Its a dark, cold Tuesday night in January. I'm about to discover if what I've heard is true. Part of me hopes it is, another part of me hopes it isn't. Either way, I've come prepared.
Approaching the Victorian arcade I immediately turn left and disappear from the main high street. Wearing a low cut, knee length red dress, black stockings and heels, with a black chic overcoat, I look like any other late night office worker or shopper.
A few metres ahead of me, on my right, I see the almost obscure black door. It discreetly stands between a key-cutters shop and an empty shop with a 'for lease' sign in its window. I slow down, creating distance from me, passers-by and the door.
My heart is now racing and I notice my hands are starting to shake, but my arousal cannot be denied. I reach level with the door and quickly look up and down the arcade. It's become eerily quiet and deserted. I read the sign on the door in my head, 'Adults Only'.
The anticipation of discovering something so seedy, yet, publicly accessible has me opening the door and entering the establishment. The door closes behind me with a thud, leaving me in relative darkness. In front of me is an old, steep wooden staircase with a dim light on the landing. I feel like I'm in a slasher movie. I take a few deep breaths and pull tightly on my handbag strap, hanging from my shoulder.
Remembering my plan for something I only had a mental concept of, because I had no photo images or detailed written literature describing what I was about to walk up to, I slowly put my foot on that first wooden step. It creaks loudly, making me flinch, before I ascend the other creaky steps.
As I climb higher and higher to the unknown, butterflies appear in my tummy, quickly followed by a harsh tightening deeper inside my abdomen. I'm being warned by my instincts to turn around and walk back down the old creaky wooden stairs, back to the world I know.
Before deciding my next move, a man looking over sixty greets me. He says hello and I squirm shyly. I mutter a hello back, noticing how big and intimidating he appears to me. He has a pot belly but broad shoulders and thick arms, he's also bald with a deep, sinister scar down his right cheek.
"Are you on your own?" He sounds concerned. I nod, showing the man I'm clearly out of my depth being here. "Is this your first time visiting a place like this?"
"Yes," I reply quietly, pulling on my handbag again.
"Do you know what this place is? What it is people do here?" He raises his eyes sceptically, like I've been caught doing something I shouldn't be doing.
"Ye... yes," I stutter.
"I'm going to need to see some I.D. How old are you?"
"I... I'm twenty-two," I stutter again, opening my handbag and showing him my drivers license. "I... I'm just curious." The exhibitionist speaks for me. The man nods at my drivers license and then grins as he hands it back to me.
"Ok, listen to me. Everyone here is friendly. We have security staff operating along the hallways and one situated at all times at the back of the main cinema room. We have two play rooms; eight private booths and the main screen is at the very end of the hall. You need to be clear with people with what you want and don't want. Nobody will do anything without your consent."
"I got it," I reply meekly.
"I'll tell my staff to keep an eye out for your safety. Not literally every second you're here, but just to make sure nobody tries to take any liberties with you. You're young and pretty. You're also the only female in tonight. Guys will want to get very close to you if you let them. If you don't, you must be straight up and firm with them. Do you understand?"
I nod more confidently, feeling anxious but also assured that I'll be safe if I don't do anything stupid, or rather, if my exhibitionist side doesn't lead me places I can't handle.
"It's twenty pounds entrance fee, then you can go straight through those double doors and you're in the hallway leading to the various rooms and booths. The films in the private booths take pound coins. There's plenty to choose from."
"Urm, sure," I say, lost.
"You'll figure it out," he says with a big grin on his face.
I pay the man the entrance fee then turn towards the double doors. Here goes, I say quietly under my breath. I push through the doors and immediately my senses are overwhelmed. There's red neon lighting along the hallway. I see a few guys loitering outside some of the rooms with sounds of sex coming from them. It sounds like porn. There's this putrid smell in the air that I'm taking time to process and adapt to.
A bulking security man nods politely at me and then passes through the double doors from where I entered. Stepping cautiously along the dark hallway, a couple of guys look and stare as I walk towards them. They don't smile or say anything. They simply watch me curiously.
My tummy is doing somersaults and my legs feel like jelly, but the exhibitionist is in control. I wish it would control these damn nerves; I'm thinking. I reach the first play room with its door open and look inside. I see three men sitting and watching a threesome on the TV screen.
Even though they don't seem to be doing anything, other than watching the porn being played, reality seriously dawns on me now. I'm in the seediest place possible. I'm excited but I'm not showing it. I'm yet to get my nervousness under control.
