Mary sat at the top of the stairs at home and listened to her stepbrother and his friends joke in the lounge. God, they were so vulgar and loud, so different from her. She wished she could go down the stairs right that moment. She wanted to join them, to laugh with them. But she couldn't. She wouldn't be able to bear it if the laughed at her -- or worse, did that thing where everyone went quiet when they saw her.
Mary signed as she listened to her stepbrother's voice. David was two years older than her, and their parents had only been married for eight months but she felt like she'd known David for all her life. He was so sweet to her, so understanding. He didn't treat her like a pesky little sister and he didn't pity her like nearly everyone else did. Maybe it was because she'd been so lonely all her life, but the minute she'd met him she loved David. Mary touched the necklace David had given her for her nineteenth birthday. She had a feeling David loved her too.
It wasn't a sexual kind of love. But it wasn't brotherly either. Mary couldn't explain it. There was just a strong connection between them, like they could read each other's hearts. Like they were two parts of a whole.
As she sat on the stairs, Mary heard David's best friend Josh shout in mock anger, then burst out laughing. God, that was another complicated thing in her life. Josh. Mary didn't understand the feelings she had for Josh. Well, she could understand them -- she was in red hot lust with him. Every time she was near him, her panties would literally melt for the hotness. Her body reacted to him in ways it had never reacted to any boy ever before. What Mary didn't understand was why she felt that way about him.
Josh was way out of her league. He was so smart and confident, so beautiful that he would never go for someone like her. The shy little blind girl. David's little sister. She'd sat exactly where she sat now countless times, listening to some of their female friends flirt outrageously with him. The way they sounded, she was sure they were beautiful *whole girls.
"Hey Mouse, what are you doing up there?". Mary jumped at the sound of David's voice. She hadn't heard him come towards her.
"Just sitting. " she shrugged. She heard quick running steps come up the stairs, then the unique scent that was him was surrounding her.
"You want to hang out with us?" he asked. Mary felt her heart kick in excitement. She wanted to hang out with them. She wanted to be normal with them just for once. But like she always did when David offered, she shook her head. If she was there the others would be awkward.
"OK," David said as he went downstairs again, leaving Mary sad until she heard him yell to his friends. "Alright, fun's over! Ya'll need to get out of here!"
"What, whyyyy?" one of the girls moaned. Mary cringed where she sat. This isn't what she'd meant. She wanted David to hang out with his friends. She didn't want him to resent her for monopolizing all his time, but people were already going out the front door, David telling them he was going to hang out with his sister now. They probably hate me, she thought. David was always ditching them for her.
"Josh, that means you too," she heard David say.
"Hey, I wanna chill with Mary too," Josh replied. Mary heard furious whispering but couldn't hear what was being said, then she heard Josh firmly stating "I'm staying!". Mary couldn't tell what else was going on because they went completely silent, so she went down the stairs to the living room.
"David? You didn't have to get rid of everybody you know," she said. David came and put his arms around her, saying she was better company than anyone else he knew.
"I guess this asshole is staying," he said.
"Hey Batmary," Josh laughed. Mary felt herself blush. She wasn't embarrassed that Josh called her that. She thought the nickname was hilarious. It was just that she always blushed around him.
"Don't tease her, fucker!" David chastened, but Mary knew he didn't mean it. He thought it was hilarious too.
"You like it when I tease you, don't you Mary?" Josh asked, suddenly right there with them, tucking her hair behind her ear. Mary had been born blind, so she'd had a lot of time getting used to her disability, but right this moment she wished she could see Josh's face. Was the is innocent teasing or could she detect a sexual note in his voice?
"Josh," David said, his tone warning. Josh ignored him. Mary frowned at that. This wasn't the first time had hung out together. In fact Mary counted Josh as on of her few friends because he was always wherever David was, which was usually around her. The three of them had a sort of easy going chemistry, always laughing and carefree. But today was different. Something was different and they were keeping it from her.
