"So, you've had your induction, Ben, do you have any questions?"
Ben was delighted with the working atmosphere in his new office. He had never met such relaxed colleagues before and most of them seemed to get on really well with each other. Emilia had really taken good care of his induction and patiently answered his third question on the same topic. But he had one more.
"Yes, actually. It says something about a 'voluntary team building event' for Friday afternoon. What's that all about?"
A smile flitted across Emilia's face and for a woman in her early 40s, she suddenly looked very fresh again and for some reason her cheeks turned pink.
"Well, dear Ben, you'll have to decide whether you really want to be part of the office community or whether this is just supposed to be your workplace. Close the door behind you, not everyone has to notice."
That seemed a bit strange to him, but every office he had come to know in his 25 years had its own peculiarities. Emilia took a deep breath, as if the next part would cost her a bit of courage.
"Friday is fuck day!" she said in a hushed voice.
"Haha! Uh... do you know what I just understood?" Ben must have misheard her. She hadn't really said anything about "fuck day".
"Yes, you did. You heard me right. This will either shock you or turn you on, but at some point we as a core team simply got fed up with all the secret affairs, hook-ups and drunken shagging at the Christmas party and decided to let all the energy out on Fridays at the team-building event in the hotel in Switzerland. It was quite an orgy back then. And now, while most of the employees go home at 1 p.m., a few of us pull down the shutters, lay out the yoga mats from company sports in the conference room, take off our clothes and fuck until we're all smeared, sweaty and satisfied and can't take any more. It works wonders for the working atmosphere and lets you go into the weekend feeling relaxed. I've clarified with the others in the group that we want to invite you. If you don't want to be there: no problem. I promise you that it won't have any professional disadvantages for you, but if you really want to be part of the community, then you're welcome to become a fucker."
Ben couldn't believe what he was hearing. Surely this was a joke. A little prank that his colleagues were playing on the new guy. If he said no, he would be the prudish Ben who couldn't take a joke, if he said yes, he would be the pervert who would actually take part in something like that. His nose began to sweat, as it always did when he was excited. Emilia looked at him expectantly.
"Uh, haha...?" He tried to pull himself out of the situation elegantly.
"I know what you're thinking. It's not a prank. We're really doing this and it's never been as good in the office as it has been in the two years we've been doing it. Think about it and either you'll be at the conference room on Friday or you'll go home and wonder forever what could have been.
There are three rules:
fuck day doesn't exist before Friday at 1pm. There is no talk about it and there are no emails on the subject. As I said, not everyone is invited and a few have decided against it. In addition, the whole thing should make the work processes more fluid and not get in the way.
as soon as the shutters are down, there are no more surnames or titles. Ms. Wellen is Petunia, Marvin from the materials warehouse can get with Carla and Dr. Winter is just Clarence."
Ben had to swallow a little at this list. The owner of the company, his head of department, the young colleague two offices over and the mini-jobber from the warehouse? It really was an eclectic mix.
"3," his colleague snapped him out of his thoughts, "If it's your first time at fuck day, you have to fuck. Otherwise you can do anything you want, the group itself has no taboos and as long as you find someone who enthusiastically agrees, all positions, techniques and practices are welcome, even just watching and having fun with yourself is ok in the later weeks, but the first time we want to see you in action so you really belong. Any questions?"
"Are you serious?", Ben asked, still in disbelief.
"Yes," Emilia replied kindly but firmly, "and now you can open the door again. Rule number 1 comes into effect immediately."
This dismissed Ben from the conversation and he went back to his seat. He wasn't able to concentrate on any work for the next hour, but he didn't want to look like a slacker this early, so he pulled himself together during the day and got back to the emails, spreadsheets and documents he was employed to process. Over the course of the week, he felt a different vibe, constantly catching himself thinking about whether this naughty group actually existed or whether he was just being lured into a nasty trap and made the fool of the week.
Nevertheless, he wondered with every employee whether he would see them naked on Friday. Because this much was clear: if there really was such a thing as fuck day, he would be there. Professional working environment or not, he had already had his eye on some of his colleagues in the first week and he certainly wouldn't miss the chance to knead Ms. Wellen's big breasts.
The week went by and he thought he sensed a growing tension among the staff. Inquiries were being answered in an increasingly unfriendly manner, emails were becoming scarcer and there were fewer people than usual at the coffee machine during the breakfast break. Normally, he would have blamed this on the coming weekend, but of course it was a different story here. But it could just be his imagination.
When Friday finally arrived, the tension was almost unbearable for him. He felt a magical attraction to the conference room and he often took the long route on his rounds to walk past the place on the second floor where the alleged action was to take place later.
Finally it was twelve, then half past twelve, then a quarter to one and the first people began to pack up their things. Many that he wished weren't part of the group of fuckers anyway, but also some that he would have loved to see naked and in action.
Finally, it was 1 p.m. and the last obvious non-fuckers said goodbye for the weekend. Some with a "Have fun!", others with a "Well, are you going long again, you nerds?". It became quiet in the building, only the second floor could still be heard rumbling. Ben took heart and set off on the path he had already taken ten times today. The conference room was indeed only sparsely lit and the shutters were obviously down. But that alone did not necessarily mean that what he had been told was actually happening. The pile of neatly laid and folded clothes on the table in front of the room was a stronger indication, but even that could have been placed by a really determined prankster to lure him into the trap.
The blinds in front of the glass walls of the conference room were drawn, but there was a small gap right by the door through which he could peer. What he saw here took his breath away. A pair of large, plump and slightly sagging breasts bobbed past him, which could only belong to the 50-year-old Ms. Wellen - now obviously Petunia. So the group was actually real. It was time to show your colors.
Ben took off his jacket, unbuttoned his shirt and slipped out of his shoes, socks and trousers. He took another deep breath and took off his underpants. It was a strange feeling, standing in his workplace so completely naked. Should he knock or just barge in? He decided to knock and was greeted with a cheerful cheer from behind the door.
"Come, if it's not auditing."