Girls Just Want to Have Cum (1987)

WARNING

The following motion picture contains big bouncing breasts, bare bottoms, group showering, French-cut lingerie, crimped hair, spandex-laden aerobics, and graphic scenes of group sex. Discretion is advised.

FBI WARNING

Federal law provides severe criminal penalties for unauthorized reproduction of this copyrighted video tape. If you attempt to connect two VCRs together and copy this motion picture over to a blank video tape, you will experience weird lines across the screen and intermittent video disruption, significantly limiting the chances of seeing naked breasts, butts, and bush for a duration long enough to aid in your masturbation.

Just say no to drugs.

VHS Classics Presents

in association with Head Cleaners Entertainment

a film by masterandmargarita

GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE CUM... The Movie

edited by margarita

written and directed by master

San Marcos, California

1987

"This is it!" Rhonda announced to her roommates-to-be. She put the rental van in park and hopped out onto the driveway, eager to gauge their reactions.

Rhonda's recently acquired property featured Roman columns, a front porch with busted floor boards, chipped white paint covering the exterior, and a few broken windows.

"This is a hideous, ugly place," Stacey said. She bundled her blonde ponytail up with a pink scrunchie for that trendy 'whale spout' look.

"Girls, this is what they call a fixer upper. A few days of work and it's going to be totally rad," Rhonda assured them. She popped open the back of the van to reveal a pile cleaning products and moving boxes.

"I like it. It's a statement." Tina declared. She blew out a pink gum bubble with a loud popping noise. Despite the long day of moving and cleaning ahead, Tina was wearing her black lycra miniskirt and a single fishnet fashion glove.

"I'm sure it's much nicer on the inside," Phoebe offered up, trying to appear hopeful. She wiped the lenses of her glasses on her

Frankie Says Relax

t-shirt for a better look at the house.

"Does it have air conditioning?" Stacey asked. "I'm starting to sweat through my bra."

"You should have your own mobile cooling system with those gazongas," Tina commented.

"I can't help what I was born with!" Stacey shot back.

"Tina, Stacey, take a chill pill," Rhonda suggested. "We all got kicked out of Pi Delta Pi together. If we're gonna set up a house of our own, we need to stick together. That means we're leaving all of that catty sorority shit behind us. From here on out we do everything in solidarity, just like we promised."

"Solidarity," Phoebe repeated with enthusiasm, extending her hand out towards her roommates.

"Solidarity," Stacey and Tina reluctantly agreed. They stood in a circle with their hands merged at the center.

"This house is going to be the start of something great," Rhonda proclaimed. "Wait, just a sec!" She turned away to pull a silver boombox out of the van and hit play. She frowned when she heard that her choice song was at the middle of the guitar solo.

"Another second," Rhonda said, hitting the rewind button. They continued to hold out their hands, growing impatient as they baked in the hot southern California sun.

Finally, enchanting keyboard tones from the latest White Serpent single burst forth from the speakers and climaxed into a guitar-laden chorus. Rhonda returned to the circle, put her hand on top of the others, and they all sang in along in unison.

"Here we go again on our ow-wo-own!"

****

"Quit hogging!" Corey begged Max, who was enjoying an eyeful of sexy college girls through the lens of his telescope. Buttcheeks were peeking out of acid-wash jean shorts as the ladies bent over to sort through moving boxes in their driveway.

"Fine." Max passed the telescope his best friend to let him have a look.

"That is some cleaning crew." Corey commented. All of the butt cleavage was causing him fill out his briefs with a growing stiffy.

"That's no cleaning crew. Meet my new neighbors. Do you see that tall brunette with the fluffy bangs?"

"Do I ever! She is looking pretty bodacious in that tube top. I can almost make out her nips."

"I think her name is Shonda or Rhonda or something. Mom told me she bought Old Man Hockstedter's house at the County auction. She goes to C.S.U.S.M."

"C.S.U.S.M.?"

"Cal State San Marcos aka C.S.U.S.M aka CUM University. The university that we're going to in the fall. Did you forget that you graduated high school?"

"I'm forgetting a lot of things. My mind only has room for the letters T and A at the moment," Corey remarked. "And no one calls it CUM University."

"Not yet," Max added with a snort.

"Well, I guess we don't have to wait until the fall semester to meet some college babes, huh?"

"Who said anything about meeting them?" Max replied defensively, taking back the scope. "I'm not going down there. Are you?"

