To live according to one's ruling passions without fear or shame, what greater freedom could there be in all the world? My name is Halima Abdirizak and I'm a young Somali-Canadian woman living in the City of Montreal, Quebec. I was born in the environs of metropolitan Brandon, Manitoba, to Somali immigrant parents. My whole life I've felt like I had a foot in each world, western society and Islamic society, Somalia and Canada. My whole life I've been straddling both sides of the fence, and I thought myself unique, forever torn between modernity and tradition, until I met a kindred spirit in six-foot-three caramel-skinned stud Jabir Jama Saleh, a young man I met at McGill University.
I've always been different, and not just because I'm a six-foot-tall, chubby, busty and dark-skinned woman in a world that worships skinny blondes. Even among my fellow Somalis, my height, stature and mindset set me apart. In high school, I challenged my parents who insisted that I wear the hijab everywhere I went and they relented when I flat out refused to wear it. I'm not like other Somali girls who bow to the forces of tradition and family duty. I've got a mind of my own, and I firmly believe that only God can judge me, not those who claim to speak for Him. A lot of Somali girls who wear the hijab and long skirt will tell you that they dress the way they do because they choose to, and for some of them it's true but oftener than not, the parents had a lot to do with it. Trust me, I know my community.
I chose to study at McGill University in Montreal because it's one of the best schools in North America and also because it's pretty far from Brandon, Manitoba, where I grew up. My parents, Rashid and Aminata Abdirizak weren't pleased with my decision but at this point, there was nothing they could do. I wanted to see the world, and honestly, I wouldn't recommend Manitoba as a destination for people of non-Caucasian descent. Every day of my life back in Manitoba some white person would ask me where I came from, even though I was born in Canada and have never been to another country. Seriously, I've never even crossed the U.S. border!
In other provinces like Quebec and Ontario, you see a lot of minorities, not so much in Manitoba. The first time I set foot in Montreal I fell in love with that magnificent metropolis. How could I not? The architecture was magnificent, the town was lively and full of people. Just standing around the airport I saw so many Africans, Arabs and other ethnicities I could only guess at. At my old high school in Brandon, I was one of forty black students out of a student body of six hundred. Most of the black students came from places like Nigeria, Jamaica, Angola and Trinidad. I was one of only five Somalis there. You can understand why I just had to get the hell out of that place first chance I got, right?
My first day in Montreal I spent walking around town, taking in the sights and sounds. I heard so many languages spoken on the bus and the train. French and English are the most common languages in provincial Quebec according to the official brochures but they should really redo them sometime soon. The town is rapidly changing! I heard Haitian Creole, Arabic, Swahili, Somali and Amharic on the bus! I liked McGill University's diversity. Even though it's an elite school I saw a good amount of Africans, Arabs, Asians and Latinos. I visited Brandon University before I left my old hometown and honestly, aside from a few Asians and Arabs, everyone there was pretty much white. It was essentially a bigger version of my old high school, and I didn't want a repeat of that. I wanted to see more people who looked like me!
There was a pretty Somali gal named Fatima Suleiman working at the student center's front office. She knew what I was the moment she looked at me. I liked McGill University instantly. I found a new home and it's called Montreal! I finally felt free, free from my parents and also free to do my own thing. A lot of Somali girls are pressured into nursing and clerical work by their families. I don't think healthcare is the right field for me because I squirm at the sight of blood. Also, I hate hospitals. I can fix anything mechanical or electronic with my hands. I've fixed everything from my parents car to the PCs in my old high school library growing up. That's why I chose civil engineering. People still act surprised when I tell them that I'm a civil engineering student. Apparently it's not the most minority or female-friendly field out there. Hmmm. They used to say that about psychology in Freud's day and now it's a female-dominated field. Maybe the same will be said of civil engineering, firefighting and even police work in the world of tomorrow. Hey, a gal can dream, right?
