We all make decisions in life that we may or may not live to regret. I guess that I'm one of the lucky ones that have survived a really bad decision.
It was my decision to leave home after an argument with my mother over the boy that I was seeing. It was my decision to move in with him and it was my decision to have sex with him.
What followed was not always my decision but it was a result of my decision.
When I moved in with Johnny I thought we would live in an apartment of our own, not some run down squat in a run down section of town inhabited by a bunch of kids who had all run away from home, some from violence, some from abuse and some like me who thought that we just couldn't get along with our parents' discipline any more.
Johnny and I shared a dirty mattress in one corner of one of the rooms while Jan and Pete shared an equally dirty one in another corner. I got on okay with Jan but Pete and Johnny were always fighting about money and drugs.
I think that after I'd been there for a month I'd just about reached the decision to go back home, but circumstances prevented it. Johnny had been out looking for drugs as usual, he was into speed and ice and sometimes crack, and these cost him every cent he could lay a hand on. I think he was dealing as well.
Soon after moving into the squat we were lying on our bed listening to Pete and Jen going at it. She was kneeling on the mattress and he was fucking her from behind, that seemed to be their favourite position. I was getting a little turned on by watching them and listening to Jen grunting every time Pete pushed into her, when I felt Johnny's hand on my tits.
I pushed it away but it came back. "Come on Babe, you know you want it." I let him fondle me and kiss me. I was repulsed by his breath that smelled of drugs and decay but I still let him kiss me and push his tongue into my mouth.
I could feel myself getting wet between my legs and it made my decision a difficult one. Part of me wanted to stop him while another part wanted to feel his cock in my virgin pussy. The more that he kissed and fondled me, the more that I wanted him. I felt his hand slip under the waist band of my jeans and cover my pussy. I half knew that I wanted him to stop but the half that wanted him to continue opened my legs to allow him easier access. His finger pushed under the elastic of my panties and into my pussy.
Any residual inner strength that I had disappeared at this point and I found myself submitting to him entirely. He lifted my tee shirt over my head and removed my bra. I was naked from the waist up and vulnerable and he took full advantage of my vulnerability to press his advantage over me. He kissed my breasts while his hand undid the button at the waist of my jeans and lowered the zipper. His fingers worked on my pussy until all resistance left me.
I heard the zipper of his jeans and the rustle as he shrugged out of them, and then I felt the end of his cock at the entrance to my pussy. He shoved it hard into my pussy, and I screamed in pain as it ruptured my maidenhead. In that one harsh movement I was no longer a virgin. His cock pummelled in and out of my pussy until, with a grunt, he, with a final lunge, emptied himself inside me.
"Suck my cock Bitch." This was not the Johnny that I left home for. I had no option but to obey him. I licked his deflating cock, cringing, almost retching, at the taste of the mixture of his cum and the blood from my ruptured hymen.
His snoring next to me as I tossed and turned left me wondering what I had let myself in for, but, unknown to me there was worse, much worse to come.
Each night for the next week I was forced to submit to his callous stripping from me any innocence that remained. A week later Johnny had been away all day hoping to score enough for his personal use and have some left so that he would be able to sell some drugs, and when he came home he had three other men with him.
They stood talking to each other at the entrance to the squat, all the time they looked at me. I didn't know what they were talking about, but it seemed that they were discussing something to do with me.
Johnny led me into our room and undressed me. He left the room for a couple of minutes and returned holding an open can of Lemon Rusky, "Here drink this, it'll make you feel better. After I'd emptied the can he pushed me onto my knees on the mattress and began to fuck me. After about five minutes he rolled onto his back and pulled me over him, pulling me down so that I was lying on top of him he fed his cock into my pussy. I was feeling quite dizzy at this point. He was pushing up into me when I felt another cock push into my ass.
I cried out in pain as this second cock forced its way roughly into my virgin ass-hole. I heard a noise and when I looked up I saw the other two men kneeling near my face, their cocks in their hand. One pushed his into my face. "Suck on this you slut!" His hand grabbed my hair and pulled my face until his cock was against my mouth. I refused to open it. "Open up slut!" He shouted at me. His hand came down hard on the side of my face. I opened my mouth and he shoved it inside.
My mind became a blur after that, I seemed to vaguely remember all four of them fucking my cunt and ass. All four of them in turn rammed his cock into my mouth. By the time they had finished and the three men had left, my jaw ached, my cunt was sore and my ass felt as if someone had rammed a baseball bat into it.
Johnny stayed out in the main room doing drugs, I don't know what it was, while I lay in bed whimpering in agony and wondering what was going to be next.
Next was more of the same. It became a regular thing for Johnny to come home with two or three other men and they would fuck me until they were satisfied, leaving me sore and sinking deeply into depression. Johnny suggested that I take some speed or ice to get over my depression but I refused. "Please yourself, but stop complaining, I did offer."
About three months after this had begun I had just about reached rock bottom. I hadn't had a bath for over a week and knew I must have stunk of sweat and, even though I had cleaned as much off as I could, stale semen. It repulsed me because when I lived at home I was scrupulously clean at all times. It was then that I noticed two things. The first was that my period had not come as expected and I also felt an irritation around my cunt.
Johnny was out as usual and I sat talking to Jan. "I'm worried and I don't know what to do."
"What's wrong?"
"I haven't had my period and I have this itch around my cunt."
"Fuck Whitney, we'd better get you to a clinic and get you checked over."
After the people at the clinic had gotten over the shock at my appearance they were quite good. They did a pregnancy test which confirmed the worst and they then examined me and confirmed that I had contracted an STD. I was given antibiotics to take in the hope that it would clear up. I hoped that at the very least I wouldn't have to put out for Johnny's 'friends' that night.
I told Johnny that I was pregnant and that I also had an STD and he told me to shut the fuck up about it. There were three other men that night and Johnny was more violent towards me than usual, he seemed to take pleasure in the rough way that he fucked me and, when he took his turn fucking my mouth he held my head and forced his cock so far into my mouth I almost choked.
It took almost two hours for them to gain their satisfaction and they all left me, lying, with drying cum on my tits and belly, in my hair and all over my face, as well as the cum that had leaked out of my cunt, on the mattress sobbing. I heard someone approaching. I looked up and it was one of the men. "No please, no more, please no more."
"Are you all right?" I remembered this one, he seemed to hold back and played little part in my debasement. "When was the last time you had a decent meal and a bath?"
"I don't know." I sobbed.
"Come." He held out his hand and helped me to my feet. He found a pair of jeans, I didn't even know if they were mine, they were very loose on me, and a shirt and jacket. The clothes were filthy, but I put them on.
"What if Johnny sees me?" I said as he led me from the room.
"He's gone off with the others to score. I don't think he'll be back for a while." He led me out into the night and we walked for several blocks until we came to an apartment building. "I live here."
