sounds emanating, or to notice a pretty girl entering or exiting. I felt more and more jealous as the weeks passed until I wanted to throw myself at him! But I felt I had defined myself as a strictly platonic friend, leading to frustration and regret. Furthermore, I started to feel intimidated by Kal himself with his formidable poise and personality.
I confided to Emilie one Sunday evening. She expressed empathy, but also amusement. "Sara? Have you looked in the mirror lately?" she asked, mockingly. "You're beautiful! You have awe-inspiring breasts, gorgeous legs and the prettiest face. I doubt any man could look into your smoky-blues and not love what he sees. You're the most beautiful girl in the building! Plus, you're caring and smart...smart in everything except men, anyway. Wake UP!"
"Oh, Emmi, you exaggerate!" I replied.
"No, I don't exaggerate! And you're placing undue concern on this 'mentor' aspect," she asserted. "That's understandable considering your caring personality. It's cute and sweet watching you look after your big buddy, but it doesn't have to define your relationship! And it doesn't, except to you. I would not be surprised if Kal lusts after you, his 'guardian angel', which itself adds a touch of spice. How does the thought of your 'protégé' having a crush on you make you feel?"
"Hot..." I replied. "I have thought of some innocent, friendly encounter between us getting steamy."
"Exactly! You have to be honest with yourself. He excites you intensely and your relationship actually adds to it. He's really gotten inside you."
"Not yet!" I quipped.
"See? You're funny, too!" she giggled. "I wouldn't be surprised if Kal has naughty thoughts about the sweet girl who's always looking after him."
"Well, anyway, even if he is interested I'm not sure I want to be part of his 'harem'," I responded.
Emilie shook her head incredulously. "Why are we having this conversation? First you want me to tell you Kal might be interested, then you want a way out?"
"I know I sound crazy," I admitted. "There are just so many negative possibilities. He might only see me as a friend like I feared. Or as just another horny floozy - I don't want him to think of me like that!"
"Well, what positive outcomes are there? Maybe he realizes that you are attracted to him, and in turn wants you more than anything? I think you're afraid of that most of all! So maybe being in his 'harem' wouldn't be all that bad," Emilie theorized, with a playful twinkle in her eye. "You would get some wild African sex with no strings attached! It's the simplest outcome other than doing nothing. But now we're going in circles - ultimately his blackness is the issue, so we'll stick with that."
"What do you mean 'his blackness is the issue'? I'm not racist!" I stated indignantly.
She smiled at me. "I know you're not. Maybe I didn't express what I mean very well. You're afraid Kal might like you as much as you like him, and you're nervous about how your family and others will react. Because of this you're more afraid of having him to yourself than you are of rejection or taking a number. I would be, too! I completely empathize with your dilemma, Sara. It's not like he's some cute white boy who's just like your brother. You're understandably apprehensive of every outcome, but you care for him. That's a hard place to be! You have to go by your gut, but again I think your 'mentor' routine might be a turn-on."
"It's too complicated and it could never work," I reasoned.
"I'm not trying to direct you one way or the other, I'm just trying to be honest and provide support," Emilie concluded.
I gave her a big hug and thanked her for the advice, getting a little choked up. It really helped! I was so relieved to hear that she thought my confusion was rational, and that the 'mentor' thing was not an issue. But I began to lean to the conclusion that I would maintain my relationship with Kal 'as-is'. We enjoyed each other's friendship so why risk it? Yes, based on Emilie's logic he may have entertained thoughts about me. Maybe not, but it made sense. In the end there were so many possibilities for rejection, hurt, and awkwardness that it didn't seem worth the risk.
I felt more relaxed about it all, which helped with my schedule. The coming week was going to be a busy one, with an accounting midterm and an important marketing presentation, both on Thursday. I prepared thoroughly. Before I knew it was a gorgeous Thursday morning: sunny and cool, but you could tell it was going to warm up. My fading tan rejoiced in the Indian Summer!
