General Chemistry

I woke up alone in the master bedroom, hungover. Warm light filtered through the curtains, giving the room a radioactive glow. My dreams churned together with hazy memories until I didn't really know what happened last night.

The last thing that I was sure of was cumming inside Pritha in the solarium, Marco and Liv next to us on the chaise lounge, moaning and writhing. I remembered lying wet and naked in the large, plant-filled room, roaring sheets of rain battering against the glass around us.

Less certain, but still likely: Liv on her knees, naked except for a pair of pink dishwashing gloves, scrubbing the gray fabric of the lounge and laughing. Then, Pri pushing me into the shower, the one with the green tile, and following closely behind.

And the most-definitely-dreams: wandering around outside in the storm, lost, rain stinging in my eyes. Kissing Marco on the lips before running down a flight of stairs in my high school. At a theater, waiting endlessly for the movie to start, looking around for my date, worried that I'd been stood up.

In real life, music drifted down the hall and under my door, Frank Sinatra or something else rolling, swingy, and full of horns. I sat up, sheets tangled around my waist. On the nightstand was a cup of water and a pill that seemed Advil-adjacent. My hangover pulsed between my ears but, even considering my short drinking career, it didn't rank. I took the pill anyway.

Someone, Pri, had dressed me in clean underwear and my black joggers. There was a t-shirt left on the edge of the bed, dark orange, labeled as event staff for a half marathon.

I followed the sound of the music and snatches of laughter. The living room was lit up like it was under a spotlight, the shutters and shades all pulled open to the fresh, clear sky. The upbeat 50's playlist came from the TV. It was all a little too much. Not for the first time, I swore off wine forever.

Eventually my body carried me to the kitchen. Liv sat at the island, brown hair done up in a sloppy bun, her long, tan legs swinging. Marco stood behind the island, rubber tongs in one hand and a mug in the other. They both wore lounging-around clothes, almost certainly the property of Liv's ex Ryan, and Marco wore an honest-to-god apron. He smiled when I walked in.

"Hey, what's up? You want a waffle?" He waved his tongs in the air, tracing some arcane pattern. Liv smiled her half-smile at me over her shoulder and slowly pushed a stool out with her foot.

Yes, Magic Waffle Man, I want it. Instead I said, "Mhmm. Coffee. Also. Please."

He moved around the kitchen with serious dad-energy, pouring batter on the waffle iron, swinging cabinet doors and pulling drawers for a mug, a spoon, and sugars. He seemed to know where everything was, and there was a bit of theater in it too. Whether it was commanding a kitchen or taking care of hungover people, he seemed to be quite at ease.

When he put the cup in front of me, I stared at it. I wanted it lighter. The milk was just out of reach. It might as well have been in another house.

"Where's Pri?" I asked.

"She's in the backyard, still cleaning up," said Liv. "We mostly fixed everything but she's still getting leaves and shit out of the pool." She fished around in a bowl of random stuff in the center of the island, pulling out a pair of sunglasses. I put them on gratefully. "You're looking kinda shit," she said.

"He doesn't look that bad," said Marco. "Wait till he's had some coffee and then throw stones."

I sipped from the mug and faded away while the two of them chattered on about something, maybe waffles, maybe maple syrup, maybe the state of Vermont. I didn't care to follow. Liv openly adored him and he watched her with quiet intensity, the infatuation obvious behind his eyes.

He slid a plate in front of me, a crispy waffle and some cold strips of bacon. I crushed them under my fork and ate mechanically.

"Jack," said Liv. "Jack, Jack, Jack."

"What's up?" I asked through a mouthful of waffle.

"Oh yeah, he's out of it. I asked if you had fun last night."

I froze for a moment and slowly reached for my coffee. Whatever she felt about the question, she kept a friendly, almost excited, expression on her face. The movement towards the cup was supposed to buy me time but my thoughts were little shadows, leaping away when I tried to grab one.

"I think I did. Did I... do anything I wasn't supposed to?"

Marco tried and failed to suppress a laugh. "Oh my god, he's so worried. You're a good guy, Jack."

"I think you're fine," said Liv. "What do you remember?"

I told her the things I was sure of and left out the maybes and the dreams.

"So you don't remember freaking out about the couches? 'They're gonna stain,'" she said, imitating my voice. "'I'm telling you, they're gonna stain,' over and over. It's a shame Maury will never know the care you took for those fucking couches."

