This is a true story. It took place about five years ago, a few months after my divorce. It saved my life.
I'd been married for nearly thirty years to a woman I'd known since I was in high school. Our marriage had been fairly good but with some natural ups and downs. But I don't want to get into that. Suffice to say, when I come home from work one day and she said, "I need my space. You have to leave." I was dumbfounded. She'd decided that she no longer loved me and my world crumbled beneath me. Over the next year, things got progressively worse and we were divorced. I was devastated and lost, confused and depressed, lonely and suicidal. I'd moved into my second home in East Hampton and attempted to keep my life on an even keel. Unfortunately, it was not to be as I saw my business collapse and I discovered that she and her boyfriend, my estate lawyer, had depleted and hidden most of my assets, including the home in which I was living. My life seemed to be in an unstoppable downward spiral and I could not regain my equilibrium. In short, everything had turned to shit.
To make things even worse, I found that I could not find any satisfaction anywhere. I could not even masturbate. I would read erotica, watch erotica and dream erotica but all the stroking could not produce an orgasm. My depression was deep. I began to fantasize about all the different types of sex I was now free to explore but that only left me more frustrated. I was truly at my end point when Gail and Gina bumped into me on the beach.
I'd found my only peace while walking along the ocean in the beautiful and deserted sand. Rarely would someone pass by and then we would nod to each other and keep walking. The sound of the waves and the smell of the salt took me away from my problems and for those few minutes I was centered.
"Ray! Is that you? Where have you been?" I turned to see Gail and Gina walking hand in hand along the beach.
Gail and Gina lived down the road from my house. They'd lived there as a couple for more than ten years. Gail was an established artist whose large canvases graced the lobbies of many majestic office buildings in New York City. Gina was an established poet whose work was published in literary magazines and journals. Both were interesting people, animated and energetic, attractive and worldly. They always seemed very well matched and so happy together. I'd met them on several occasions - parties, openings and most often, while walking my dog. Gail was the taller of the two, with a lithe and athletic body and sparkling eyes which animated her face. Gina had a deeper, more restrained personality. She was rounder and curvier and her face seemed cherubic and soft. I was always happy to see them. I always found our conversations stimulating and provocative. These were thinking people who seemed to enjoy all that life offered.
"I've been hiding."
I briefly explained that my marriage was over and I tried to minimize the details. But when a person is hurting so deeply, it is difficult to mask and I didn't do a very good job of it. I knew that they sensed my crisis at once. I felt uncomfortable and I certainly did not want to wallow, especially in front of these neighbors with whom I had such a slight relationship. I found myself sandwiched between them as they each took one arm as we walked back from the beach. Both seemed motherly and consoling and I gradually began to feel relaxed. We reached their house first and they invited me in for coffee but I begged off explaining that I had things to do. Actually, I had nothing to do but I felt that I was imposing upon them. I said my goodbyes and walked back home. It had started to rain lightly and it matched my gloom as I lay down to nap.
It was a few hours later when the phone woke me. It was Gina inviting me over for dinner. She would not let me decline the invitation. I was to be at their house in an hour, no ifs, ands or buts. So I agreed and proceeded to shower and dress. I picked out two bottles of good Tuscan wine and walked down the road.
I'd only been in their home once or twice. It was a space filled with creative energy, filled with interesting objects and fascinating images. Their warmth and hospitality was a welcome change from the dark and foreboding sadness in which I'd been residing. Our dinner was delicious and the wine flowed. Our conversation was about our creative pursuits and never touched upon my marriage. After dinner, we moved out onto their screened porch facing the water and for a few minutes, we drank cognac and took in the environment. I felt utterly relaxed although not quite at peace. Gina took out a box and began to roll a long thick marijuana cigarette. I was feeling little pain when Gail began to ask me about the future and my plans. Whether it was the wine or the joint, I began to spill my sadness and my fears. It spewed out of me in a profuse cascade of emotion that desperately needed release. I began to cry. Gina, who sat next to me on the couch, wrapped me into her bosom and began to console me and to rock me. I began to apologize and to make a getaway when Gail shushed me and the two began to soothe me. Quietly, they asked me if I meditated, practiced yoga or used any form of holistic relaxation. They began to help me relax with some breathing techniques and I began to settle down. Embarrassed, I told them that I must go but they would hear nothing of it. Gail insisted I stay and join them in their hot tub as it would do me good. She went out onto the deck and turned it on. I agreed to it and said that I would return with my bathing suit.
