Michelle's Diary:...

Michelle's Diary: How I Lost My Virginity

August 27, Freshman Year

Dear Diary,

So much has happened since my last entry! College is starting soon, I've moved into the dorm (out of my parent's house finally!) and here's the big news... I lost my virginity! I know, I know-- I always said I was going to wait until I was married, or at least truly in love. Maybe being around so many new people changed my mind. Maybe it was my new roommate. Maybe it was finally being away from home. I'm not really sure why I changed my mind about sex, but I'm glad I did! Here's how it happened...

We pulled on to the campus and found the freshman dorms around mid-afternoon yesterday. Both Mom and Dad came to drop me off and help me move in. You already know how they don't like the idea of me going to a big state school. They'd rather have me live at home and go to community college for a semester or two. I don't know what the big deal is, I'll be 18 next month. But anyway, they both made the trip with me. We'd been driving for hours, and when we finally got out of the car, the Mid-Atlantic August air was unbearable. It had to have been 100 degrees and humid as a rainforest.

When we got out of the car, kids and parents were everywhere, carrying suitcases and milk crates and cardboard boxes. Dad sent Mom and me to go check in and get my room assignment while he unloaded the car. The freshman dorms are long, eight-story buildings that form three sides of a square around a central dining hall. Mom and I walked into the lobby expecting some relief from the heat, only to discover that the freshman dorms weren't air conditioned! At that point I was about ready to accept community college! At least they had lots of fans set up.

I got my room assignment and I got my keys. My room is on the third floor facing the "quad" (the open area around the dining hall). We went back outside and found daddy waiting with suitcases and boxes. His shirt was already wet with sweat, and he was grumbling about the humidity. We each took some stuff and carried it inside.

Now I should mention that my dorm is co-ed. Boys live at one end of the hall, and girls live at the other end with a central lounge and the elevators between them. I don't remember if Mom or I had actually told Daddy that my dorm was co-ed. If we had, he'd been in denial up to that point, because I thought he was going to have a heart attack when he realized that there were BOYS moving into the same building. And then he really got upset when he realized that there would be boys on the same floor, not even every other floor. I swear, he can be so "Leave-it-to-Beaver" sometimes!

Anyway, my Mom finally convinced him that everything would be fine. I led the way down the hall towards my new room. I have to admit that despite the heat, I was so excited I ran down the hall ahead of my parents. Good thing too!

I found my room. There were two name tags on the door. One said "Michelle" and one said "Angel". As I put the key in the lock, I wondered what my new roommate would be like. I swung the door open and I froze in my tracks.

For a moment all I could do was stare at the naked bodies in front of me. He was behind her with his hands on her hips, one foot on the floor, one knee on the bed. She was bent over, with one knee on the bed also, supporting her weight on her hands.

Their bodies glistened with sweat. As I watched I saw his crimson penis disappear into her body and emerge again as he pulled her violently towards him and pushed her away. His head was bowed forward and sweat dripped from his face onto her body. His muscled chest and arms heaved with the effort of forcing himself into her.

Her heavy breasts hung from her chest and swung back and forth obscenely with every thrust. Her head was thrown back, her eyes closed and her teeth clenched as if in pain from the effort of receiving him. Beads of sweat fell from her hard nipples as she groaned and whimpered under his onslaught, but she matched each thrust, pushing herself back against him and then pulling forward, only to force her backside into his hips again.

It felt like an eternity, but I took in this lewd scene in only a second. Suddenly, he stopped moving and looked right at me, his jaw dropped, his face and chest blushed scarlet. Her moaning stopped and her chest heaved with the effort to breath in the stifling air. She looked up at me, and brushed her sweat soaked hair from her face. "Hi!" she panted.

I slammed the door.

"What's wrong dear?" my mom asked coming up behind me. Oh wow did I need to think fast! But I couldn't get the image of those two naked bodies out of my mind. All I could see was that sweaty skin. But I HAD to think of something to get my parents away from there. If they saw what I had seen, I'd be lucky to go to community college! They'd probably send me to a convent!

"Come on Michelle, open the door and let's put this stuff down." Daddy prompted. He still wasn't happy about the situation.

