It was about a three hour drive from Chicago to Madison that Sunday as I drove back to school. That left a lot of time to reflect on the text messages between Hannah and Joe. I was torn between raging jealousy and being super turned on. I loved the fact that Hannah was enjoying the sexy texts with Joe. I loved that she was probably getting wet talking to him. I loved the fact that she told him that she was devoted to me.
I hated the fact that she was texting him. I hated the fact that she kept this from me. I hated the fact that she was attracted to him. I hated the fact that Joe thought he could get away with texting my girlfriend behind my back. I wanted to punch him so hard.
I loved the idea of Joe finding Hannah sexy. I loved the fact that Joe would get hard and masturbate thinking about my girlfriend. I loved that he was getting flirty responses from Hannah. I loved that Hannah was being a little flirt. I loved that Hannah had fantasies about being slutty with Joe. I loved that Hannah wanted to feel his cock in her mouth. I loved that she was probably masturbating while she talked to him.
I looked at why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Why did I like this so much? Was it an ego thing? Did I like that Joe wanted what I had? Was it loving the fact that Hannah liked being a secret slut?
Why did this make me so mad? Well that's obvious. I was jealous. Hannah craved Joe's cock. Hannah craved Joe's attention. But I know that she didn't want to be with him long term, so I had no risk of losing her. She just wanted his attention and she just wanted to feel his cock. I'm totally ok with her playing with dildos. Isn't Joe's cock just another dildo? I'm ok with Hannah dressing sexy when we went out. Isn't that the same thing as Joe finding Hannah sexy?
I found other girls sexy. I wanted to touch other girl's breasts and feel their mouths on my penis. Isn't this kinda of the same thing Hannah was feeling about Joe?
Finally I came to a conclusion. It's ok to feel jealous, but I know I won't lose Hannah to Joe. It is totally sexy thinking of Hannah as a slut in private. I really wanted to see Hannah suck on Joe's cock. I really wanted to see Joe fucking Hannah. I wanted to watch Joe passionately kiss Hannah and have her enjoy it. I really wanted to explore this balance between burning jealousy in my heart and the kinkiness of sharing Hannah with Joe.
Almost every night we talked that week, Hannah or I brought up the topic of Joe. Sunday night when we talked, I told her, "You know on the drive home tonight, I was thinking a lot about you and Joe. Are you still talking to him?"
"Not really. I mean he texts me every once in a while, but he's usually just checking in since my brother is his best friend and we grew up together. We haven't talked about sex or being fuck buddies since you and I started dating."
I knew this was a lie, but I took it as she was just trying to protect my feelings. "Honestly, if I was Joe, I'd be trying to flirt and fuck you every chance I got."
"Yes, I mean he does. He always tries to turn the 'innocent' check in messages into sex, but I usually tell him that I can't go there since I'm with you."
"That's sweet of you. Babe, I'm not worried about losing you to Joe. I'm a little jealous, but I know you love me. Honestly, a part of me would really enjoy seeing you and Joe fool around. I mean as long as you don't think you would be emotionally tied to him, I'd love to watch you fuck him. Honestly."
"Babe, I couldn't do that, and I don't believe you for a second. No guy wants to see their girlfriend be with another guy."
"I don't know why. You are a totally classy woman. You are smart and beautiful. You aren't a slut. But I like the idea of thinking that you are a slut. I like the idea of you really enjoying sex. I think that's why the bachelor party story is such a turn on." I realized that I started to get hard while talking to Hannah on the phone. "I mean I'm honestly getting hard right now."
"Are you? Are you going to do something about it? I'm getting a little wet. Thinking about you getting hard."
"See I think you are getting wet because you want to fuck Joe. And honestly I'm ok with that."
"Well I hate to admit it, but yes, every girl likes being admired. Every girl likes the idea of guys getting turned on by them. Yeah, I'd love to watch Joe's cock go from soft to hard while looking at my body."
"Are you masturbating right now?"
"I'm starting to. I slid my hand under my sweats and into my panties. I am super wet right now. I'm rubbing my clit. It is so wet. Do you want me to get naked?"
"Yes, I do. But first, are your curtains open?" I asked her.
"Not yet, let me open them. I assume that's what you want.... The curtains are open and the lights are on. I can't really see anyone in the Playboy building across the street."
"Ok, is your door open?"
"You want me to open the door? You aren't here, I don't feel comfortable what if someone catches me and... wants to fuck me?"
"Open your door. No one is on the floor. You know how quiet it is. And if someone catches you, they can watch."
"Ok, the door is open. I do hear someone playing music down the hall. I'm going to turn off my lights." She said as if she was asking for permission to turn on the lights.
"No, don't turn off the lights, leave them on."
"Damn it John, if I get caught, I'll be in so much trouble." Hannah protested.
"It's ok if you get caught, they will want to watch. No one would turn you in." I tried to comfort her.
"Oh sure, that's so much better than being caught. I'll be labeled a 'slut'."
"Probably, but you have to admit that you love the idea of being 'caught'. Open the door."
"Ok, the door is open. Now do you want me to strip naked?" Hannah asked.
"Yes, take off your clothes and tell me what you are doing."
"I'm lifting my tank top over my head. I'm standing in the middle of the room wearing just my sweat pants and my bra."
"Nice, I love it. Do you see anyone from across the street watching?"
"Not really, and every time I look, I have to go to the window and I'm afraid that someone from the street below can see me. It's hard to see the street, since it is so dark out there. Ok, I'm taking off my sweats. I'm in a pair of blue satin thong panties and matching blue satin bra. And socks. I'm taking off my socks."
"Ok, now go close to the window."
"Oh God, there are a couple of guys walking in the street below."
"Do they see you?"
"Not yet. Well they are just walking in front of our building across the street. Uh well they are looking up now and I think they see me. One of the guys stopped the other guy and pointed up at me. I'm so embarrassed. I ducked down so they can't see me now."
"Are you turned on but embarrassed that they saw you in your bra and panties? I mean you've worn more scandalous bikinis to the beach in the past."
"Yes, I am a bit turned on. It reminds me a little of the time I did the bachelor party," Hannah replied.
"Ok, get bold. Stand up tall and look down to see if they are still there."
"I can't do that. I'm in my bra and panties."