I had always been jealous of my neighbors. Doug and Jennifer were able to juggle it all-- two kids, two jobs, evening classes, housework, parties, social events, baseball games, camping weekends, and probably a lot more I wasn't privy to. Something was always happening. Whenever we spoke, they had smiles on their faces and always a kind word to say. It seemed to me, they were truly living, while the rest of us were just going through the motions.
I had always been envious of their good fortune. My own life felt like it was on a different path.
My wife and I decided to split after seven years. We just weren't right for each other, whatever spark had brought us together, had slowly burned out.
I found myself in my late thirties, suddenly single, completely out of my depth in the dating world, not sure of what I wanted, or how to get it. I was lost.
When Doug and Jennifer invited me to a backyard barbecue, I tried to politely decline, but Doug wasn't having it. "Listen, I'm not one to pry into your personal life, but since Carla left, we hardly ever see you. Your marriage ended, I get it, so did my first marriage. It's okay to mourn that, but it's not okay to hole up in your house drinking and wallowing in it," he said, his hand on my shoulder.
"Come over Friday, hang out, have a drink. Be social, if not for yourself, then for us," she added.
"Okay. One drink. For you guys," I replied.
"We'll start with one," he said. "And if you find yourself accidentally having fun, it's a short stumble home if you want to have a few more."
When Friday rolled around, I did what I could to pull myself together-- took a long shower, gave my beard a neat trim, and put on my 'best' casual shirt. I looked at myself and wasn't overly pleased. I needed a haircut and to lose twenty pounds. I tried on a smile, but even I wasn't buying it.
I made my way over around seven-thirty. The backyard was already busy, a few people I recognized locally, but most I didn't know. They had a large pool and the yard was covered in tiki torches with some tables and chairs near an outdoor couch next to the pool. Doug was working the grill, the smell of charred meats filling the air. His wife, Jennifer, was chatting with two couples while putting out sides and desserts.
I grabbed a beer from a cooler, and made my way over to Doug. He was average height, dark hair with a little salt and pepper on the sides. He was in good shape with just a hint of dad bod taking over.
"Nice setup, thanks for having me. I don't see the kids around?"
"They're at my parents' for the night, adults only. Kinda thought you might make an excuse and bail, glad you decided to come. It's a bit bigger than even we expected, seems every person we invited showed up!" Doug said.
"Yeah, it's a pretty great party, very diverse crowd, glad I came. Anything I can help with?" I asked.
It had been a while since Carla and I had thrown a party, but I always loved cooking for a crowd. In the happier days, she and I would tag-team things; she, the social butterfly, and me, the chef and server. Odd as it was, but I enjoyed that role, making people happy with food and drink. I was always trying to elevate what I made, trying new cocktail recipes, expanding my cooking skills; I didn't realize how much I missed that.
"You know what, I need to prep some things and make the rounds; you mind running the grill for a bit," he asked, and I readily agreed.
In addition to giving me something to do, so I wasn't standing alone in the corner, it also gave me a chance to meet people as they wandered by, looking for a fresh bite or special request. Someone brought me a second beer and I actually found myself having just a bit of fun, talking to people.
"Was going to relieve you, but not actually sure you want me to?" Doug called out, from behind me.
"Oh... uh... your call, I'm good to keep going if you want to mingle?" I said.
He patted me on the back, and said, "Thanks for this. Gave me a chance to mingle and talk," he said, smiling amiably.
I noticed his hand hadn't moved, and I realized it actually felt comforting. I had gone from living with someone twenty-four-seven, to having almost no human contact as I worked from home-- and I missed it.
He added, "So, it's been close to a year now, have you started putting yourself back out there yet? Plenty of people here tonight who would probably be interested."
"Not yet. Sorting my own mess out before I bring someone else into it. Besides, it's mostly couples here," I said, scanning the party.
Doug shrugged.
I didn't think much of the comment, and I continued cooking, waiting until there was a good char on the chicken, and the steak was reaching the right temperature to begin offloading onto a series of platters. People began to eat, and it felt good to be useful. I shut down the grill, cleaned, and grabbed another beer before finding a spot.
The more I loosened up, the more I mingled. As the night passed by, I stopped to grab another drink, and I took a seat. I realized the party had been emptying out, with only a few people still milling about. I caught Jennifer walking towards me, out of the corner of my eye.
"Hey, sweetie, well done tonight with all the cooking," Jennifer said. "Glad to see you here and, dare I say it, actually enjoying yourself?" A wry smile was spreading across her face.
"Yeah, I guess I need a kick in the ass sometimes to get going," I replied.
"You're not alone, Doug does, too. I'm starting to think he enjoys it? I swear sometimes he plays dumb, hoping I'll smack him on the ass," she said, her grin growing. She held her drink delicately with her fingertips swirling the glass.
Jennifer was early forties, five-foot-seven-inches tall and curvy, with dark brown hair. She had an easy way about her, like every day was a vacation. Between my long dry spell and the way she was talking, I found myself getting a little excited. It was silly, this was my neighbor and Doug's wife-- I must be so far out of the game that I was misreading signals. Fortunately, I was saved from those thoughts as Doug wandered over to join her.
"You clean up nice, too," Jen said, as Doug hovered next to her.
"Really? I feel like I need a haircut, it's gotten a bit long," I said, uncomfortable talking about my appearance.
"Not at all," Doug chimed in. His hand went to my head and he ran his fingers through it.
