How we met Ellen was weird. There was nothing planned, nothing foreseen. We were at the Seven Seas for a night out, Simon and me, and we were having a good time. We had the halibut and fries, and a bottle of medium expensive red wine. Simon eventually had most of that, but over a couple of hours, so he was OK to drive. I just had a glass, but I'm never designated driver because I hate driving at night. OK, unless Simon is really lit, which he doesn't do much anymore.
We were giggly and loud, looking forward to some aerobic sex later, when she came over, bringing her glass and her bottle of white with her.
"Hi guys!" She says. "Can I ask you something? Am I interrupting?"
Simon scopes her, and I can hear his cogs clicking. Nice bod. Perfect tits. Twenty-eight maybe. Cute face. We'd noticed her sitting alone when we came in, I know he had already listed her charms automatically, so he didn't need any more than a second to reply: "Hey, sure. Have a seat. Ask away."
"Ellen." She said.
"Simon. This is Jenny."
She pours herself some wine. The bottle is almost empty, and you could tell she was loaded. Not falling-down loaded (which she got later) but maybe nice and giggly and slurry.
"See," She bit her lip."I came over for the weekend but I didn't realise how hard it was going to be to get a room --
Simon's eyebrows went up."On Victoria weekend? On Salt Spring Island?"
"Right. I just didn't think. Even the B&B's are full. So I wondered if you guys might know of anyone who might rent me a room for the night. I'm not going to make the last ferry back. Anyway, I really want to stay the weekend if I can."
Simon pursed his lips, and he and I went over the couple of people we knew who occasionally did the unofficial B&B thing, but we knew they were all taken. She sits there, chugging wine fast, and I'm thinking, "Hey, whoa, lady!"
Then Simon and I look at each other. I shrug. I know what's on his mind. She's gorgeous. Simon really likes older women.
See, Simon and I do some kinky stuff, nothing really bad like pain and shit and dirty stuff, but we'd done a threesome with one of my girlfriends, and quite liked that. Simon has terrific stamina, and I kind of got a bit of a turn-on thinking how I might like to watch him fuck her.
So Simon says, "We could do it. We sometimes take in people. We could do the weekend."
Her face lights up. "Really? I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. How much?"
Simon says, "The usual is one fifty a night, but if you want supper as well, we'd charge one seventy and throw in some kind of lunch."
"OK, I'll go for the full-meal deal."
"Sure."
So we shake on that, and there's some chit-chat. She teaches High School, fresh out of training college, in her first job, Burnaby somewhere. She's bouncing out of a bad relationship, and part of the reason for leaving town was to avoid her ex, who she said was stalking her.
"I couldn't bring my car, because I hadn't booked."
"If you want to come into town tomorrow, we can throw in transport," Simon says. His voice is slowing and getting kind of throaty. He always gets like that when he's getting a hard on.
She's through the wine now and on a trip to the ladies, she must have ordered brandy all round. If we'd known, we'd have refused, but she just ordered them at the bar. Simon actually didn't touch his, and I only drank half mine, just to be polite. Ellen drank hers, then finished ours.
I was beginning to get anxious about her. She was getting to look sleepy and even sick.
"Ellen," I ask, "did you eat something?"
No. She just looked owlishly at me and I knew we had to get her home. She was still absorbing the booze. We had to get her home before she passed out. I could see Simon was PO'd because she was not going to be an exciting lay. At least not that night.
Somehow, we pretty much carry her out to the car and pour her into the back seat. The waiter gives us her backpack. I find her wallet inside and pay her check plus fifteen per. The bill shows she had started with a double vodka before the wine.
Simon gets me to get in back with her.
"If she throws up, use the old sweater back there. Keep it off the seat. And hold her head sideways so she doesn't breathe it back in."
So I'm sitting in the back with Ellen, who is lying with her head in my lap, out of it completely.
