A Month in the Heart...

A Month in the Heart of the Country Chapter 4

We woke late the next morning, or rather I did, to find Grace sleeping next to me. I spent a long time staring at her smooth face, which looked very serious when she was asleep, and it was only when I decided that she wasn't going to wake up for a while that I closed my eyes, whereupon I heard her murmur "Hey, speedo."

I opened my eyes again and she was smiling at me. We kissed, our bodies coming together again, and we rolled together a little, playing with each other like young animals.

"I'd totally do you now," she said after a while, "except that I'm starving. Any chance of some breakfast in this house?"

"There should be," I said. "I suppose we'd better face the hordes."

I blushed, thinking about what I'd done the previous night, and Grace put a calming hand on my shoulder.

"Don't be embarrassed," she said. "Well, okay, that's dumb, I'm sure you must be embarrassed. Easy enough for me to say. But don't let it wreck the rest of your holiday."

"I'll try not to," I said, and smiled at her. "How did you get to be so cool?"

"I'm just made of awesome, speedo," she said. "That and I have like, four older sisters and one younger

brother."

We got up and dressed a little shyly, facing away from each other, then when we were clothed she retreated to the bathroom to put some makeup on and I sat on the bed, fiddling with my phone, thinking about the extraordinary day-and-a-half I'd had. Two evenings ago I'd been a shy virgin; now I'd had sex with several guys, some of them up to three times, and just once with a girl.

Of all these, being with Grace had been the most satisfying. Apart from the fact that she was a girl, and I liked girls, I liked her, and fancied her, and wanted to do nice things for her. On top of which she was smart, funny and kind. Being with the guys had been . . . about finding out that I wasn't disgusted or turned off by being with guys. In fact, I could be aroused by it. But I felt no special connection to Chris, or to Danny or Ray, the way I felt to Grace.

The one of the guys who I did have feelings for was Pete, because of his gentleness, and the affectionate way he'd fucked me, but I had to admit that I was a long way off fancying him. If I were placed in a room with Grace and Pete and told to chat one of them up, I'd have gone for Grace.

I wondered if I'd be able to get into the same university as her. I'd have to look into it.

She came back into the room, smiling at me.

"It's weirdly quiet," she said. "I think everyone's gone."

"Strange," I said.

We went down to the living room to find that the remains of many breakfasts were left on the table.

"Ew," she said, wrinkling her nose at the spectacle of egg-stained plates and cutlery. "Don't they clean up after themselves?"

"I think they expect me to," I said. "After the other night I was appointed the maid."

"Well, fuck that," she said. "They can fucking clean up their own shit. Things have changed around here. I can't see any clean knives, can you?"

"Nope," I said. "Looks like that's all of them."

"Let's go out to breakfast," she said. "There's a cafe in the town. They might even have okay coffee."

"I seriously doubt that," I said, smiling, "but, good idea."

Well, I'm not going to bore you with what a lovely day we had, because it's boring to hear about how happy you can be to just be walking around with somebody else that you're falling in love with. We found a cafe that served late breakfasts and we had a delicious vegetarian fry, and the coffee wasn't completely terrible.

Then we walked it off with a long walk, arm in arm, down to the river and then down onto the beach, walking for miles, just talking and laughing and occasionally stopping to lie down and kiss.

"Can I ask a delicate question?" Grace said at one point, as we were leaving the beach and going up a long winding road that would take us eventually back to the town. She was sucking on a Chupa Chup that we'd bought in a shop on the Main Street.

"Sure."

"It was a hell of a way to lose your virginity," she said, blushing slightly. "I mean . . . to be fucked by a guy."

"Yep," I said, blushing back.

"What was it like?"

I thought for a while.

"I mean . . . I enjoyed it," I said at last. "It felt so intimate. Not to mention dirty. It did make me feel kind of tarty, and I'd never had anyone make me feel like that. I'd never had anyone look at me with lust, y'know?"

"Did it hurt?"

"No, not really, not after the first bit. It hurt going in, but once it was in, it was . . . god, it's so hard to describe. I just felt . . . it was like imagining what it would feel like to be a girl."

"Except it's your ass, and not your vag," she said sardonically.

"Well, yeah. Why? Have you never . . ."

"God, no," she said, blushing, and laughed. "I mean, I'm curious, that's why I'm asking. I've had offers, but

I've never had the nerve."

I nodded.

"Would you do it again?" she said.

