Chapter 10
The Broadhurst Swingers, by my count, had thirty-seven people from eighteen units of our condo building. Since four units were for sale that reduced the number of occupied units to thirty-two. We had more than half the people and half the units participating in our swing group.
How did I come to know these statistics? Steve Betts, the head of the condo association stopped me after a Board meeting with a 'serious issue,' as he called it. Somehow I guessed that it had something to do with our swinging circle of friends, but I didn't realize just what was going on.
Steve hemmed and hawed a little before getting down to business. "Jon, I ... errr ... know that you have quite a few parties with a circle of friends in the building." He looked at me hoping I'd understand the issue. I didn't unless he was going to start preaching to me about sin and salvation, neither of which I believed in.
He went on, "You have ... well ... this is awkward ... three people from the five-person Board at your parties - you, of course; Sara Slarinsky, and Brittany Melaconi."
I still didn't see what the issue was. He was not going to lecture me, that became certain.
He continued in an awkward way, "That constitutes a meeting of the Board ... and you have to open it to the rest of the residents under the State's Sunshine Law and our condominium declaration and by-laws, otherwise we're in violation of the law. The State could shut the building down, and lock everyone out of their homes."
"WHAT?!!?" I blurted out. "You have got to be kidding."
"Unfortunately, it's in our condo documents and the state regulations for condominiums."
"I assume you have some knowledge of what goes on at our parties, the way you're blushing and all."
"I gather that besides the social and dinner parts that there's some ... intimacy ... that takes place."
I nodded, "There is. Now, how the hell do I open up our parties to everyone else in the condo? Oh, hello, Miss. We're having a Board meeting and orgy that we'd like you to attend. Please leave your panties in your unit and be sure you're on birth control. Oh, yeah, that'll go over really well."
Steve chuckled, "I'm not giving you a solution. I'm only alerting you to the problem. I am curious, but Margo and I are not players, so I have no interest in things one way or the other, but I do think you need to figure out how to solve this."
"What if we split into two groups?"
"De facto, you are still meeting unless the two groups happen on completely different nights." He paused and added, "One other thing to consider; I think that most of the other people in the condo who aren't attending your 'parties' have a pretty good guess about what's going on. You have at least half-a-dozen people from each of the three elevator stacks in your group. Other people watch and observe what their neighbors do, where they go, how long they stay, what they dress like, and so on."
I rolled my eyes. "What would you do?"
"I'd post an invite on the official condo bulletin board without specifics, of course. If someone shows up that's not part of your regular party group, I'd politely clue them into what's expected of them the rest of the night or I'd strongly hint at the adult direction the party will be taking after nine o'clock and that they might not want to be there then unless they want to 'fully' participate. Who knows, you might pickup a couple more members." He chuckled.
"We don't even have 'official' members, and we never talk condo business. Our attentions are elsewhere. Duh!"
Steve laughed. "I can only imagine. Look, think about this. Try the announcement and see if anyone you don't expect shows up. Deal with it then. Maybe no one else is interested. You know how poor attendance is at our regular board meetings."
That meeting resulted in me putting up the following announcement on the condo bulletin board a week later:
Notice is hereby given in accord with the rules of the
Broadhurst Condominium Association and the rules and regulations
passed and enforced by the Department of State of our state.
A meeting will take place on this Saturday night, 6:00 p.m.,
commencing in unit 1403. If you attend you are requested
to bring a dish of food to share and your choice of beverage/drink.
There is no set agenda for the meeting and we expect no
condominium business to be discussed. At least three board members
will be present, ergo requiring this notice.
This notice is posted more than 48 hours before the event
as prescribed by law.
I tucked it in a corner of the bulletin board and hoped that no one noticed.
Exactly at six o'clock Saturday night, Greg and Susan Heyden from unit 502 strolled into our open door. He carried a bottle of wine and Susan held a beautifully arranged hors d'oeuvre of hummus, grape leaves, and a few other Middle Eastern delicacies.
I greeted them and introduced myself as their 'host.' They missed the implication of that word that I had hoped they'd appreciate. I'd met them once at the mailboxes, but they were not part of our party group.
Finally, to get the point across I said, "Welcome to Amber and my party."
"Thank you. I thought it was going to be some sort of snack followed by a condo meeting or the other way around. We're new here, and figured this was a way to meet other people from the building."
"Well, you certainly can do that. Because three or more members of the condo board are here, we had to announce it on the bulletin board. We're not planning to talk condo business, but apparently the Department of State doesn't care about that; we still have to announce the gathering - in this case a party."
Amber waltzed up. "Hi, I'm Amber. Jon's wife. Welcome. Come on in. You can set that dish over on the table, and if you come with me I'll introduce you around."
I gave up at that point, figuring I'd get to them after they'd met some of the others in the room. No one else unexpected showed up that night.
I did size up the two of them. Greg looked to be in his mid forties. He was trim, obviously athletic, and yet had an air of leadership about him that suggested he was in a successful career. Susan was about the same age, maybe a year or two younger. She was trim and also well dressed in a summer frock. She wore low heels, and exuded friendly vibes that I liked. I summed her up as the pretty girl next door.
About an hour later, as we started the serious eating of the entrees and side dishes, I was able to get near Susan. She looked pretty innocent, so I figured that if I hinted at the kind of party we'd be getting into later that night, she might run from the room dragging her husband behind her.