The next two doors are closed, but loud sounds of sex and flashing TV lights seep out of the room from under the gap in the door. This place is crazy, I think, before a man appearing very discreet in a baseball cap deeply looks me up and down. As we pass he grins lecherously over me.
Finally I find an empty private booth near the end of the hallway. I glance at the double doors to the main cinema room before I quickly go inside the booth and lock the door. The room is small with a red light illuminating the space. I look around. The place hasn't been decorated in years. It smells and looks very dirty and tacky. My naivety has come to light. I expected seedy but this is far beyond my imagination.
I sit down on the bench facing a TV screen. Studying the not so cosy set up, I soon understand where two pounds are inserted to watch ten minutes of porn on offer. I'm not really in the mood for porn. I don't really know what I'm in the mood for as I begin to contemplate leaving. This hasn't met my expectations on any level. I don't even know what my expectations are, come to think of it.
Suddenly, I see movement on the wall beside me. I look closely and realise there's a perfect circular hole cut into the wall at roughly waist height. I know immediately what it is and what it's used for.
Despite my nervousness and lack of knowledge, I knew I wasn't walking into an ordinary cinema when I entered the black door in the arcade. My mind is now cast back to the clean, fresh air and safety of that arcade. The obscure black door seems a lifetime ago now.
I jump as I see an eye looking directly at me through the hole. It blinks several times before its owner puts his mouth to the hole to speak. "Don't be shy, lass," he tells me. He sounds old. "You must have come here for a reason. Have you locked the door?"
"Yes!" It's the loudest and most sure I've been since I left my parents house earlier tonight.
"Good. You'll be safe then. Only you and the security staff can unlock it in case of an emergency. You really are safe to have some fun. What do you want to do? Do you want me to put my cock through the hole? You got me hard the moment I saw you go in here."
I sit up in shock. How brazen I'm thinking, before I quickly relax and remember where I am. "Just give me a minute," I tell the man.
I need to get past these nerves, this anxiety, and expose the exhibitionist inside me. It's the sole reason I'm here. Ignoring the man on the other side of the wall, I remove my chic coat and fold it up on the bench beside me with my handbag on top. I now open my purse and put two pounds into the machine.
Looking back at the hole in the wall, the gloryhole, I see the eye is ever watchful. It's no longer blinking. The man is watching me intently. A shiver of excitement shoot's up my spine and I mull over the selection of porn on offer.
I eventually select a video of a couple, supposedly married according to the title. They are in a place just like this. I hear their American accents on the TV and sit back down on the bench to watch the movie unfold.
Knowing I'm being watched watching porn is starting to have an effect on me. I'm relaxing for the first time tonight. I'm noticing the transition taking place. My nerves are fading and my arousal is rising. I smile and watch the wife on the TV screen getting down on her knees in front of a different gloryhole.
I'm doubting it's this ladies first time. Everything about the video is amateur, everything about her is not. The blonde American woman is taking the big, thick cock that's come through the gloryhole into her mouth. It's so big she's able to stroke half of it while she sucks on the other half.
I glance at my own private gloryhole, wondering how big my voyeurs cock is. His eye blinks at me and his muffled voice tells me to take off my dress. I'm giggling now, blushing even. He chuckles and tells me I'm well over dressed and that I have great tits.
"It's winter outside!" I'm laughing, but it is considerably warmer inside the room than out.
I turn my head back to the seedy blowjob on screen. A soft sigh has just escaped my lips. I begin to caress my braless boobs through the dress. Yes. Yes you are indeed over dressed, Seren, the exhibitionist talks to me. Remove the dress and do what you came to do.
Knowing I'm being watched is now turning me on. I feel alive and full of wild feelings. I am safe, I am telling myself. Safe to unzip and step out of this pretence of who and what people think I am. Of whom I pretend to be.
The girl next door. Sweet, polite and innocent Seren. The pretty girl who rarely puts a foot wrong. She's every mothers hope for their sons. Yeah right. The superlatives went on and on. If only they knew what really lay and stirred deep inside of me. It scared and excited me, so what on earth would it do to them if the knew I was an exhibitionist at heart?
I stand and face the gloryhole. I'm now removing my dress. The man next door gasps loudly as he watches the girl next door shed her persona like a beautifully coloured snake shedding its skin.
