Then

All characters and events are fictional, and all participants are over 18.

This is an ongoing story that jumps from the present to the past and back and some chapters -- like this one -- are backstory and build up and haven't reached the erotic climax... yet.

Later, well satisfied and content, Nina lay between her two favourite people in the world and thought back. She remembered it all so clearly, it could have happened a week ago, but it was now over a decade since the three of them had met and come together.

She'd known Luke peripherally since primary school, but had never really interacted with him. He was good looking, sporty, popular; exactly like the jock who breaks the girl's heart before she finds her real true love in all those high school movies. So she didn't take much notice of him above anyone else, wanting to skip the heart-breaking part and fall right in love with her best friend (if she'd had one). And then, on the first day of their final year of school, she had been given a group assignment in her English class with Luke and a new kid, Ash, who rumour had it had just moved there from India.

Nina had always been a top level student despite her less than ideal home life, and she had a feeling that Ms. Martin had assigned her to work with big dumb Luke and the new kid (she'd heard someone say he didn't know any English) so that she could carry their grades. At the end of class Nina stayed back and approached Ms. Martin, asking why she'd been assigned to work with two people she didn't even know.

'Have you spoken to them about the assignment yet?'

'Not yet, but-'

'So why don't you want to work with them?'

Nina didn't want to sound whiny, but she felt annoyed and cheated. 'I don't want to end up doing all the work. I don't know if they'll pull their own weight.'

'Well, you won't know unless you try. Who knows, maybe they'll do all the work for you.'

Nina left the classroom, still angry, and ran to catch up with them in the hallway; they happened to be walking near each other in the same direction.

'Hey, Luke? Ash?'

They both turned to face her and -- maybe she'd just added this detail in later when she remembered it -- it was that moment when she saw them both that she felt something. A sharp pull, somewhere behind her navel.

Ash still had a hint of childhood in his slightly chubby cheeks, his eyes were very dark behind his glasses, which framed his face pleasantly, his thick black hair short and neat. He was mid-height, skinny, lithe. His limbs, hands and feet were long and agile, but he moved without the awkwardness of many of his classmates. His expression was serious, giving his complete attention to whatever he was doing, or whoever he was speaking to.

Luke was taller than Ash, his sandy blonde hair messy but not dirty and greasy like some of the other boys. He had light grey eyes, freckles across his nose, broad shoulders, and a relaxed, open face that, when he looked at you, made you feel like you were the most special person in the world. He had an easy, happy-go-lucky air about him, but Nina knew now that he could be incredibly intense and passionate, even dominating when the mood struck him.

Nina remembered the three of them meeting in that hallway, everyone else a blur of noise and colour in the background. They were both so different, but so beautiful to her; they practically glowed in her memory.

'We should talk about this group assignment soon. Let's meet at the library at lunch, yeah?' She'd spoken as forcefully as she dared, not wanting to get either of them offside, but also wanting to show that she took the work seriously. To her surprise they had both nodded, Luke smiling crookedly, Ash pushing his glasses up his face. She'd once asked them what they remembered of that day, and has was pleased that their memories complemented her own:

'I just remember this total goddess storming through the hallway, blazing a trail through all the people shoving and shouting between class. You told us to meet you at the library to work on that project and I just... you were so serious, taking no shit. I remember looking at you with your arms crossed, your hair all messy, that band shirt you always wore under your uniform. You were so beautiful.'

'I remember it too, but not like that. Maybe it's 'cos I'd only just met you, but I remember you being... I dunno, softer? Like, you were serious. You wanted us to get on board with this assignment, but you were also sort of... vulnerable somehow? Like you really wanted our help. And I felt this sort of protectiveness, like I didn't want to let you down.'

True to their words, both of them showed up at the library at lunch. Nina had found a table in a back corner and spread out her notepads and textbooks to claim the whole space. Ash sat at the end of the table on her left, Luke beside her on her right, and being between them was a distracting, heady experience. She tried to stay focused, outlining the points that she had already brainstormed, the resources they'd need, hoping that they would engage and help her with the work so they could get a good grade.

'I like your ideas, I think they'll make a good grounding structure for our argument. There's a text by Alcide that will really help back up this point...' Luke scribbled a note on her pad, listing a few more books that they could reference, and Nina tried to make her shock less obvious. She had assumed Luke had never read a book, let alone enough to reference in an essay.

'Alcide will be good, but we should also focus on Campbell's three laws to support the last point...' Ash leaned over, also scribbling on the page, and Nina leaned back, letting the two of them discuss the work. By the end of the lunch period she had several pages of notes scribbled onto her pad, in each of their handwriting, and she walked to her biology class feeling light-headed. She still had that notepad somewhere...

