Chippenfail

"I liked what I saw a few minutes ago."

She took a sip from her plastic, fluted cocktail glass. "What do you mean?"

His smirk grew more undisguised. "You. In the pool. And then out of it."

She scoffed. "I didn't even know Haylee *had* a swimming pool. What was I supposed to do, be a wallflower? Keep all my clothes on and not jump in, too?"

"Didn't say you shouldn't. Nope. No, didn't say that at *all*. In fact, didn't I just say? That I *liked* it?"

"I'm sure you've seen bras and panties before. If that's your point. It's no more revealing than a swimsuit."

"Maybe. I'd say yes and no on that."

"Yes and no. Meaning?"

He stammered slightly, before saying, "could see a bit, here and there. Peeking out." He motioned vaguely below the waist.

"Peeking out." She looked down, not that there was anything exposed. "You mean, a few hairs?

He seemed a little abashed at his oblique comments being spelled out. "Yeah."

"Ugh. I see a few hairs peeking out on your upper lip, but I don't make a big deal." His light brown mustache was not especially thick or attractive. "Whatever. If I'd known, yeah, maybe I'd have done a bikini trim beforehand. Is that what you really want to talk about? You walk up, out of the blue, and that's your flex? What's it supposed to be, a pickup line? Ugh."

"Not exactly," he said, seeming to backtrack.

"Then what?"

"I just, you know, liked the view."

"Yeah. Sure, whatever. While it lasted, anyway." She was fully covered, now, in her party dress, but her lightweight bra had revealed and flattered her B-cup bustline while she swam and then dried off, and her white bikini brief which covered her athletically trim ass was hardly skimpy but not exactly granny panties either - a bit of her coarse pubic hair had stuck out. She had a pretty face, mouse-brown hair attractively permed into a loose wave, and a trim body that looked good in swimwear if she'd thought to bring any, so she was accustomed to compliments and took them somewhat for granted.

"More than nice. More than nice."

"Shouldn't you be at work, or something? Anyway?"

"I get alternate Fridays off. Military contractor. We match our work week to theirs."

"Kind of young to be a military contractor, aren't you?"

"I work for one, I mean. The IT department. So, are you new here? Want me to show you around? Maybe we should get to know each other."

"First, I'm engaged." This was a slight exaggeration, as her boyfriend of a few years had not yet really proposed, she didn't wear his ring, and there certainly wasn't a date set -- but they were serious, and pretty committed, so she didn't mind exaggerating when there was a purpose. "Second, I already told you, I'm just visiting for the weekend. I'm with a group." She hadn't really spelled that out, but it had been mentioned in pieces. "Third, if you're trying to sound hot, or whatever, somebody should probably clue you in, that you just sound like a perv, a peeping tom, a creeper, from the way you talk. Like a frat boy, some bro in a movie about douchebags, comparing pickup lines with the other bros, trying to out-douche the lord god king douche, I mean the final boss douche. Talking about bras and panties as some sort of ice-breaker. Really?" She took another sip, then looked at him for a response. She didn't smile, but did maintain a steady, appraising gaze with him, rather than overtly looking around for an excuse to escape from this chat and go back to the other bridesmaids.

"I'm just saying, after you got wet. Your undies. Not what you see here every day, is all. You know?" His implication that the thin bra had displayed the clear outline of her erect nipples, while the panties had become a little transparent, was at last overt.

"Huh." She was unimpressed.

"Didn't leave much to the imagination," he added, evidently ignoring the First Rule of Holes: when you find yourself in one, stop digging.

"Oh, I can just imagine, what goes on in your imagination."

"Then can you imagine us having some fun?"

She tilted her head, in a way that suggested she was entertained, though probably not in the way he hoped and not that she was actually intrigued. "I could imagine a knee to your balls, is what I can imagine. Is that what your imagination is looking for? Because I could imagine providing you with that imaginary experience, for your imagination to work on, long after I'm gone."

He was undeterred and smiled with genuine amusement. "Oh! So much hostility! From just a simple compliment. So much violence in this world. What did they used to say, Make Love, Not War?"

"They also used to say, go fuck yourself. Same thing, pretty much. I say it a lot, in fact."

"Ah. Sarcastic wit. I like it. Come on. You and me, let's ditch this group. Go hav-."

"I call it sardonic. And you're not even *in* our group. Not invited. So it's not your group to ditch. Are you really this dense? Bachelorette party? Duh?"

