This story is set in 1980 in Birmingham (UK). There was no social media, no mobile phones, and no internet porn. This is the same Joanna as appears in some other stories of mine. Fair warning, if double penetration involving anal sex is not your bag, do not read this story.
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David arrived back on the evening of Tuesday, 23rd September 1980, to the house he shared with Dom and Pete (or Team DP as they liked to call themselves). His father had lent him the money to buy the house in July 1979 as a long-term investment as well as somewhere for David and his friends to live during their last two years at Birmingham University. While the house belonged to David and his father equally, his father had funded the entire acquisition. Still, Dad wasn't charging interest and allowed David to keep the rent his friends paid.
The house had been furnished with second-hand pieces the three friends' parents would otherwise have thrown away. The only good bits of furniture were the TV, the sound system, and the armchair and double bed in the "guest" room.
He went through the post, threw away the circulars, checked which bills needed paying, and looked at the postcards. There were also two cassettes marked A and B with a note saying, "Here are our new mixtapes, and we believe you will agree that the second is our best one ever. Listen to them on your headphones. We took photographs." He smiled. Dom and Pete produced excellent and original mixtapes. He went to Dom's room and grabbed the envelope with the code matching the tape. Some silly bint had not listened to the exact words they used when promising confidentiality.
To his surprise, there were also three letters from Joanna, who had been his girlfriend since March. Their holidays had coincided badly over the summer, and they hadn't seen each other since July 27. He'd expected that as she was going to university this month, the relationship had come to a natural end and that he would have a single Dear John letter saying, in effect, that it had been fun while it lasted but so long and thanks for all the fish. Well probably not the latter phrase, but it would have been what she meant. She wasn't really a Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy fan.
In the first letter, he read that she'd mucked up one of her A levels badly and underperformed in German. Well, perhaps not a surprise considering that she had gone to a nightclub the night before her second history paper, but he would have expected that she'd have got in somewhere else through clearing. She perhaps had overegged her revolt against Darling Daddy.
The second letter said that Darling Daddy had agreed that he would pay for her to go to a crammer in Brum to retake History and German because UCL had offered to let her in next year, provided she got at least a C in history this year. Ah, that made more sense. Darling Daddy believed in his children going to real universities and not polytechnics with delusions of grandeur.
The third letter had no stamp on it and was dated yesterday. It invited him to her brother's eighteenth birthday party on Saturday and to bring Dom and Pete with him. She also said that Darling Daddy had insisted that she got a Saturday job and that it was très amusante. It also said she would come round on Wednesday evening after he returned from holiday. Phew, Dom and Pete must have known he would need a day to get used to the idea that she was going to be in Birmingham this year and that she was happy for the relationship to continue, at least for the time being.
Well, he had time to sleep on it before meeting her, but he decided to test his initial reactions. His relationship with Joanna had already been his longest-lasting one, partly because neither of them was pretending they would be together forever and mainly because the freedom she wanted in the relationship suited him. It helped that he was a self-confessed voyeur, and she was an exhibitionist who was in denial about this aspect of her character. Actually, she was more of a frustrated performer who took method acting to extremes and liked to be watched.
In many ways, it was convenient for him to continue the relationship. She was good in bed and usually was entertaining company. Above all, she had as little interest in a long-term relationship as he did. The only real problem was that the more he knew about her, the less he liked her as a person. She liked to humiliate people as well as be the centre of attention.
He'd imagined that she had had enough of him. She had finally realised that he got more of a kick out of watching her flirt with other men than actually having sex with her. Luckily, she had enjoyed joining the missions of the DP team and playing a different character allowed her to let go of her inhibitions. It had enabled him to watch her snogging, wanking off and blowing other men. So far, he had been unable to tempt her into having sex with other men in front of him.
Actually, if he could persuade her to dump him just before Christmas, that might work out well for both of them. He did need to focus on the exams a bit this year, and she needed to be the dumper.
Anyway, he could think about that all tomorrow. He unpacked what he needed to unpack and then settled down to listen to the second tape. He assumed that this would be Dom and Pete in their Team DP persona having a threesome with some woman who had a sense of adventure. They usually edited out the name of the willing participant in case the tapes ever fell into the wrong hands and also cut out some of the preparatory stuff he had heard before. Of course, often he recognised the voice, and his favourite had been when they had a threesome with a girlfriend of his who was trying to get him to dump her.
He started the tape and, to his absolute delight, heard Joanna's voice. One of his ambitions was to see her being serviced by Team DP, but listening to it would be almost as good. He wondered how they had persuaded her and how far she had gone with them. Had she earned the bracelet as well as the T-shirt? Had she given them the signed bra only or the knickers as well?
They were clearly in the kitchen, and he heard Pete talk first. He had a vivid enough imagination to visualise the scene. Perhaps aural voyeurism was better than voyeurism -- when you knew the surroundings and the bodies involved, the pictures in the mind were indeed better than the reality, and he could replay the tapes. This was certainly one that he would record himself for future listening -- he just needed to make sure no one would listen to it by accident. Perhaps labelling it as a Bruckner tape would suffice.
Pete said, "You want to hire us for a second mission at the same party?"
He assumed that the first tape must also be with Joanna. He nearly went back to the first one but then decided that this must be the juicy one.
Joanna said, "Don't say a word to David. He really won't like this one at all."
She paused, "Actually, I'll tell David about the Bess mission myself; it will keep him distracted, and maybe he can work on her lack of morals."
Dom said, "We'd better crack open another bottle of Australian Chardonnay from Oddbins."
Pete put on an American accent and said, "In 1979, a crack sexual unit was sent to Birmingham University by UCCA for knowledge they didn't have. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security hall of residence to the Edgbaston underground. Today, still wanted by the bursar, they survive as lovers of women. If you have a sex problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them.... maybe you can hire the DP-Team."
Joanna gave an exaggerated yawn and said, "I really don't need the intro. Fine. Let me recap. I messed up my History A level big time, and I'm resitting History and German this year. Darling Daddy has thrown a hissy fit and insisted that I do a Saturday job and has reduced my allowance. While I don't think it fair, I can see why he thinks that is the right thing to do."
David was mystified about where this was going and why messing up her A levels meant she needed to hire the DP Team.
"He's taking my perceived failure out on my brother George. He says he's scared that George is coasting through A levels and thinks the world owes him a living."
Pete said, "Cheers." The sound of clinking glasses was heard.
Don said, "But you've already hired us to distract Bess into exploring her sexuality rather than being better than him in French."
Joanna said, "I wouldn't give a damn about Bess if the Tart hadn't existed."
Pete did his Grease impersonation and said, "Tell me more. Will she put up a fight?"