"Mr. Bananas!" I blurted unable to think of anything else.

"What about him?" my mother asked.

"He's still down in the car."

"So?" asked my father.

"It's just that... well, it won't really feel like home unless Mr. Bananas is here. I uh... I want him to be the first thing I take in with me."

"Oh for Pete's sake, Michelle, just unlock the door!" my father practically yelled. My mother said something to soothe him and told me to run down stairs and get Mr. Bananas while they waited there.

"No!" I exclaimed, still picturing those naked bodies. What if they came out of the room while I was gone? "Uh... What if, um... What if my roommate shows up while I'm gone? You guys would get to meet her first. That's not fair." It wasn't much of an excuse, but it worked. I think Daddy must have been feeling a little guilty about being so cranky, because he gave in, and they both went back downstairs with me.

Once the immediate danger was over, my brain shut down. I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd seen. It was so horrible, and so obscene, but at the same time I was oddly thrilled by how naughty it was. I kept re-playing the scene over and over again in my head. At the time I thought I was just sweaty, but now that I think about it, I think I got a little wet down there.

Anyway, my brilliant display of mental agility was over. I tried as hard as I could, but I couldn't convince my parents to just head home and let me move in on my own. They absolutely insisted on coming back up to my room with me. I walked back down the hall much slower this time, Mr. Bananas in hand. My parents were right behind me, and if I opened the door and found them still having sex, there would be no way to keep my parents from seeing. My heart was pounding in my chest as I opened the door.

"Hi! You must be Michelle. I'm Angel." She was dressed. She was alone. Thank God!

Angel is also a freshman. She's a little shorter than I am, but she has a great body. She has chestnut hair and green eyes and her ears move when she smiles. When we met her, she was wearing a tank top (no bra) and cut off blue jeans with sandals. She was still sweaty, but that wasn't at all strange, given the heat. She's majoring in Psychology, and my parents liked her immediately. If only they knew what I knew!

She only lives about a half hour from the University, and she had arrived early in the morning. She was waiting for me to arrive before she started arranging the furniture. She asked me which bed I wanted and she smiled when I immediately chose the one by the window... the one she hadn't been using.

Finally everything was moved in and my parents said good-bye and left for the long ride home.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Angel said when we were alone. "I really thought I could get in a quick fuck before you got here. He was so freaked when you walked in on us, he lost his hard-on like, immediately and just pulled on his shorts and ran! He didn't even take the condom off!" she laughed.

Her language took me by surprise. "Uh... that's ok. Was that your um, boyfriend?"

"Him? No. My boyfriend goes to another school. But I saw that guy walking across the lobby with his shirt off and- Oh god!" She collapsed onto her bed, "His chest was so cut and he was so gorgeous, I just HAD to have his cock in me. You understand right?" "Wait a minute... so you have a boyfriend, but you just met this guy that you don't even know and you made love to him?" I asked.

"You want a beer?" Angel asked opening her mini-fridge, ignoring my question. I can't believe how lucky I was that my mom didn't open that fridge after making such a big deal about how cute it was.

"Uh, no thanks. I don't drink."

"You don't drink? Great! Next I suppose you're going to tell me you're a virgin." My reaction must have given me away. "Oh My God! You ARE a virgin, aren't you? Oh you poor thing."

I was starting to get a little worried about my roommate, and I started thinking I was going to have to move. I tried to explain about not being ready, and making out with guys in high school but wanting to wait for the right guy. My arguments sounded a little weak. She came back with all this stuff about enjoying my body and not being a prisoner to old-fashioned values and living in the moment. Angel is so comfortable with her body and with sex. She seemed so mature and so confident, and I felt like a little girl trying to explain my invisible friend.

She asked me if I had ever even seen a "cock". I told her that I had seen "penises" before, but I had to think about it... there were the photos in high school sex-ed, and there was that boy a few minutes ago; I saw his.

Angel told me that didn't count, and she got another beer out of the fridge. This time I took a sip when she offered it to me, just to prove that I could act grown-up too. Just then Jason, the RA (Resident Assistant - an upper classman who lives in the freshman dorms to act kind of like an advisor), knocked on our door. It was half open, so he just came right in, just as I was tasting beer for the first time!

