All's Fair in Love and War

Author's Note: Sorry about not posting here in so long! D: But I hope you enjoy this story. After several hundred years apart, Hephaestus has a surprise reunion with his ex wife Aphrodite and his rival for her affections, Ares. The night goes much better than he expects.

*****

Hephaestus didn't know what to do for a long time after the divorce. Olympus was vacant, everyone shot off to the four corners of the globe, and for once Hephaestus didn't have to think about running the forge or the next time he'd catch Ares in bed with Aphrodite.

Hephaestus had nothing.

But like all the gods, he found something to keep him busy. He always did like to tinker with things, and for the first time they didn't have to be weapons. And although he might've been ugly compared to most of the beings on Olympus, most mortals said he had that 'rugged' vibe.

No, he didn't quite get it, but it was nice on the ego.

Still, he did think about his friends and family. Was Hermes keeping out of trouble? Were Persephone and Hades still going strong? How was Apollo? Was Aphrodite okay? ... Was she with

him

?

~*~

New York, New York. 1987.

Hephaestus was having a ball and not even close to thinking about his fellow gods. No, instead he was focused on entertaining this gaggle of young women with a new gadget he'd managed to whip together out of some spare gears and cogs in his pockets.

"And just like that... watch closely..." Hephaestus set the little guy on the bar after winding him up, and after some clicks it unfolded, standing on two legs. "Behold, a man!"

The girls all gasped and squealed, one of them jumping up and down as the little man took a bow before folding back up. "Oh my

god

, he's so cute! Can I take him? Pretty please?" She batted her eyes and stroked her fingers along one of his biceps. "Wow, you're totally ripped..."

Hephaestus' cheeks turned red enough to nearly match his fiery orange hair and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Thank you, and sure, you can have it. I can put another one together in a minute."

The girl in question squealed again as she picked it up. "Oh my god, it's so cute- oh crap!" The little thing tumbled from her fingers, rolling across the club floor, right at a pair of barbie pink stilettos.

Hephaestus' eyes followed those shapely legs up past the just as bright pink spandex miniskirt and neon red top with a plunging neckline to a face shaped like an angel's.

No, not shaped like an angel's. Like a goddess'.

"Aphro?" Hephaestus croaked.

It couldn't really be her, right?

The woman cocked her head to the side, twirling a finger in her permed blonde hair when those crystal blue eyes popped wide in recognition. "Heph!? I that you?!" She stepped over the little toy on the ground before marching up to Hephaestus. Her hand reached up to brush his cheek before she grinned ear to ear. "Oh my gods! It is! Hephaestus!"

Aphrodite practically dove into his arms, Hephaestus nearly knocked over by the force. That smile on her face spread to his and he laughed, lifting her off the ground and spinning her around. "Aphrodite! It's been so long! What are you doing here?!"

He placed his ex wife on the ground, the goddess laughing and redfaced. "Party, I came with this one guy, but I ditched him. He was

soooo

boring. Who are these ladies?" She asked, glancing at the gaggle of girls looking simultaneously green with envy and in love with her at the same time- a common reaction around the goddess.

"Oh, them?" Hephaestus looked back before smiling and shrugging. "They were just leaving."

They didn't push the matter, thank gods, and took off before Hephaestus took his seat back at the bar. Aphrodite took the stool next to him. "Aphro, you look so different. I like the hair," He said, reaching up to to tuck some hair behind her ear.

"Thank you! I like yours too, but I guess no one could ever make you shave the beard," She said, reaching up and giving the beard a tug.

"Not happening. Ever. I look good with a beard," Hephaestus said with a gesture to his face.

Aphrodite winked and leaned forward. "The confidence suits you too. I don't think I've ever seen you look so nice."

"It's probably the lack of light," Hephaestus glanced up at the bartender, "Get the lady whatever she wants."

"Ooooh, trying to get me drunk? Naughty boy," Aphrodite tutted her tongue and wagged a finger at him.

Hephaestus rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face felt like it would never leave. "I don't think they have anything at this bar that would actually accomplish that."

"Well, well, well, do we have here?"

Oh, there was a good way to get rid of that smile. Hephaestus felt that red aura of wrath, anger...

war

. He slowly turned, already knowing who was there before he even saw the bastard's face.

The god of war also modernized his appearance, dark hair shorter on the sides and longer in back while rocking a leather jacket and high waisted jeans. That bastard had the nerve to smirk as he tilted down his sunglasses, burning red eyes flicking between Aphrodite and Hephaestus. "Did I just stumble upon a little reunion?" He said.