"I wondered. You, being the pretty one of the group."

"Shut up. You're so full of bullshit you're eyes are brown." Her own blue eyes flashed with mock indignation.

"Anyone ever tell you, you've got incredible, really cute, feet?"

Despite herself, she looked down at her pedicure, applied only just that morning along with everyone else's at the bride's favorite salon. "Oh. My. God. You're not one of those, you know, into-feet-guys, are you? If you think that that's going to... wait, you've got a hardon? Gross." Her gaze on its way back up had lingered at his mid-section.

"What do you expect?" Even though his mid-thigh boardshorts were reasonably modest in design and far from skintight, his erection was very apparent through the polyester fabric. "Just Mother Nature. I told you, you're the prettiest one. Can't help it."

"You could at least, I dunno, be a little more discreet. Do you really get a hardon from feet?"

He ignored the last part and changed the subject, although only slightly. "Come on. Get a refill on your, what is that, a mimosa, and then let's go up to my apartment. It faces the pool. We can watch your party from up there."

"I'm not going up to a strange man's apartment alone."

"Then bring your friends. They're all welcome. I can call up some guys, come over, have a real party, you and us."

She held both hands up. "Slow down. You really have no self-control, do you? Look, even if I wanted to, which I don't, we're about to leave. Dinner out somewhere, then a show."

Another of the young women, clad in a bikini, had sauntered over and now asked in a sing-song cadence, "who's your new *friend*, Kaileigh?"

"Nobody."

"Pleased to meet you, Nobody."

"What kind of show?" he asked the first girl.

"Sorry, you're not invited."

"What kind of show?" he repeated.

The one in the thong bikini snickered. Not quite as pretty in the face as the one he'd been talking to, still she was attractive enough in that department. But her figure, maybe a little too thick in the thighs and tummy but as compensation nicely large in the bust too, was the kind that would make nine out of ten men choose her first if given the opportunity. "Tonight, you mean? Chippendales."

"Not Chippendales," the one she called Kaileigh corrected. "They're in Vegas. These are some other ones."

"Yeah," the newcomer smirked, "Mandy looked 'em up for us. The low-rent version of Chippendales. Ha ha. The kind you can stuff dollar bills into. Right on stage."

"Their pants," Kaileigh clarified.

"No. Not in their pants. No, no, no. No pants. They take those off right away. But they'll have their li'l speedos on, I guess. Stick the money right in there. Give'm a li'l rub, ha ha. Or thongs maybe. Maybe just rubbers, ha ha. Just big dicks, with rubbers on so it's legal. Maybe see their balls, too. I don't know. No idea. Not the real Chippendales. So what? That means they need the money. Yep yep yep. Anything goes, maybe." She took a large swig from the glass in her hand. The liquid was colorless and clear, not like a mixed drink.

"So, local losers who need the money," he summarized. "Sounds like The ChippenFAILs, if you ask me. You both could do better."

"Whatever. Gonna see some dongs tonight, yes we are. Yep yep yep." It was becoming apparent to him that she was slurring her words, just a bit.

"Aw. Why pay for a show?" he persisted with a smile. "You can see what you want for free. Come on upstairs. I'll give you a show for free."

"I mean good ones. High quality merchandise, yep yep yep. Good dongs. Big ones. Bigger than yours, anyway." She had noticed his evident boner by now, too. "Sorry, no offense, but facts are facts." They were both of average height for women and he was only a couple of inches taller than them. A good dong, as she phrased it, would have been out of proportion on him.

He wasn't giving up. "Not way back far away from the audience, either. Up close. Up close and personal."

"Sorry," the first girl said, "already bought the tickets, for one thing."

"You can probably sell them online and... wait," he said, turning to the other. "She's Kailey? Then you're Hailey?" He had been paying attention.

"Haylee's the maid of honor," the slender one said dismissively. "Her apartment. It's why we're here."

"Hailey and Kailey. Kailey and Hailey. For real? So who's the bride? Bailey? Dailey?"

"My name doesn't rhyme, no, no, no," the other one chirped a bit drunkenly.

"Oh, so you're the bride. Lucky guy, whoever you're marrying. My name's Jayden, by the way. JD, for short. So what's yours?"

Kaileigh spoke for her. "That's on a need-to-know basis only. And you don't need to. Know. No, no."

"Olivia," said the bride, overruling her friend. "Livy. It's not a secret, Kale."