"I guess not." Corey felt a nervous rumble in his stomach from the suggestion. The girls were his sister's age and way out of his league.

"Max, I'm about to head out," his mother announced as she burst into the bedroom. "What are you two up to?"

Max instinctively shoved away the telescope, smacking Corey in the face.

"Ow!" Corey blurted. "Smooth move, ex-lax."

Max stepped up with a quick explanation.

"We're adjusting the scope, Mom. I'm pretty sure Jupiter will be visible tonight."

"Oh will it?" Sylvia asked with suspicion.

"I think we'll be able to see Uranus too," Corey added, rubbing the sore spot on his forehead. Max slugged him on the shoulder.

"Max, stop abusing you friend." Sylvia stepped forward and accidentally dropped her bag on the floor, spilling the contents. "Oh nuts."

"Let me help," Corey offered. He dove into the pile of panties, garter belts, and thigh-high stockings and placed them back into the bag for Max's mom.

"Corey, you are such a gentleman."

"That's just how I was raised," Corey replied, causing Max to roll his eyes in the background.

Corey looked up at Sylvia with a nervous gulp. Her curly black hair was done up big and glamorous. She was wearing her best blue suit with boxy shoulder pads and a short skirt that, from his angle, revealed the lace tops of her stockings.

"I'm meeting Linda for an important business deal today," she explained, as Corey handed her lingerie sample bag up to her. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck, Mom."

"Good luck, Mrs. Carrington," Corey added with a wink.

"Don't you dare say it," Max threatened, after Sylvia closed the door behind her.

Corey coughed into his hand and blurted, "She's hot."

"Stop being grody or I'm putting away the scope," Max threatened.

Corey turned back to the telescope just in time to see the four college girls stepping into the house and closing the front door behind them.

"Damn. Too bad there's no way to see inside the house."

"Or is there?" Max asked. He grinned and extended his arm towards the vast laboratory that was his bedroom: circuit boards, glass beakers, gyrating robotics, panels of flashing lights, audio visual equipment, and his most prized possession, the Nintendo Entertainment System.

"Whoa, whoa. I wasn't being serious."

"Well, I am. Grab your fedora, Corey. We're going surveillance shopping."

****

Later that evening Corey found himself crawling by through the grass on his belly, dragging along a length of coax cabling and a small security camera. He was dressed in camouflage fatigues in order to pass through the yard undetected. His face was smeared with green and black makeup. Max was watching Corey's progress from his bedroom window and standing by to confirm that video signal was coming through on the monitor.

How in the hell did I let Max talk me into this? Corey wondered. He focused back on his mission, summoning the strength of his favorite action star, who slithered through the Central American jungle and covered himself in mud to escape the Predator. The early evening crickets were chirping around him as he inched closer toward the glowing light of a window.

By the time Corey made it within a few yards, a blonde with a noticeably large bustline appeared in the first floor window. She looked out at the yard, causing Corey's heart to pound against his chest in panic and excitement. When she pulled the scrunchie from her hair and shook it loose, Corey realized that there was a serious chance that she could start undressing. He squinted his eyes for maximum clarity.

"What's the status? Over," Max's voice blurted from Corey's walkie-talkie.

Corey scrambled to answer in a mad panic. "Shut the fuck up, Max. Over."

Stacey surveyed the yard in response to the noise, but failed to spot Corey, on account of his stealthy camo. She shrugged and turned towards the bathroom mirror to peel off her crop top and revealed a big white lace bra.

Corey watched with a gaping mouth as she reached back to unclasp her bra and allowed the straps to fall from her shoulders. The biggest pair of tits that Corey had ever seen outside of a magazine sprung out with a heavenly illumination. Her breasts were so big and full that they had natural sag and cast a large shadow across her stomach from bathroom lights.

Corey's cock was throbbing. The pounding of his heart was so loud that he thought it would give him away. Stacey cupped her hands under her breasts, hoisting them up to admire them in the mirror. Her big pink nipples came into view as she turned to look out the window in Corey's direction a second time.

"Can I join you in the shower?" a woman's voice suddenly asked from inside the bathroom. A tall brunette with feathered bangs approached Stacey and stood next to her in front the window. She crossed her arms and slid her fingers under the fabric of her spandex tube top.

"Rhonda," Corey whispered to himself in excitement.