Hephaestus ground his teeth before getting to his feet. "Bite me, Ares. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Here for the party, and what's with this attitude?" Ares chuckled. "Acting all big and scary, dude, you know all I gotta do is kick you in the knee and you'll be on the floor. Oh, wait, are you trying to impress Aphro?" He looked passed Hephaestus and gave a quick wave. "Hey babe, nice top, makes your tits look great."

Yup. Bastard hadn't changed. Hephaestus' hands tightened into fists. "I don't need to impress her by telling you to fuck off. Unlike you, I've never needed to compensate for anything."

Ares' jaw dropped. "You did

not

just go there, you cripple."

"You want to take this outside?"

"Maybe I fuckin' do, maybe I want to curb stomp your skull-"

"Okay,

that's enough

!

"

Aphrodite got up and got into the most dangerous part of the club, in between Ares and Hephaestus. "Bartender just brought me my Cosmopolitan, you two, take a chill pill! Ares, you get Hephaestus kicked out, you're buying my drinks and there's not a chance in the Underworld that you'll get to see under this top."

Hephaestus had a moment of celebration before the goddess turned on him. "And

you

! We. Are. Not. Married. Anymore. So this whole fronting on Ares thing is gonna stop, like, right now. So sit your asses down and get something to drink." With that, she plopped back down on the barstool and crossed her arms.

The two gods looked at each other before Hephaestus caved first and sat down. "All right, Aphro."

"Wow. You are still Aphrodite's bitch." Ares flinched as both Hephaestus and Aphrodite glared at him, although Hephaestus would bet his last dollar it was moreso her glare that made him cower. Slowly, like it pained him, Ares took his seat and held up his finger. "Bartender, whiskey on the rocks."

Aphrodite stopped scowling and immediately put her smile back on. "Thank you! See, not so hard? No," She looked at them both and giggled, "I got to catch up with both of you. We haven't seen each other since we took off from Olympus, I've missed you both so much!"

Any of the remaining anger pooling in Hephaestus quickly left as Aphrodite leaned up to peck him on the cheek. "You're both the first Olympians I've seen since then too. I mean, I think I saw Hera on the cover of a magazine in the 1950's, but that doesn't really count. How about you?"

Ares took the glass and downed half of it in a single gulp. "Athena, during World War One and Two. Hades, around the same time. Other than that, nada. Aphro?"

Aphrodite chewed her bottom lip as she thought. "I had drinks with Artemis about... five years ago? Maybe fifteen, I dunno, time's never been my strong suit. And I always bump into Dionysus at parties, but we don't really, like, talk."

"I'd never thought I'd be jealous of the drunk," Ares murmured.

Aphrodite playfully elbowed Ares. "Not like

that

, silly! What have you been up to, Hephaestus? Anything weird and crazy?"

Hephaestus cleared his throat. "Well, let me order another drink, and I'll catch you up to speed. Unless Ares has something to say?" He glanced at the war god, surprised to see that the fight seemed to have been taken out of him.

"Eh, what the fuck, just don't be boring."

"Does talking about Mac and Windows bore you?"

"Oh my gods, Aphro, just let me hit him a

little

."

Several drinks later, most of the tension had cooled off between Hephaestus and Ares. It probably helped that Aphrodite was sitting between them and whenever either of them tried to be a bastard she'd just rest their hand on their leg and it'd immediately cool them off.

That and Aphrodite liked hearing Hephaestus talk about computers.

"No, no, listen!" Hephaestus found himself giggling as he raised both hands in the air. "I am

there!

Whenever... whenever something big gets made or created, I'm

there

! And... and there's some crazy shit going on with computers nowadays. I bet... I bet in like twenty years, you'll be able to hold a computer in the palm of your

hand

. It'll be so... so cool."

Ares snorted before nearly teetering off his barstool with his own uncontrollable laughter. "You're full of shiiiit, Hephaestus. But sure, what the hell. You can have this one, boy," He said, reaching over and tousling Hephaestus' now messy hair. Hephaestus made a sound that could only be described as 'gack' before he ended up falling off his barstool right to the ground.

The bartender sighed. "I think it's time you take your friend home," He said, not so subtly glancing over at a bouncer.

"No, no, I'm fiiiiine!" Hephaestus whined, still laying flat on the floor. Ares got up, brushed off his shirt, and offered a hand down.

