I had helped Dawn put the kids to bed, do their bedtime stories and so forth, before wandering back downstairs. Dawn was preparing dinner and we sat at the table to eat in peace. Dinner was nothing special, pleasant but ordinary. We made small talk as we ate before Dawn went into a big long explanation about her sister, Linda.
Linda was a bit scatty but totally harmless and was married to Jim, an odd guy to say the least but, again, totally harmless. They were as barmy as each other and deserved each other. Both had good jobs but lacked common sense and judgement in my opinion. Having said that, I am hardly Mr University Challenge myself!
Linda and Jim, it appears, were having some trouble in the bedroom area, mainly in the area of conception. Linda was desperate for a baby but they had been unable to conceive. They'd been referred to a specialist and it appears Linda was firing on all cylinders but Jim lacked the necessary ingredients inasmuch he had a low sperm count.
Poor Linda was beside herself and the cost of private treatment was well beyond their financial means and state health care put them at the bottom of the list, given their ages and priority level. Dawn and Linda had discussed for some time the potential solutions and, between them, they'd devised a plan.
It seems that although they could probably find a sperm donor, they wanted someone they knew and could trust, especially as this was a bit of a sensitive matter, they did not want to involve a total stranger, nor did they wish to be in a position of embarrassment.
"So tell me about the plan" I said, swallowing my mouthful and reaching for my steaming hot mug of coffee.
"She wants to use your sperm" Dawn said as I sipped my drink. I almost choked, spitting and dribbling coffee all over the table and my plate.
"You what?" I yelled.
"She wants your sperm" Dawn said calmly, happy that none of my coffee had been spat in her direction.
"You cannot be serious" I said, regaining my composure.
"Why?" she asked, the seriousness in her eyes quite dis-concerning.
"Why?" I replied. "How do you plan to get the stuff into her?"
Dawn explained that I was to produce the semen on my own into a pot, Jim would then use a baby feeding syringe to squirt it inside his wife and, hey presto, instant pregnancy.
"No way" I said, "Anyway, I don't want to be chased for maintenance payments if she and Jim divorce. He could legally state the kid wasn't his" I offered. Dawn just scoffed and accused me of being selfish. She didn't speak to me for a couple of hours, partly because she was pissed off with me and partly because she was on the phone to Linda.
Having been married for a few years, I was used to being given the silent treatment so after I'd checked my emails and loaded the dishwasher, I pulled a cold beer from the fridge and switched on the satellite box to watch the end of the twenty20 game.
Ten minutes later, Dawn had hung up and came and sat next to me.
"Sorry about earlier" she said, giving me a tender kiss on the cheek. I looked at her and I noticed her pretty face. Her eyes showed an element of slyness and I guessed she was up to something. I turned my attention back to the TV.
"I guess the syringe idea would never have worked" she went on, cuddling up to me, lifting her knees onto the sofa. "I mean, it would have trouble being directed deep enough" she said. I kept quiet, watching the umpire signal a wide delivery.
"They still desperately want a baby though" she continued, "It would be so nice to help them". I was dangerously assuming she wanted us to lend them the money to seek private treatment and I was going to say no. I had plans for our savings and it didn't involve Linda and Jim. Dawn was on a different agenda.
"So they've decided to wait for a couple of years then?" I asked, both eyes still on the TV.
"No" Dawn responded slowly and I guessed the punch line was approaching and I braced myself. I need a drink to calm my nerves I thought and I took a big long gulp from my can of beer.
"Linda wants you to inject your sperm direct from it's source" she said. Backtrack a couple of hours where I all but choked on my coffee, I now found myself choking on my beer.
"You're all nuts" I said between coughing fits as I tried to regain my composure.
"Linda said she'd like you to ejaculate inside her as deep as you can get so that the sperm has a greater opportunity to reach it's goal" she said, triumphantly.
Now lets put something into perspective here. Linda and Dawn are sisters and they have many similarities, one of which they are both incredibly horny to look at. Linda was a few years younger but being attracted to Dawn for her looks and body, it was not difficult for me to be attracted to Linda. My wife was actually asking me to fuck her sister, in so many words. This could work to my advantage, I thought to myself but I did not wish to appear too keen. Besides, I still wanted to know some of their plans.
"Don't be daft. Jim'll feel totally pissed off" I said. Dawn shook her head and explained it was actually Jim's idea. His plan was that I would bring myself to a certain point before inserting myself and leaving my cargo of tadpoles. And as her high risk time of ovulation was nearing, Dawn had invited them to stay this weekend in the spare room. It was arranged and I had no choice.
I negotiated with Dawn.
"Firstly" I said, "I am not getting myself to boiling point on my own. She's your sister so you'll need to help". Dawn was a little taken aback but she nodded.
"Secondly, Linda will need to be ready as I don't fancy having to force entry" I said in the politest way possible, "So Jim'll have to pull his finger out!" I didn't realise the poor terminology at first. "You know what I mean" I added as way of an apology.
"How do you want me to help?" she asked. I put down my beer and switched off the TV.
"You can start by removing your top" I said, pulling at the hem of her blouse.
