Many Hands Mae Light Heart

"Here's the key to the cottage. Let me know if you need anything," the AirBnB host -- what was her name? Mallory? -- said. "The main house is occupied this weekend as well. You'll be walking past the house and its back porch to get to the stairs down to the beach. The people staying there this weekend are nice -- say hi, don't be shy. And here, this is the outdoor shower -- it's for use by both the main house and the cottage. Just rinse as much sand off as you can, so you're not tracking it into the cottage."

"Will do. And thanks -- this place is gorgeous," Trish said.

"Oh, one more thing. At low tide, you can walk way out, into what was ocean just before. But when the tide starts moving back in, you start moving too. It will come in about as fast as you walk, so if you're not paying attention you'll be swimming back to shore."

Trish thanked her for the warning, and pulled her bags from her car. She was eager to get her toes in the sand.

Hat, sunglasses, sunscreen, water bottle, towel, sandals, Trish itemized as she walked down the wooden staircase that led to the beach, hoping she'd remember to bring all of those things back up with her. She scanned the beach as she descended. An enormous bright red umbrella was planted in the sand, and a woman lounged under it, drinking a bottle of water in the shade and reading a paperback. A short distance from that, a man and woman were sculpting something out of sand. She saw a jogger farther off, running barefoot where the sand was wet.

The woman under the umbrella looked up, noticed Trish, and set her book down on top of the cooler beside her. "Hey, are you the one staying in the cottage?" Trish nodded. "Welcome! I'm Kylie -- we're staying in the main house. There are four of us. Nate and Megan are building the sand... something. That's Jake, out for a run." She gestured toward each of her friends as she spoke.

Trish smiled at the woman, liking her instantly. "I'm Trish -- nice to meet you. Have you guys been here long?"

"Just got here an hour ago. But if you need anything, let us know. We know the place inside out -- we do this every year, rent the main house for a weekend in September. Ever since we graduated from college a few years ago."

"It's my first time staying here, but I come to Cape Cod this time every year too." She opened her own water bottle and took a swig. "We mix it up as to which town, though. For, geez, 25 years now."

"We?" Kylie asked. "I thought Mallory said the cottage would have one person in it."

"Oh, yeah. It's just me now. My partner, Michael -- he died about ten months ago." Trish realized she'd spoken in present tense, "we mix it up". She hadn't been doing that as much lately. Michael was starting to become more of a memory, less of a presence, although there were still times when she felt blindsided by the loss.

"Wow, I'm sorry. How are you doing so far, being here without him?"

Trish looked at her, grateful for the way Kylie had struck just the right tone. Caring, but not overly concerned. "I'm doing okay so far -- thanks." She looked at the sand structure that was taking form. "Is that... a... vulva?"

"Oh -- yes, probably! For a while there I thought it looked like a stadium. Or a calla lily. But this makes a lot more sense. Nate and Megan have sex on their minds at all times," Kylie explained. "They hooked up at the beginning of freshman year and they've been at it ever since. The RA used to have to ask them to keep it down." Trish grinned at her.

Just then, the jogger reached them and stopped abruptly. "Hey Kylie, who's your hot friend?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at Trish comically. Both women smiled.

"Jake, this is Trish. Trish, Jake's harmless, I promise." Jake gave a Boy Scout salute, grinned, and grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler before heading over to the sand sculpture.

"I've had a crush on him as long as I've known him," Kylie said. "He's been in three long-term relationships during that time, with only like a day or two in between. By the time I find out he's single, he's not. So I never get a chance to hit on him."

"He seems great. Charming. Athletic. Drop dead gorgeous. I'm not surprised he doesn't stay on the market long."

"He's super smart, too -- can you believe it? You'd think a guy with all that going for him would be a jerk, but the charm is actually sincere. He's a genuinely good guy." Kylie paused. "I think he might be single again. I mean, we just got here and haven't really talked yet, so I don't know, but it sounds like his relationship of the past couple years ended. And he didn't bring someone new with him. So, maybe...? I'm still thinking about whether I'm going to let him know that I'm interested. I don't want things to get awkward."

"I support your decision either way. But for what it's worth, he seems like he's capable of handling a little awkward."

Kylie looked at Trish, and nodded slowly. "Yeah. True."