"You don't remember anything else?" asked Marco.

Liv's phone buzzed, persistently. She scooped it up with a smile.

"Hey daddy, what's up?"

I looked at Marco and mouthed

Daddy?

His lips twisted into a smile and, when he was sure Liv wasn't looking, he gave me a tiny shrug.

"No, I'm all good here," continued Liv. She gave Marco a fluttery look. "Actually Marco came over and helped me clean up. Yes, yep, that

is

exactly like him. No. No, you don't—hey you two!" New voices crowded the other end of the phone. "Yep, you raised a good one. Okay, okay, hold on..."

She waved at Marco, pointing at the phone. When he wouldn't come towards her, she started in his direction. He shook his head and used both arms to make an X across his chest. Liv stuck out her tongue and walked off into the living room. "No, he's in the back, working hard. Let me see if I can find him..."

My coffee was bitter but it made me feel a bit more human. Marco made busy, wiping down the counter and putting things away. I'm not sure he knew what, if anything, to say to me.

"So," I said eventually. "What happened after I knocked out?" I thought I saw him catch for the briefest moment before speaking.

"You were pretty drunk," he said. "So we hung out for a bit longer after Pri put you to bed. Impressive performance by the way. I mean, uh..." He wasn't nervous but he clearly started down this road by accident and rapped his knuckles on the counter, searching for the words. "The wine didn't seem to affect your... stamina."

"Performance? That's a word," I said. In the back of my mind, there was a little backwards-ass version of myself that didn't want him talking like that. I remembered our little talk yesterday. When we were alone, he'd asked if I was bisexual, with the clear implication that in an orgy situation we might

do something

together.

He saw right through me and set his mouth. "Oh, it's like that? I really didn't expect that from you."

Fuck. "I'm sorry. Seriously, that's not—I'm not like that. I like you. A lot. You seem really nice and Liv loves you and she's never wrong about these things." My apology was so rapid and bumbling that he actually smiled. I hoped he saw me as I saw myself: naive and constricted, but not a bigot.

"Ok, calm down, I'm not gonna cancel you or whatever." He rolled his eyes. "Let's be real though. Performance

is

the right word. You really went hard when we got close to you last night. And Liv told me all about the 'study session.' Guy or girl, I think you get off on being watched."

My breath caught in my throat. If Liv told him, told him

everything

, then he knew that she and I had sex only a day earlier. The idea that I'd fucked her before he ever could, that I'd done it when they'd known each other for years, when they were so clearly infatuated with each other, it had been a turn-on when it was a secret. Faced with my own shittiness, it was much less so.

I recognized with a start that I was the outsider. Marco had known Liv and Pri for years. He knew them as kids. He grew up with them. I walked into his life like I was the main character, just taking what I wanted, and I had the audacity to judge him.

"Good lord," he said, shaking his head. "I was going to mess with you but you're putting your own self through the wringer, aren't you? Are you always this tight or is it just the hangover?"

I was clearly unable to hide anything from him, so I took a few embarrassingly deep breaths to steady myself. "I should probably figure that out." I stared into my cup like I thought the answer was in there somehow. "I'm sorry for... inserting myself." I meant inserting myself into his life but I realized what it sounded like. I groaned and slowly dropped my forehead to the countertop.

"Hey, Jack, buddy. Get your shit together." There was a smile in his voice. "I'm not going to console you for fucking my girlfriend. Listen, I'm not mad about it. It seems like you didn't even know who I was at the time. And, to be honest, it's kind of hot." He made a short

hm

noise, like he was deciding what to say. "But you don't want to hear that."

I was such a fucking square. I'd let my parents, and friends and teachers and everyone else, I'd let them pack me into a little box. On the top, it said

Jack. Straight. White. Fragile. Do not open.

I slowly raised my head.

Marco was smiling too much. "I knew it. You're a little showoff, aren't you? You want to hear about it or not?"

"Sure," I said, trying not to sound too interested.

"Well, we talked about it after you went to sleep, and I get it. You're hot, in an awkward, Tom Holland kind of way."

Maybe I was conditioned not to hear compliments but that one was pretty shocking.

"Pri is soo into you, like you didn't notice already. And it's not just physical. They both seem to think you're a sweet boy. And funny? Though I haven't seen any evidence of that..." Marco seemed to enjoy confiding in me, like he felt he was returning the favor for my pep-talk from last night.