"This bozo doesn't need to know anybody's name. We're leaving in a minute, right?"

"I dunno," Livy said with a laugh. "Haylee's in charge." She took another swig. "Not for a while, I don't think. Maybe we should wait, and watch this bozo's show first."

"Then come on up," he repeated, ignoring the insult embedded.

"A pre-show," she said, completing her thought. "Warmup for the main event at the club."

Kaileigh tried to take her friend's hand. "No. That's lame. C'mon, we should go back to the others now."

Livy shook her head and pulled her hand back. "It's *my* party," she insisted. "And they're boring. Falling asleep in the sun." At the other end of the swimming pool were three young women, one in the water, two lying on beach lounge chairs and enjoying the uncommon Friday afternoon luxury of working on a tan. She faced Jayden and demanded, "so how big is it, Bozo?"

"Big enough," he said evasively.

"In inches."

"I don't know. Six inches, at least. I never measured, really," he said, fibbing three times in just three sentences.

"Oooh! At least? A real stud then. So let's see."

"Livy!" Kaileigh squealed.

"It's my party," the curvy girl repeated. "Show me."

"Move the party upstairs to my apartment," JD invited yet again. "and I'll show you anything you wanna see."

Livy laughed drunkenly. "No. Show me right here, Stud. Wait. No. I mean, show ever'body." Without further elaboration she turned and marched rapidly toward the other end of the pool.

He followed the bride, and in turn Kaileigh followed him. The busty one introduced their "new friend" to the other three bridesmaids, though she got it wrong at first and called him DJ.

The woman called Haylee, who at the moment was wading in the shallow end of the pool near them, was a co-worker of the bride, an auburn-haired woman a couple of years older than the others, who wasn't exactly unattractive but would most fairly be called plain, and who carried a few more pounds than the younger man really cared much for. The one called Amanda had mouse-brown hair, was tall and lanky - a couple of inches taller than Jayden - and was so athletically fit looking that she was almost emaciated; she was introduced to JD as Livy's best friend from middle and high school. Finally Lauren, Olivia's younger sister and maid of honor, was nearly a clone of her sibling except more heavyset, even more so than Haylee, yet with only half the bust size of her big sister. Kaileigh was mentioned briefly as her best friend from college back in Memphis. All in their twenties, the five women were here for the wedding weekend, three of them from out of town. Jayden at age 24 was a reasonable age match for any of them.

After the exchange of "nicetameetcha"s, Livy demanded, "stand up, you guys. Make a circle. Our new Stud-man friend DJ is gonna show us his dick."

If the others hadn't noticed his tented swimwear before, JD's erection certainly was evident once attention was drawn to it. Still, the two sunbathers were grudging in their movements to get up, causing the bride to repeat her request, while Haylee got out of the pool and let the water drain off of her slightly plump body clothed in a one-piece blue bathing suit.

Jayden protested that any show he'd put on would be upstairs in his apartment. For one thing, he said, there were others in the pool and in the pool area, including a couple of kids. But after a short time the women succeeded in surrounding him, pressing close so they formed what they hoped was a shield against prying eyes.

"Come on," Livy coaxed. "Just a peek. We need to know what we're getting, if we go for the full show."

"Not out here, Can we, like, just go to the stairway, at least?"

"No. Why are you so shy all of a sudden? We won't tell."

Skinny Amanda, whose two-piece swimsuit did not particularly flatter an A-cup figure like hers, moved in front of Olivia and stuck an index finger into his waistband. The other women shifted their positions slightly to maintain the circle. With a slight downward tug, she exposed the head of his cock.

"He's circumcised," she announced to her companions.

Receiving no overt physical resistance from him, she slid her finger around to his hip, put her other hand at the other hip, and pulled the waistband of his boardshorts down a few inches to expose his shaft fully - indeed, far enough to expose his nuts too.

"Hold on," he said, but still did nothing to undo what had been done. "That's going too far."

"Now that's more like it," Olivia enthused.

"Oh, good God," Haylee said. "He's right. Don't do that here."

"What, you don't like it? Just having fun, Hale. I think it's cute."

"It looks just like a dick! Only smaller," Amanda opined.

"Very funny," JD groused, and at last he tried to pull his pool shorts back up, but Amanda slapped his hand away.

