Here is a Valentine's Day entry, I hope you like it. Please be gentle in you comments.
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She brushed past my secretary and into my office. She screamed at me, "You fucking BASTARD. How could you? Marie won't even talk to me now! I should kill you, you son of a bitch! " The red haired young woman glared at me and was seemingly plotting my demise. She was furious at something I had done with someone named Marie.
"Miss, I hate to tell you this, but I don't know anything about what you are talking about, and I do not know anyone named Marie. So please go find the correct person that you wish to kill, and have a swell day! Goodbye, and good luck. That is the exit door behind you."
She looked totally confused at that point. She sat down, the exact thing I didn't want, and looked at a business card. It looked like my business card.
"This is Cutter Investigations, and you are William G. Cutter are you not?"
"Yes, this is my detective agency, I'm Bill Cutter. Who are you?"
"I'm Meredith Howell. My father runs Howell Industries. I'm so sorry to come barging in here like this, but I was so sure you were, or are, the man I was after. You are certain that you didn't have an affair with Marie Montrose? Tall, jet black hair, very curvaceous and beautiful?"
"Wait s second, I don't know any Marie, but I did date a very beautiful woman named Paula Martino. We went out about two months ago for about a month, she got pissed at me, and she dropped me like a hot potato. I begged her to reconsider to tell me what I had done... But she said I'm sorry but we are done. I'm not sure, I might have a photo, we went on a cruise to nowhere for dinner and a show. Here it is."
"That's Marie!" She turned the pic over, there were our signatures, Bill Cutter and Paula Martino. It was dated a month ago.The photo showed me and Paula on a gangway going aboard a cruise line. We looked happy.
"That was the last time I saw her happy. After that, she got very defensive, next week, she broke up with me. I have not dated seriously since then.
She kinda broke my heart."
"She's good at that. She's very pregnant Bill. I think the baby is yours. I'm so sorry, I had not thought this through. I should go, I apologize for my behavior. I, I, I'm just in a very bad place right now. I'm hurt and... I don't know what to do."
"Listen. I never got full closure on what ever it is that I did or didn't do. I was head over heels for Paula, now with what you are saying, she lied to one of us. Either you or me. Hey, maybe she lied to both of us. Would you like to chat over coffee? I want to hear your take on all of this. There's a coffee shop just down the street, ok?"
"Ok, but you might not like what I have to say." I noticed she had lovely green eyes. She also had a breathtaking figure. She was slender, yet very busty, and her hips were wide, and attached to a beautiful big ass! She was sexy as hell.
In the coffee shop we were discussing the lovely dark haired woman that I knew as Paula, and she knew as Marie.
"I'm a lesbian Mr. Cutter. Marie is one as well. We had a very torrid affair. I thought we were going to get married. We wanted to have children, and that shouldn't have been a big deal, but she didn't want our kids to be conceived in a sterile hospital environment. She wanted to know the sperm donor as well, not just some two page bio that may, or may not be true."
"I'm not a sperm donor Meredith. I will donate my organs, but if I have kids, I want to be part of their lives, not some stranger with a two page bio! I would be happy to donate sperm, but I don't want to be shut out of the child's life, you know?"
"Yes, I understand completely. I need a drink. Not a coffee. You wanna get a drink with a dyke Mr Cutter?"
"Why would you use a derogatory term for yourself? You are obviously a smart capable and incredibly beautiful woman. If you ever decide you want to switch sides, I want a date with you."
"You know you are really sweet. It's no wonder she fell for you. Well come on then, you can show a rug-muncher a good time. Lead on McDuff."
"Will you stop it with the self deprecation. Somebody must have really hurt your feelings for you to be so down about yourself. Come on we'll take the batmobile."
I had purchased a genuine British sportscar called a Morgan. It was a two seater, open car, just the thing for Chicago's lovely climate. But as luck would have it, I knew a guy, he did a wonderful fabrication of a removable hard top, and I managed to get a heater setup as well, so I could have my sports car, and not freeze to death. I just try not to think about the costs. We drove over in style to a bar/restaurant/dance floor place I knew.
"I hope you don't mind if we get a bite to eat, you should never drink on an empty stomach! Maybe I could drag you out to the dance floor and have my way with you, what do you think?"
We had some chicken kabobs over rice, with some broiled veggies. It was very nice. I got us some bubbly, and before long we were out dancing and having a wonderful time. She looked at me and you could see it was like a light switch. She said fuck it. All of a sudden I was ok. I took advantage of the bubbly. I walked her onto the veranda and under a clear winter sky full of stars, I kissed her. And I kissed her again.
"Down boy, don't you remember I'm..."
