PART 3: Moving On
***
Saturday morning was just like my mood. Bright and sunny, but with a cloudless sky that somehow felt empty and cold.
For the first time, I could clearly see that a future did indeed exist for me. Today was the first day of the rest of my life. Very cliché, but very true in this case. I'd been given a blank slate. I could start fresh. Think of every catchphrase that would apply and throw it at me. I was free.
And yet that newfound freedom had come with a price. Courtney was gone. And her absence was now an empty hole in my heart. The first time she had left was just a trial run. Intellectually, I knew that she was gone. But for months I'd locked my happy memories of her inside of me, trapping them in, afraid to let them go. I wasn't ready to break up with her yet. Whenever she had called, I'd pretended that we were still together, having a long distance relationship or something. Before, when I had seen a photo of Courtney, I glanced fondly after it as if she were only out for a few hours and would be returning soon.
But while time had not healed all wounds, it did allow me to get used to Courtney's absence. And so by last night, after months of acclimating to life without her, I was able to take the shock and have the closure I needed. We had parted on awkward terms the first time. But not this time.
When we'd been dating, Courtney had been way too much for me to handle. She was vibrant, sexy, and constantly in motion. She didn't have time to get bogged down with a deep emotional connection. And with her sex drive, I had just been in way over my head. I was the one hopelessly in love, a feeling she didn't share and wasn't ready for. When she had walked out of my life the first time, I hadn't really believed it. Inside, I was always just waiting for her to come back.
Now I knew better. Now I was a calm, rational human being.
Hanging on the wall next to my bed, I saw a photo of Courtney and me snuggling together. Now the pain felt fresh. I couldn't pretend anymore. The anger came automatically as I lashed out, punching the glass frame straight back. Shards of glass fell to the floor around my bloody knuckle.
Breathe...
I was moving on. It was a sunny day out.
Good weather to go for a walk.
It was the final month of my sophomore year. Classwork was piling up and Finals were just around the corner. I could head to the library, but my brain couldn't focus and studying just wasn't an option.
Back out in the fresh air once again, I just started walking. Mentally I was flailing out in every direction, trying to find something to latch onto and stop the rapid-fire pace in my head. And then I finally had that something.
I filled my mind with all the happy memories I'd taken away from this past semester. Unsurprisingly, most of those memories had something to do with Anna. Like the way she got so excited after beating me at Uno. Or the little smile that crawled onto her face after a particularly sarcastic (but funny) remark. I thought back at all the hours we had spent together just as friends. Anna was a sweet, still innocent girl, and I would be lucky to have her in my life.
But I knew right then that I shouldn't start a relationship with her.
Right now, I was still just damaged goods. It wouldn't be fair to Anna. A semester of denial had not done enough to let me get over Courtney. And now the wound was still fresh in my heart. If I hooked up with Anna on the rebound, our relationship would be doomed to failure.
It was a good thing my epiphany had come when it did, just barely before I started dating Anna as opposed to afterwards. Because now I still could nip our budding relationship in time to remain good friends. And I really needed good friends right now.
I had to make everything right. So I turned at the next street and made a beeline for the girls' apartment.
***
Surprisingly, Anna was home when I got there, still in her pajamas. She had a regular Saturday morning meeting and didn't usually get back for another half hour at least. I'd been counting on those thirty minutes to compose what I wanted to say. But now all I had left was instinct.
"Hi." Anna smiled up at me and got up from her spot on the couch. A throwaway girls magazine dropped onto the coffee table, a far cry from her usual study material. Perhaps she couldn't really focus either. She stood right in front of me as we rather awkwardly looked at each other. "I was wondering when you'd be coming by," she told me.
I was still searching for the right words. **Why couldn't I have had more time to think about this?** Then I decided that an apology is always a good way to start. "I'm sorry about last night. I-"
"Don't be," she interrupted. "Stuff happens. And we were both rather surprised. Courtney had a big impact on both our lives."
"I know. And that's why we can't be together. Last night, Courtney and I-"
Anna interrupted again. "Don't say it. I can guess, but I don't even want to know what happened." Anna's eyes were hard, serious. And at the same time she was showing me a tender vulnerability I'd never seen in her before. This was as wide open as Anna's emotions ever got. "What you had with Courtney was very special. I get that. But it's not the important thing right now."
