1.
Sophie was trapped at the back of the bar. She'd made the mistake of walking in alone and being a woman at the same time. And because she was so polite, she made for easy prey for peacocking would-be suitors -- including the guy sitting next to her, explaining the proper way to make a dry martini. So the second she spotted Claire, she shot her hand in the air like the first kid in class with the right answer, and waved her friend over to her table -- Now.
"You see, it's all about which vermouth..."
"Hey!" Sophie said as Claire approached.
"Hey!" Claire said, matching Sophie's smile and spunk. They hugged tightly and gave each other kisses on the cheek. "Sorry I'm late."
"It's fine," Sophie said. "I was just talking here with Gary..."
"It's Glen, actually," the man corrected. He rose slightly to shake Claire's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Miss...?"
"Clโ "
"This," Sophie jumped in, "is my good friend, Lilly."
Claire gave Sophie a knowing smirk. (("Lilly," huh?))
Sophie's look back said. ((C'mon...))
Claire made as though she were chewing gum, and switched over to a thick, abrasive Long Island accent that sounded something like Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny. "Hi! I'm Lilly," Claire said with a hard handshake for Glen. "I hope I'm not interrupting nothing."
"Well, actually..." Glen began.
"Not at all!" Sophie said. "Pull up a seat, Lilly. You need a beverage."
"Oh-my-GAWD! Yes, please!" Claire said.
"I'm actually due for a refill myself," Sophie said, looking around the bar for their server.
"Good luck with that," Glen said with a deep eye roll. "Service tonight has definitely been sub-par. This martini is hardly dry."
Claire grimaced at Sophie. ((Yikes.))
Sophie opened her eyes wide. ((Right?))
"Oh-my-GAWD!" Claire said to Glen, "Do you know who you remind me of?"
"Uh... who?"
"Quentin Tarantino!" she said loudly. She turned to Sophie. "Doesn't he look just like Quentin Tarantino?"
"Yep," Sophie said truthfully into her wine glass. "He sure does."
Glen laughed nervously. "Thanks... I've always..."
"Oh-my-GAWD!" Claire said. "Don't you just LOVE Tarantino? You know what I like? I like how his movies are just like other movies, you KNOW?"
Glen took a long sip of his drink.
"Did you see the one about the slaves?" Claire continued, louder, leaning into Glen's face. "Duh-Jango?"
Sophie pursed her lips to suppress a laugh.
"Can-you-buh-LIEVE the crap he got for that?" Claire said. "You ask me, if Blacks don't like that word, then they shouldn't be using it so much, either, RIGHT?"
Sophie gave Claire a nod. ((Nice touch.))
((Thank you,)) Claire nodded back.
Glen seemed to chew this last point over, turning his face up into a hard, Tarantinoan squint. "You know something, Lilly," he said, lifting his glass. "I couldn't agree with you more."
2.
Claire was a polyglot with an uncanny ear for dialects. She had the ability to jump in and out of voices, to take on a whole new identity when the moment suited her. It was a talent that had provided Sophie with much amusement back in their wilder days.
There was "Cassidy," the rough-and-tumble Kiwi who attracted Rugby players and outdoorsy guys just looking for a simple, down to Earth girl with a sick body who liked to camp; "Mishka" was the Russian ice-princess that trust-fund babies and wannabe Wall-Streeters worked so hard to win over, flashing cash and coke, promising long, exotic weekends; "Donna Jo Sugarbaker" (Claire always said the whole thing) was a Dixie belle she reserved for the corn-fed quiet types who loved God and guns without irony, but who always -- always -- opened the door for her. Sophie's personal favorite was "Danielle," a pushy, pouty French femme who elicited (and usually fulfilled) American male fantasies of uninhibited sexual appetites. Guys were rarely prepared for Danielle.
"Lilly" -- the Long Island Lifeline -- was the one who swooped in to rescue Sophie from unwanted advances or ill-advised hook-ups. How many times had they been in a grimy frat house, with Sophie tucked under the sweaty arm of a shirtless bro breathing heavily into his red Solo cup, and Claire wedging herself square between them, attacking the poor horny bastard with boisterous "Oh-my-GAWD's" and "Can-you-buh-LIEVE's," until he finally gave up and left, deciding that it just wasn't worth it. Lilly came in handy, and had a pretty high success rate.
But Glen, here, was determined.
When the server finally arrived, Sophie immediately ordered another Chardonnay. And as Claire began to order a drink for herself, Glen chimed in.
"Allow me. I'm actually a bit of a mixologist myself," Glen insisted, before rattling off a list of strange cocktail suggestions.
"Let's see," he said, "Can you guys make an Ugly Christmas Sweater?"
"I'm not sure," the server said, sure.
"How about a West Indian Whorehouse?
"A West Indian...?"
"A Marked for Death?" Glen asked. "An Above the Law? A Hard to Kill?"
"Sir, I think those are just Steven Segal movies."
Sophie breathed in deeply and closed her eyes. Was this why Claire had invited her out to this place? Was this the good time she'd been promised? To help get her mind off of her ex? Hell, she had Chardonnay at home. And at least at there she didn't need to wear a bra.
"How 'bout an Out for Justice...?" Glen asked.
"She'll have a Malbec!" Sophie blurted out. She exhaled and quickly composed herself. "Malbec, right?" she asked Claire, calmer.
"That would be fabulous," Claire said in a toned-down Lilly voice, hiding in her phone while Glen finished his list.
As the server sped away, Glen reached into his coat pocket and pulled out what at first looked like a Taser, or a remote control of some sort. He put the device to his lips and sucked on its tip, while a little blue light flashed in confirmation. A white cloud momentarily covered his face.
"Um, Glen?" Sophie said. "I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to smoke in here."
"It's an e-cigarette," he assured her, shaking his head. "The cigarette of the future."
"Are you sure it's not from the past," Sophie asked. "From when you could legally smoke inside public places?"