"- a wonderful person who needs a bit of fun in her life. No more labels. Ok? Just have a bit of fun. You could pretend for one night that you could do anything. Or pretend I'm a pre-OP transsexual. I'm just a lesbian trapped in a man's body. I would love to make outrageous love to you." I kissed her again.
She kissed me back. We walked in to the dance floor, we were having fun, some young guy wanted to cut in. She let him dance, but soon I saw his hand on her ass. I went over and removed it.
"Listen knucklehead, this gorgeous woman is here with me. You go find your own princess." We went to go.
"Old man, go away before I get annoyed." Oh now it was on.
I said, "You want to step outside shit-for-brains? I can teach you some manners."
Meredith was stunned. There she was, a self-proclaimed lesbian with two ardent males squaring off for her. She was taken aback, to be sure.
The young man and I went to the same veranda Meredith and I had just kissed on. I said to him, "Last chance, walk away without any pain!"
"Fuck you, old man!" He hit me in the chest. He didn't know of my love for the sport of boxing, or my fascination and study of karate over twenty years. I broke his nose, two of his fingers and dislocated his arm. In twenty seconds. I suggested
that he leave before I do much, much more damage. I even gave him my hanky for his nose. He agreed.
My date was flabbergasted that I would fight for her. Her face was open amazement.
"You broke his nose, and all that other stuff in less than twenty seconds? What are you, a black belt or something?"
"Yes, I am." I said.
"But why did you fight over me? I'm not worth fighting over."
"Yes, you are. You are an incredibly beautiful young woman. Someone must have really hurt you when you were young. Your self image has been damaged, so you work twice as hard, and are twice as smart as everyone else. To what end, I don't know. To impress your father or mother?"
"All I know is I want to make wild unrestrained love to you, and I guess I'm just an asshole, given what you have told me. I can't help myself around you. I want you so bad." I had tears in my eyes.
"I'm so sorry. I guess I let myself get carried away, let me get you back to your car. I thank you for a wonderful evening!" My happy words belied how shitty I was feeling.
I escorted her to my car. I had no sooner closed the door, when the asshole had returned.
With a friend and a knife.
Asshole advanced toward me holding the knife like he was going to a picnic. He was so sure of himself. I disarmed him and put the knife blade into the attacking friends chest. I quickly removed it as I was being pummeled from asshole, so I shoved it into his shoulder and twisted the handle. His friend was down and now he was too. I called an ambulance and the police.
I apologized to Meredith as the shit storm was about to happen when one defends oneself. The ambulance got there in time to get both miscreants to the emergency room. Unfortunately, they would live. The cops, a pair of real Einsteins, arrested me, even with multiple witnesses telling them the truth. I was taken to jail. I was interrogated for three hours with no phone call. I stopped talking when my request for a lawyer fell on deaf ears.
I was quite shocked when big, bad John Sebastian, Esquire walked in and said he was here to speak to his client. Me.
John was kind of a feared legend amongst the law enforcement crowd. He had a fearsome reputation for adherence to the law as a means to get his client off. He was a shark.
I was about to say something about never having called him, when he asked the detective if he had seen the video tapes from the security company. He had gotten the pertinent portions on line, as the police could as well, if they had chosen to. The cops face, a mixture of hate, fear and awe, was educational as far as insane looks on peoples faces are concerned. I wish I could have got a picture.
In the video, playing on the lawyers laptop in full color and sound, was everything I said:
Well, there I was being attacked, removing the knife, defending myself. Calling the ambulance, calling the cops.
Did the cops have any plans to arrest the two fellows who instigated the whole thing? Why was I under arrest anyway, after eye witnesses said I was defending myself? Perhaps we should call the Captain himself and have a little discussion.
The cops all of a sudden were so sorry, big mistake, so forth and so on. The handcuffs were off in a matter of seconds. I wanted my arrest record cleared. It could affect my PI license. No problem, no problem! All would be taken care of.
"Thank you sir, I am forever in your debt." I said to John.
"No, I've already been paid, and quite handsomely too. Andrew Howell of Howell Industries paid me. The beautiful young woman you were with, that is her dad. He gave me a call. You must have made quite an impression. Daddy paid me in full. It's him you want to thank."
"But it was your legal jurisprudence that got my ass out of a jam, and I still want to thank you. You know, as an investigator, we work the same side of the street."
"But not always the same side of the law, but hey, the truth will always come out, sooner or later. Let's trade cards. I'll try to send some business your way, you try to give me a great rate! How does that sound?" John said.
"Sounds like a good plan, counselor. Thank you so much." We shook hands. I was very grateful.
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