"I might," I said, "if someone asked me very very nicely. Why? Are you offering?"

She stuck her lollipop into her mouth and sucked on it, staring at me, and then laughed.

"Is that even a thing?" I said, laughing incredulously.

"Sure," she said. "Not that I've ever done it. But I'd do it to you, honey."

"We might have to negotiate about that," I said. "I'm not sure I'd want to if I couldn't . . . you know."

"What?"

"If I'm gonna, why not you too?" I said, shrugging.

"Oh, really," she said, raising her eyebrows. She fell silent and we walked on for a bit. I cursed myself for

putting my foot in it.

"Sorry," I said.

"Oh, never mind," she said, squeezing my arm. "We'll see. We just met. I shouldn't even have asked you."

By the time we got back to the town we were footsore, and it was getting on for four in the afternoon. We went to the pub for a sandwich, debated having a drink and decided against it.

Then we squared ourselves, and headed back to the house.

By the time we got in, it was five, and the others were all sitting around the kitchen table.

They all looked up at us as we entered.

"Hey there," said Grace casually.

"Hi," said Chris brightly. "We've been waiting for you."

"Have you," I said, taking off my jacket.

"Yep," he said. "We've been waiting quite a while now, actually."

"Well, you shouldn't have all gone out. We were sleeping."

"Don't worry about the washing up," he said. "We took care of it."

"How very kind," I said. Chris appeared to miss the sarcasm in my voice.

"So what's up?" said Grace brightly, walking over to the table and looking at everyone. I realised that Pete wasn't there.

"Where's Pete?"

"Oh, he had to go back to Dublin," said Chris. "Some shit with his brother or something."

"He's gone?"

"Yeah."

"For good?"

"He didn't say. I assume."

I didn't like this. Pete was a civilising influence among us, and there was something about the expectant way they were looking at us that disturbed me.

Elaine broke the silence.

"So," she said flatly, "are you two . . ."

"Yeah," said Grace, casually taking my hand and squeezing it.

There was a silence. Chris looked at the others.

"Right," he said. "Right. That's gonna make things a little bit awkward."

I was in no doubt now.

"Why?" I said quietly.

"Because of our arrangement," said Chris, as if it were obvious.

"Chris," I said, "I think we're done with that now, aren't we?"

"What makes you think so?" he said.

"We liked it," said Elaine.

I was startled. I looked at Grace's friends; three of them were looking at us, clearly displeased; Lesley was staring at the table, Elaine looked frankly pissed off, and the other one, a tall, handsome girl with short red hair and glasses, was sitting with folded arms, back from the table, slightly apart from the others, staring at nothing.

"I . . . would have thought," I said carefully, "that now that we've all met people of the opposite sex that we like, the other stuff is over with."

"Just because you too are all lovey-dovey, doesn't mean the rest of us are," said Elaine, staring at me crossly. She was very pretty, but I really didn't like her all that much.

"I thought we all coupled up last night," said Grace.

"Most of us did," said Elaine. "Not all."

"But, Elaine," said Grace, "you gotta admit, this whole sex slave thing is kinda gonna get in the way of people being, you know. Intimate with each other. Jan, am I right?"

The red-haired girl glanced at Grace, shrugged slightly and nodded, conceding the reasonableness of this.

"Doesn't have to," said Chris.

I glanced at him and saw that he kept looking to Elaine for approval. I began to get an idea of what was going on.

"One of the things that we all found attractive about you lot," said Elaine, "was that you were so bloody experimental. And now it seems you're just all about boy-girl. Don't be so boring."

"Speak for yourself, Elaine," Grace said reasonably.

"Don't pretend you weren't turned on," Elaine said to her.

"Sure I was," she said, "but . . . god, I mean it's one thing to be turned on by the sight of two guys getting it on, but it's different when you get together with one of them afterwards."

"Why?" said Elaine.

"Because it is!" said Grace. "Come on! It's just normal not to want to share the person you're sleeping with, with anyone else!"

"Does he feel the same way?" said Elaine, indicating me.

"His name's Alex," said Grace.

"Yup," I said.

"Man," Chris said, shaking his head and laughing. "You are so whipped."

"I just don't see why we can't be more flexible, that's all," said Elaine. "We're young and we should play

around a bit."

"Sorry," I said to her, and turned to Chris. "Chris, are you saying that because I agree with Grace that I don't have to be the willing sex slave for the whole fuckin' house, then that makes me 'whipped'?"

"No," said Chris, but he looked caught out.

