The sky was grey and the air was hot. I was a mess in white at the old man's bar. I took off my veil and drank my first shot of gin and thought back to the church: the perfect day for the imperfect wedding of the century.
The memory of all that happened in those unforgettable 5 seconds still replayed in my head like a tape with no STOP button.
"I don't" Jax said, clear as a bell. The priest heard. Eve heard. All heard.
But not me.
I saw his eyes begin to water but now I don't know if those were tears of sorrow or relief. How could he? What kind of man, no, what kind of human being does that! In front of our friends! If front of our family!
"What?" I said.
As the audience began to lightly rumble and one of the bridesmaids gasped, I just stood there staring back at him. What was I to do? Did I really just hear him say that? This wasn't possible!
I looked at him, the eyes of the love that I thought I knew. That I thought I loved and I saw them jump to the set of eyes behind me. That was like mine but not mine.
They were hers, my sister Eve's.
I think at some point I fell down out of shock.
After what felt like an eternity, I slowly pulled my hands from his and turned towards our guests who were both horrified and bewildered. Eve tried to reach for me and called out my name, Judith, but stopped when I held my hand up and gave her the look; the look that told her I knew what was going on between her and Jax, the look of a woman betrayed by her own sister, her twin none the less. Without making eye contact with our guests, I walked back down the aisle, out of the church, and headed to this musky watering hole; but not before the one slight outburst I allotted myself. As I walked out of the church, I couldn't help but notice the pristine Rolls Royce limousine sitting outside. My thoughts strayed to how he had put the security deposit down himself for that special treat. As I grabbed the metal signpost outside the church doors and hurled it with all my might into the passenger window, my thoughts strayed to how he likely wouldn't be getting that deposit back.
Back in the bar, I stared at my glass, I listened to the light sound of raindrops falling; a symphony of white noise to which I played a small complimentary role as my tears fell to the bar. The shot glass rolled lightly between my fingers as I glanced towards the bartender, signaling another.
I hated the way that bartender looked back at me. Was it my tears? Was it my once impeccable wedding dress now stained with patches of mud along the bottom from my trek to this dump from the church? Was it the way I downed those first four shots of gin? I've always considered myself a reasonable woman but right now I hated sympathy. I was too good for sympathy. I was the better twin! I was the athlete! I was the responsible one! I was the one who worked tirelessly through high school to be accepted to Yale while my sister slacked off and partied! I'm the one with the five-year plan and the career as a public defender in Jacksonville. What does she do? Bake cookies. Bake freaking cookies.
Our parents named us after women in the Bible; my namesake cut off a man's head and hers committed the first sin.
As I raised my arm to take my fifth shot, a hand grabs my wrist. The young police officer and his aged partner look concerned but I just glare at them.
"Can help...Officers?" I said through slurred speech.
"No ma'am. We're just here to see that you're ok," They said.
That just pissed me off.
"No I'm not. F...off," I said downing my fifth shot.
They ask me to come with them so they can take me home but I resist. Even though looking back, I knew it was the worst thing to do, I just wanted to sulk in my sorrow for a while but they would not let me stay in. As the young cop grabs my arm, I remember why I never drink gin on an empty stomach.
The last thing I remember, before waking up in a jail cell, is stumbling over towards the cop and allowing my stomach to unleash its fury over his crisp clean blue uniform.
Now I'm in that jail cell alone, hungover, and smelly.
"Enders, Judith!"
I heard my name being called from somewhere distant. I looked up from my cell and saw another police officer. She was screaming my name.
"Yeah...I'm here," I said stumbling to the bared wall.
"Your parents are here to bail you out," The officer said as she opened the door. She was a woman, heavy set with a large chest. She had a gold band on her hand. I'm sure she had a husband and nice children. Things I wouldn't have at the rate I was going.
" Thanks, oww..."
"Good luck. Oh and the officer you threw up on decided not to press charges against you but just don't do it again," She said.
"Oh don't worry, I don't plan on it,"
As I slowly walked down the police station, the images of the day replayed in my head. Maybe it was a dream. Then as I saw my mother and father in their matching black dress and tuxedo and I knew it wasn't.
"Hi mom. Hi dad,"
"Judith Elizabeth Grace Roberta Enders!" My mom screamed.
"Mom, a little less," I began.
"What? A little less louder, a little less embarrassing! How could you do that to me? To us?"
"To you?" I responded.
"I'm the one who got stood up in front of everyone for Eve,"
"Why don't we handle this at home? Tomorrow even," My dad interjected.
"It's been a really long day for all of us,"
"Fine but tomorrow we will discuss this. And you will apologize to everyone Judith Elizabeth," My mom said as she stormed out of the police station.
My dad looked at me with sympathy in his eyes and pulled out a ginger ale from behind his back and handed it to me.
"Thanks dad,"
The ride home was silent. Even the radio was off. I think the car could tell how tense and unideal the situation was. In the back were presents addressed to Jax and me. Big boxes, little boxes, envelopes, a few spheres here and there. Maybe they were salad tossers or paper lights or something. I tried to guess what they were in the car as I sipped on my ginger ale. Knowing my mother I'd have to write thank you cards for each of them and write down each gift for what it was in the morning. Fun, fun.
By the time we got back to my parents' house it was around 2 in the morning. My mom continued to go off ranting and raving about the day in her and my dad's room while I slowly made the trek back up to mine. My parents had kept it the same as the day I left for Yale for undergrad time. Posters of Michael Jackson and Usher adorned the walls along with a copy of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.
When I finally got out of the dress, I looked at it. $5,000 puffy white mushroom that was dirt covered, vomit splashed, tear stained, reminder of the day the day that was supposed to be the happiest of my life but instead it was the saddest.
I peed on it, threw it in Eve's room, shut my room door and then when to bed. That made me feel a little bit happy.
The next day, I woke up to the sound of grass being cut. My parents neighbor, Mr. Klundershmit always cut his grass on Sunday's before he went to church. He was a nice guy. His wife had left him years ago for the guy who cut their grass before but now he did it. Maybe he thought that if he cut the grass, she'd come back.
I got up from my bed and put on a pair of shorts and a shirt and decided to go for a walk. It was early and not too many people were out in the neighborhood. Eventually, I ended up at the Getty 8 blocks away from my house. I bought myself a bag of chocolate covered mini doughnuts and started eating them on the way back home. I was starving from last night's drinking binge and hungry for comfort after my betrayal yesterday.
"Judith!" A voice said.
I turned around to see a familiar face.
"Catherine, hey how are you," I said between bites of doughnut.
"I'm doing fine." She said.
We'd been friends since middle school when we were paired up on a project about alligators. She really got into the animals and I got into the argument that we should save them from condo developers.