"But what Courtney and I had is still a big influence on me and my emotions right now."
"That doesn't matter to me, either." Anna stood closer to me and reached up to wrap her arms behind my neck. "The only thing that matters to me is that right here, right now, you show me what it means to make love. I don't want to wait another day."
"Excuse me?" Surprise was an understatement for me.
She pulled her head back while keeping her hands locked behind my neck. "Do you like me?"
"Of course."
"Well I'm in love with you. And you damn well know it."
I did know it. Heck, according to Christine, half the campus knew it. But I wasn't there yet with Anna. I still had too many bonds tying me to Courtney.
Anna just continued while staring right into the back of my eyes, pouring out her soul into me. "All I could think about for days was our Friday night date. I'd already made up my mind that Friday night would be the night I showed you how much I love you. Friday night you would make me a woman. Friday night!"
"I'm so sorry." Sympathy welled up inside me for what this poor girl with an intense crush was going through. And already it made me feel a little obligated to give something back to her.
"It's not your fault," Anna soothed me. "What's important is that you're here. Now."
I relaxed somewhat. I leaned down until our foreheads were touching as we held each other, eyes closed and feeling the warm energy pass between us. She was my friend. And maybe even more. The hug she was giving me felt so damn good, better than I'd felt in months. And I could feel the surge of adrenaline inside my limbs ordering me to grab this girl, make love to her, and never let her go.
Anna's expression then took on a hard edge as her eyes opened up. "But I've been waiting a lot longer than I'd expected to. I'd planned on two or three hours of eating and talking and romance before I tried to seduce you. But that was Friday night. I don't have the patience for all that bullshit right now. So I'm going to drag you into my room and fuck you until you pass out. Can you handle that?" Her voice was quiet, calm, and deadly serious.
"Uh, yes, ma'am." This cold aggression seemed so strange coming from Anna, it was rather frightening. "But this is kind of a weird mood."
"You let me worry about the mood." And then Anna's arms were tugging on my head and her lips were searing across mine. It was a fiery liplock I didn't know this innocent little girl had in her. She was kissing me so hard I was amazed my teeth didn't hurt.
Her taste was half-familiar. Only a few days had passed since our lips last touched. The sweet flavor and heady aroma of her skin filled my senses and activated all the hormonal male nerves in my body. It was as if I could sense automatically that a willing female was in animalistic heat, sending out nature's mating call.
Anna laughed into our kiss and then she was the aggressor, pushing me until my back hit the wall. And then once she had my larger body pinned her hands took to roving across my torso before grabbing onto my hips and thrusting her body into me, feeling my newfound erection pressed against her belly.
**I shouldn't be doing this... But it feels so damn good...**
I let Anna take complete charge of this encounter. The feelings she was instilling in me blinded me to all my rational decision-making, leaving nothing but the pleasant emotions and sense of comfortability with Anna. I had only recently ever thought of her as a red-blooded woman, but the passion of her love for me was clearly making its mark on me. How could I possibly ever think of rejecting such love?
Anna grew tired of simply making out with me. Her body screamed at me with a hunger, and then she was pulling my physically into her bedroom and slamming the door shut. I was a helpless doll in her hands as she shuffled me around until I was sitting on her bed with my feet on the floor. She helped me lift my shirt over my head, stopping to examine my pecs and stomach. I was no musclebound hunk, but I didn't have any flab either and Anna slowed down to touch me gently, as if trying to memorize every part of my body.
I had seen the focus and determination Anna could put into her studies. Now I was the object of that focus, and it made me feel very, very good to be held in that regard. And then Anna was kneeling before me, tugging my jeans and underwear off of my hips. My erection sprang into view once she got the offending garments to my knees, and she stopped to stare in wonderment at her very first adult penis.
The collar of her pajama shirt hung down loosely while she was bent over, and the gentle swells of her naked breasts came into my vision, causing an extra jump in my cock. And Anna giggled while watching my member twitch of its own accord.