Trish scrunched her toes into the sand. "Hey, I'm going to walk for a bit. Would you mind -- I couldn't reach the middle of my back with the sunscreen. Could you...?"

Kylie stood, took the bottle Trish held out, and squirted a dollop into her palm. "Move your straps, okay?" She rubbed the sunscreen into Trish's back, making overlapping circles. "All set." She handed the bottle of sunscreen back to Trish, sat down, and opened her book again. "See you later!"

Trish set off, loving the squish of the sand beneath her bare feet, eager to get her blood circulating after hours in the car.

Trish passed the vulva -- now with surprisingly lifelike detail -- on her way back to the stairs. Kylie was still under the umbrella; none of the others were in sight.

"Where'd they all go?"

"Jake is making a pitcher of margaritas. Nate and Megan are taking a shower, or whatever. Or did you mean why is the beach deserted in general?"

Trish was used to the beach being sparsely populated -- that was one of the best things about coming to the cape a week or two after Labor Day. Still summer, but without the crowds.

"I think you should do it," she said, jumping back to their earlier conversation. "Make a play for Jake. Life is short."

"Yeah," Kylie said. "I think so too. I don't know how yet, but yeah."

Trish sat in the sand next to Kylie. "I've been starting to think about, I don't know, Tinder? Feeld? I don't know. I'm not ready for a relationship yet. It's been less than a year, and Michael still holds that place in my heart. But sex... it's been several years." Trish glanced at Kylie, saw that she was listening even though she was looking at the ocean. "It wasn't an option, once Michael was diagnosed and started treatment. The first treatment they tried was hormonal, and it took away both his ability and his interest -- and the hormone treatment continued throughout all the other things that followed; chemo, radiation." Trish picked up a fistful of sand and relaxed her hand just enough for the grains to fall in a steady stream, like an hourglass. "Frankly, there wasn't much sex for the last couple years before that, too -- his illness had affected our sex life even before we realized the cause was medical. I thought maybe he had lost interest in me. I asked him to go to couples therapy with me, and he did, but nothing changed. And then 3 years ago we found out about the cancer." Kylie reached over to gently squeeze Trish's arm.

"Physically, I am SO ready to get back on that horse," Trish continued. "But I feel like it's so much pressure to put on someone -- to be the first person I've slept with in several years, the first one since the love of my life. I definitely don't want that first person to be someone I know, someone I'm likely to bump into at the grocery store. But even with a stranger, I don't know if I can do this in a way that is fair to both of us, and emotionally safe for both of us, and fun for both of us."

"Yeah..." Kylie stared at the ocean, thinking. "Maybe you could spread it out so you're not having all those 'first time in years' moments with the same person. Like, kiss the first person you match up with online, and grope the second, and exchange oral with the third...?"

"Maybe..." Trish said doubtfully. "Or maybe I'd just be unfair and unfun and emotionally unsafe multiple times." Without realizing what she was doing, she started carving a vulva in the sand with the shell she'd picked up on her walk, an echo of the sculpture that was still intact yards away. "I wish it could be truly anonymous -- like not even seeing the person's face at all. But how can you do that safely with someone you don't know?"

"Hmm..." Kylie pondered the question. "What about a blindfold?" She paused. "And a friend? So while the guy is a complete stranger, you've got someone you trust watching out for you, literally -- someone to make sure the guy uses a condom since you can't see it for yourself, make sure he doesn't take advantage of you."

Trish looked at her. "That..." She thought for a moment. "That sounds really good, actually." They sat in companionable silence for a moment.

Then Kylie laughed. "Holy shit. I just had an idea... What about us?"

"Us?" Trish asked.

"The four of us -- we could blindfold you. Your first time 'back on the horse' would be with someone you don't really know, and yet you'd be safe. And if both Jake and Nate are there, you wouldn't even know which of them was fucking you, so it kind of would be anonymous."

"Would you want it to be limited to Jake and Nate?" Kylie continued. "I mean, would you want Megan and me to keep our hands off, and just be there to support you?" Trish stared back at her. "Because neither of us is totally straight, so if you'd enjoy having 8 hands and 4 tongues on you, that's an option..."

Trish opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it without making a sound.

