I woke up hearing muffled voices through my bedroom wall. Groggily, I opened my eyes to look next to me in bed. Max was naked with his sexy body stretched out against mine. I realized I was hearing the TV on in the living room. Bradley must have been awake and watching TV. He had been staying on our couch for weeks. My fiancé Max had given the okay to have my former lover come stay with us, but now he was planning to find a place of his own. I wished he would stay with us, even if he didn't want to join us in bed.
I wanted to go out into the living room and talk to Bradley, but I didn't know what to say that wouldn't scare him away. I decided to just lay in bed listening to what he was watching, wishing I could cuddle with him on the couch, which would eventually lead to... Ugh, I had to stop thinking about the possibilities.
I must have sighed out loud because Max said, "What?"
"Nothing, baby," I said snuggling up next to him so he could spoon me.
"Still hot and bothered?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me knowing the answer.
"Always with you," I said.
"Bullshit," he laughed, "You're going crazy over that perfect piece of man meat sitting on our living room couch."
"Stop," I said laughing, "He's not man meat."
"Really?" he said, "Because every girl he encounters seems to think so." My stomach dropped. Just the thought of Bradley being with another woman made me sick.
"I know..." I said.
"Sorry, baby," he said, "You'll get used to being his friend. You will."
"I hope so," I said half laughing, "I can't keep just drinking myself into oblivion every time a girl flirts with him!"
"Agreed!" he said, kissing my neck.
After lunch, Max wanted to go out to get some food and things for the week. He invited me to join him, but I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave Bradley. I knew he wouldn't be with us much longer now that he said he wanted to move out.
So Bradley and I sat on the couch watching nothing interesting on TV. I was happily rambling on when I realized Bradley was distracted.
"I'm going for a walk," Bradley said standing up.
"I'm sorry I'm talking so much," I said standing too, "I should have asked you about work or something."
"No," Bradley said walking towards that door, "I don't mind listening to you. I could probably listen to you talk all day. I just have to clear my head." I quickly walked past him and stood against the door so he couldn't leave.
"Don't leave," I said, "You can talk to me you know."
"I don't even know what to say," he said, "Everything is all jumbled up inside my brain. All the blood is elsewhere," he said laughing. "Ever since you've told me about...you and....I've been walking around with a hard-on thinking about you. It's literally driving me crazy." His breathing was getting quicker. I could see his heartbeat moving in his chest. His skin-tight T-shirt made it easy to see, and easy to see every fucking ripple of muscle. I put my hand over his heart.
"You're not the only one who has been walking around distracted," I said, rubbing my fingers lightly back and forth over the pulsing heartbeat.
"Oh," he breathed, "Please don't." He grabbed my wrist and took my hand off of him. I loved his touch.
"I'm sorry," I said looking in his eyes, "I...just...I want....I...."
He tightened his grip around my wrist. I bit my lip and looked into his eyes. I knew he loved that. I wanted him to make me bite my lip again.
"Don't be sorry," he said, practically gritting his teeth fighting his desire. "I want...." He grabbed my other wrist and put them both over my head against the door. His face was so close to mine.
"Oh," I let out a soft moan, "Want what?"
His cheek was on mine and then he leaned into my hair with his lips grazing my ear and said, "I don't even know anymore." I felt his hot breath on my ear. His body wasn't up against me but I wanted it to be.
"I know what I want. What I need," I said. I was done dancing around this. "Before I left, you told me to take control sometimes. I am. Right now. Join us. When Max gets back. Please take me." I finally realized he needed me to take control. "Stop overthinking it and let go. Trust me."
Bradley pressed his body up against me, and I could feel how excited he was. He looked into my eyes and sighed. His lips were so close to mine.
Then suddenly he pulled me off the door so he could open it. He stepped out and looked back at me. He turned and walked away. Tears sprung to my eyes. I almost yelled to him don't bring another girl home or I'll lock you out, but I didn't. He could do whatever he wanted. I did not have control.
Fuck. Had I pushed him away? Max got home and I was sulking on the couch.
"Where is Bradley?" he asked.
"I think I scared him away again," I said.
"Baby..." he said, shaking his head and walking into the kitchen to unpack the bags. Afterward, he joined me on the couch and we sat zoned out watching TV. My brain hurt from thinking about Bradley and what could be. I had to let it go somehow.
A couple hours later Bradley returned with a pizza and some drinks.
"I'm sorry," he said as he set everything on the kitchen table. "I brought a peace offering. Can we eat and talk?"
"Sure," I said, getting off the couch to join him in the kitchen. Max followed me. Bradley smiled. I loved his smile. It was wide but a little sly. It made me wonder exactly what he was thinking behind those gorgeous eyes.
We sat and ate and made small talk. After a couple of drinks, we got down to some real conversation.
Bradley said to me, "When you moved away, all I wanted was a second chance with you." He reached over and put his hand on mine. Then he looked at Max. Max wasn't phased by it.
Bradley continued, "I had never felt a connection like that with anyone, and I haven't since." He moved his hand up to my wrist to caress where he had grabbed me before and kept talking. "I thought I could leave our special time together as just that. Special. But it haunted my dreams. I wanted it again. I needed it. I didn't know how I was going to live without that kind of connection."
"Then when I got here, I saw him," Bradley looked at Max and smiled. "Shit, he is literally the perfect guy. Smart, successful, good-looking. Who can measure up to this?"
"He's pretty fucking awesome," I said laughing, "I have good taste in men."
"And it's so obvious he loves you..." Bradley said. I lifted my fingers to the chain around my neck. I had Max's chain as a symbol of his commitment to be with me for the rest of our lives. No ring yet but the necklace Max had worn for years showed his love and I appreciated it.
"I do know," I said, "But how do you know?" I reached my other hand out to Max's hand.
"Shit," Bradley said, "By fucking everything. He looks at you and his face lights up. He talks about you and his eyes smile. You talk to him and he is with you for every word. He exists for you." That was the most awesome thing anyone had ever said to me.
"Awww," I said, "So what did you think about that when you got here?"
"When I first got here I was jealous," Bradley said, "I felt like I fucked up all over again by not doing something earlier to make you mine, or by not doing something to make you stay. Not that I had any control over you."
"Well, I actually did give you control. I wanted you to take control and you did," I reminded him, "So thank you for being able to please me without question."
"You're welcome," Bradley said laughing. "I quickly realized how happy you two were and my jealousy went away. And I really like Max. You've been so good to me," he said looking at Max. "I decided I could just be friends with you both, and it's been great staying here."
