The smell of bacon woke me; or rather, the surprise of smelling bacon first thing in the morning woke me. Without opening my eyes, I knew that Colin wasn't in bed with me. Which meant that Colin, the man who never cooks anything outside of the microwave, was in the kitchen making breakfast. Burrowing deep under the covers, I decided to stay in bed and take full advantage of this sudden domestication. It didn't take long for me to doze back off.
Several minutes later, Colin nudged me awake. I looked up to see him holding a plate full of food: bacon, scrambled eggs and toast. I sat up to make room for my plate, and he offered me a cup of coffee. I eyed him curiously, wondering about this surprising pampering, and Colin grinned, somewhat sheepishly. The benefit of knowing someone for ten years is that it's easy to know each other's quirks. Colin knew that I was suspicious about his motivation, but he didn't say anything. Instead he returned to the kitchen to retrieve his own plate, which he brought back to the bed. I watched his face for some kind of clue, but he merely smiled at me.
Together we ate in companionable silence, me wondering and, from the nervous bounce of his leg, Colin seeming to be working up his courage.
Finally, I had had enough. "What's going on?"
Colin laughed. "Am I that easy to read?"
"Yes. I didn't even know that you could scramble eggs. These are good, by the way."
"What did you think I ate before we got married?"
"Why haven't you been cooking for me before?"
Colin laughed again. "Okay you win. I'm lazy."
This time it was my turn to laugh. Colin was anything but lazy, always doing something or going somewhere.
"Now you have to cook more often."
Colin sighed, a fake exasperated sound, but still didn't offer an explanation for his behavior.
"So, what do you want?"
"I want to discuss something with you. And I want you in a good mood."
I eyed him with interest. I couldn't imagine any confessions that Colin would need to make to me, at least none that required that he butter me up with breakfast in bed. In our ten years of marriage, we had established a habit of absolute trust and honesty. "Go ahead."
"I love you. You know that, right?"
"You're freaking me out a little, getting all dramatic like this."
Colin laughed. "Not my intention."
"Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" Between my innate nosiness and my limited patience, I had had enough of his stalling.
"I would like to experiment," he paused. "Sexually."
"Can you be more specific?"
"I'd like us to try new things."
"Again, can you be more specific? We've tried lots of new things. Remember the new strap on last week?"
"Oh, God, that was fun." Colin sighed.
"Yes it was. Back to your point..."
"I want to have a threesome."
This was a new fantasy revelation. Colin and I had a great sex life, experimenting with toys and bondage and every position we could think of. But we had never introduced a third person into our play. I wasn't sure what that kind of experience would do to our relationship, or how I would feel watching Colin with another woman. I wasn't sure if him wanting a threesome meant that he was bored with me. I wasn't sure what to think at all. I wasn't surprised that he had fantasies; I knew I did. But introducing another person into our sex lives moved beyond mere fantasies.
"Why? What kind?"
He spoke in a rush, "I've always fantasized about being with two women, wanted to see the women together, wanted to know what it would be like to be with two. It's not that you're not enough for me. You know that you more than satisfy me."
I sat quietly, thinking about what he was saying. I knew he loved me; that was something I didn't doubt, but I was glad to hear his reassurances.
"I think you would enjoy it, too," Colin continued. "And honestly, I wouldn't be able to do it with anyone but you because I trust you."
I had had a few threesome fantasies of my own; I knew exactly how he felt in wanting to try it. But that didn't take away my concerns.
"I would understand if you say no. I just wanted to discuss the possibility."
"I've fantasized about threesomes, too, Colin. But I'm not sure how I feel about actually having one. We're married. Couldn't having sex with a third person hurt our relationship?"
"I guess it could if we weren't careful. But I don't want to have a relationship with a third person. Just try it the one time. I wouldn't want it to be something that happened a lot."
"I don't know how I would feel watching you with another woman."
"I understand. I wouldn't want to do anything you weren't completely comfortable with."
"Thanks, Colin. I know you wouldn't."
"What kind of fantasies have you had about this?" he asked.
"I want to have sex with two men."
This was met with silence. I guess that Colin expected my fantasy to be the same; by the stillness of his body, I could tell he was thinking about seeing me with another man.
"Why?" he finally asked.
"It's not because I need another man; I guess it's the same reasons as you would want two women. Though I don't care about seeing men together. I would love to know what it's like to be fucked while I'm giving a blowjob. And double penetration, well you know from us playing toys, that I really like the idea of that. But I've never really worried too much about having a threesome because sex between us has always been so great." I watched him closely for his reaction.
"What if we made a deal?" he asked, smiling slightly.
"What kind of deal?"
"We both get what we want. We both get to explore our fantasies together."
"Interesting." And it was because I hadn't told him that I had also had fantasies about another woman, too.
"How do we pick the third person?" I asked.
"I have a few ideas."
"I just bet you do," I laughed. It was almost surreal to me that we had just decided to bring other people into our sex lives. I looked at Colin out of the corner of my eye, wondering what he was thinking. He was watching me intently, and I smiled, understanding that he was worried about me, too.
"Jen, I love you. You know that right?"
"Yes," I whispered.
Colin leaned toward me, his eyes on mine. Softly, almost reverently, he kissed me. His lips grazed mine, over and over, as he murmured his love for me. I stroked my hand along his face, so familiar to me from our years together and yet still so fascinating.
I kissed him back, wrapping my hands around his neck, pulling him closer to me. We lay together on the bed, our bodies snug against each other.
"I love you, too, Colin."
* * *
Two weeks passed before Colin and I had our first "fantasy night" as we had come to call them. We had decided to approach a mutual friend, a woman we both trusted and found attractive, for advice and to see if she would be willing to be one of the partners. Lori agreed to our proposal with a smile. It turns out she had had threesome fantasies of her own; she even recommended another mutual friend, Nate, to start with. Colin wanted my fantasy night to be first to make things easier for me.
Colin was nervous about my threesome fantasy. He had never been up close and personal with another man's dick, and since he didn't have any bisexual tendencies, he didn't have any desire to be that close to one. But he said he was willing, and I suspected he was even a little eager, to watch me with another man.
"Nervous?" Colin asked me as we waited for Nate to arrive.
"A little. You?"
"Yeah. I think I am."
"Still want to do this?" I asked, giving him a last chance to back out.
"Of course. Don't you?" "Yeah. I love you Colin." I told him, as I crossed the room to wrap my arms around him.
"I love you too, Jen."
Colin held me against him, and I reveled in the familiar comfort of my husband's body. I was excited about exploring our fantasies together, but I was nervous about whether things would become strained between us.
"Nothing will ever change my feelings for you, Jen"
I smiled at him, knowing he was right.