Over the next few days she reflected on how badly she'd misjudged both of them. Luke was definitely not a jock meat head, and everything she'd heard about Ash had been both racist and incorrect. It was some months later during a conversation about those first few days together that she'd admitted her initial assumptions about him, and he admitted the things he'd heard about her too. None of them came as a surprise, but they still stung a little. She knew exactly who had started those rumours about her, but she didn't understand why they clung so stubbornly. She heard rumours about other girls that were probably also made up, but they always faded away after a few weeks. The ones about her just kept coming back.

But the rumours she couldn't shake didn't seem to affect how Luke and Ash treated her and by the time their assignment was due a few weeks later they had all become good friends. But, as the due date drew nearer, Nina found herself dreading the time when they wouldn't meet up any more. She confided in Kerry, her only other friend, that she had a crush on someone, but wouldn't tell her who.

'Come on, you have to tell me!'

'I can't! It's not someone you'd expect. And anyway, there's another guy as well... I think he might like me.'

'Wait, so you have a crush on one guy, but there's another different guy who actually likes you?'

Nina tried not to feel hurt at Kerry's tone. 'Yeah, basically.'

It wasn't the whole truth, but she couldn't tell her friend that she was intensely attracted to two different boys. She had enough trouble with the things people said about her.

'Huh. Well tell me about them both and I'll help you decide. God, I can't believe you're basically in a love triangle!'

As soon as Kerry used that phrase Nina realised what it meant. They'd all read the wildly popular books that went around a few months earlier; they'd all watched the same teen movies that said if you had feelings for two people, only one of them could be right for you. You had to choose one. But when she thought of Luke's kindness, his generosity of spirit, his easy-going nature, and Ash's intensity, his close attentions and reassurances about the smallest things, she knew she couldn't choose. She liked them both, but in such different ways.

Little did she know, but Ash and Luke were going through their own love triangle hell. It felt almost funny when the three of them talked about it months later, when they'd lost all awkwardness and shyness around each other and confessed their deepest thoughts and feelings towards one another. But at the time, the two boys were struggling with their own feelings.

Luke had always known he was attracted to both boys and girls, although he'd kept that fact to himself. His family was happy and kind, but he didn't know how accepting they would be, and he found it easier to just ignore that side of himself. He had dated a few girls in junior high school, but by the time he got to know Nina and Ash he'd decided to be on his own for a while. He knew where he fit into the world, what everyone expected of him. He was the popular jock; boys respected him and girls flirted with him. But no one ever wanted to actually talk to him, really talk. He had feelings and ideas and thoughts that he wanted to share. He wanted to really connect with someone, know them inside out and be known inside out.

But none of his friends wanted that. They were happy with their shit-talking, getting drunk in someone's backyard every weekend, showing off about footy and cars and girls. He tried to talk about deeper things with one of his mates, Connor, but it only worked when Connor was drunk, and the next day he'd always shrug it off, say he didn't remember anything. Luke found Connor attractive, but knew they couldn't connect, and he wanted that connection. Plus, Connor had a lot to say about boys who liked boys and none of it was good.

The last girl Luke had dated, Katie, he had slept with. He'd given in to the pressure from his friends and from her. She really, really wanted to have sex with him, and he couldn't think of a good reason to say no. It had been ok. He'd enjoyed it enough, but it hadn't felt very special, not in the way he wanted it to be.

So when he bumped into Ash coming out of a classroom one recess, he impulsively walked alongside him to the cafeteria, making enough small talk to start a conversation. At that point he'd only spoken to Ash when they were with Nina, and only about their assignment, but he'd liked Ash's attitude. He liked how he seemed to take things so seriously, but then his offbeat sense of humour would kick in and he'd make a silly joke, or he'd mention something interesting he'd read that he thought the others might like. He was attractive in a way that Luke found difficult to pin down. He decided that he wanted to know Ash better, so that's what he did. He spent less time with his usual friends, saying he had homework or detention, then he and Ash would sit at the back of the tennis courts, talking about bands or books or their plans for the future. Luke couldn't get a read on how Ash felt about him, but for that time it was enough that he had someone to really connect with.

Working on the assignment, Ash had become quite smitten with Nina. His urge to protect her evolved into something healthier; a wish to make her laugh, to help her feel more confident in herself, to engage with her about things they were both interested in. He knew that the rumours people spread about her stung, that they had splintered a lot of her friendships, both actual and potential, and he wanted to show her how wonderful he thought she was.

But he had never even had a crush on anyone before, let alone had a girlfriend, and he knew he was a late bloomer. Moving cities and schools every few months, he had been preoccupied with staying afloat as an outsider on two fronts, so his feelings towards his classmates, romantic or otherwise, had been a low priority. But this was his last year of school and his parents had promised that he wouldn't have to move schools again before he graduated, so he stayed with his uncle when they weren't around. His uncle also travelled for work, though for shorter periods of time, so Ash was often on his own, and as he'd grown older he found the loneliness harder to bear. Maybe this is what helped him realise, finally, that he could have more than one romantic leaning.