"No way you're getting up on your own with your bum knee," He said.

Hephaestus snorted and rolled his eyes but allowed Ares to help him up. Aphrodite slipped to Hephaestus' free side and wrapped her arm around his waist. "Come on, boys, I got a hotel room a block or so away. Let's get Heph to bed," She said, nuzzling right into his neck.

"Is that an offer?" Hephaestus asked with a wink.

"Okay, clearly Hephaestus is drunk if he's hitting on his ex wife," all the same Ares helped support Hephaestus out of the club, into the cold night air.

By the time the trio got to the hotel room, Hephaestus had sobered up a little and let himself be plopped down on the king sized bed. "I can go down and book a different room if you two want some time on your own," He said, undoing the top three buttons on his shirt to breathe a little easier.

"Huh, that's... not like you, Heph," Ares flicked off the sunglasses, showing off those red on black eyes that he'd refused to change, even when he went about as a mortal, "But since you haven't had enough time to set up one of your stupid nets in this room anyway, ooooh baby girl, get over here!"

He snatched Aphrodite from behind and dragged her over, nibbling on her neck, right below her ear. She always did like that, Hephaestus thought drunkenly, before realizing he was absolutely staring like a pervert.

"Ares, that tickles!" She spun around and kissed him on the lips before stepping back, kicking out of her heels. "But I don't want Hephaestus to go." Hephaestus' mouth went dry as Aphrodite sat back on his lap, cozying right up to his chest as she pulled off her nylons. This close, he could smell that perfume he gifted her so long ago.

He thought she would've pitched it after the divorce.

"... I'd say you were drunk, but I think you're the most sober out of the three of us." Ares sighed, running his fingers through his hair before straightening his shoulders. "Sure, I'll just get the room then. If Heph blows before you're done, come get me."

Ares had just turned around before Aphrodite pouted. "But I don't want you to go either!" She whined, her fingers finding their way to Hephaestus' buttons as she began to undo the rest. Her fingers caressed each abdominal muscle in such a familiar way that Hephaestus was already feeling a bit warm, but he was definitely confused by her intentions.

"Which one of you are you picking? Because I'm not really into watching," Hephaestus said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

Aphrodite bit her bottom lip before grinning.

"Errrrr, both of you?"

Ares snorted and shook his head for a few moments before shrugging. "Fuckit, as long as I don't have to touch him, I don't care who else is touching you," He decided as he wiggled out of his t-shirt.

"Hold on, you're not even going to ask me how I feel about it?" Hephaestus said at the same time he was helping Aphrodite slip his shirt off his shoulders.

All she had to do was give that adorable pout and he immediately caved. "Fine, just don't touch me, Ares. I don't know where you've been," He said.

Ares scoffed and rolled his demonic eyes before practically jumping the blonde in his lap, pulling her in for a kiss and pressing his tongue past those pink lips. Aphrodite groaned and practically melted against Hephaestus, her ass grinding back right on the crotch of his jeans.

Rather than overly focus on Ares and Aphrodite basically making out on top of him, Hephaestus cupped Aphrodite's breasts and gave them a tight squeeze. Aphrodite squealed as he played with her chest, grinding back against him eagerly.

"Oi, Heph, get her shirt off," Ares said as he pulled away from the kiss, his lips now smudged with pink, "Get her tits out."

"Patience, patience, I don't want to rip it," Hephaestus grumbled. Gods below and above, some things never changed with Ares. But he did rather miss the sight of a bare chested Aphrodite. Luckily it was just one of the ones that pulled off over her head, and she'd forgone a bra.

Ares cackled as he lowered himself to the level of her breasts. "Perfect as always," He groaned before wrapping his lips around one of her nipples. Judging by her squeak, he'd given her quite the nip, but the way her head flipped back and she moaned, she didn't object to the slightly rougher treatment.

Enough of letting Ares have all the fun. Hephaestus let his hands slip down past her waist to her skirt, where he hiked it up to her waist and pushed asides her undies. "Hephaestus-" Aphrodite gasped as his thumb began working her clit, rubbing it with just enough force to make her eyes pop wide open.

"Damn," Ares pulled away just long enough to enjoy the look on her face before going to her other breast, squeezing both tightly in his hands before sucking on the nipple he'd been neglecting before.

