I usually don't interject myself into other people's business or trysts, but tonight I need Eboni and Darla -- not Rich.
Weird stuff I have often imagined, but never really believed, unfolds before my eyes in a prominent hotel bar less than one mile from my temporary office in the Pentagon.
A middle-aged very moneyed-looking smallish man with thinning white hair and what once must have been piercing blue eyes and his 32ish year-old-wife are joined by a beautiful 27ish-year-old golden ebony goddess.
'Guess.' I'll call her 'Guess,' because it's stitched into her jeans, just below where the green tattoo on her taut beckoning back flesh peers out between her thin black belt and her gapped top.
No. 'Guess' needs a full name. I want to call her Eboni Guess, Ebi. It fits better.
Eboni Guess is a stunning African American beauty sitting seven feet and six inches from the tip of my pen and is talking about Obama's policies on everything from health care reform to his new troop buildup in Afghanistan. She cites, with full references and from memory, every reason each policy may succeed, and every reason each may fail. All the while her dark chocolate eyes flash and her glossy lips wrap around each syllable like a snake around a mouse, like tongue around tiramisu, depending upon whether one is friend or prey.
Eboni is going to fuck Rich's wife while he watches. The ladies have already started in fact with the finger touching, posture leaning, perfume blending, warm-up play.
Rich may get it up after his $12.50 Bubbly Passion, but I doubt it.
Darla, however, is definitely up for Ebi.
Darla wears a Russian fur hat, drinks Louis Jadot, Pouilly, France. She drinks her Louis by the glass, not the bottle, enough to get happy and keep her shiny lips wet like Ebi's are, but not too much wine to lose touch with her looming long night Ebi experience.
I don't need Rich. He is irrelevant. I usually don't interject myself into other people's trysts or business, but tonight I need Eboni and Darla -- not Rich.
I am out of patience. I start by reaching for my water and spilling it all over the table and down over the chair and onto the floor. Darla and Eboni turn from each other and from Rich to see what the clatter is, annoyance and disdain their first expressions, then more respect and tacit unsolicited approval when they measure the operator frame and steel eyes attached to the guy that caused the clatter. So far so good.
They forget Mr. Rich immediately and ponder, individually and together in whispered questions, Mr. Asshole, jeans and motorcycle boots, working class guy in the wrong hotel restaurant, but here nonetheless and obviously here for something other than to rope cattle or build fences on the range. Maybe in some earlier part of life, but this phase of life obviously entails more complicated matters than stretching barbed wire between mesquite posts.
I look FUCK into Darla's eyes first, then I look FUCK into Eboni's eyes. My disdain orders me to just do it. Don't bat an eye.
Okay, they reply with eye.
Ignore, ignore, corners of eyes flashing my way, ignore, whisper to each other, whisper to Mr. Rich, whispers again, then more direct eye contact my direction; don't worry girls, Rich is all but disappeared into his drink. He doesn't have his dick any more.
It's my dick tonight or it's just pussy for both of you tonight. Your call.
"My call?" Darla asks herself, sizing up my mismatched jeans, my Harley boots, my UnderArmor light-sweat smelly from the long day tee-shirt. "My call?"
Okay Darla's eyes say.
Whisper to Ebi. Whisper to Rich (to not much avail judging from his glassy eyes). Darla's and Ebi's eyes flash at each other, hands touch knees, hair cascades into hair as heads confirm and bob. Then Darla comes over.
Darla takes the scant seven steps to my dinner of Italian sausage pizza and a short rib slider. Yes, I said a short rib slider -- please. To go with my Monacacy Ash (Maryland), Appalachian (Virginia), and Grayson (Virginia) cheese plate and Patron shot. Darla sums up my meal in disbelief and compares it to my abs.
Darla sums up my Tequila shot and compares it to my eyes. She purses her lips in half surprise, half disgust, all approval.
"Interesting meal Cowboy." Darla invites.
"You want my cock in your ass," I say, my blinkless eyes into her blinkless eyes.
"Very good. Nice, Cowboy," she says, eyes sparkling, lips twisted in reluctant respect. "so don't fuck it up."
