All Saint's Eve — or,
'The crazy fucking day.'
*
"Yo Red, wanna go to a par-tay?"
"My name is Jordan."
"You're a red-shirt freshman, so you is Red. Now to the question at hand..."
"Thanks, but no, I volunteered to help at the Rainbow Theatre, they're doing a haunted house for kids."
"The Rainbow Theatre, you gay? You don't act like a dick smoker? Now, I know you can find some fine-looking bitches there, but they're all carpet munchers, man, we're talking Team Lickity Slit. C'mon Red, come to this party, I guarantee you, we will get you good and unconfused before midnight."
Jordan looked at his teammates, shook his head, and turned towards the door, "Wish you guys had said something earlier."
College life, so far, was not what Jordan had imagined. To be sure some aspects of college were pretty cool, some definitely were not. The problem was all the confusion, or maybe what is confusing is because of the problem. It just changes so fast, and then changes again before you can figure it out.
Football was easy, being red-shirted had been a surprise, but a free ride is a free ride. Living in a dorm wasn't too much of a problem. Understanding and fitting in with some of his teammates, was more a challenge than a problem . He'd never encountered so many versions and variations of basic English, sometimes the simple act of greeting someone was impossibly convoluted.
And while not a virgin, he would hardly consider himself overly experienced, based on the fact he'd only had two partners and not a lot of additional experience beyond that, or them. He suspected some of his teammates equaled his sum total of sexual experience in any given week.
Yeah that was probably true, and if meeting women wasn't hard enough on it's own, hooking up with one became almost comical. Which was sad really, in its own pathetic way. It was just all kinds of confusing.
Then again, according to his cousin; he was too nice, too polite, and much too accommodating. "C'mon cuz, you need to realize that 'NO' has multiple meanings and only rarely does it actually mean 'Stop right now, we are done here!'
Jordan had to agree with his cousin, after all he'd probably still be a virgin if she hadn't seduced him that last weekend before she returned to University.
Which led to a very strange, boot camp-like initiation into the art and practice of 'How to please a woman.' The course was taught by his cousin's mom(his aunt by marriage, though his aunt and uncle were long divorced.) Aunt Helen's appetites were voracious, varied, and intensely oral. And while at times somewhat off-putting — in some ways Jordan felt he'd been taken advantage of, after the fact — overall, it was awesome. Yet, confusing in it's own unique way.
Yes, he was on the receiving end of some pretty awesome blowjobs. Blow jobs that ended with a pearl necklace, a facial, or Aunt Helen swallowing. But the blowjobs only lasted (or, more accurately he only lasted) 5 minutes or so. Then she'd demand, 'this is a teaching moment Jordan', 30 to 40 minutes of him going down on her. And they only fucked on the last day before he left for University. To be sure, they did fuck three times that last day. Then, adding to his confusion was Aunt Helen bursting into tears as he drove away.
Strangely, even those confusing times were missed. And after seven weeks of 'just Jordan time', those Aunt Helen times were now dearly missed. He sighed to himself, women were really confusing.
And then there was the encounter from this very afternoon, Jordan was sitting at a table, reading a textbook for lack of something else to do, when for a brief shining moment he thought his college life was going to change - for the better. A really cute girl had approached him, her smile engaging and encouraging, she even put her hand on his forearm when she asked him if he had plans for later. For a brief, brilliant moment he saw himself being invited to a party, to which he would escort this lovely woman. But upon saying, 'No, I have no plans for tonight', he was asked to volunteer. "We're in desperate need of help at our haunted house, it's for kids, please say yes, you'd be perfect, you really would. So please say 'yes.' Pretty please?"
And he'd said 'yes.' He'd said 'yes' to please her. He'd said 'yes' hoping there might be more to all of this, whatever it was, than she was actually saying. But that was not the case, which made the invitation to a more adult themed Halloween party, an invitation he had declined, that much more ironic. But he'd agreed to help, he's given his word, and his honesty and integrity were important to him. So with a last wave to his teammates, he was on his way.
Twenty minutes later Jordan had been led to the center of the theatre, where a scene befitting a crazy mad scientist had been created. During the walk over, Jordan had enough time to finally decode all of the signs his inviter had been sending all along, telling one and all (and finally Jordan) that she thoroughly enjoyed and was only interested in non-traditional(aka, a man is not necessary for my happiness, or my future) relationships. Realization was slowly dawning for Jordan that his teammates understood University life far better than he.
The girl who invited him to volunteer called out, "Hey Crys, all is not lost, I found you The Monster."
A disembodied voice call out in reply, "I sure as hell hope he's big. If he's not big enough, then we might have to cancel the...oh shit, you are a big one. You will definitely do. Yeah, I think you'll do just fine."
"Hi, I'm Jor..."
"Perfect, no need to audition, the part is yours. You don't have a problem with being tied up do you?" That line was delivered with a leer that had Jordan looking around for the nearest exit. Then she laughed and reassured him that everything was fine, 'I was just messing with you, big guy.' She went on to explain her expectations of his role, as The Monster. Once he was properly prepared, he would be strapped to the very table of his horribly gone wrong creation, this violation of life, adrift in unending agony, forced to provide candy to those children brave enough to say, 'Trick or Treat.'