While he was falling for Nina, his first crush, it hadn't even occurred to him that he could be attracted to boys. Intellectually he knew that such people existed, but it was like he had never thought of it as something that could apply to himself. He was secretly delighted when Luke started spending time with him. No one with social capital had ever taken an interest in him, and Luke was charming and well-liked. But, as he discovered over several weeks, he was also smart, kind, and interested in the world. He asked Ash about every place he'd ever lived, every school he'd gone to, what his parents were like, what he wanted to do when he left school. No one had shown an interest in him this way before, and the more time he spent with Luke, the stranger his dreams were becoming.

Ash would laugh at himself when he told this to Luke and Nina months later, describing it as his subconscious yelling at him. Every night for a week he dreamed about Luke, or Nina, or both of them. Sometimes they were just there, in the background. Sometimes they were the same person and he was talking with them as he would talk to them both in real life. And then, the day before he finally realised, he dreamed a version of their future together.

'It wasn't just one week a year in a rented room. We all lived together and we had this huge bed that fit all three of us. We were all grown up, but still looked like we did as teenagers. We went to work each day, cooked dinner together at night, and then got into bed together and just...' he'd trail off, lost in the misty hormones of his memories, and Nina and Luke would smile and laugh at his nostalgia.

The day after this dream, which felt so real and so right, Ash felt like he was in a daze. He'd heard stories of people coming out, the good and the bad, and he just didn't want to be labelled. He didn't want anyone asking him about his feelings, his attractions, his intentions. There were two people he trusted in the whole world, and if he told either of them what he'd realised about himself, he could lose them both. Nina might think that he didn't like her, and Luke could panic and stop being friends with him.

That same day, which was also the day their assignment was due, Nina had been awake all night trying to think of plausible ways to keep the three of them together. Could she ask for an extension? Could she tank the assignment so they had to do it again? She needed more time to choose. She needed to know which one of them was right for her.

Luke, who always slept like a rock, came to school his usual self. But when he sat down in class he instantly noticed that Ash and Nina weren't in good shape. Ash kept rubbing his eyes behind his glasses and barely spoke all class. Nina looked pale and teary and handed their assignment over very reluctantly when Ms. Martin came around to collect them. At the end of the class the three of them hung back, standing awkwardly with their bags at their feet.

'Well, it was good working on this with you two. I... well I didn't think you'd do a good job to be honest. But it's been... actually amazing.' Nina looked from one to the other, embarrassed to be sharing her feelings with them. She put her head down and walked towards the door. Ash watched her go, his face so sad that Luke knew, like a thunderbolt, that he had feelings for Nina. He had noticed their friendship growing, but Ash was so serious about everything that it was difficult to read how he really felt. Luke was struck with sadness. Ash liked Nina, not him. But he didn't want his friend to be unhappy, and he didn't want Nina to be on her own, so he called out to her, 'Hey, Neens?'

She looked back from the doorway.

'We'll be behind the tennis courts at lunch if you wanna hang out. Just us.'

Her eyes widened with surprise.

'Uh, yeah. That'd be cool. Maybe I'll see you there.'

Then she was gone.

Luke turned back to Ash, who looked at him, stunned.

'Oh. Thanks. I was just thinking... it'd be nice to hang out with her some more.'

Luke half-smiled, trying to hide his own disappointment.

'Yeah well, you two really seem to like each other and I know she usually spends lunchtime on her own, so...' He trailed off, not sure what to say next. Ash continued to stare at him, his face serious but unreadable.

'I guess I'll see you at lunch then.'

Nina spent the rest of the morning breathless, hugging her excitement like a secret she never wanted to share. Luke -- gorgeous, smart, generous, kind, strong Luke -- had invited her to hang out with him and Ash. And Ash -- serious, beautiful, clever, funny, gentle Ash -- was going to be there as well. She could still talk to both of them, sit between them on the grass, trade food and stories and jokes and... she shivered with happiness, pushing down the dark thoughts telling her that she still had to choose, that it was cruel to be leading one of them on. But which one? The more she thought about it, the less she could decide, and the more a part of her wondered if she'd ever even be happy with one and not the other. She'd had conversations with Ash when Luke was running late, or hung back with Luke when Ash had to run off, and they'd been enjoyable, but it had felt different. Like someone was missing, and missing out. She'd report to one what she'd talked about with the other, and what they'd then said, and vice versa. She wanted everyone included. How could she ever lose one of them?

By the time lunch actually rolled around she was in worse shape than she had been that morning. The bags under her eyes had deepened and she was shivering, not with anticipation but with nervousness. Even the teacher noticed and asked if she was ok.

She gathered her books and bag and walked towards the tennis courts, knowing they'd be at the fence near the old stump on the other side. She tried to push down the dread of choosing one over the other and focus on the next forty five minutes of being with both of them. As she drew closer she saw that they were already there, and quickened her pace. They hadn't seen her yet, and she neatened her hair, straightened her shirt, needing to do something with her hands. But then she saw one of them move towards the other and...