If you want to know how my holiday brought me to this point, read 'Happy Go Lucky Jackie'.
I'm a forty-two-year-old married woman on holiday with my husband and daughter and I've just been kissed and groped by the good-looking boy my daughter brought home and took to bed. I'm confused and furious with myself because it shouldn't have happened. But how could Dom, my husband, be so relaxed about my shameful behaviour? And as for my daughter -- she seemed to think it's a huge joke.
I slammed the bedroom door behind me and hid my face in my pillow. What had I done? Well, I couldn't hide from the truth: what I'd done was to behave like a teenager, a silly girl touching a boy's cock for a crafty thrill. And Dom might pretend but I couldn't believe he really liked seeing me fool about with a boy Maxine had picked up in a bar. He'd been playing a twisted game and let it get out of hand. I was angry with him for not stopping me and it was he who should be feeling guilty.
After a bit, I was laughing incredulously, unsure whether to be excited or ashamed. I tried to calm my breathing because the memory of Justin's hand on my breast was haunting me, his greedy fingers reaching for my sex. Had that happened or was I imagining it? And I'd walked naked round the room as shameless as a stripper paid to entertain. There was no hiding from the truth -- that I'd done it all and loved it -- the excitement, the thrill, the novelty and the sexiness. I must be a slut.
I waited until I was sure that Justin and Maxine had left before emerging from my hiding place in the bedroom. Determined to show a bold front, I was dressed to go out in a flimsy muslin shirt and a skirt I'd bought for the holiday which was shorter than anything I'd normally wear. If I was a slut, I should dress the part. But when I put on my new sexiest thong, I realised I was dressing for Dom. I wanted him to make love to me, I wanted his cock in me and to feel his excitement as we made up for my bad behaviour. That would wipe away the sweaty memory of Justin and put everything right.
For a moment I thought Dom must have left too. Then I saw him sitting on the balcony. We stared at one another and nothing was said.
"Have you eaten all the breakfast?" I demanded eventually and went to sit with him. "Give me some coffee."
"I'll make more. This is cold," said Dom, cheerful as always. "Or we could have coffee at the place on the beach. It's only five minutes away and some fresh air would do us good."
I nodded briskly and he followed me out of the apartment. I walked proud and said nothing, determined not to take all the responsibility for what had happened. Let him sort it out.
After a bit, he said, "You look good. I like that skirt and top."
"Do you Dom?" I was pleased despite being cross with him and couldn't resist goading him a little. "Are you sure I'm showing enough flesh for your taste?"
He laughed. "I love you to show off your legs but it's not just the skirt. You're in a mood and that sets off your features beautifully. And your skin glows with health in this sun and sea air."
I snorted, reassured. "I'm not in a mood and you're mocking me. Stop trying to be smart and let's have this coffee."
We sat down at the café on the beach and were served by a polite young man. I couldn't help myself and checked him over, noting his good looks. Dom caught me doing it and I couldn't stop my guiltily flush. Everything now seemed to be about sex.
"You won't succeed in making me feel bad," I told him after the waiter had left with our order for coffee and pastries.
"No need to leap down my throat," he replied. "So he's good looking. The waitress over there is not bad either."
He pointed to a woman about my age with thick dark hair and a large bosom. She was clearing a table and her tight shorts were presented to our view as she bent to wipe the tabletop. She wasn't Dom's type and I knew he pointed her out only to provoke me.
"Be my guest. Chat her up and see how far that gets you."
He laughed. "Only looking. You're quite enough for me."
Was that a dig at me for what I'd done with Justin? That Dom wasn't enough for me? "You poor thing. Are you suffering from neglect? I'm thinking of taking it easy this morning, so if you are, I suggest we go back to the apartment."
It was clear what I had in mind, that I was suggesting we went back to make love, but Dom refused to take the point.
"Yeah, why not. Although if you want to take it easy you can sit on the beach and show yourself off in your new bikini. Why waste this glorious weather?"
"Yes Dom, I could do that. And what will you do?"
"Of course I'll sit on the beach for a bit but you know I can't take the sun for long."
When our waiter returned I smiled at him and asked if it was a busy morning. We chatted for a few moments and then he hurried off.
"What's the matter with you?" I demanded in response to Dom's knowing grin. "I was just being polite."
"Don't be so defensive. He likes you and you like him. What could be more natural?"
If Dom wanted to play games then I could too. When we were done and the waiter returned with the bill, I took up our chat.
"You have to work very hard. Do you work your whole time in the holiday season or do you get a break in the evening?"
He laughed and picked up my money for the bill, pleased to forget work for a moment. "Who needs sleep in the summer? I finish at ten and spend the night with my friends. We meet so many interesting people."
"You mean girls."
"Girls as well. We like to dance and..."
"And...?"
"...Stay up to the dawn. It's a great life but late nights do no good for my arithmetic."
He struggled to count out some coins as change and hurried off. I separated out a handsome tip and Dom guffawed.
"Why didn't you give him your number? You could hardly have made it more obvious that you fancied him?"
"Shut up Dom. You've got sex on the brain."
I tried again to suggest that we went back to the apartment but Dom stubbornly avoided my hint. He wanted to find a copy of his regular newspaper for the sports news. As there seemed nothing better to do, I went into town with him. He didn't find the paper but there was a bookshop with some local maps and archaeological guides and I left him there while I wandered down the little shopping street until I came to a clothes shop.
I had no intention of buying anything except, perhaps, a pair of flip-flops for the beach but went inside. Instead of flip-flops, I saw a pair of scarlet red stilettos with the most impractical heels. In fact there was no point to them at all. Laughing at myself, I moved on to other things. But I couldn't leave the shop without going back to stare at the red shoes. They looked gorgeous but who wore such things? Well that was easy to answer -- a woman intent on showing off. Not me then. But I couldn't leave the shop and the shoes drew me back again. They were surprisingly cheap so what was stopping me? I wouldn't be the first woman to buy shoes I never wore. I checked with the shop assistant to see whether they had my size and before I could get a grip they were mine.
It was only after I left the shop with a large box in my arms that I realised I needed to explain the shoes to Dom. It wasn't that he minded me wasting my money but he'd be curious to know why I had to buy these particular shoes. Deep down I knew I'd bought them to make myself feel good but he wouldn't understand that. He'd insist that they were to attract boys.
I found him wandering along the street peering into shop windows. "Any luck?" I asked.
"No newspaper," he said. "But I see you've been busy. What have you found?"
"Just a pair of shoes."
"Show me."
"Not here in the street."
