If You Wanna Be Happy

The first couple of lines of the early 1960s upbeat song "If You Wanna Be Happy" by Jimmy Soul, had been running through mind for the last few days since Sydney moved out, at my request. I've had three long term relationships - all with beautiful young women. The first beauty was lazy but spent us into serious debt. She didn't take care of our kids. Soon, I was a single parent and she got to party as long as she wanted. That was thirty years ago. She is still partying.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life

Never make a pretty woman your wife

The next lovely was ambitious and worked long and hard. She forgot about us. She always said there would be time for that later. She died way too young.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life

Never make a pretty woman your wife

The last heavenly creature captured all I had to give. She cheated on me often. Each time she begged forgiveness. Each time I gave it; even through her bringing herpes into our ten year relationship. Luckily, I never got the virus. Four days ago was my birthday. She said she had to work and would make it up to me. She and her lover spent my birthday together. They had the gall to stay in one of the motels I own, to get a free room.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life

Never make a pretty woman your wife

Now, I'm not buying into Jimmy Soul's "ugly woman" idea, or even the wisdom in the many versus of his song, however, I have to admit that my own system of picking young, desirable women hasn't worked very well either.

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My recently divorced, fiftyish neighbor lady was taking seedlings from her cold frame to plant into her early spring plastic-tented flower garden. She knew I always took a coffee break from writing about ten in the morning and sat on my patio. Her perfect apple bottom was usually cased in too tight Daisy Dukes and her camel toe called to me even in my dreams last night. We had often talked about how much we both like cut flowers to cheer up our houses' décor. While she was married, she ignored my natural teasing easily. After all I'm fifteen years older than she. But asses like that have always clouded my judgment. Twenty years ago. she was talking and shopping friends with my long deceased wife. I knew just enough about her to know she still lived in the same house but had gone through two more husbands since then.

"I brought you a coffee this morning, but I don't know if you are a coffee drinker."

"No I'm not. Why would you bring me a coffee?"

Her impertinence was a challenge. We had teased over the years but she always backed off. "I wanted to get a closer look at your beautiful bottom while you work in your garden. I thought it would be best if both my hands were full."

She was as fast and as playful as me, "Why would you need your hands full?"

"So I don't touch the beautiful art without permission."

"Two coffees solve your problem?"

"At first, I thought it would but now I have discovered I really underestimated the problem."

"How so?"

"Even with my hands full, another part of me has guided me toward you and now I yearn to taste the darkened damp crease between the legs of your light blue shorts."

Instantly, she looked down and discovered that her shorts had indeed darkened. She blushed. Her embarrassment stole her teasing mood.

"I apologize, Aubrey. I'm aggressive from my writing today. I did not mean to embarrass you with my teasing. You are sexy and I can feel the heat from you. I forgot my place. Forget the coffee. What shall I bring you to drink, when I see you in your garden again?"

She was quiet. I drank my cup down and pitched the coffee from the extra cup back toward our shared fence. I felt I had really offended her, so I took my first step back toward my house. She responded, "Sweetened iced tea is always good on a hot day."

"I'll be more civilized and come bearing a gift of iced tea the next time I see you." I went back to work and decided to quell my fantasy thoughts of an affair with my younger neighbor.

At eleven a.m. about a week later, we were having an unusually hot sunny day for early April in Portland. I saw the apple shaped bottom hard at work in the sunshine. Her skin glistened and dirt clung to her knees. Armed with two glasses and a dripping clear glass pitcher of sweetened tea with large ice cubes rattling inside, I tried a more civilized greeting.

"Good morning, Lovely Neighbor, how about a break with a cool glass of tea in the shade?"

"I'm ready for a break. It is really hot today."

She sat and leaned against a tree while I poured our tea. She took her glass and rubbed it against her forehead and on her neck. She sighed and closed her eyes. I examined the skin that was not hidden by her shorts and halter. Not a single blemish showed on her five foot four inch, 130 pound frame. Little dots of sweat beaded on her chest and trickled down between her ample breasts. Her eyes fluttered; she was peaking at me, not wanting me to know that she was enjoying being ogled and admired. She took a deeper breath than normal and held it to puff out her chest. Her nipples were hard. I guess; I cannot be civilized. I scooped one ice cube from the pitcher and let it melt in my hand and cold drops fell on her shoulders and chest just below her neck. Startled, her eyes opened wide to look at me.