"We've got a bum water heater so we need to conserve our hot water," Rhonda explained to Stacey, temporarily leaving her hands at the sides of her top while Corey watched in suspense to see if she would take it off.

"Okie dokie," Stacey said with a shrug. "Scrub my back?"

"Only if you scrub mine."

They shared a naughty smile and Rhonda proceeded to free her big tan breasts from the confines of the tube top and tossed it to the floor. The women looked over each other's naked chests and blushed. Corey was petrified as he ogled the scene from the yard and wiped the streaming sweat away from his brow.

"Stacey, your tits are huge. I'm so jealous."

"You can touch them if you want. Go ahead, they don't bite."

"Okay, if you insist," Rhonda said with a laugh.

Rhonda cupped Stacey's breasts and enjoyed the weight of them in her hands. Stacey returned the favor and played with Rhonda's boobs until her nipples became erect.

"You've got a great rack, Rhonda. I'd fuck you," Stacey joked.

They stood chest-to-chest in front of the window, squishing their tits together and giggling. Eventually they unbuttoned their jean shorts and pulled them down along with their panties.

"Let's hop in the shower!"

Corey was in a daze of voyeuristic ecstasy as the merciless scene played out. Big bouncing tits. Firm round butts. Long tan legs. Splashing water and playful giggles. Silhouettes of a shapely bosoms being soaped and fondled. Corey groaned out loud and felt hot, pleasurable squirts soaking his underwear. He clenched his mouth shut, trying to stay as quiet as possible as he emptied out a satisfying load into his pants.

The girls finished with their shower and exited the bathroom wrapped in their bath towels.

"Status? Over," Max repeated.

Corey dug out his walkie-talkie, struggling to talk over his labored breaths. "The coast is clear now. Proceeding with camera placement. Over." He gathered his composure and continued his crawl towards the house, looking for the perfect vantage point.

****

Corey was sneaking back to Max's house when he heard a familiar voice over his shoulder.

"Hey, you're new to this turf. We don't take kindly to strangers around here," Johnny threatened. He pulled out his switchblade and it glimmered in the moonlight.

"Johnny, it's me, Corey! Put away the knife, will you? You're not in Brooklyn anymore, jeeze!"

"Corey?!" Johnny said with a cackling laugh. He retracted the blade and slipped the knife into his pocket. "What the fuck are you doing out here in camo? Playing G.I. Joe?"

"What are

you

doing out here in the dark?" Corey countered. He looked over Johnny's ridiculous getup: tight jeans and a brown leather vest with no shirt underneath so that he could show off his muscles.

"I'm the neighborhood watch."

"The only one who needs watching is

you

," Corey remarked as he attempted to pass.

"Not so fast, dickweed. I'm not letting you go until you tell me what you're up to."

"I don't want to fight you," Corey warned. He raised his arms and attempted to get into crane-kick formation. Johnny knocked him on his ass with an effortless shove to the shoulder.

"Nice try, numb nuts. Whoever gave you those karate lessons owes you a refund. Now, are you going to tell me what you're up to, or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" Johnny smiled down at Corey and proceeded to run a comb through his slick brown hair.

"Okay, fine," Corey conceded. He brushed the grass off of his pants and got back on his feet. "We are spying on the college babes that just moved in next door."

"We? Meaning you and that poindexter?" Johnny asked, pointing the comb towards Max's house. "Aren't you two a couple of fags?"

"Obviously not. Now, if you'll excuse me—"

"Hey, I want to spy on the babes too! Don't hold out on me kid, I'm your protection after all."

"I don't need protection anymore. High school is over. For those of us that graduated, that is."

"Are you going to invite me up or what?"

"No way, José. Max will never let you in his house."

Johnny tossed his comb and grabbed Corey by the shirt.

"I ain't askin'."

****

The girls next door finished with their showers and gathered in the living room at Rhonda's request, still wrapped in their bath towels.

"Are you going to tell us what's in the mystery box?" Tina asked.

"I met one of the neighbors yesterday and I found out that she has her own lingerie company," Rhonda explained. "She gave me this big box of samples. It's free promotion for her and free lingerie for us."

"Let's have a lingerie fashion show!" Stacey suggested, bouncing with excitement.

"I thought we were going to watch Sorority House Massacre and eat Cheez Balls?" Phoebe asked.

"I thought we were going to play Ouija board?" Tina asked. "This is our first night in the house. We need to do a serious ghost check."

