I sit in the green room, waiting. I feel sick from the restless butterflies, and I'm wringing my hands while staring at an exit door that I'm only a hair's breadth away from walking out of. That's a lie. I wouldn't walk. I'd kick off my black heels and run as fast as I could to put the pressure, waiting for me in the studio next door, behind me. I wonder how I let myself get wrapped up in this, despite having so much to lose. But then the deep-seated desire, the elemental need inside me convinces me to stay; to take another deep breath and stop my leg from shaking.
The tap, tap, tap of my clicking heel stops, and I can clearly hear the sound of my beating heart and shuddering breath. I bet a hundred other women have sat on this couch with the same thoughts running wild through their heads. But, they were here to make money, right? My day job pays more than I can spend. I'm here for something else entirely.
This was an opportunity that I just couldn't let slip away. In my mind, leaving was the equivalent of turning away a glass of ice water while crawling through the desert, dying of thirst. For a long time, I've known that this was something I not only wanted but needed. I suppose college was the perfect time to explore my kink, but, for better or worse, I had the discipline to focus on my studies and leave school with a master's degree instead of a mess of venereal diseases. But, occasionally, I look back and wonder what I missed. I imagine some sort of depraved sorority hazing; a cruel, but satisfying, challenge that would have had me sucking and fucking half the football team. I know that if I'd gone down that path I would never have found my way back. I would have been a dropout, hopelessly lost in my obsession. It frightens me how easily things could have gone differently.
Now, just a few years out of college, the temptation is testing me again, threatening to ruin my future; a wonderful life with a man I can't wait to marry. I've kept my fetish a secret from my fiancé, fearing the truth will send him running. I have a recurring nightmare where I return home from the office to find him on my computer, scrolling through the gigabytes of pornography on my hard drive. I see him grimacing at folders with titles like Cum-soaked Sluts, Gloryhole Swallows, or Bukkake Whores Vol 3. I always wake up feeling terrible, and afraid I'm going to lose a man I love very much. But, I can't change who I am. All I can do is make sure I keep myself under control when we're in bed and change my password regularly.
And now, here I am, sitting on a leather couch that smells of stale sweat and sex. I'm relieved that it's free of semen stains or someone might find me bent over, licking the cushions clean. Maybe I should be committed; thrown into a padded cell and muzzled. Occasionally, the door to the studio opens to let a crew member through. For a moment I can see the cameras and the lights beyond and I can hear the men; the sound of their shuffling feet, the murmur of their conversation, and the director's instructions. There must be dozens, and my pulse begins to quicken with excitement.
The door opens again and the director's assistant pokes his head through. "Hi, Emma," he says, "we're all set up and ready to roll. How about you?" He says it so casually despite what's about to happen, and I'm amazed at the things people become desensitized to.
My only response is an anxious nod and he beckons me to follow. I stand up, my legs shaky, and smooth the wrinkles from my skirt. I adjust my top, making sure my breasts are perfect. They are. I brush a lock of hair from my face and notice that I'm still wearing my engagement ring. I follow, telling myself that Jacob will never know; reminding myself that they're paying me for what's about to happen. But, I know in my heart that I'd be happily paying them if they asked.
~~~~~
I'm on my knees, bare from head to toe, and trembling from the sensory overload. The crowd of men is gathered around me like beasts at a watering hole. The studio lights have turned most of them into vague silhouettes; a faceless source of grunts and labored breathing as they pleasure themselves. The sound that fills the air as they stroke themselves is hypnotic: a wet squishing, and slapping as they bring themselves closer and closer to release. The air is thick with a raw, masculine stink. The bright lights and the cameras had me filled with performance anxiety. But, now something's happening to me, and it's threatening to steal away my control and tear it to pieces. It's a prospect that both terrifies and excites me.
Unprompted, I open my mouth wide in invitation, letting my wet, glistening tongue loll out. An image of the primal watering hole enters my mind again. But, I'm the one who's parched, like a lithe and graceful gazelle that laps at the water's edge despite knowing that predators lurk. And now, two of those predators stalk close, their turgid cocks, slippery with pre-cum, are only inches away from my face. I can feel the heat, they're so near. For a moment I worry that my makeup isn't perfect. I'm being silly. My friends and family, not to mention my fiancé, have always said that I have a face that belongs on the cover of a fashion magazine. I'd be lying if I said they were wrong. My face is perfect and my heart races as I imagine it covered with the cum of these beasts, my mascara running down my cheeks along with their thick, warm loads.