"And obviously, your big ass dick was part of the conversation. Oh, and—okay, you'll like this—in my experience, most women are not that good at describing dick. So Liv and Pri, they're like, 'it's so big' or 'it's really thick.' I think the phrase 'it filled me up' was said. Like, no imagination at all."

"What's that mean? No imagination?" It shouldn't have been that charged, just two friends talking, but I was getting aroused. Despite testing the idea several times with porn, I've never felt sexually attracted to men, and I didn't think I was attracted to Marco even as a one-off. Did I just really like the attention?

"Oh, is this the chapter called 'Well-Endowed Man Fishes for Compliments?'" He laughed at his own joke. "Sure, fine. You've got a nice looking cock. They like the upward curve but don't know why. It's crazy thick, and veiny, with kind of a 'rough fuck' aesthetic. You know what? You should get the girls to measure it. That'd be hot."

"The girls?" He was talking about the future, a future where it wasn't just Pri who touched me. My cock swelled, straining against my joggers. I hadn't had any time or brainpower to process after last night. I never considered there would be a 'next time.'

"Yeah, I have the feeling they want to go a little farther. Pri said the kiss was a one-time thing but I thought the lady doth protest too much, if you know what I mean." He froze for a moment and stuck his jaw out. "Shouldn't have said that."

My heart lurched. I put the mug down too quickly, the coffee sloshing.

"Shit. I'm just fucking digging deeper here. I didn't mean to—now you think it's something it's not. They didn't swear me to secrecy or anything. It's just not my place to tell."

As calmly as I could, I asked, "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

He blew out some air. "It's not that big a deal. They were getting pretty into it, talking about

you

by the way. And Liv was being touchy. Then we, and I mean Liv and me, we fucked again. Pri watched for a while. Then the girls kissed. There might have been some hand stuff too, I was pretty out of it. That's it. To be clear, I definitely did not touch Pri at all. Especially after you went all psycho about it yesterday."

My cock was painfully hard, trapped down the leg of my underwear. I was too embarrassed and anxious to shift it around. Pri and I hadn't talked about any of this. She hadn't done anything wrong because, honestly, we'd never set any rules that might have been broken.

I was lucky that she'd only kissed Liv. Hell, I'd kissed Liv too, not just kissed but I'd fucked her and I'd eaten her pussy too. If Pri

had

touched Marco, or worse, that would be fair game, wouldn't it? My gut twisted into knots thinking how careless I had been.

I heard a faint

Okay bye

before Liv walked back into the kitchen. I stared at my mug and didn't turn towards her. "So they'll be on their way back in a few hours and—what the fuck happened? It's like someone's aura shit it's pants in here."

"I didn't know if I was supposed to but I told him you kissed Pri. And I guess he's having a moment."

"Ohh, Jacky!" She was half consoling and half laughing. She came up behind me and put a hand on my back. "It's not a big deal. It was a one-time thing, we already decided. We're just friends."

I really tried not to, but I sighed. "I'm okay. I'm not—it's not a problem. I don't own anybody."

"Jeez," she said to Marco. "If you didn't notice, he's fucking nuts for Pri. And he was literally a virgin two days ago."

"Oh," said Marco, eyes widening. "Shit."

"Jack," Liv continued. "I'm being a bitch, I'm sorry. It's your right to be upset. You and Pri are together now. I just didn't think—don't straight guys like high-five about this shit?"

"It's okay," I said, trying to sound upbeat. I needed to break open the box I'd put myself in. "Really. I'm just surprised and a little hungover. It's a lot happening at once. A lot of good stuff, don't get me wrong. And you're both so relaxed, so when I'm anxious about it all I feel a little ridiculous. I am seriously working on it. Don't treat me any differently."

"I told you," said Liv. "He's a sweetheart. He's unwiring his masculine bullshit all the time."

Marco laughed. "Jack, buddy, don't try to process a thousand years of hetero jealousy in a weekend."

I huffed a laugh of my own. "I'm kind of over-processed as it is. I'm not gonna lose it, don't worry." Needing to divert away from myself, I asked Liv, "So Maury's coming home soon?"

"Smooth transition, but yes. It's what, ten? They'll be back around six or seven. They're doing a convoy, no kidding. My dad gave everybody walkies talkies and everything."

