Kurt, the office manager, had gathered all the office drones into one of the conference rooms at nine in the morning. This was surprising since the annual Christmas gift exchange was planned for two pm, which would most likely be held in the same conference room. Brad ushered people in and directed a couple of the warehouse workers towards the tree. They promptly began to take it down.
"What the fuck," Natalia whispered to herself.
"Heard that," Brad laughed.
"You know what's going on?"
"No," Brad replied.
Brad and Natalia walked into the room and got a sharp glance from one of their coworkers, Sonia, a short haired bleach blonde woman in her early forties. She was a bit abrasive and no one in the office liked her. She was twice divorced and newly single. Per rumors her tits had been enhanced twice and she was a huge cokehead. None of these were ever proven. But her tits were huge for her petite frame. She would often show up to work with red eyes and white lips. And she got constant nosebleeds. But that could be attributed to their office being on the 40th floor of a 55-floor building.
Brad and Natalia found seats towards the back as they were some of the last to find out about the meeting. They watched as the fake Christmas tree was disassembled and taken out of the room. The gifts that the office had purchased remained on the floor. Kurt's secretary brought in a bag of brown paper bags and handed it to him.
"Everyone here," Brad asked.
"Doug had a doctor's appointment," one of the office drones replied.
"Anyone else," he asked again.
No one said anything.
"Let's get started," Kurt exhaled.
Natalia looked out towards the office and noticed the decorations were being taken down.
"Look," she whispered to Brad.
Brad looked out onto the floor and was shocked to see what was going on.
"As you can see," Kurt started, "we received several complaints about the Christmas decorations."
"Who complained," one of the drones yelled out.
"Was it that Muzzie from IT," another yelled out.
"Stop," Kurt yelled, "we just settled that harassment lawsuit last month, we don't need another one."
Kurt composed himself and looked around.
"So as you can see we've taken down the decorations and tree. So, for the rest of the year there will no more decorations or any mention of Christmas or any talk of Hanukkah or Kwanzaa. If you have a Menorah or that fake Menorah that black people use for that fake holiday at your desk take it down."
"Great," Brad whispered.
"They didn't complain about your Menorah last year," Natalia whispered.
"As for the Secret Santa gift exchange. Well we're going still have it. But it won't be called Secret Santa or White Elephant. It will just be called a gift exchange. And as you can see Laura brought in some paper bags. Those are for the gifts you purchased. So, take the gift you bought for your coworkers and unwrap them and place them in a paper bag. Please label it with a pen or magic marker. If you forgot who you had for the gift exchange Laura has list. So please gather your gifts and unwrap them and put them in a bag. If anyone has any questions, please come see me in my office or ask HR. Thanks everyone."
"Stupid," Natalia said to Brad.
"I know," he replied, "this is horse shit."
Kurt walked out of the room with his gift and Laura began to hand out the bags.
"Who did you get," Brad asked.
"Sonia," she replied, "and you?"
"Dave," he replied, "got him a pen set. What did you get Sonia?"
"I got her some bath bombs," she replied, "spent a little more than I thought. It was a $20 maximum, right?"
"I think so," Brad replied, "I think I spent 25 on Dave."
Laura reached Brad and Natalia and handed them each a paper bag.
"Sucks doesn't it," Natalia commented.
"Yeah," Laura laughed.
Brad and Natalia got out of their chairs and grabbed their gifts.
"You going anywhere for lunch," she asked.
"Probably that deli in the lobby," he replied.
"Mind if I come with," she asked.
"No."
"Good," she replied, "I'll see you then."
They went to their separate cubicles and began working. Brad pulled down his Menorah and put it in his desk. He unwrapped his gift and stuffed it in the paper bag. He labeled it with Dave's name and stapled it shut. He put it by his feet and exhaled.
Natalia took a seat at her cubicle and unwrapped her gift. She gasped as she opened the brown box that was supposed to contain a set of bath bombs. Instead she found a candy cane colored dildo.
"Fuck me," she whispered.
She stuffed the phallic object back into the box. How could she be so stupid. This was meant for her girlfriend, not the gift exchange. She picked up her phone and frantically dialed her girlfriend.
"Marcy," she whispered in the receiver.
"Hey babe," Marcy replied, "you okay? You never call me from your office."
"Yeah," she replied, "are you still at home?"
"Yeah," she laughed, "just got back from Yoga."
"Good," Natalia replied, "do me a favor. Grab the gift under the tree that's in the Disney wrapping paper."
"Okay," Marcy laughed, "everything okay?"
"Yeah our Secret Santa got canceled," she started.
"Canceled," Marcy asked.
"I mean it didn't get canceled only changed to a gift exchange. They took down all the Christmas decorations. And we have to the gifts in paper bags."
"Why?"
"Someone complained."
"Got the gift," Marcy replied.
"Um," Natalia stuttered, "open it please."
She could hear the wrapping paper being ripped open.
"Aw thank you," Marcy said loudly, "bath bombs from that place we like."
"Shit," Natalia laughed, "that was for my gift exchange, I have a present for you here."
"So you didn't get me bath bombs," Marcy laughed.
"I think I did," Natalia replied, "they're probably in the back somewhere. Just leave them on the kitchen table. I'll pick them up on my lunch break."