"Do you realise how fucked up that is?" I said.

"Okay, fine," he said.

"It's not fine," said Elaine. "I dunno about you lot, but the attraction for me was that we were gonna be experimental."

"You be as experimental as you want," said Grace, "and he and I will be experimental with each other."

"But I wanna experiment with him," said Elaine, and three of the other girls nodded. "Or watch them experiment with him."

"Come on," said Chris to Grace wheedlingly. "What say we go a little crazy? Huh?"

"What the fuck is this?" said Grace, annoyed. "'Grace is a Stuck-Up Prude Day'? Where are you getting off

with that?"

Chris looked puzzled. Jan glanced sourly at Elaine.

"Jan," said Grace, "what do you think of all this?"

"I think it's a bunch of crap, Gracie," said Jan. She, too, sounded American.

"So wait," I said, "exactly how many people want us to go on just like before last night?"

Chris and Elaine put up their hands, followed by Danny, Ray, Steve and the three girls whose names I didn't know. Lesley looked uncomfortable. Jan, Grace and I kept our hands down.

"I think it's worth talking about," Lesley mumbled. I looked at Grace. She was staring at her friends, her face a cold mask.

I realised that if I buckled and went along with it, she would never forgive me.

"Sorry, guys, but we're free agents," I said. "It was fun, but you're gonna have to get over it."

There was a silence.

Chris broke it by standing up. "Alex," he said, "can I talk to you outside for a minute?"

I shrugged.

"Sure."

He and I went out through the kitchen to the back garden. Chris looked at the ground and scratched his head.

"See, it's a bit difficult," he said. "The girls are only interested in hanging out if we do more stuff with you."

"Well, sorry," I said, "but I don't have to do anything I don't want to do."

"Of course not," he said. "Of course not. But there are, um. Complications."

"What sort of complications?"

"This is all coming from Elaine," he said. "You can see yourself, she's a hottie but she's a bit of a bee-atch. And what it amounts to . . . okay, we were all agreed that whatever we did around here, stayed down here, yeah?"

"Yeah," I said, a cold feeling creeping over me.

"Well, of course, we'd never break that," he said, "me and the guys wouldn't. But the girls aren't exactly bound by that. And Elaine has, like . . . some pictures."

"You're fucking kidding me," I said, my stomach turning over.

"Not just of you. Of me and Ray and Danny, too. And I've seen them, Alex, and it's not like there's any disguising who's in them. Or what's goin' down. So . . ."

He blew out his cheeks and stared off into the middle distance.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I muttered. The idea of pictures of me being fucked by other guys and sucking another guy's cock, being circulated by someone who didn't like me . . . I was all up for experimentation as long as it was in private. But no way was I prepared to come out to the whole world as bisexual -- not like

that, anyway.

"So we're in a position," he said. "She has us by the balls, man. So what I'm asking . . . look, Grace is great, I'm chuffed you two have found each other. But can you not talk to her? Just make her okay with it. It's only for a couple of weeks, and at the end of it we'll have her take the pictures off her phone. It doesn't mean that you two aren't gonna have a good time."

"Three weeks," I reminded him. My mouth was dry. I didn't like the idea of having to talk Grace around to anything. Also, I was angered to feel myself being coerced. This was fucked up. The sensible thing to would have been to walk away -- except that Elaine could out me and the other guys with a push of a button.

"She has us over a barrel, man," said Chris dejectedly. I felt perversely sorry for him, even though I knew he was still keen to go on with the arrangement.

"I'll talk to her," I said. "I can't guarantee anything."

"Good man," he said, and to my surprise he gave me a brief hug, and we went in.

I signalled to Grace from just inside the kitchen, and as Chris sat down, she came out to join me.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Chris says that Elaine has photos on her phone of what happened last night, and if we don't go along, she's gonna send them to people."

Grace's jaw dropped.

"That fucking cunt," she breathed.

"Does that sound like something Elaine would do?"

"Unfortunately, yes," she said, and she put a hand on her hip and another on her forehead and turned aside and went "

Fuuuuuuck

."

"This person is your friend how?" I said.

"She's a friend of Lesley's," Grace said. "She's also got money. She's a spoiled fucking brat and this is exactly the kind of shit she likes to pull. See, this is why I never made out with her. I just don't fucking like her."

"And just going home isn't really an option," I added.

"Because she'll spread the love," Grace said. "Fucking genius. Jesus, you know, so far, you are the

only

good thing about this trip."

