Chapter Twenty-Four
April 28
th
, 2021
"Can you
not
kill us on the way to the hospital?" Andy asked with a little bit of a nervous laugh. He trusted Alexis with his life, but she was putting that to the test. "I'd like to be
alive
to meet my son."
Alexis was driving like if Andy wasn't there in time to witness his son's birth, the world would stop. She laughed, shaking her head with glee. "Are you fucking kidding me, boss? I've always wanted an excuse to drive like a bat out of hell on American streets, and now that we've got one, you're gonna try and take that away from me? No fucking way. Come and get me mister lawman!"
"You ready for this, boss?" Melody asked him. "Ready to become a father?"
"Not in the fucking least," Andy said, glancing out the window again. "But it's not like that's up to me anymore. The kid's coming. I think it's a little too late to put him back in the box. Besides, haven't you heard? 'America Needs Children!'" The slogan had been gaining traction across television, print and film, and Andy had grown a little sick of hearing it. In fact, the studio had asked if there was any way they could incorporate it into the "Neon Stonehenge" movie they were making, and Maya had told him the
other
studio had made a similar request about the "Fatal Alliances" script. "Shit... I should... I should call the house, I should call Phil, I should--"
"I'm
certain
the house already knows, boss," Lexi said with a grin. "They probably had to figure out who could go with Niko to the hospital without her feeling like she was being smothered to death, and you know how everyone in the house is going to want to hold the first new addition."
"Calling Phil's not a bad idea though," Melody said to him. "It'll clear your head while we're driving. You can't do anything until we get to the hospital anyway."
"Which hospital are we going to anyway?" Lexi asked.
"The text Ash sent says San Ramon Regional Medical Center," Melody said, as she watched Lexi type it into the Tesla's navigation system. "Looks like we're about an hour out, and we're going to come in from the north."
"Just get us there, Lexi," Andy said. "If I'm not there for his birth, Niko's never going to stop giving me shit about it."
Lexi grinned, rolling her eyes. "She's gonna be in labor for at least a few hours, boss. You're not missing anything except a lot of grunting and her growling 'You did this to me!' every now and again. Call Phil. Tell him what we saw over at Valhalla Shores."
"You're right, you're right..." He pulled out his phone and tapped Phil's number off his speed dial, hearing it ring only a couple of times before Linda answered the phone.
"Hey Andy, what's up?" she asked him.
"I was calling to give you both a status report on the thing."
"The thing we agreed not to talk about over the phone? That thing?" Her voice sounded at least a little bit amused.
"Oh. Shit. Yeah, you're right. Sorry, I'm a bit scrambled at the moment. Well, I did get in to see LP at least, so I guess I'll save the rest for the next time I see you guys."
"You could probably come over now," Linda told him. "Phil's in the lab here at the house right now, but I bet he could carve out a chunk of time to talk to you."
"Yeah, that's a thing I
can't
do," Andy said with a chuckle. "Niko went into labor a few minutes ago and they're taking her to the hospital, so we're on our way there now."
"Oh. Ha. Yeah, I imagine that's not the kind of thing you'd want to wait on," Linda said on the other end of the line. "Wait,
who
took her to the hospital?"
"Aisling and some of the others, I imagine," Andy said, hearing a shift in tones in Linda's voice. "Why, Linda, what's up?"
"What hospital?"
"San Ramon Regional Medical Center," Andy told her. "You're closer than we are. I imagine you're only fifteen or twenty minutes away from it, while we're almost an hour out. Why, Linda?"
"Well, a couple of things, Andy, that Phil, uh, may have conveniently 'forgotten' to tell you, for his own amusement," Linda said with a bit of a laugh. "So you can't take Lexi and Melody with you into the hospital, not while Niko's in labor. Do you know
which
others are with Niko right now?"
"I'm texting Ash to ask her as we speak, Linda," Melody said.
"Good. Ash is fine to be there, but you need to tell all the other girls to get out, at least until after the kid's born. None of your partners have ever given birth before, have they?"
"No," Andy said, "I'm pretty sure that would've come up."
"Damn. That would've really helped out some right now. Oh well. Alright, I'm going to send Violet over to be your bodyguard until your kid's actually out of the oven, at which point Melody and Lexi can come into the building, but they need to stay a hundred feet from you until that happens once you're at the hospital and approaching Niko."
"Linda, what the hell is going on?"
"You've got a team over twenty, Andy, so Phil was
supposed
to tell you the extra rules about childbirth at lunch, but he got so concerned with... the other thing... that he forgot to go over them with you. I think he assumed Niko's boy wouldn't dare show up early."
"Sounds like Piper, Fiona and Ash are the three who went in with Niko," Melody said.
"Okay, you need to send a message suggesting that Piper and Fiona excuse themselves from Niko's presence until the baby's born."
"Not Ash?" Andy asked.
"Ash's already
plenty
pregnant, Andy," Linda said with a giggle. "That's not true for Piper or Fi, though, is it?"
"Not unless either of them just found out about it today," Andy said. "Why, what difference does it make?"
"While you've got a member of your Team in labor, Andy, any other member within about a hundred feet of her is going to have the uncontrollable urge to make you get her pregnant," Linda said with a soft laugh. "Phil's going to be disappointed that I told you in advance, but it's only right that you know about it going in. Again, if you had like an eight- or twelve-person team, this wouldn't be a concern, because the intensity's a lot less for smaller teams, but..."
"But we ended up with large families, and that brings its own collection of oddities," Andy said. "So how strong an urge are we talking?"
"It depends on how strong the labor pains are," Linda said. "But it could get quite intense. But if a woman's given birth before or is already pregnant, then we guess the nanobots don't take that as a signal they need to flare the woman up some. And knowing how extra you and your family are, I think it's only fair that you at least warn the two of them."
"I'm telling them right now," Melody said, "via text. But it seems like they think you're full of shit and fucking with us, Linda."
All three of the people in the car could hear Linda snort in amusement over the speakerphone. "Right. Sure. Yes. Definitely. That's absolutely the thing I'm doing here. There is no possible way this is going to come back and bite you in the ass. You have fun with that."
"Assuming you
aren't
lying, Linda, when does it pass?" Andy asked her.
"As soon as Niko's given birth, the moment will have passed and the Heat Signal will have shut down, at least until Ash is in labor."
"It won't affect Violet?"
"BigTits'll be fine," Linda chuckled. "In fact, anybody who's
not
imprinted onto you won't notice a damn thing. But your partners are going to be unable to fight the siren's call."
"Melody, please tell Fi and Piper that I do
not
think Linda is fucking with them, and if they choose to ignore her advice, they do so at their own peril," Andy laughed, rolling his eyes.
"I think it was Piper who typed it, but the message just came back - 'Bring it on.' So I guess we'll find out for ourselves."
"Just be quick about it and it won't keep you busy for too long, Andy," Linda said. "Once the nanobots detect recent sperm, it'll cool off their brains. I know you've gotten quite adept at dishing out a dosing if you need to, so just make sure you're quick about it, and you'll be fine. Besides, if they suddenly stop, then you know the baby's out and you need to get your ass into the room."
"Oh, he's got to be in the room when the kid gets here, or Niko is going to be busting his balls from now until all eternity," Lexi said. "I was told to shoot anyone who gets in the way."
"I'm sure she didn't--"
"Anyone. In. The. Way."
"Well, then we'll let you keep the building secure from the outside," Linda said. "It's all generally over much faster than people expect anyway. It used to be the first birth's labor was half a day to a day, and then down to eight to ten hours for later children, but it looks like the nanobots are helping with that too, and labor's down to 8 hours tops, thank Christ for that."