She moans a bit so I bring up the old sweater, which has been used to wipe windows, engine blocks, trunk lids, you name it. My bad. Now she really threw. I got most of it in the sweater, but some got on my jeans.
Simon was more worried about the seat."You never get that fucking smell out."
Once we got home, I help Simon lift her out of the car, and he carries her. She is totally limp. She looks small and vulnerable, and Simon makes her look even smaller, more vulnerable, holding her head up, and her arms tucked into his body. He could be carrying a cat, for all the effort he needs. I scoot ahead and open doors. We put her on the bed in the spare room, and Simon says, "Get a towel. She's pissed herself."
So now I'm scared and wonder if we should call an ambulance. She actually moves a bit and mumbles, "No. I'm OK. I'm OK."
Simon shrugs. We put a folded towel under her. The crotch of her jeans is wet.
That night sex was fan-fucking-tastic. Simon came twice and me four times, and I knew he had been fantasising Ellen, naked, noisy and eager. I did.
"You were thinking about her, weren't you, Simie?"
"And you?"
"Yes."
Then it struck me. It wasn't so much the pretty ordinary stuff we'd both been thinking in the Seven Seas, like her perfect tits and her kick-ass ass. It was the wet in her crotch and the smell of piss. I couldn't believe how much the piss smell turned me on.
I asked, "Simon. What happens when you smell that—"
"Her pissy jeans?"
"Yes."
"I get a hard on."
"Me too."
We both laughed at that.
Then Simon sat up and pulled on his pants. "I have to undress her," he says.
I don't say anything. I know we are both thinking the same thing. I pull my pants on too.
In the light of the hallway, we look at her, sprawled face down on the bed, snoring. There's some drool on the towel. Simon sits on the bed and strokes her thigh. "Ellen, honey? You awake?"
Nothing.
"We can't leave her like this," Simon says, rolling her part way towards him, undoing her shirt buttons and her jeans. He works quickly, removing her jeans and panties in one go, then the shirt and the bra. She is naked.
I can see Simon is majorly excited. He is lifting her leg up, looking at her sex.
"Simon! You can't—"
He shakes his head. "I know. It's just so nice to look at her like this."
I pick up her clothes and breathe in deeply. The smell excites me.
We leave her then and I go downstairs to put her stuff in a pail of cold water with bleach.
It's six thirty am. The sun is up. It is going to be a beautiful day. Then I hear sobbing.
I sit up and see Ellen, sort of crouched in the doorway of our bedroom, with the towel round her waist. She's crying.
"Oh my God. Oh my God. Please. No!"
"Hey Ellen!" I say, sitting up and pulling on a T-shirt. I shake Simon but he's dead to the world.
"How did I get here? Who are you? What happened to my clothes? What the fuck is going on?"
"Ellen—"
I kind of explain what had happened. She had blacked out the whole thing in the restaurant. When I told her about puking in the car and wetting herself, she put her face in her hands and ran out of the room. I could see the vomit starting to spurt from her mouth, and ran after her. She didn't make it. There was a splash of puke on the floor and up the door-post of the bathroom. I help her up and lead her to the bath.
"Wash," I said, and turned on some water, adjusted the temperature.
Actually, it wasn't so bad. We had never gotten around to carpeting the upstairs. When I'd cleaned that mess, I went in to find her asleep in the bath.
I used the spray to wash her off. She'd pretty much gotten it all over her front, in her hair too. I even washed her hair without her waking up. Her bladder emptied unconsciously. She snored.
Somehow, I get her out of the bath and help her back to bed. I get a clean towel to put under her. Now she wakes up a bit and starts to cry. I really want to get back to bed, so I'm a bit ticked. I sigh.
"Honey—"
"Oh God, let me die right now!"
I bring her my bath robe and cover her. She is majorly hung over. I give her my regular treatment. Tepid water, tylenols, cold cloths. She calms down a bit. Then goes back to sleep.
Simon slept through the whole thing.