Hephaestus wasn't a bad lover, he'd thought he was good enough, but nothing he'd done before had gotten his goddess to make the sounds she was right now. Then again, he doubted Ares had either, judging by how impressed he'd looked a second ago.

Made sense it took two impressive lovers to make a love goddess go insane.

Hephaestus pushed his middle finger inside of her, groaning as he felt her body squeezing tightly around him. "You missed me?" He growled into her ear, rapidly pumping that finger in and out of her.

"Y-yes!" Aphrodite sharply gasped as his finger curled up inside of her.

"And me?" Ares asked, her puffy nipple popping out from between his lips.

"

Yes!"

Aphrodite groaned, grasping onto Ares' hair and dragging him back to her chest. Ares purred before giving Hephaestus a careful look.

"Don't stop finger banging her but get your damn thumb out of the way. I think she's gonna like this."

A bit confused but interested to see where this was going, Hephaestus obeyed and Ares dropped to his knees, eagerly licking his lips before dragging his tongue up her clit. Aphrodite

screamed

and got an even better grip on Ares' hair, dragging him closer. Granted, this did mean Ares' mouth brushed against Hephaestus' fingers, but something about seeing the obstinate war god down on his knees made it not so bad.

Aphrodite was past words, her body going tight as Ares greedily licked against her folds, paying special attention to her clit. If a word did manage to get out, it was something along the lines of 'more' or screamed expletives.

That just made Hephaestus finger fuck her faster, taking just a moment to slip in a second one and do his best to match the rhythm of Ares' tongue.

"Heph-Ares- oh

fuck

!" Aphrodite screamed one last time, her thighs quivering and pussy going tight around his fingers. Hephaestus didn't stop or slow down until her body went boneless and she started to nudge Ares back.

Ares got to his feet, wiping off his mouth and grinning like the cat that got the cream. He didn't speak, just pulled Aphrodite in for a dominating kiss that ended with a nip to the bottom lip. Aphrodite just weakly laughed before turning back to Hephaestus and kissing him. Hephaestus could detect a bit of whiskey, something that she had not had to drink tonight but Ares had plenty of. Still, he didn't pull away until they needed to part for air. "... I have not had an orgasm like that... in literally hundreds of years," Aphrodite got out, grinning from ear to ear.

"That's why you don't settle for anything less than a millennia of experience," Ares said as he sprung to his feet, undoing his belt and tossing it aside.

Aphrodite giggled and gave Hephaestus another kiss on the cheek before sliding down to her knees. "You ready for a little more?" She asked, winking as she pulled down the zipper on Hephaestus' jeans.

"More than ready," Hephaestus blurted out as he lifted his hips off the bed to help Aphrodite pull his pants and boxers down. His erection sprung right up, a drop of precum beading from the tip of the tip. He glanced up just in time to catch a look at Ares throwing his underwear as quickly as he could across the room, but Hephaestus could tell what they were and he had to hold back a snicker. "Nice tighty whities."

Ares gave him a deadly glare before Aphrodite hushed them both and gestured for Hephaestus to get to his feet. Kneeling between both men, Aphrodite wrapped a hand around each of their cocks and hummed as she looked between the two of them. "Always wanted to compare you side by side... so if you're going to just length, Ares has you beat, Heph-"

"Hah, fucking knew it," Ares looked far too damn pleased.

"Buuuut if we're talking girth, then Hephaestus wins. Can't make me pick a favorite though, cuz you're both my favorites," Aphrodite said, licking up Hephaestus' length and then kissing Ares on the tip of his cockhead.

Hephaestus focused on the beautiful woman kneeling between them rather than the other god, although he definitely noticed that Ares waxed his chest. Not that he spent more than a few seconds glancing over what Ares had to offer. Now though, he could take a second, admit that yeah- Ares wasn't

awful

to look at.

But it was much better to look at Aphrodite, her face flushed red as apples and thighs still quivering, taking her time to lick slowly up and down Ares' cock before returning to Hephaestus' and lavishing the same attention on it. It took all of Hephaestus' will power not to grab onto her hair and make her get on with it, his fists balling up as he tried to keep his breath level. Aphrodite definitely knew she was getting to Hephaestus judging by her giggle and she chose to pull away just as it got good, returning to Ares to give him attention.

The war god went weak at the knees as Aphrodite swallowed his cock down to the root. Tears smudged the corner of her eyes and she pulled back, just to repeat the action and stare up at Ares as the god's eyes rolled back and he moaned.