"Do you like it, Mary?" Josh persisted. Mary was flustered. She didn't know what to say, couldn't tell if the tension she felt was good or bad. "Fuck, you blush so pretty," Josh said. Mary gasped, sure she hadn't imagined it then. The way Josh said that couldn't be described as anything else but lustful.
"What?!" she cried.
"Ok, you're leaving! " David yelled, steering Josh towards the door. Mary heard them whispering again, but they were being too quiet to overhear. She stood there like a dead fish in shock, confused and strangely excited.
"David!"
"I'm here Mouse," he said, hugging her again. "Sorry Josh was such a dick." Mary tried to interrogate David about what it all meant, but he wouldn't say a word about it. For two days Josh didn't come to the house, which was strange. Mary could tell David was moping, even their parents noticed.
"Did you two have a fight? " David's dad asked.
"What would make you say that?" Marry snapped. She didn't like David's father much, but it wasn't his fault. She just wanted her real dad to be part of her family, not this man who was never home. Not that her real dad was any better. Mostly though, she didn't like Seb for the way he treated David, which was shitty.
"Well, usually you two are in your own world. Now you're barely looking at each other," Seb laughed. It made Mary angry that he was enjoying seeing them so distant.
"Maybe cause I'm fucking blind!" she snapped and left the dinner table, her mother saying nothing, as usual. What hurt was that David didn't say anything either.
Mary fled to her room. It hurt so much. The past two days were the worst day of her life. Even worse than her parent's divorce. Things had never been this tense between David and her. And she didn't even know why they were now! And what was worse was she missed Josh so much, much more than she knew she could. Both of her favourite people weren't speaking to her, and she'd never felt more alone in her life. Mary lay in her bed for hours, trying to fall asleep but she couldn't.
A million thoughts swirled in her head, like maybe this was all in her head. Maybe there was no connection with David at all. Maybe he'd just pitied the poor little blind girl and tried to be nice to her, but she'd been so desperate for affection that she'd made it more than it was. Oh God, she sobbed. She'd cramped his style so much these past eight months, no wonder he was sick of her.
She didn't fully understand how, but she knew the rift with Josh was about her too. She'd made him lose his best friend! The tears wouldn't stop coming after that. She couldn't bear to hurt David that way, but she really couldn't bear it if he hated her forever. She would rather die.
"Mary?" his voice whispered. Mary jumped up from bed towards him. He was standing with his back to her closed door.
"I'll go," she sobbed. "I'll go away, I swear. Just please don't hate me David,".
"What!" he breathed harshly. "God, Mary, don't even say things like that! How could you say something like that? What would I do without you?"
"I'm sorry," Mary cried. She wasn't even sure what for. "It's just that you've been so quiet, and I've been so lonely and I thought you hated me." Suddenly she was crushed to David's big body in the tightest hug of her life. She couldn't breath, and she loved it.
"I love you Mouse. Don't you know I'll always love you?"
Mary couldn't stop crying. It felt so good to hear him say that. All the hurt and sorrow from the past two days melted away. She touched his face, his chest, couldn't stop herself. Her body tingled, not in the same lustful way it did when Josh touched her. This was so intensely emotional that somehow it couldn't be contained by only her heart. It seeped into her limbs, her skin. "David."
He kissed her mouth tenderly. "Don't leave me please." Never. She would never leave him. He was a part of her, a piece of her. Slowly he led her to the bed and lay her down, then got in and snuggled with her. They lay like that for a long time, neither falling asleep, wrapped up in each other.
"What happened with Josh?" Mary finally broke the silence. David sighed and pulled her closer. He didn't answer for so long that Mary thought he wouldn't. And then he did.
"Josh is in love with you, Mouse." He sighed. Mary's heart started pounding in her ears. No way. No way! Josh was in love with her? God, God please don't let this be a dream. A smile so wide broke out on her face, and then she noticed how tense David was. Oh God.
"He loves me?" she whispered. "Like you love me?" Mary didn't know what she'd do if David asked her to choose between the two of them. She couldn't. Never. David was her rock, her heart, a piece of her. But Josh was a piece of her too. Her light, the joy inside of her. She'd just never dreamed that he'd love her lie she loved him.
