During my talk with Tina about Delilah, we both decided it would be a good idea to deal with the complainy neighbor before she winds up on the wrong side of Delilah (or Tina for that matter). But then, of course the conversation went sexual.
"What if we ended up fucking her?" I said with an ass-eating grin. Tina smiled slyly and said, "That's fucked up...I bet we could do it."
"Shit, with Delilah around, I'm pretty sure anything is possible." I said as I passed the joint to Tina.
"Yeah, she's pretty persuasive."
"I'll say! She really knows how to get people to express themselves." We laughed.
The neighbor's name was Karen. While we were all in our early 20's, Karen was 46 and freshly divorced, which is why she lived in a shithole apartment in the hood, next door to us. She looked like she was probably smoking hot at one point but was now passed her prime, which carries a charm of its own. We all reach that point in life and at that point, it's all about how you wear it. She didn't quite know how to wear it. Probably because she didn't have cool friends like us to show her...yet.
On the surface, she was a short, stocky, overweight old bitch with a double chin, no sense of style and the worst little sideways blonde hairstyle you'd ever seen (known by some as a "line bob"). And her personality really didn't help. She acted like she was mad at YOU because SHE couldn't catch a cack!
Just beneath the surface (or perhaps beneath her clothing) she had huge tits and fat, bulgy, cellulite-spattered thighs. She had one of those asses that was round and flat at the same time, but it was enough to back up those massive thighs of hers. She basically had the physique of a woman that worked a desk job and didn't jog after work for 20 years. Imagining her in something other than the crap she was wearing was intriguing. Picturing that fat ass in a thong definitely brought a smile to my face.
We invited her over for wine and fruit. We tried to make our scene look a little classier than it really was. We made sure the house didn't smell like marijuana, open asshole, pussy-squirt or fresh sex, even though the combination of those fragrances was something we worked hard to get our apartment to smell like. We were all pretty sure she didn't know that all the fruits we offered her were aphrodisiacs. We made sure we had her favorite red wine AND champagne, to ensure that she would be impressed enough by us to possibly win her over.
She showed up with another bottle of wine and some fancy cheese, wearing blue jeans and a peach colored long sleeve shirt. I answered the door wearing tight jeans and a tight t-shirt that I kept having to pull down every time I stood up from sitting down, so I got plenty of opportunities to show off my muscular lower abdomen throughout the night. Of course, Tina and Delilah dressed for the occasion. Tina wore a skintight pink tube dress which could barely contain her ass, thighs and tits and would roll up every time she sat or stood. Delilah wore a frilly light blue babydoll top and frayed blue denim micro shorts, which were unzipped so that she would be able to stuff herself into them.
"Gee girls, don't get all dressed up just for me!" Said Karen sarcastically as soon as she got through the door.
"We didn't." Said Tina and Delilah with a blank stare.
I kept laying on the charm. We all headed out to the balcony and started chatting.
"So, I'm curious about the arrangement here," said Karen. She points to me and Tina, "the two of you are dating and," then she points to Delilah, "and you're a friend who just lives here?"
Delilah laughs, "I don't live here,"
"Oh ok, so you're a friend who hangs out here a lot and you two are dating?"
The three of us look at each other and smirk.
"Yes and no," I said slyly.
"We're sort of...all...dating." Said Tina.
Of course Karen looked like a bomb had gone off inside her head. Her jaw dropped. She started pointing at all of us and saying, "So you and you and you...wait..so...I'm sorry. This is none of my business but...you have sex with her AND her?"
"That's right." I said very matter of factly.
"We all have sex with each other," said Tina matter of factly with a casual smile.
"And whoever else we want." Confirmed Delilah with a proud smile and perked up posture.
"That's disgusting!" Karen said. "How does that work? Don't you get jealous???"
"Jealous of what?" Said Delilah.
"We had a conversation and decided to remove jealousy from the equation," said Tina.
"Oh, so there's an intellectual aspect to this," says Karen before taking another sip of wine. "Interesting."
"The way it works," I said. "Is that Tina, Delilah and I all love each other and we all know that we love each other. And we feel that we don't have to prove that love by depriving each other of our sexual freedom because people should be free to explore their sexual desires and fantasies in the short time we have on this planet, free of judgment. That's basically it in a nutsack, I mean nutshell."