Everything went as planned, me acing my 8:00 a.m. midterm before reviewing a few points for my presentation scheduled at 10:00 a.m. That went just as well! I had some time, so I met a classmate for lunch at 12:30 p.m. before heading to the quiet of the library to get some reading done. I volunteer at a local charity, so afterward I spent some time there before heading back to the building at about five o'clock.
Once back home at Fletcher Hall I hooked up with Emilie and a few other floormates for dinner. Afterward I studied for a couple hours before taking a quick shower and heading to the floor lounge to relax. Emilie and a few other girls were there, but it was very quiet that night: a great way to unwind at the end of a busy day. The TV was on, but we mostly chatted.
Then out of the blue at about 9:00 p.m. Kal burst through the door from the stairwell into the lounge. He was in shorts and a tank top dripping with sweat, apparently returning from a workout. No elevators for Kal! He gave us a quick wave as he hurried by, heading straight for his suite. We waved back.
From where I sat I could look directly down the south corridor. Fletcher had ten floors and we were at the top. Each floor had two wings in an "L" configuration, and at the corner of the "L" were the bathrooms, showers and lounge for each floor. I watched Kal walk through the automatic fire door separating the south corridor from the lounge, then on a bit down the corridor to his suite on the left. Our suite was further down at the end. He reappeared a few minutes later, a small duffel bag in hand, but again he didn't say anything as he turned off to the showers.
"Well, what's gotten into him?" questioned Kari, a boisterous, pretty blonde a little on the thick side, and the floor's lead gossip. "Normally he likes to flirt. Maybe the shower will do him good."
Sure enough, about twenty minutes later Kal emerged from the showers. What we saw was awe-inspiring: he strutted his 6'4" frame toward us in just a pair of gray gym shorts and flip-flops, his white towel over his shoulder, his shower bag in hand. We all got to see his dark torso, arms, and legs rippling with muscles, his skin evidencing lingering dampness from the shower. He was built like an athlete with superb aerobic capacity and flexibility as well as strength. Every muscle and sinew was gracefully defined and developed, each in perfect proportion to the rest. He was a work of art!
"What's up Kal in Cali?" Kari inquired. "It's not often we're treated to visuals like this!" Kari was a shameless flirt herself!
"Just taking care of business," he laughed. "It was a long day and I needed to work off some stress. I had a good workout and put in a few miles."
"That-a-boy! Take no prisoners," Kari replied, encouraging.
"I think I'm going to be feeling it in a little while, though!" Kal noted. "So, what are you gorgeous ladies up to?"
"Just girl chat," Jenna chimed in. "Gossip and sex, of course!" It was rare for Jenna to be so outspoken.
"That's a dangerous combination - it might get me in trouble! Well, I gotta get going and get some homework done, so if you girls will excuse me..." Kal sauntered off toward his suite, all of our eyes following his every step.
"Oh my God, he is so beautiful!" I moaned a few seconds later.
Kari and the rest agreed "Uh huhhh!" in unison, then we all burst into giggles.
Again I watched him walk down the corridor to his suite.
"What a player!" Kari laughed. "He struts in here like that, knows we're all hot and bothered just by the sight of him, and then casually leaves without saying much of anything! He knows how to tease."
"He must get a lot!" Grace acknowledged.
"Actually," Kari continued, "not as much as his reputation would indicate. I know he has had many come a-knocking, including some girls in the building, but he seems to be very discerning with who he follows through with. I have heard he has a few ongoing FWBs, but the only one I know of for certain is a girl named Larissa. I have noticed Maddi and Anna from downstairs around, but I don't know the details. It seems he goes after very pretty 'good girls', though I don't know Larissa - she lives off-campus from what I have heard.
"Yes, she does live off-campus," I added. "She's in my French class. She's very pretty and seems nice, but she's sort of exotic and intimidating. She's Russian, and a senior!"