"I don't have to fuck it up, Darla," I say into her smirk. "It's already way too fucked up for words. It's my fuck up to lose."
Darla's eyes disappear into her head for a second, summing something up.
Eboni looks a little uncomfortable, seven feet away. She shoots a furtive glance at Rich, who looks the question at Darla. The goon waiter near the door stands a little straighter and sets down his tray, tugging his belt loops. Only an idiot wouldn't see the 9 millimeter bulge beneath his jacket tugging his short black vest buttons tighter.
"Get a real gun, Brutus," I lip synch across the room straight into his snarling eyes. He reads every word I mouth at him and shakes his head like he wants to break my head.
"Smile yes at Rich, Darla," I say. "That is, if you want anything but pussy tonight. And so Brutus over there can get his panties out of a wad and look for trouble elsewhere."
Darla bites back in her throat the chuckle that bubbles out of her eyes.
She smiles and winks back at Rich and Ebi, setting them and Brutus the waiter goon at peace for the time being.
"Jackie," she says a name, extending her heavily diamonded hand. "But Darla was a great guess. I'll use it in the next life. If, that is, I haven't already used it in some other life. And, well, shit, if it is indeed Jackie in this life. Jackie sounds so...so...presidential don't you think?"
"Self-righteous Sam I'm guessing?"
I almost jump in surprise for the first time in months - but keep the surprise out of my eyes. I am nobody. Nobody at all. And I am not from this Washington scene anyway. I spend most of my time these days in foreign lands, closer to where Eboni grew up.
"Sam, yeah." Sullenly I speak so's to not let my eyes betray my surprise.
"Fuck you too, Sam." Darla walks to her table, retrieves more wine, finger-strokes Ebi's knee, and saunters back over.
"As I was saying - fuck you Sam. You think you are better than us, better than anybody in D.C. because you are younger, you are southwestern, and you are considerably poorer than Ed (but Rich was a great guess; maybe he was a 'Rich' in another life, but who knows?) - and you think you're superior simply because you are poor?! And, yes, you always will be poorer than 'Rich.' Big fucking deal. Being broke and young (for now) makes you superior." She scoffs and drinks wine. "Funny how you confuse power and money and morality.
"You have us so pegged don't you? You think you're too good for success, or money or professional sex, but you're really just too confused and restless and too fucking spaced-out with Attention Deficit Disorder to make or keep any money and too afraid of yourself to enjoy gourmet fucking. That will bite you in the ass someday, Sam. Nice as that ass is right now.
"So," she sums up her sneer sermon, "Know for certain that you are judging Ed wrong," she southern-accents her words to mock me.
"Rich," I say, "His name is Rich."
"Close, Sam. But, as I said, but unfortunately, tonight his name is Ed. I realize the facts mean little to you -- I just say this to give your danger intuitions, clouded as they are right now by mine and Ebi's asses, plenty of head start. Think Ed for a few moments before you fuck this up.
"Sam," she sips slowly, "Ed found Castro's main stateside drug connections and their headquarters the same week of the last time he fucked me in the ass. Ed was your age then."
Darla pins fire eyes to the back of my skull.
"So, Ghengis Texas Ranger Khan, uh, what exactly have you done -- lately?"
She pats my leg.
"Never mind. Too easy to find out, and we wouldn't have anything to talk about over breakfast, then would we?"
"I've done nothing really -- yet." I answer her honestly, working hard to not appear as interrupted as I am by her well-justified verbal barrage. "Truth is, Darla, I haven't done anything with my life - yet."
"Then, Sam. Why don't you fucking grow up and show up? Room 1575. If you want my ass that is. You may be surprised how well that could work."
She turns askance, dragging my glance with her to look at Eboni, seven feet away.
"One thing you have going for you is that you see the beauty and the passion in Eboni -- it's Ebi isn't it? You have indeed come a long way from bumfuck West Texas."
Darla drops a room key into my potatoes.
"You'll never show up. You're too fucking predictable. Too full of yourself. You're a dime a dozen. You disrespect white hair and young ass together. As though we need Ed, or as though Ed needs us. You'll go jerk off in your room - but not because you're really too good for my ass. You'll jerk off in your room because you're scared.