"Looks like my nephew's, when I change his diaper," pudgy Lauren chimed in, piling on a bit with the insult humor. Unlike her sibling, she had on a one-piece red swimsuit, albeit a low cut one that did a good job of displaying cleavage, making the most of her limited physical attractiveness. The choice of a suit made of Lycra did mean the overhang of her tummy was undisguised.

"Now now," big sister Olivia contradicted, "I'm sure li'l Griffin doesn't have balls like these. I do like a man with big hairy ones." He didn't bother to manscape, and the dark curly pubic hair above his shaft obscured an inch or more of it, however the scraggly hairs on his scrotum did nothing to distract from the fact that his testicles were relatively large and hung naturally low, suggesting virility in a way that the modestly sized shaft itself did not.

"Forget that," Amanda said, "Let's find out how he kisses." Standing already in front of him, she pressed her lips to his, an easy reach since she was his height or more, and then she tried to push her tongue past his lips - which somehow caught him by surprise, and he resisted initially. Any incidental contact between her pelvis and his was purely intentional on her part.

"Forget *that*" Olivia mimicked, "I want to know if he likes to go down on a girl."

"Livy!" Haylee squealed.

"What?" the bride asked primly. "I just thought Laur might want to know."

"Ew!" they heard a young voice from the other side of the swimming pool shout. "You can see his wiener!"

Jayden jumped back a step, pivoted fully to orient himself opposite from the pool, even at the risk of giving a clear view to any bystander outside the pool area, and finally managed to pull up his trunks. "I told you," he said in a low voice after tucking himself in, "we can't do this here. Let's go up to my place now."

"He's right," Haylee said.

"I thought you said you didn't want to go up there," Kaileigh said, speaking up for the first time since the impromptu show had begun.

"I don't mean that. We live here. We don't want this kind of stuff going on out here, Livy. At the pool."

"Fine," the bride said. "You got any booze up there? Any weed?" she asked Jayden.

He took quick mental inventory. "Some bourbon. Vodka, if you like that. Plenty for everyone." He wasn't much into marijuana and partook of it only to be sociable at parties, and never kept any on hand at home. He hoped now that this wasn't a dealbreaker.

"I really don't want to go up to his apartment," Haylee insisted. "Not like this."

"It's not like you, to be so conservative," Olivia reproved. "You sound like Shaun." Indeed, her friends considered the man she was about to marry the next afternoon a surprising choice for her, considering his conservative attitudes about sex. It was he who had suggested giving up sex for Lent, for example.

"It's just, you know, gonna be so awkward, seeing that we both live in the same complex. Right? I don't wanna, you know, lead him on. Being married, and all."

"We know, we know," Amanda interrupted. "You only mention being married, like, every five minutes or so." Haylee's wedding had been a few months earlier.

"You're married too," the eldest one pointed out a bit defensively. "It's one thing to go to a show this evening. No harm looking. You can still look at a menu even if you're on a diet. Right? But to mess around, you know, with this-"

"Who says we're going to mess around?" Amanda asked placidly. "Just gonna look. Even a cat may look at the queen."

"-with this guy," Haylee continued, "that Kaileigh picked up, well that kind of crosses a line. Doesn't it?"

"*I* didn't pick him up," Kaileigh said, even more defensively. "He just started talking to me. Said I had cute feet, ugh."

"You *do*," JD said, gallantly adding, "you all do."

"Ugh," Kaileigh repeated.

"Ladieeeez. Don't bicker. It's my day. We're going to his apartment. That's final."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Upstairs, with the door to the apartment shut behind them, Jayden stepped into his kitchen and got out five small tumblers. But before he could get the bottles of liquor down from the top shelf of the other cabinet, curvy Olivia walked in, still clad of course in the skimpy bikini that barely covered more than her Venus mound and the areolas of her large tits, and she insisted that he stop and remove his swim trunks first. Serve the drinks to us like a Chippendale would, she demanded. When he hesitated, she stepped beside him and yanked them down herself, then joined her friends in the living room. He kicked off his flipflop sandals since he was at home and everything else was now off.

A minute later he emerged naked from the kitchen, his hairless chest and hairy crotch in full view, carefully managing three drink glasses by holding them together. The women all hooted in appreciation, and when he approached close enough to Olivia to offer her the glass in the middle, she grasped his cock at the base with her other hand and gave him a series of mild squeezes while passing that drink to Lauren who reached from just behind her to take it. She then took the other two drinks from his hand, one for herself and one for Amanda beside her.

"Your turn," he said, gesturing toward his crotch. "Let's see what you've got."