"Girls, we've got all night. We can do it all—lingerie, Ouija board, horror movies, and Cheez Balls," Rhonda assured them. "Let's dig in and see if any of this stuff fits us. It will be fun!"

Rhonda popped in her "Awesome Dance Mix" tape and pressed the play button, thus providing a soundtrack for the impending masturbatory montage. The girls proceeded to drop their towels play dress-up with a generous pile satin and lace garments. Whitney Gibson's latest hit single was pumping out of the the boombox speakers as the girls tried on bras, panties, teddies, garters, and thigh-high stockings. They compared tits. They slapped each other on the ass. They did jumping jacks in front of the mirror. The scene was flooded with so many excessive closeups of bare breasts and butts that it seemed almost contrived for the sole purpose of popping boners.

.

"This is a little skimpy for my taste," Phoebe said as Stacey helped her into a pink teddy. Phoebe could see her erect nipples under the fabric and she reached up to cover them in embarrassment. The lower half of the teddy was French-cut with ruffled trim and it was so high-waisted that the sides arched all the way up to her ribcage.

"That is a fresh look," Stacey assured her. "Teddies are sooo in. I'm going to wear one too."

Stacey stepped into a bold leopard-print, one-piece. The back of the teddy was a thong strip that disappeared into Stacey's ass crack as she pulled the straps over her shoulders and attempted to tuck her breasts in the front.

Tina found a lingerie set in her favorite color: black. Thigh-high stockings, garter belt, paired with her trademark fishnet glove. She tied her headband up with a Madonna-inspired bow and doused her crimped hair with a blast of hairspray.

"Am I supposed to have a permanent wedgie like this?" Phoebe asked, looking over her shoulder to see her buttcheeks staring back at her from the mirror.

"No doy you have a wedgie!" Stacey blurted. "Don't you want to show off that sexy butt?"

"Well—"

"Has anyone seen a bra and panty that matches my stockings?" Rhonda interrupted. She was attaching a garter strap to her purple lace stocking, with a leg propped up on a chair to show off her bush.

"Sorry, no luck yet," Stacey reported, bending over to dig through the lingerie pile.

"Just wear the stockings and garter belt, no bra and panty needed," Tina suggested. "The girls in Playboy do it all the time."

"So I'm just going to hang out with my boobs, bush, and butt in your faces all night?" Rhonda replied with hands on her hips.

"Boobs, bush, and butt, oh my!" Stacey exclaimed. She pulled down her teddy and shook her tits in Rhonda's direction.

Tina unclasped her bra and tossed it to the floor. She pulled down her panties and stood next to Rhonda in front the mirror. "Solidarity, remember? Two orders of boobs, bush, and butt coming right up.

"Not really a bush. More like a landing strip," Rhonda commented, pointing at Tina's carefully groomed patch of brown hair that matched the roots of her otherwise blonde dye-job.

"What do you think girls, are we foxy or what?" Tina asked.

Rhonda and Tina proceeded to pose seductively as their housemates cheered them on. They turned around to look at their nude butts in the mirror, which were beautifully accented by the lace of their garter belts.

"Lingerie phase complete," Tina declared. "Can we play some Ouija now?"

****

"Corey, please accept my humble apologies for my earlier criticism of your camera placement," Max said as he drooled over the visual barrage of lingerie and nudity on the black and white monitor. "Who needs to see the shower or the bedrooms when they just walk around in the living room like this?!"

"You dweebs are gonna get caught for sure," Johnny said, picking at his fingernails with his switchblade. He was attempting to keep his cool as he gazed at all the scandalously exposed skin. "How did you line the camera signal to the house?"

"You couldn't possibly comprehend the complexity of our audio-visual—," Max began and was swiftly interrupted by a hard slap to the back side of his head.

"We've got a coax cable running across the yard and covered it up with some astro turf," Max explained. "Ow, Johnny. That really hurt."

"So when someone mows the fucking lawn, the gig is up. You guys are a couple of young Einsteins alright."

"Corey is going to pack it all up the end of the night. They'll never know it was there," Max defended.

"Why do I have to do it?" Corey asked.

"Because Max is the brain, I am the brawn, and you're the bitch," Johnny explained.

"For the record, I have been against the spy cam idea from the beginning," Corey reminded them. "I'm only helping because Max promised me his Playboy stash. What we are doing is illegal."

"So go home and hang out with your sister. No one is forcing you to stay," Max said.