I'm so lost in thought that the first spurt of cum makes me jump in shock. Reflexively, I pull my tongue back in, gasping. The sound of his first squirt is surprisingly loud and the impact against my upper lip is like an explosion. I quickly turn my face to make sure his next pulsing spray goes into my mouth. The cream hits the back of my throat and my lower lip is glistening with his seed. I can feel his massive load on my tongue, which I extend once again to catch as much as possible. The pride I feel at that moment surprises me. Not an ounce of shame. The head of his cock is pressed against my lips, and every pulse that runs down his rock-hard length is accompanied by a bestial grunt. His sperm is heavy and thick with soft clumps. I can only hope that the rest of these animals can give me more of the same.
The next man is as hirsute as his cock is fat. His thick member is beet-red and bulging with blue veins. He smells of musk and sweat, and not unpleasantly. I place my hands on his hips and start running them up and down his thighs with encouragement. My fingers run through the thick fur like I'm petting an animal. I stare at the purple head of his manhood as he strokes it furiously. A heavy pearl of pre-cum jiggles at the tip, threatening to drip on the floor. I can't resist darting forward to lap it up, worrying that it will go to waste. It's too much for him and I feel the muscles in his thighs suddenly tighten, and he lets out a groaning sigh that makes me shiver in anticipation. His cum-shot is thick and yellowish and so hot it seems for a moment like it'll burn me. The first pulse splatters against the inside of my cheek, followed by four more powerful jets that soon form a pool beneath my tongue.
I've never had so much cum in my mouth before. I pull my tongue back in and roll it around the collected semen. It's thick enough to chew and I feel like I can identify each individual rope of jelly-like sperm. I won't say that it tastes good. It's very bitter, with a taste that defies description. You could only say that it tastes like something that comes from an animal's loins. But, there's something about it. Something virile and primal. Something that triggers a part of my brain and fills me with satisfaction; a pure and perfect joy.
As I shudder with pleasure I can't help but feel guilty, thinking of my fiancé. What is he doing right now, as I service these men? Is he shopping for groceries? Carefully checking the labels to make sure he doesn't buy something I'm allergic to? Is he making plans and preparations for the wedding, which is only a couple of months away? Is Jacob thinking about me? About how much he loves me as I kneel here before these perfect strangers, eagerly awaiting the semen they've been waiting days to ejaculate into my mouth, or on my face.
What if he sees this video? I've been thinking about it for the last two weeks. Trying to work out the odds and what he or I would do in a dozen different scenarios. I don't think he will. Why browse the internet for pornography when he has me? A vital woman in her twenties, with a perfect face and a dancer's body that would do anything in bed that he could dream of, and more. But, what if a friend of his sees this? Would they tell him straight away? Or come to me first, demanding favors in exchange for their silence. What if one of them is in this crowd of huffing brutes, waiting for their turn? Would I take his cock into my mouth and down my throat? Then work the throbbing shaft while staring into his eyes, urging him to empty his seed into my stomach? I keep telling myself no, never! But, I know I'm a liar. I'd be begging him to keep quiet. I'd promise to suck his cock and eat his cum, and let him fuck my asshole whenever he wanted. Any time of day or night, just don't tell him! Would I be doing it to keep from hurting my fiancé, or for my own sick pleasure? I don't know. I don't think I could ever know.
~~~~~
But, now is not the time to dwell on it. I don't have the luxury of time. I have a job to do and a mouth that can hold way more than it already is. The first two men have already shuffled off, lost in the crowd. The next one moves in. He's older and overweight, and he strokes his uncircumcised member as he stares at me with a fevered intensity. I'm mesmerized as he masturbates. The way his foreskin scrunches up and then pulls back to reveal the slick and shining head fills me with excitement. I reach out to fondle his scrotum. The wrinkled sack, damp with sweat, hangs low and has a solid heft as if it were filled with stones. I look at him with sincere gratitude, my big, wet eyes, and long lashes triggering his orgasm.
His first errant shot goes wide, barely grazing a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. I grab his cock and press the head hard onto my cum-slick tongue. I gently squeeze his testicles in encouragement and he doesn't disappoint. Pulse after pulse of rich, warm semen slithers down my tongue to join the rest. I wrap my lips around the tip, sucking hard; trying to vacuum out the last string of sperm from his quivering urethra. He lets out a shuddering gasp and has to push me away, the spit-slathered head of his cock emerging with an audible, Pop!