Coach's Cutie - Chapter 7: How Many Licks Does It Take?
This is the moment we've all been waiting for.
Maddie, our sweet, lovable, cute-as-a-button 18-year-old high school student, just flat out propositioned my 37-year-old boyfriend. And while I can tell she's trying to play it cool by putting on a brave and somewhat seductive smile, her feet are telling a much different story. It's subtle, but the way she keeps crossing and uncrossing her ankles is leading me to think she's much more nervous than she's letting on.
Greg on the other hand, isn't hiding anything, as he looks downright shell-shocked. But that's not surprising in the least. You see, my boyfriend is one of the most cautious, risk-adverse, and self-disciplined men I have ever met in my entire life. And under normal circumstances, he would never even entertain the thought of potentially throwing away his career as a high school teacher and coach, to partake in some sort of an illicit relationship with a student of his.
But as I've learned over the past month, there is nothing normal about the feelings and desires Greg has for young Madison here. Even so, it's a minor miracle we've gotten to this point.
Greg just got done explaining to the two of us, a truly elaborate and bizarre fantasy scenario involving some imaginary secret club where Greg would offer to lick the pussy of any females who wanted him to, no strings attached. And when I say bizarre, I mean it! His explanation involved a top-secret referral only screening process, a Google Sheet (which he keeps referring to as a Google Doc) used for making reservations, rules about what was and wasn't allowed, and of all things, Tootsie Roll Pops.
Which, oh shit. That gives me an idea.
Me (to Greg and Maddie, right as we're all trying to process what exactly happens next): "Hold on one sec. I'll be right back."
I have this giant bag of candy in my pantry, and I bet it has a Tootsie Roll Pop in it. It has to!
I retrieve this brown paper bag that's over half full of a completely random assortment of candy, and as I'm bringing it back into the living room, I start digging through it as I'm walking.
Greg: "What is that?"
Me (as I plop the bag down on the coffee table): "Last Halloween, a bunch of people at work had brought in all their leftover candy, and somehow I ended up being the one to take it home once everyone was done picking through it."
Me (looking up from the giant stash): "Don't judge."
I'm pushing the candy around inside the bag, but it's hard to see what's what. The good news is, most of the chocolate candy is long gone from the collection, so it's almost all sugary candy, like Jolly Ranchers and yep, lollipops. The question is, can I find a Tootsie Roll Pop? I'm sure we could still go on ahead with this whole liaison without the symbolic sucker, but I think having one would be satisfyingly poetic.
At first, I think I've found what I'm looking for, but as I pull the promisingly sized lollipop up to take a look, I realize it's a Blow Pop, and not a Tootsie Pop.
Me (tossing the Blow Pop to Greg): "Here. If you branch off into a second service for dudes, this would be perfect."
Greg (after catching the lollipop in his hands): "Huh?"
Me (annoyed that I have to explain my joke, because I thought it was a pretty good one): "If you had a service for dudes? Do you get it?? You'd have Blow Pops instead of Tootsie Pops?"
Maddie laughs. Because she has a sense of humor and it's a funny joke! I'm also starting to realize how much I legitimately like hanging around this girl.
Me (as Greg still gives me a blank look): "C'mon! Since it's dudes, you'd be blowing the guys. You'd be giving them blowjobs. Blowjobs and Blow Pops? Do you really not get it??"
Ah whatever. Tough audience. I turn my attention back to the giant grab bag of candy, and Eureka! I found one! I pull out an untouched Tootsie Roll Pop in an orange wrapper and triumphantly hold it up.
Me (irrationally excited over this): "Found one!"
Maddie smiles, probably at the absurdity of all of this, and as I move the brown paper bag filled with candy out of the way, I offer the sacred Tootsie Roll Pop to Greg. Once he takes it, he'll be free to symbolically offer it to Maddie, and in the process make this elaborate fantasy off his officially come true.
Greg (after timidly accepting this piece of candy): "So we're really doing this?"
Greg (directly to me): "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Ugh. Why does he have to make everything so goddamn difficult! I can totally tell that if anything, and I mean anything, about this whole affair goes wrong, he's going to come back and try to blame me. But fuck it. I don't care. We're doing this.
Me (to Maddie): "Are you up for this? Are you willing to be the first ever official user of Coach's Free Tootsie Roll Pop service?"
Maddie (herself now looking a little unsure): "Yeah... I think so?"
Fuck. Now Madison's having doubts?? Am I going to have to personally drag these two across the finish line here myself?!?
Okay, calm down Becca. This obviously is a big deal for both of them, for different reasons, and it's not unexpected that there would be nerves. Let's take a step back and just confirm that everyone does want this.
Me (trying to give her a chance to really think about it): "Maddie, do you wanna do this? Like, are you sure? You definitely don't have to."
Maddie (much more confidently this time): "No, I'm sure. I definitely want to. Just nervous is all."
Okay, good.
Me (smiling): "That's okay. It's totally understandable to be nervous."
While I think it was important to clarify with Maddie, I'm not going to bother asking Greg a second time.
Me (excitedly): "Okay then, well let's do this..."
I stand up and gently lift my coffee table, which honestly isn't very heavy, out of the way so the space in front of the couch where Madison is sitting is completely clear. As I do this, Cassie the dog, who had been sleeping next to Maddie for the past half hour or so, groggily jumps down and trots slowly over to her bed on the other side of the room. She obviously couldn't care less about what's about to go down. Or perhaps I should say, who's about to go down on whom. :P
That leaves Maddie on the couch by herself, looking ready, but on edge. I'm sure her brain is going a mile a minute right now trying to figure out what's about to happen, but I don't think any of us really know.
Me (turning to Greg, who's still holding the orange Tootsie Roll Pop in his hand): "So were you envisioning your guests would disrobe themselves, or would you take their clothes off for them? What's the protocol here?"
Greg (still looking a little awe-struck to be honest): "Oh. Uh... I think they would take off their own clothes?"
I turn to Maddie, and god bless her, she immediately pops open the top button of her jeans while staring right at Greg. She is absolutely bringing it!
She then works her pants down and slides them off, and now we can all see that she's wearing a pair of light turquoise underwear. They appear to be cotton, and are otherwise pretty non-descript besides the color.
Once her jeans are off, she then lifts the lightweight v-neck sweater she had been wearing up and over her head, cross-handed. This reveals the white tank undershirt she has on underneath. And after a brief pause, almost as if she's looking for confirmation that she should keep going, she again looks over at Greg. My boyfriend is still sitting in his chair holding that damn lollipop, but he's leaning forward as if he's absolutely captivated.
Maddie (to Greg as she begins reaching down to her feet): "Didn't want you to think I was trying to break your no socks rule."