So there I was, sitting in the McGill University library, reviewing the schematics of my presentation due next Friday when a tall, good-looking young man approached me. By the looks of him, I could tell two things, he was mixed, and at least of partial Somali descent. Like I said, I know my people. He introduced himself as Jabir Jama Saleh, criminal justice student. He also handed me a flyer, which I took after barely glancing at it. Jabir and I talked for a bit, he could tell that I was a new student and he congratulated me making it to McGill. He could tell by my accent that I came from another province. How about that? Jabir wished me a good day, then went on his merry way. I watched him go. The guy was tall, athletically built and masculine. And he spoke Somali. I was thanking my lucky stars when I finally took a look at the flyer he'd given me...and my jaw dropped. We welcome you to the first meeting of the Muslim GLBT Association and their Straight Allies, that's what the flyer said. What the fuck? The exclamation left my mouth before I could stop it, and folks around the library looked at me. I shrugged, and went back to work.
For the rest of the day, I thought about my encounter with Jabir Jama Saleh and the flyer he'd given me. I honestly didn't know there were Muslim GLBT people out there, though in the back of my mind I knew they existed. My aunt Fatoumatta lives in Winnipeg with a woman named Giselle, who's been her "roommate" since she divorced uncle Omar. No one in the family talks about it much, though. I don't know if it's curiosity or something more that brought me to the student center a few days later, and I walked into room 117, where, surprisingly, there were quite a few people. I gasped as I recognized Fatima Suleiman, the office chick, and a few students I'd seen walking around. Fatima smiled at me and gestured to the seat next to her. Hesitantly, I joined her. Welcome sister, Fatima said, giving me a hug.
I looked around and saw quite a few Arab and African students, and more than a few of them were traditionally dressed. The girls wore their hijabs and long skirts and the guys wore their Kufi hats and Thawbs, that's an ankle-length garment with long sleeves that's kind of similar to a priestly robe that Muslim men wear, by the way. Not all the attendees were minorities. I saw a tall blonde-haired white chick with tattoos sitting next to a chubby, dark-skinned Somali chick, the two of them holding hands. I also saw a tall young man who looked either Turkish or Greek, one of the two, sitting next to a tall Somali brother. Wow, interracial dating is hitting the Somali community in full swing, eh?
Standing behind a makeshift podium at the center of the room, wearing a McGill University Men's Rugby jacket and blue jeans was Jabir. He smiled at everyone, said Asalam Alaikum and called the meeting to order. I watched him, amazed. Was this the same young man who approached me in the university library a few days ago? The guy was so manly and handsome, and carried himself in such a strong, masculine manner. Could he really be...like that? Apparently so, I guess. Jabir spoke, and his loud, strong voice had everyone's attention. He thanked everyone for coming, and told us a bit about himself.
I was seventeen when I realized I was bisexual, Jabir said, his voice thick with emotion. I almost killed myself because everyone told me that being gay, lesbian or bisexual and Muslim was simply wrong. As Jabir went on, I looked around the room and noticed that he had everyone basically enraptured with his tale. He went on, telling us about his football team basically kicking him out when rumors about his sexuality emerged, getting dumped by his girlfriend Jodi a day before the Prom, and basically running away from home after his high school graduation because his parents, Yasmina and Ali Saleh wanted to send him to Somalia to "straighten him out".
While on the run, Jabir continued, I had sexual encounters with both women and men, and this confirmed my bisexuality identity. I also found out that bisexuals, especially bisexual men, weren't welcome in LGBT events. He paused for effect, and I noticed that around the room some people were nodding while others were rolling their eyes. I figured if I started a club for LGBT Muslims I wouldn't let anyone discriminate against bisexual people in it, Jabir finished. He stepped off the podium, and was greeted with a round of applause when he went back to his seat. Another person took the podium, a tall Somali chick dressed like a guy, with overalls and a baseball cap and everything. She introduced herself as Sagalina Hussein, then shared with us the story of her coming out as a lesbian to her father, the Imam of a mosque in Toronto. Hot damn, now this I had to hear!