"Well, I don't actually know yet if ANY of this is an option," Kylie amended. "We've never done any, um, group activities before. But Nate and Megan, there's a good chance they'd be in. And who knows, maybe Jake." Kylie paused, thinking. "If Jake does go for it, then we might solve your problem and mine all at the same time. Round One would be all about you, getting back on that horse. But then maybe there would be a Round Two, a free-for-all where we all get to mix-and-match. You too, if you want -- or you could just watch, or call it a night, whatever. Anyway, if I play it right, Round Two might give me a chance to see if Jake and I have any fireworks together, before I risk our friendship by telling him how I feel."

Trish was stunned. This was surreal. Group sex with a bunch of strangers... The idea was shocking, and yet, it really did seem like it would address all of her concerns. Blindfolded, she could focus on the pleasure instead of the other person. Or people. This was so unlike anything she'd done before... and that was the beauty of it. A complete re-set. Something totally different, to mark the end of what had been -- and to open her up to new possibility.

"Um," Trish said. She swallowed. "Yes. Please. If you can find a way to make that happen... I'm in. With all four of you."

Kylie grinned at her. "I think I'll tell them it's your birthday. That's a good reason for you to be at the center of the action, blindfolded, without you having to tell everyone the real reason."

Trish blinked. It WAS her birthday, actually -- or it would be in a few hours. That was the reason she and Michael went to the cape in early Sept, and had done so ever since their first summer together -- to celebrate Trish's birthday. Michael called it Trish-mas. If he was here, he'd be wishing her a merry Trish-mas Eve. Trish felt hot tears suddenly fill her eye sockets. She stared at the waves as they spread across the sand, and willed the tears away.

Trish cleared her throat. "I don't want to be around when you suggest it. If it doesn't happen, I don't want to know who said no." She looked back up at the cottage. "What if I go take a shower in the cottage, and you talk to your friends. If they say yes, open the curtains in the room facing the cottage, and I'll come over. If they say no, leave the curtains closed, and I'll just spend the evening reading or something."

"Okay. But how about you stick around for a few minutes first -- meet the others, have a drink? Here comes Jake with the margarita pitcher, and it looks like Nate & Megan are carrying five glasses, not four."

After one drink -- a little spicy, just slightly sweet, honestly the best margarita she'd ever had -- and 15 minutes of chatting, during which she did a pretty good job of hiding her nervousness, Trish made her way back up the stairs. She was savoring the thrill of possibility, feeling almost like a teenager. She rinsed her feet at the outdoor shower and continued to the cottage, where she took a long, steamy shower, imagining how the conversation on the beach might be unfolding.

Finally -- after towelling dry, drinking some water, and eating an apple, she was ready to look. She went to the window that faced the main house.

Wide open. The curtains had been pulled back as far as possible. This was happening.

If you want it to, she reminded herself. You can say no, at any time. She knew that it was true -- she trusted that Kylie would look out for her, and the others seemed equally goodhearted. She felt safe. And she felt so fucking excited. She put on her skimpiest sleep outfit and her sandals, and walked outside. "I hope I have your blessing, Michael," she whispered as she closed the door behind her. She was pretty sure she did.

Trish could hear music and voices coming from the main house's back porch, so she ignored the front door and headed out back. "Hey, Trish," Megan called as she approached. "Do you partake?" She held up the joint to show what she meant, then took a long drag off it.

"I'll take a toke, thanks," Trish said. "Just one or two, though. I get really boring when I'm stoned."

"Boring? Do you start talking about economics or something?" Nate asked as Megan passed him the joint. He inhaled and held it.

"I do stuff like explain jokes that everyone already got. I'll explain them IN DETAIL. And I keep 'realizing' things." Trish made air quotes around the word realizing. "The stupidest things. It's somewhat entertaining, but mostly just tedious." She took the joint from Nate and inhaled quickly. "A little is good, though -- it'll loosen me up." She felt her face get hot at the thought of what loosening up would entail this evening. How bizarre it was, knowing that she was going to be naked with these strangers soon, getting touched, kissed, licked, fucked.

As if she could sense Trish's nervousness, Kylie looked at her and winked. "Happy birthday, Trish! We've got a special treat planned for you, when you're ready."

