"Hello" said a gruff voice at the other end.
"Hey, I'm Ranbir and looking for an invite to the party tonight", I said quickly. Was I hoping that he'd deny me today? Why was I nervous?
"Hey Ranbir, I'm Dilip. I've got a few questions before I can confirm. How old are you?" I heard.
"Umm .... 35"
"And, you know there's a cover charge for this party, right?"
"Yeah, sure", I replied.
"And, you know there's gonna be nudity and stuff. You're ok with that?", he pressed on.
Wasn't I? This was not my first swinger party; I've been to a few before, so why was I hesitating?
"Hello ....???" he said over the phone.
"Yes, I'm good with everything", I tried to seal the deal.
"Alright, I'll text you the address in a few. Party starts at 8, and doors close at 10". He hung up the phone.
'That wasn't too bad, I'm in' I thought to myself. 'Why, then, did I have this feeling unease about everything?' I was asking myself.
To be honest, it wasn't just about the swinger party. It was all the other things in life. At 35, I had a career to take care of. At 35, I had to ensure that my kid was taken care of. At 35, I was divorced from my wife of 10 years. There was a lot that had happened in the last year. And, I could not take another risk. Or could I?
The marriage was a mistake. Gayatri and I never did get along. Calling us chalk and cheese was understating the differences. Gayatri was outgoing, I am an introvert. Gayatri was assertive and confident, I was shy and embarrassed to be in the highlight. Gayatri was demanding, I could only make the best of what I got. And so, when Gayatri suggested marriage, I visualized having the best of both worlds. After all, opposites attract, don't they?
But, with nothing in common, this was always a doomed marriage. And, the differences were highlighted in bed. It's almost like we switched roles in the bedroom. While I wanted to experiment, Gayatri preferred the tried and tested. When we decided to have a baby, it was a last ditch effort to save the marriage. Unfortunately, it only delayed the inevitable by two years.
These were some of the things I was thinking about on the drive over. And, wondering how I'd react if my boss were to show up at the party; especially since she's a woman. I chuckled to myself imagining Uma at a swingers bash. But then I stopped grinning, what if?
Then, there were all these rational fears, what if the cops barge in? What if the bouncer decides to deny entry, or worse, throw me out? What if nobody picks me tonight? I'm not pessimistic, I'm a realist. What would a woman care for a slightly over the top, 35 year old guy? But, I forged ahead, ignoring the risks and the dangers. Because, I enjoyed this.
Pansexual, that's how I explain myself. I see sexuality in every situation. To me, sex is not restricted to a husband and wife, let alone a man and a woman. If a man loves another man, I'll be happy in their togetherness, and secretly wonder what they do in bed. How beautiful it would be to see them sucking each other. What does the guy at the bottom feel, when his top is thrusting into him?. I'd drive past Lover's Point slowly, voyeuristically hoping to see something I'm not supposed to see, heavy petting, maybe a little skin, a bra thrown away, or some real sex. And the stories of Oedipus and Lolita are embedded into my mind, having read them on multiple occasions. I do see sexuality in every situation. And, I enjoyed being a pansexual.
Driving up the hill to the hotel, I decided that I'd stop analyzing and start enjoying the day. If no one picks me, I get to play voyeur, how about that? I parked and took the stair to the second floor, where I saw a tanned man waiting outside room number 212.
"Dilip?" I asked, cautiously.
"And you are?" was the response, as he flicked away the ashes from his cigarette.
"Ranbir", I said, wondering why I'd given my real name. Then, it struck me, there are probably a million Ranbirs; it does not matter.
"Hey Ranbir, you got the cash on you?" He let me in as soon as I handed over the money, wishing me good luck.
The party had started without me, obviously. It was nearly 10, and the crowd was all in the bedroom; this was a suite. The living room had some seating area, a brown leatherette sofa, and a lounger. A big screen TV was playing a porn movie, on mute. Behind the couch, was a kitchenette with some water, soda and starters. Still nervous, I made my way to the kitchenette and started scanning the room.
A couple was sitting on the sofa, seemingly in deep conversation. They looked comfortable with each other, his hand on her knee, just touching lightly. Her voice was soft; I couldn't make out the words but just about hear her lilting voice. He nodded, as she gestured. Probably talking about her day at work. Could they be married? Or, very close friends?
The lounge was a more interesting sight. A beautiful woman, with pale white skin, in a prone position, wearing a classy red dress. Being kissed, roughly, by a bald man. He had his hands all over her. As he ravaged her mouth, I saw one hand pulling down the shoulder straps, pushing the dress down, exposing her beautiful cleavage. His other hand was busy up her dress, making his way to her crotch. She had her eyes closed, one hand on his bald pate, pulling him toward her, the other hand supporting herself. "She's ready", I thought to myself, "ready to be fucked".
A sudden movement behind her caught my attention. A man in a bespoke suit, drink in hand, was moving closer to the couple. He was almost upon them, his eyes gleaming. As he bent down, it looked like he was saying something. The couple stopped kissing, and the bald man looked up, nodding. Blowing a kiss to the suited man, the woman grabbed the man's bald head and pulled him to her lips. Lust, pure lust. The man in the suit smirked, and walked towards the kitchenette.
I looked away as he came towards me. Putting his drink down on the counter, he opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of soda. He suddenly noticed me, and looked into my eyes. "You're new here", he said.