I stood beside her, my arm extended over her and, for once, I stayed quiet. For a few more drops, she stayed quiet too. She relaxed, closed her eyes again and said, "That feels good."

"I'm glad, because I like watching the cold drops splatter on your hot body."

When that ice cube was gone, I fished out another and got more adventurous in finding places for the drops to land and cool her sweat drenched skin. She giggled when drops hit her feet and again when one landed perfectly in her belly button. I did not intend the drops that echoed off the cloth between her legs and ran between her hot thighs. She but did not react. One more ice cube and our game was tiring. She opened her eyes and sat up.

"The lovely woman is all cool now; time for her to get back to weeding her flower garden?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. That was a fun way to cool off. Thank you."

"My pleasure. I should thank you. I too need to get back to work. On a day like today, it's too bad my job is inside."

As I began to walk away, she surprised me, "Many years ago, Ann told me you write naughty stories as a diversion. She even told me where to find some of them on the internet. I've checked on your work over the years. They are quite a turn-on. Like your play with the cold water today. There must be exciting things to do during the cold, rainy weather up here. Is that why you drink hot coffee -- to play with it, on cold days?"

"Maybe, partly, but according to how cold and miserable the weather is, there are ideas like hot tubing while it snows, snuggling by the fire or enduring hot wax drops on naked skin."

Aubrey's entire body flushed with my last seven words. I had learned something about her. Something I liked very much. I left her a full glass of tea and retreated to my office without another word being said. From the window in my kitchen, I watched her glance around, dip her fingers into the glass and slip them under the cups of her halter. She backed into the tree, dipped her fingers again and slid them down into her shorts. I saw them move between her legs half a dozen times. When she pulled them out, she rubbed her fingers against her thumb, feeling their slipperiness, sniffed them and sucked the two center ones clean of her juices. Again she looked around guiltily. She went back to work. I think she pointed her ass toward my house hoping I was watching. I was and continued to, while I jacked off into a kitchen towel.

I did not see Aubrey when I went out a couple of days later to check the mail. She was just across my driveway, "How do you stay so tan this early in the year? Do you go to a tanning salon?"

"You've never been over on my side of the fence. Let me show you something in my yard."

Even though I wanted to walk behind her, we walked side by side in the noonday sun and I talked, "For the rest of this semester, I teach Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons until five. Tuesday is my short day. I only have an afternoon lab, three until six. Thursday is my long day, ten a.m. to ten p.m., with office hours, admin duties and another lab. So, I write early and then," I pointed toward a high fence attached to my house on the opposite side from where her house was. I pulled a hidden cord and a gate swung open. The fence enclosed a raised deck just outside my bedroom. The area was small, maybe 12'x18' but it had a four person sunken hot tub, a sunning area, some plants, a thin storage shed and some stacked chairs. "For an hour before I get ready and head to the campus to become "Prim and Proper" Professor Thomas, I catch some rays in my morning open air sauna, sheltered from the cold wind. It gets my head into the right mode to face the young know-it-alls, who have to endure my words of wisdom."

Aubrey was impressed, so I continued, "This spot's south-east facing and the dark wood decking and fencing heat the inside when I need it in the morning. By evening the house shades this spot to cool it on summer evenings. It is also the quietest, most private and darkest part of my yard, so hot-tubing at night under the stars is very enjoyable."

"It's perfect."

"Not perfect but enjoyable. You are welcomed to use it any time. You know my schedule. If you want privacy, you know the secret of how to get in from outside."

The morning was still cool, but inside my "shelter" it was clearly hot. Like all women, she still had questions, "What do you do in the bad weather?"

"See the metal tracks down the center and on the top of the walls that lead to the gabled end?"

"Yes."