"Hi Angel!" he said. Looking at me as I quickly tried to hide the bottle behind my back, he said "I didn't see that. You must be Michelle. Welcome to the building. I'm Jason your RA." And he is SOOO cute!

I said Hi, and Jason told us that the whole floor was going to go down for dinner together that night as a get-to-know-you thing. We were meeting in the lounge. Angel and I went, after we shared the beer and upacked. I didn't like the beer that much, but I drank it anyway. Maybe that explains why I felt so odd at dinner.

I felt like everyone was looking at me, like they all KNEW I was still a virgin. I felt very small and very alone and very scared. All of the other girls seemed so experienced and so confident in their tight shorts and skirts with cleavage pushing out of their tank tops and T-shirts. I felt like I wanted to stand up a scream "I'm a virgin OK? Leave me alone!" I hurried through dinner and ran back up to my room. I grabbed Mr. Bananas and curled up on my bed sobbing. I actually started to wish that I had stayed home and gone to community college. I felt very young and inexperienced and very scared and homesick all at the same time. All I could do was cry.

It was getting dark out, maybe 8 o'clock or so when Angel came back to the room. "Hey, you awake?" she asked, sticking her head in the door. I sat up in bed and wiped the tears from my eyes as she turned on the lights. She said she didn't know when my "bed time" was! There was a knock on the door, and a boy with a duffel bag walked right in.

"Michelle, this is Dave, my boyfriend. He doesn't have to be back at school for another week, so he came over for a visit." Angel introduced him.

Dave is a nice guy. He's cute and athletic, but he looks very scholarly in his glasses. He said hi, and we talked for a while and drank some beer and played some music. I found out that he's a Sophomore at his school, that he and Angel had been dating since his senior year of High School, and that they had just had sex in his car in the parking lot.

"You know Dave," Angel began. "Michelle is a virgin. She's never even seen a real cock before!"

I was mortified that she would so openly reveal something like that to a boy. My eyes must have been as a wide as saucers when she said that, but that was nothing compared to the shock of what she said next. "Why don't you show her yours?"

Dave seemed a bit surprised, but not really shocked. "You sure that's Ok?" he asked her... Like I wasn't even there!

"We both agreed we could see other people." Angel said. "Why should this be any different. Now whip it out, boy. Let's have a look!"

To my horror, he stood up, kicked off his shoes and dropped his shorts and boxers! When Angel told him to take off his shirt and hat too, he stood there in front of us completely naked! I buried my face in Mr. Bananas's belly and told Dave to put his clothes back on.

"Come on silly! Just take a look. It can't hurt to know what it looks like, can it?" Angel prodded trying to get me off the bed.

I finally submitted to her encouragement and sat up and looked at Dave. I tired to look as dis-interested as possible with an "Oh, that's nice" attitude. In truth, I couldn't stop staring at it! His penis hung down between his legs in front of his dangling testicle sack (I forget what it's called). It was kind of this wrinkled tube of flesh with a mushroom cap on the top. His pubic hair actually looked a lot like my own, kind of thick and crinkly, and it grew from the base of his penis down around his balls.

"You can't get a good look from way over there. Came over and take a close look." Angel started again, apparently not satisfied. "Dave doesn't mind, do you Dave?"

She practically pulled me off the bed and dragged me across the room, but I stood face to face with Dave, both of us looking down at his penis. He shot me a quick, sort of embarrassed glance, and raised an eyebrow as if to say "Just humor her."

"Come on Michelle, you can't see it from up here." She put her hands on my shoulders and I let her push me down to my knees where she joined me. We were both on our knees now in front of Dave, face to face with his penis. Angel actually reached out and took it in her fingers and moved it around so I could get a better look. Dave stared at the ceiling and submitted to this examination.

To my amazement, right there in front of me, Dave's penis started to grow! I knew they did, but actually seeing it was so strange. It got longer and thicker, and the little head swelled up as Angel played with it. She even caressed his balls, and stroked his penis like a pet. It wasn't hanging there anymore, it was sort of standing out away from his body.

