With couples, cards, and lots of lascivious behavior, this story isn't exactly new territory for me. But sometimes you just have to play the hits.
Everyone here is over 18.
Shortly after our tenth anniversary, two things happened that changed my marriage forever.
First, Kirstin -- my beautiful, brunette spouse -- broke out in bright red splotches all over her body. She hadn't had so much as a pimple in decades, now she was breaking out like crazy. Then, a few days later, I woke up so dizzy that I could barely stand. For weeks, I was in a constant state of feeling like I'd just stepped off a roller coaster.
Eventually, Kirstin's gynecologist determined that my wife was having an allergic reaction to her birth control and suggested that she switch over to a non-hormone-based IUD. Soon after, I saw a specialist who theorized that I had a condition called vestibular migraine and prescribed a low dose of a generic SSRI which had been shown to be effective.
Both of us were dubious about our respective resolutions. But a few days after Kirstin stopped taking her pill, the hives went away completely. And after some time with the SSRI, sure enough, my dizziness disappeared (mostly, it was never a complete cure). Even better, I haven't had a migraine since.
However, there were also two significant consequences. Without the pill, Kirstin was no longer protected, and -- for some reason I've never been able to understand -- the gynecologist wanted to wait a few months before installing the IUD. We bought condoms, but neither of us could get into using them. And Kirstin was paranoid about pulling out. So, we basically stopped having sex.
Ironically, ejaculation was central to my issues, as well. One of the side effects of an SSRI, even at a low dose, is what they call delayed orgasm. Basically, I couldn't cum. Not without a lot of work, anyway. You might think that this would have encouraged my wife to risk unprotected sex, but you'd be wrong.
This was a temporary dilemma, of course. Kirstin would get her IUD. I would eventually be able to lower the dose of my medication or even stop it entirely. It would have been a little bump in the road. A pothole in an almost perfect stretch of marriage.
Almost.
*
We weren't even supposed to be spending the afternoon together.
I was hosting a boardgame day with my friend from work, Kevin, and his wife, Gwen. Kirstin, on the other hand, was going out to meet her own work friend, a woman named Lauren, to finish up some projects.
It was a dreary, drippy Saturday morning in the early fall. The trees were starting to turn, but the leaves had yet to drop. I was so involved in getting the apartment ready for my day, I startled when I saw my wife walk out of our bedroom.
You could see the difference in our plans by our outfits. I was in a t-shirt and jeans, looking like I'd just rolled out of bed. Meanwhile, Kirstin was wearing a dark skirt, heels, and a white button-down blouse. She'd even done her makeup and popped in her diamond stud earrings.
"Wow, I thought you guys were just going to grab a table at Starbucks," I said.
Kirstin came over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. She was on the tall side for a woman, about 5'7". Despite being in her mid-thirties, she'd kept her college body. Her dark brown hair hung down past her shoulders. All done up, she looked ready to give a professional presentation rather than pop out for a quick weekend work project.
"Lauren says we might go out afterwards," Kirstin said, a coy grin sneaking across her sweetheart face, "She wants me to meet her new boyfriend."
I knew Lauren had recently escaped from an ugly divorce. No kids, thankfully, but her ex was a real piece of work who'd managed to make everything difficult for her. Lauren was, well, I'll say that she and I were not great friends. But no one deserves to be treated like that. I was glad she was seeing someone new.
"You look like you're setting up for quite the afternoon yourself there, Jacob," Kirstin said, eyeing the stack of boxes I'd put out on the kitchen table. Kirstin, despite being an apex geek who loved science fiction, was not into gaming. She indulged my obsession, but it wasn't her thing.
Fortunately, I'd found Kevin. A relatively new hire in another department, Kevin was nearly a decade younger than me. But we'd bonded immediately over our mutual love of cardboard games. We regularly got together for Twilight Struggle, Settlers of Catan, Brass Birmingham, Eclipse, and others. Kevin's wife, Gwen, wasn't a big gamer, but she was willing to play along. It meant we usually had three players (four when I talked Kirstin into joining), which was good enough for a good time.
There was a buzz at the door and Kirstin went over to answer.
"It's Lauren!" the voice said through the intercom.
"Be right down," Kirstin said. She turned and glanced out the window. Our apartment building was an old factory that had been turned into hyper-modern, open-concept apartments. One of the many benefits of the layout (along with the vintage hardware floors and a ton of cool architectural details) was that we had massive windows overlooking everything. "You think I'll need my umbrella?"
I glanced down at my phone. "Weather says cloudy all day, but no rain," I said.
Kirstin reached for a raincoat, then stopped herself and shrugged. I was caught by my wife's appearance once again. Her hose showed off her long legs and her heels made her little butt pop out in that tight, dark skirt. Her white blouse did similar wonders for her sizeable bust, as if the cloth could barely contain what was beneath.
Kirstin caught me looking and she smiled, wistfully. "Only a few more weeks till I get the IUD."
I could only nod in resigned agreement. I knew that, even if we could have sex, the SSRI was certain to keep me from enjoying it as much as I might. It didn't bother me as much as you might think, though. In truth, the thing that turned me on more than anything wasn't the thought of my own orgasm -- it was watching Kirstin cum. The way her face flushed. Her mouth hung open. Deep green eyes rolled back. Taut body trembling.
"You sure we couldn't...?" I said, rolling my wrist for emphasis. Though we'd agreed that intercourse off the table while Kirstin was off her meds, we could have gotten creative. There are lots of things two consenting adults can do without risking pregnancy. But for whatever reason, we'd stopped cold.
Ten years is a long time to be married. Kirstin and I had met in our early twenties and got engaged soon after. We were a good couple, complimentary, but I think the decade mark hit us both harder than we realized. It was easy to blame other things for our sudden chastity, but I think it was a symptom of a larger issue: we'd gotten comfortable.
I know that sounds like a good thing. It
is
a good thing. But there's a reason stories end at 'happily ever after.' If there's no tension anymore, no one cares. When the audience is bored, that's a problem. When your marriage is tedious, that can be a disaster.
"Wow, board games really getting you going," Kirstin said, teasing. Then she straightened out, serious. "We've talked about this. I don't want kids, Jacob, and I'm not willing to risk it."