My heart gave a little bump at this. She sighed, turned to me, put her arms around me and embraced me.

"I don't wanna have to share," she whined. "It's not fair."

"Yeah," I said. "I don't want to either, but . . . as you said last night, I mean . . . it could be kind of awesome. Sort of."

"Could be," she muttered. "But won't be. This is how people get hurt."

She was right, I thought. It was ridiculous to suppose that Grace wouldn't get jealous. Our budding romance was doomed almost before it had got started.

"Yeah," I said, "it's not fair to expect you to just sit back and watch all that."

"No," she mumbled, then she paused, and looked up at me.

"That's it," she said, looking suddenly excited.

"What?"

"Why should I have to sit back?" she said. "Why should you get to be the only one?"

It took me a moment to realise what she meant, and when I understood, I shook my head no, horrified.

"Oh Jesus," she said, half-to-herself, as if realising the implications of what she was saying. "Yeah. No, Alex. I'll do it on condition that you don't have to do it by yourself."

"But, you . . ."

"Not necessarily me," she said. "We could draw straws, or . . . no! Fuck it! We'll play poker, like you guys did! Loser gets to pay the ultimate forfeit! Come on, don't tell me your friends wouldn't be into that!"

"They would," I admitted, "but does that mean I'll have to sit back and watch you?"

"No," she said. "If we have a rule that both slaves have to serve at the same time. Anyway, I might not win. It could be Elaine."

"Would she go for that?"

"If the others pressure her," she said. "And anyway, she'll be gambling that it'll be me. Let's do it, come on, before I change my mind. Oh god, this is

sooo

fucked."

She laughed hollowly, and I grabbed her, and we kissed.

"If they do go for it," I said, "I hope it is you and I hope it isn't you."

"Me too," she said, and we kissed again, and went inside.

Re-entering the kitchen, Grace walked up to the table, folded her arms and stared at Elaine.

"I'll tell you what," she said. "You want to be experimental. Fine. Let's be experimental."

Elaine started to smile, but then Grace held up a hand.

"We're fine with continuing the arrangement," she said, "but only on one condition."

"What's that," said Elaine flatly.

"We're gonna have a little poker game," Grace said. "Just the women."

The three girls looked at her in horror. Lesley went pale. Jan smirked. Elaine, too, went pale, staring at Grace with an expression I couldn't read.

"No prizes for the winner," Grace went on. "But the biggest loser has to have the same status as Alex. And whenever Alex is being our bitch, so is the loser. For as long as it's going on."

"Oh no," said one of the three girls.

"No," said another one. They were practically hugging themselves in fear.

"Jan doesn't have to do it," Grace went on, implacable, "because she didn't want to continue the arrangement

in the first place."

"Oh no," said Jan mildly, "I'll play. It's only fair."

"I'm not playing," said one of the girls, standing up. "I'll get the next bus home. I'm not being anyone's fucking sex slave."

"Grace," said Lesley wearily, "come on . . ."

"No, no," said Grace, staring at Elaine. "That's fair. Otherwise we're all going the fuck home, right?"

"No," said Chris, looking panicky, "you can't go, come on!"

"Shut up, Chris, sorry," said Grace, "this is a girl thing."

"I won't do it," said the third girl, standing up and putting on her jacket.

"Looks like we don't have the stomach for it," said Grace, shrugging and smiling at Elaine.

"Wait," said Elaine calmly. There was a silence. She looked at the other girls, and at the rest of us, and then looked back at Grace.

"No need for everyone to go home," she said. "Yeah. I'll play poker. But just you and me. Head to head. If you win, fine. You can do whatever you want to me. If I win, you're gonna be our bitch, just like Alex. Deal?"

Grace flushed. To a certain extent her bluff had been called, and I saw her jaw working as she considered it.

"Deal," she said.

The three girls sat down again, and I sensed the massive excitement of the guys at this new turn. One of the two young women -- either small, pretty, English, foul-mouthed Elaine, or crop-headed, glasses-wearing, tattooed, San Franciscan Grace -- was soon going to be joining me as the group's sex slave.

I was an agony of nerves. On one level I wanted it to be Elaine, so she could be punished for her greediness; I was fairly sure she would't like being made to service five women and five guys. But it was lonely, being the one who the others treated as a sex toy, and the only person who could have made it not lonely was Grace, except that I didn't like the idea of her having to submit to all the others. I wanted her for myself.