It was a warm evening in June, close to the longest day of the year. The group of molecular physics at my University in south-west Germany was gathering for their traditional event to celebrate the end of the academic year. They always organize an informal meal in a typical German restaurant, outside on the terrace, if weather permits. This particular night weather was certainly permissive. It stayed warm until late at night.
I am one of the members of that group. My name is Axel, and I am an assistant professor. I was 35 years old at that time. There were about fifteen other people present. Professors, junior researchers, and students at various stages of their study.
The food was the usual German stuff: sausages, schnitzel, potato salad, etcetera, washed down with ample amounts of beer. There was music; fortunately not the traditional German Umpapa, but fairly loud contemporary rock and pop. We were all seated on a long wooden table, of the kind typical for German beer gardens.
The group consisted mostly of men, as is usually the case in the exact sciences, but there were two women. One of them, Emily, was about 27 years old. She was a PhD student, close to obtaining her degree. I knew her fairly well, and I really liked her. I believe that feeling was mutual. She had followed some lectures I gave, was very smart, and had a talent for always asking exactly the right questions. She was also very witty, and that was one of the things I found so endearing about her.
Emily had a partner named Oliver, whom I did not know personally. But I did know that she was deeply in love with him. They had been together for several years, but for some reason did not want to get married.
The other female was a master's student, about 22 years old. She was very cute and wore tasteful hexagonal glasses that made her look adorable. Her name was Claire. She had only joined the institute recently for an internship that was to take about a year. I did not know her very well, but we had talked at lunches and coffee breaks. During those breaks she often approached me, so she seemed to enjoy talking to me. Or did she find me attractive? I did not even dare think about that, because she was still so young.
She once mentioned that she had a boyfriend. I would have known that anyway from the look on her face when she was using her phone. Girls get a special happy radiant smile on their faces when communicating with their boyfriends. I have often seen Claire walk through the corridor with that wonderful smile.
The fact that the smile was not intended for me made me a little envious, but even if it is intended for someone else it makes me feel warm inside. In her case, however, I remember being slightly disappointed hearing that she had a relationship. She was just too pretty to remove her from my mental cutie list. It made fantasizing about her a little harder, although my mind always finds a way out.
But in the hard reality of life, both girls were off-limits for me. Not only did they have partners already, but Claire was certainly too young for me. An additional problem was that they were both in my department. Any suggestion of inappropriate behavior from my side could very well cost me my position, which was still not permanent at that time. So I was behaving very discretely with them, even though I was single at the time, and actively on the lookout for a girlfriend.
However, I liked their company, even for nothing more than chatting, without any thoughts of sex. At lunch or group events, I always tried to maneuver to sit close to them. Since they liked each other's company as well, the three of us were often together.
Female physicists are seen as nerds by their female friends, but they are not nearly as nerdy as the guys. The males preferred to talk either about their work, some new electronic gadget, a software coding problem, or subjects of that kind. I was a bit tired of that. With the girls, I could talk about more interesting subjects, as long as I managed to steer the conversation away from shoes and clothing.
That particular evening I had succeeded in sitting close to them. I was sitting at the end of the table, opposite Claire, and Emily was sitting at the head of the table. Because of the music, we had some privacy. Sometimes I could barely understand Claire, and the male members of the group would probably not understand at all what we were talking about. Which was good, because the conversation soon went into a somewhat risky direction.
I had "risky" conversations about sex with Emily before, but that only started happening after she passed my exam. During my lectures, I was so discrete that I think she basically saw me as an Eunuch, a person with no interest in sex. I did not even dare to make lame jokes like "molecular physics is better than sex."
But later, a few weeks after the exam, we started discovering each other's naughty side. During a reception with beer and wine, the conversation moved to erotic lyrics in popular songs. The nerds loved that topic and gave several examples. I mentioned a song I had heard the day before. It was by two cute, naughty girls who call themselves "Garfunkel and Oates." I was in a small group with some of the nerds, a professor, and Emily, and I quoted one of the lines from that song: "Fuck me in the ass because I love Jesus."
Some nerds needed an explanation of the context, but then they all laughed, and Emily looked at me happily surprised, and said "Wow, I did not know you ever talked like that." The professor raised an eyebrow but said nothing. I knew we were roughly at the limit of what was considered acceptable in these academic circles.
I also remember a coffee break where one of the nerds tried discussing cock sizes. I don't remember how we even got to that subject. Emily was also present and listened with great interest. I looked at her and we exchanged naughty smiles, indicating that she enjoyed that conversation. But the professor, a guy in his forties, said, "Very interesting, Wolfgang, but talk about that somewhere else please."
That is roughly where the limit was. I think the professor saw young Emily as a delicate flower that needed protection from the raunchy men in the group. He had no idea about Emily's true state of mind!
After these events Emily and I had an unspoken mutual understanding that sex-related subjects were not taboo. We talked rather freely about such matters when no one else was present. I noticed it also from the way she always looked at me when such subjects came up. She wanted to see the expression on my face, and I often looked at her face for the same reason.
I liked her a lot and started fantasizing about her from time to time. I have ejaculated many times thinking of Emily. But her bond with Oliver was unbreakable. She only described him in glowing terms, so I had banned any thoughts of starting a relationship with her, or even just casual sex. She just was my "partner in crime," where crime means dirty talk.
Our mutual understanding is nicely illustrated by a conversation at another group dinner a few years ago when I was sitting next to Emily.
She whispered in my ear: "I have to tell you something that happened yesterday. You will appreciate it, but I am not sure about the others." She started saying that their neighbors were making loud sex noises that night.
"Fairly normal," I said.
"Yes", she replied, "but there was almost no end to it. I think they were active for about an hour. There was a woman who had very loud orgasms. I think she came at least five times! Can you believe someone can have that many orgasms within one hour?"
"Well, I know that men cannot do that, and I certainly can't. But I have heard that some women can have even more than that."
"Oliver usually grants me one orgasm, and then calls it a day," she said. "And that is sufficient for me. But I am still curious."
"Maybe you should have knocked on the door and asked if you could participate," I said, jokingly.
"I suggested that to Oliver, but he did not want that."
I am not entirely sure if she was joking. I replied, "That is a pity because you would have met me there yesterday."
She looked at me and said "Really?" and then she read my face and realized that I was pulling her leg.
Another conversation with Emily concerned an older colleague named Joachim, who was her favorite teacher, with me as a close second (I hope). Joachim was very friendly but a bit timid and had never been seen with a girl, although by all appearances he seemed straight. Many of us were speculating he was a virgin. So during a reception, after perhaps too much alcohol, I told Emily that I thought he had never fucked a woman.
"He has," said Emily, with a coy grin on her face.
"But how can you be so sure?" I asked puzzled. Then it dawned on me, "...... No, no, you didn't, did you?"
"Yes, I did," said Emily, with the same grin.
I asked if Oliver knew about this.
She answered, "In principle we have an open relationship, so it doesn't matter, But I prefer that he does not know. One never knows how someone will react when confronted with reality. Please don't mention this to anyone. I should not have told you either, but I am a blabbermouth when I am drunk."