Trish sucked on the joint one more time, long and hard, and then passed it to Jake. "Thanks -- that's so nice of you guys. And yeah, I'm ready anytime."

From seemingly out of nowhere, Kylie pulled out a silk scarf, running it through her fingers. "Well, then. You guys ready too? Let's go inside."

Kylie led Trish from the back porch into the spacious living room and through to the dining room. There was a long, narrow, thick wooden table, covered with a few beach towels layered on top of each other.

"We're going to put you up here," she said to Trish. "That way we can all reach you from both sides. Hey Jake, could you turn off the overhead light?" The atmosphere shifted as soon as the harsh fluorescents were off, becoming a soothing space lit only by a few candles and a string of starfish-and-sand-dollar-shaped party lights. The music shifted too, and Trish looked around to see Nate switching the playlist on whoever's phone was connected to the sound system.

"Come here, Trish," Kylie said softly, and Trish stepped toward her. Kylie held the blindfold but didn't seem to be in a hurry to use it. "Just let us know what feels good, and what doesn't. We can change what we're doing, or stop entirely if you want. We're all here for your pleasure tonight. Anything you want to mention up front? Stuff you especially like, or don't like?"

"No pain," Trish said immediately. "No anal. Nothing degrading, don't call me names."

"Everybody hear that?" Kylie asked. She looked at the faces of the others as they all converged at the table. "No pain, no anal, no name-calling." Everyone murmured agreement, and Kylie took Trish's shoulders, rotating her so that she could tie the blindfold at the back of Trish's head. She was cautious not to get Trish's hair caught in the scarf, yet another sign assuring Trish of how safe she was in the younger woman's care.

Trish sensed movement around her, and then felt her sleep outfit being removed, one person lifting her top over her head, while someone else tugged her shorts and panties down her legs, and a third person steadied her as she stepped free of the fabric. Already she had lost track of who was where. She was guided up onto the bench of the dining table, then -- a bit awkwardly -- onto the table itself. She lay back on the layers of beach towels, grateful for the cushion they provided. She could feel the night air teasing her nipples, sending a tiny shiver over all her exposed skin.

Then their hands were on her, warm, caressing her. So many hands -- it must be eight, but it seemed like dozens. Circling her breasts, stroking her arms and legs, threading into her hair and massaging her scalp, squeezing the arches of her feet. It was lovely.

And then, in silent coordination, Trish's nipples each became engulfed in a set of lips, and a pilot light flared within her. She was ON. She moaned as the lips on each nipple sucked, licked, and flicked the little nubs. Hands were gently squeezing her breasts, while other hands were caressing her thighs, paying extra attention to her upper inner thighs, edging closer and closer to her labia. So good, Trish thought. This feels so good.

And then there were lips on her neck, nuzzling, sucking, and Trish felt her pilot light instantly blaze into a raging fire. "Ohmygod, ohmygod," she said. "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod." She had forgotten all about her neck.

Trish had used toys throughout the past few years, although rarely, since it felt both embarrassing and rude to do so in front of Michael. She had a battery-powered clit sucker -- and for a while, she'd had a thrusting vibrator that really felt like getting fucked, until it stopped working and simultaneously got really hot to the touch and she'd thrown it away out of fear the rechargeable battery would spontaneously combust -- so these days she just had the clit-sucker. But it had never occurred to her to use it on her neck. After all these years without sexual contact with another person, she had completely forgotten that necks could be part of foreplay. Now she was remembering that this was possibly her most powerful erogenous zone.

"Please keep sucking my neck," she gasped. And then there was another set of lips on the other side of her neck, and holy fuck, it was so good. Fingers tugged at her nipples. There seemed to be an electrical current connecting her nipples to the lips on her neck. She halfheartedly wondered which person was where, but it didn't matter -- what mattered was how good it all felt. She wiggled her hips a little, hoping something more would happen down there.

And it did. The fingers that had been stroking her thighs finally made their way to her labia, and then between. The fingers skated around her clitoris, swirled down to outline her vaginal opening, back up to her clit, and oh her entire body was electric -- neck, nipples, clit and slit, and every other single cell as well. And then the fingers were replaced by a set of lips that suctioned gently at her clit, a tongue that lapped up her juices. Patiently, steadily, again and again.