"Eight hours to kill, huh?" said Marco. "I have a few ideas..."

"Sure, but what will we do with the remaining seven hours and fifty-eight minutes?"

"Oh, you think that's funny?" he asked, slinking around the island with a grin. "Is that what passes for humor around here?"

She backed up a few feet, laughing, hands out in front of her. "It's a joke! It's a joke! I know you can't make it two minutes—

ah!

"

She squealed as he grabbed her. For a moment, she laughed and twisted under his tickling hands. Once he was behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her in the air. The expression on her face changed, her cheeks flushing. Rather than struggle, she gripped his wrists tightly. The second she was back on the ground, they turned towards each other, groping and kissing.

Seeing me over Liv's shoulder, Marco said, "Go find Pri. I think you have a lot to talk about. If you want to join us, we'll be fucking around in here."

"Fucking around? Says who?" asked Liv, breathlessly. Without speaking, Marco leaned against her until he was marching her backwards into the living room. I heard them fall on the couch, giggling.

I sat for a moment, drinking my coffee and trying to form coherent thoughts. It was like trying to fill up a colander.

I had to walk through the living room to get outside and as I did I heard the two of them kissing and whispering sweetly on the couch. They took so much joy in each other. It made me ache for Pri.

The backyard was windswept but not majorly screwed up. A slowly warming sun sat in the brittle sky. As Liv had said, they'd cleaned up most of the mess. The bushes against the far fence were frazzled, and clumps of bright green leaves poked up from the gutters.

It took me a moment to find her. Pri was sitting on a flat, decorative stone near the far edge of the pool, hidden behind a bush. She was dressed casually, barefoot in a gray hoodie and canary yellow running shorts. Her brown, athletic legs were extended in front of her, the long handle of the pool net across her lap.

The concrete was cool under my feet.

"Hey Pri."

"Hey Jack." The corner of her mouth curled like she wanted to smile. She scooted sideways to make room for me on her rock. We sat awkwardly, our hips touching. After a moment, she said, "How are you feeling?"

"Uh, hungover. Not the worst ever. Not good though." I tried to slide the sunglasses down my nose so I could see her unfiltered but the glare off the pool was too strong.

"Did you take the tylenol?" she asked. I nodded. "Ok, I gave you two last night so maybe don't take any more until this afternoon."

I sighed and watched the rippling water. Leaves bobbed and swirled on the surface, unaware that they were in a suburban pool and not some glorious lake or stream. My heart was either fluttering or flopping around like a dying fish.

"Everything okay?" she asked. "You're freaking me out a little bit."

"I'm sorry. It's just, about last night. The, uh..."

Where to start? The next eight hours? Liv and Marco? The kiss?

"The unprotected sex?" I said eventually.

She paused for a confused moment, then laughed, full throated, showing her teeth.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry. You must be freaking out. Jack, I'm on birth control. Like, I have an IUD. I get really bad periods and it stops them completely. So yeah, we don't need to get the morning-after pill or anything like that. You stupid thing," she said, with some affection. Amused, she rubbed around her eye like she was wiping away a tear. "Wait, baby, did you really think I would let you... you know, do that inside of me with no protection at all?"

"Well, I guess not. We were so caught up in everything though. It was hard to think straight." I suppose I felt relieved. And confused. "Then why the fuss about condoms?"

She pressed her lips together, looking off into the distance. "Maybe it seems a little nuts, but people do use both. You know they're not 100% effective. So I thought it was, I don't know, prudent or something."

I just nodded.

After a beat, she said, "My parents are—well my whole family is, you know, very protective. Plus, America being how it is."

"So your parents are pretty... strict? You don't talk about them that way."

"My dad is a little easier to deal with now but my mom, she's still in Gujarat in her mind. Family is number one, so I had to go to school close by, I have to come home at least once a week, I have to show them my grades... So, not surprisingly, they don't know I eat meat sometimes. They don't know I'm dating. They definitely don't know about you."

I was completely, idiotically, blindsided. I'd been thinking more and more that the real reason people paid up for college was for the endless epiphanies, moments where you hear or read or see something and realize you'd constructed your entire worldview wrong.

I'd only known her for six months. I saw Pri as this intense, vibrant,

sexual

creature. But my Pri was the newly independent college version, a person we were both discovering at the same time. A person with a history and a family that I didn't understand. A person that I might be a problem for.