"Watch." I walked over to the sliding door that leads into my bedroom, opened the slider and flipped an inside switch. The double paned 1'x6' panels unfolded like an accordion down the center on each side of the enclosed space. That in turn opened sliding doors covering sunlamps attached to the top of the side walls. "See, "instant winter sun room," complete with a glass ceiling, so I can watch our never ending bad weather, drink wine in the hot tub, work on my stories and avoid being depressed when we don't see the sun for weeks at a time. I can keep my tan and avoid tan lines."

My last three words made her blush.

"Oops, said too much, didn't I. Might as well fess up; I'm not into wearing clothes at home; if you talked to Ann, you know I'm very playful and very oral; and I grew up in such a way that I'm a sexual libertine. Little shocks me, but a lot entices me - including sexy next door female neighbors with beautiful bottoms."

Aubrey did not back off this time. "You write about so many things, it is somewhat frightening."

"A lot of my stories are challenge stories. You know, maybe there was a contest, "Write a story about getting one partner in a lesbian relationship pregnant." Pure imagination and fantasy, I assure you. But you are right, Pretty One, when we let our imagination go, some things come out that are disconcerting. Literotica, has 21 categories, some of my stories have ventured so far afield that I have had to find other homes for them and wondered if there was something wrong with me because I wrote them."

"Where does the real sexual you start and the real sexual you end?"

I smiled at her. "That depends a lot on my partner. I would want to be good for her and would go as far as I could in pleasing her. Would I lead? Sure. Would I spank her, tie her up, put her in a swing, use her all night, make her beg to climax and make her cum five times? Maybe against her will? Sure, if I thought she were open to all that. Forcing, truly hurting, tears and truly humiliating are not turn-ons for me. My partner has to make sure that I know she wants to be with me; then, my ego soars and almost anything goes."

My neighbor was not used to such openness. She was quiet.

"Aubrey, I would love to talk with you all day, have some wine, sit in the tub, solve all the world's problems and tease each other with naughty stories. And of course, enjoy looking at your beautiful body. But I have to get to the campus. Stay, enjoy the sun and the hot tub. There is an elliptical machine in that little thin shed and a cold shower, if you pull the chain in the corner. I will like knowing that you use and enjoy my deck."

The next week, my world was turned upside down for more than a month. In addition to my regular duties, I had to take on some PhD candidates while one of my colleagues had bypass surgery. I hate the politics of the Doctorial program and the egos of the candidates and the professors. I didn't kill anyone. I guess, I'm a better human being than I thought. Really stressed, one Tuesday, I pawned my lab off on one of my graduate assistants and went home before five.

The day was hot and sunny. I was thinking about a stiff drink when I began to undress in my bedroom. On my deck, lying nude on her back, asleep with a timer next to her, Aubrey's legs were slightly spread but pointed away from my sliding door. I made my drink and in just my boxers, snuck out quietly to sit below her feet to gaze at her slightly hanging pussy lips, her closely cropped pubic hair and her slightly sagging natural "C's" lying spread toward her open arms. I had almost finished my drink when she blinked twice and saw me. She scrambled for her towel. I handed it to her.

She was speechless. I'm not sure I helped, "I got off early and couldn't believe the beauty, I found outside my bedroom. I noticed your alarm was going to go off at six. I planned to go back inside before then. You are a beautiful woman, Aubrey. I wish, I were ten years younger. If I were, I would feel confident enough to ask you to go out with me."

Aubrey dressed and went home. I sent her an email explaining the last few weeks and apologizing. I did not get a replay for a few days. When her replay came, I was surprised on many levels but tried to be a proper neighbor.

"Sam, Sorry I did not reply sooner. My daughter, Linda Miller, will be staying with me this summer. We would both like to sun on your patio, if you confirm your schedule, so we will not disturb your ordered life and valuable time. Aubrey"

My answer probably confused her as much as hers did me:

"Aubrey, I remember Miss Miller, fifth row back in a theater of 108 students "Introduction to World Literature Classics." She was quite a distraction still too young a woman to have learned that she is smart and can be successful within her own talent. I miss talking to her mom. Again, I apologize breaching our agreed upon schedule. Should my schedule change again, in any way, I will give you at least a day's notice via text. You and your daughter are welcomed to use the hot tub deck. I'll advise you of my summer and fall schedules when I get them. Sam"

A few days later I got the most enjoyable email:

"Sam, When I told Linda who my neighbor was and what you had said, I got silence, until last night. We had a girls' night, complete with lots of wine, pajama party, giving each other pedicures and confessions. Linda said she did not wear panties and flashed you for most of the semester. She said she could see that she had your attention and a few times you retreated behind your desk but you never responded. She lamented that her "C" did not become a "B" or an "A." Aubrey"

I was feeling very alone and old when I answered on Tuesday;

"Aubrey, "You would have easily gotten an "A+." I'm not that strong. I admit, I fantasized about the two of you sunning on the deck. I still treasure the sight, when I breached our agreement. Thursday, I will be home early. If you are sunning on the deck, I will ask you to go on a 19 day Panama Canal cruise with me before the fall semester. We can negotiate the rules, no expectations, I hate to travel, dine and dance alone. Take care. Sam"

Thursday, I was crushed. Neither Aubrey nor Linda was on my deck when I arrived home early. I took a fifth of Bacardi rum, two liters of Diet Coke and a bag of ice with me on to the deck with every intention of getting totally soused. By ten my plan was not working well. My mind was still going a mile a minute and I was not soused. I was nude in my quiet tub and my cock was half hard because of my thoughts and the cycling water jets. A little nock on my gate was followed by my gate opening. Linda stood, looking like a Catholic school girl.

"Mom says she will call you tomorrow. She could not make it tonight."

"Is she at home and just sent you?"

"Yes."

"Now that you have graduated and moved on to the working world, how are you doing?"

"Just got a promotion. After only six months. I remember you telling me, I was good and that would happen."

"You are smart, know how to work, want to succeed and are beautiful. That's a combination that can win on many levels."

She stood quietly. She looked like a little girl, yet she was now twenty-three. I did not want her. I felt old, angry, unwanted and lecherous. I owed her some playfulness. I wanted to get even with her mom for not coming to me, "What do you have on under your skirt, little girl?"

Her generation is miles more permissive than mine. She played at looking shy, curtsied and used a little voice to answer, "Panties."

"Take them off and give me a closer look at what you teased me with in my class one entire semester."

I was surprised when she stepped out of her panties, spread her legs and thrust her hips toward me.

I reached out and she handed her panties to me. I held them to my nose, inhaled and touched my tongue to the pussy stained gusset. "Linda, I am quite drunk. I would like to be important to your mother, but I'm not. I can rent a traveling companion. Tell her not to worry. She will still be my fantasy neighbor. Thank you for letting me enjoy your young body." I handed her, her panties back. Her eyes were wide, dark and surprised. I had been invincible only a few years ago to her. Now, just her youth and sex were enough to defeat my aging body and my tired mind. I did not want to explain what she was still too young to understand. In time, age will compromise her beauty and desirability. She should not have to face that now. Still she wanted to tease.

"How did I taste?"

"Stale, with a hit of urine. I suspect the slippery, salty, freshness direct from the source would be fantastic, but that is just a guess."

With one foot on the side of the hot tub, Linda stepped across me, guiding her other foot into the water onto the bench where I sat. Her pussy's lips opened slightly, hovering just over my mouth. I lifted my wet thumbs out of the water and parted her completely shaved pussy. Enough wetness was there for my right middle finger to slide into her, stretching her sheath open and pushing into her g-spot, just as my lips closed over her clit. I can't claim any talent. My drunken mind spun, my hungry tongue licked and my eager to please finger thrust. Linda's body was ready to be pleased. She came quickly and raced up the hillside again. I looked up at her eyes. The lids were slightly open; her knees buckled once so her weight ground into my finger and face. She stood again; only partially in control. When she collapsed again, I guided her skirted pussy into the water to settle onto my cock. It was easy to stand, sit on the side of the hot tub with my cock buried deep in her belly and have her legs spread on either side of my hips. Her eyes never opened but she began to thrust. I did not need to cum. She did. Once, twice, I felt her young body, suck my cock deep to be kissed by the dimple of her cervix. Every movement of her practiced body raked my shaft across her clit. I thought of her mother, wished I were younger and let Linda slide up and down my shaft torturing the sensitive ridge around my cock. The last time she came, she cried out. I held her limp body to protect it.