"Somebody's getting excited." Angel crooned. Then I realized that she was talking to me, and that I was staring! "Go ahead and touch it. It's Ok."

Dave nodded his assent, and I reached out my fingers and gently brushed the penis. It jumped! It just jerked up suddenly and then settled back down! Dave said he couldn't control it, that it had a mind of its own. It felt soft and smooth, kind of like a stuffed toy snake made of silk. As I petted it, it continued to grow until it was about six inches long and pointing towards the ceiling. It looked SO big. I couldn't believe that women could actually hold these things inside of them. I couldn't imagine having something so big in my vagina. I thought they would be about the size of a tampon!

At Angel's prompting, I had my hand wrapped around it and was sliding the skin up and down, like I was polishing a pole with a cloth. Then Angel said it was MY turn to show him MINE! I stood up and backed away. There was no way I was going to take off my clothes and let Dave touch me! Or I thought there was no way. Angel said I'd never be comfortable with my body if I didn't get used to letting people see it. Besides, Dave let me see his. It was only fair.

Angel has confidence in everything she says. Every time I try to argue with her, she has this way of making me feel like I have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe it's because when it comes to sex, I really don't.

Anyway, I ended up taking off my top and my shorts, and standing there in my underwear. Dave's penis was still looking at the ceiling. I was so embarrassed, I just stood there and stared at the floor. Angel finally had to unhook my bra and push it off my shoulders and slide my panties down my thighs. I was completely naked. The cool night air blew through the open window and I felt my nipples pushing out. I self consciously moved one arm away from my vagina and across my chest. Angel, pushed my arm back down, and brought Dave over to stand in front of me.

Dave lifted my chin and looked me the eye. "Please don't be ashamed Michelle. You don't have anything to be ashamed of. You're absolutely beautiful." I smiled at him and relaxed my shoulders a bit.

That's when I saw Angel pulling the door closed behind her. "You two have fun!" she called. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." As if! I realized I was all alone, and completely naked with my roommate's boyfriend. This just had to be wrong! This wasn't who I was. I felt so dirty, and so ashamed and so bad... but I didn't want to stop.

"Can I touch your body?" Dave asked, pulling me back from my guilt trip. I said he could. I don't know why I said yes, but I did. He gently ran his finger tips down my shoulder and chest to my breasts. No one had ever touched me like this before. It was so amazing. I felt tingly and numb all over. He told me I had nice breasts. I said they weren't as big as Angel's but he said he liked them anyway, that a lot of guys like smaller breasts.

He asked if I wanted to sit down on the bed. He was very quick to add that we didn't have to do anything that I didn't want to do, and that it was just better than standing. We sat down Indian style, facing each other, and we leaned forward so our foreheads were touching. He took my arms in his hands and put my hands on his body. Then he began to gently caress me, running his hands from my hips, up my ribs, around my breasts, across my stomach, around the small of my back and my bottom.

I played with his penis some more, the way Angel had showed me, but he told me I could touch him all over if I wanted, I didn't have to just touch his penis. I did, and his muscles and skin felt so nice. He was taut and well built and I liked touching his body. It gave me a sense of togetherness, like we were the only two people in the world, and we were experiencing each other completely.

I guess this went on for a while; I didn't look at a clock. Eventually, he ran his fingers up the inside of my thigh, to the patch of pubic hair between my legs. As his fingers drifted over my clitoris, I felt a sensation like nothing I've felt before... not even when I touched myself there. It was like all of the touching and all of the caressing had been concentrated in to that one single instant. I leaned my head back and heard myself moan. His fingers drifted down to my exposed vagina and when they emerged, he left a wet trail of my own lubricant on my stomach.

"Somebody's getting excited." he smirked. And I knew it was true. I finally had a name for this wet, itchy feeling I'd had in the pit of stomach before. Now I knew what caused it. It was desire, and I wanted to satisfy it... but I was still conflicted. I kept touching Dave's body and he kept touching mine as I fought back and forth with myself. How far did I want this to go? His fingers wandered back down across my clitoris again. Desire won. Ok, I thought, let's get this over with. Maybe it won't be so bad.

"Make love to me before I change my mind." I whispered as I laid back on the bed and spread my legs apart for him.