Karen was stunned. I could see her thinking it through. She sat back in her seat and thought about it silently for about a minute.
"You know what the craziest part is about what you just said?" Said Karen. "It makes total sense!"
Tina chimed in further, "By choosing non-monogamy, we eliminated cheating, jealousy and possessiveness and as a result, we have a lot more fun than most romantically involved people."
"We have more fun than ANYONE!" Said Delilah.
Karen is halfway speechless but mutters something about jealousy and cheating in her marriage and how things could have been different.
"I think we just dropped some heavy shit on Karen guys. I kinda feel like smoking some weed." I said.
"Yeah, good idea." Said Delilah. "I'll go grab a blunt."
"Karen, smoke?" I asked
"Yeah sure" she replied blankly.
I handed Karen the blunt and she starts smoking heavily on it whilst maintaining her mind-blown blank stare, as if she were contemplating many of her life's decisions.
"Damn Karen!" Said Delilah. "Think of all the sex you missed out on! All the people you must've wanted to fuck that you didn't get to."
Karen's eyes got wide and she started hitting the weed harder. And then of course, she started coughing violently. She handed the blunt off to Delilah.
"This weed is really good," coughed Karen.
"Am I right to assume you haven't smoked in quite some time?" I asked.
Karen shook her head and said, "Never."
Now my eyes got wide. "Excuse me?" I said.
"You've NEVER smoked weed before?" Exclaimed Tina.
"Ever???" Said Delilah.
Karen's coughing fit had just cleared up. She settled into her seat looking very comfortable. Her eyelids were now draped halfway over her bloodshot, glassy eyes.
"Never!" She hunched her shoulders with a goofy grin on her face.
Me, Tina and Delilah all looked at each other apprehensively.
"Well, how do you feel?" Asked Tina.
Karen busted up laughing and then answered with a loud and flamboyant, "MAAAAVELOUS DAAAAH-LING!!!" And with that, she finished her glass of red wine in one gulp and then held out her glass.
"Will someone please get me another glass of wine?" Said Karen with her goofy grin and her eyes practically closed.
"I got you, girl!" Said Delilah as she took Karen's glass and started towards the kitchen. "Anybody wanna break into the champagne?" She asked from inside the apartment.
"YES!!!" Said Karen, her eyes all of a sudden wide open.
"Ok, champagne it is. I'll be back in a bit!"
Tina and I thought nothing of the fact that Delilah walked right past the kitchen and down the hall. Even if we were fully aware, we probably would have assumed she was just going to the bathroom. But you know what they say about assuming things. Anyway, Tina and I stayed and kept an eye on Karen, who was becoming increasingly...comfortable.
Karen leaned her head back and groaned happily. "These chairs are sooooo comfortable." Then she let's out a big breath of fresh air. "The weather's perfect tonight. I like the breeze...but it's so hot!"
I turned my head to hide the fact that I was rolling my eyes. Tina noticed and struggled to not laugh.
"You can take off that orange thing if you want," said Tina.
"Yeah, I mean honestly, we all be out here naked half the time, it's hella hot!" I said.
"Oh no," Karen laughed. "I couldn't." She laughed some more. "It's been a long time since I had a body like either of you girls."
"So???" Said Tina.
At this point, Delilah returns with a fresh bottle of champagne and four glasses wearing a sheer red neglegie complete with a red thong and red lipstick. All eyes were now on Delilah.
"Holy shit!" Said Karen with Delilah smiling down at her as she set the champagne glasses down on the table. Karen points at Delilah as she addresses me and Tina. "See, she can get away with wearing that," she then points at Tina and says, "You can get away with wearing that. I can't!"
"Why not???" Said Tina and Delilah.
"I'm at fat old woman. No one wants to see any of this." Karen said, motioning towards her midsection.
"Fuck that!" Said Tina firmly.
"Fuck what they want to see!" I seconded.
"What, fat chicks can't be hot?" Said Delilah. "I'm hella fat and I get laid everyday!"
"Yeah Karen, you gotta quit telling yourself that bullshit," said Tina. "And if you think it's about what other people want to see or not, you got it wrong. First and foremost, you do what you want. Secondly, men's opinions matter to you, know that most men aren't that picky."
