Note: This is the third installment of a multi-part story. Start with A Cure for Panic: Sessions 1 and 2
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***Session 4
When I arrived at the clinic for my fourth session, Janet, the receptionist, immediately stood to greet me with a bottle of water in hand. She was wearing a V-neck sweater with buttons down the front that revealed a large portion of her heaving breasts.
I glanced at her desk and noticed a picture of her with a tall man and five young children including an infant. So I wasn't just imagining her maternal nature!
"I sure do hope things are starting to improve for you!" she said sincerely. "I know how darn challenging those treatments can be here."
"Thanks," I said, startled again by her openness.
"Remember, I'm part of the team trying to do whatever it takes for you to get better. An' I got a hunch things are going to go just dandy today! Now, please follow me." Janet gave me her now-familiar wink.
Walking down the hall, I couldn't take my eyes off Janet's bountiful ass as it swayed left and right. Her round cheeks were testing the limits of how far her jeans could stretch. I was so entranced that I didn't even notice she had led me to a different room than usual until I stepped inside. It was much better decorated than the regular office. A well-crafted wooden desk stood in the middle with a comfortable-looking plush lounge chair facing it. There was no one-way glass and on the wall hung a set of diplomas and certificates with Dr. Madeline Duke's name on them. I took a seat in the chair.
"Good, I'm happy you came back," said a serious voice behind me. "As you can see, this is my personal office."
Dr. Madeline appeared and sat down at her desk. Like the other days, she was wearing a blouse (this time red) and a form-fitting black skirt. I also noticed she had left the third button of her shirt undone and some tight, invisible undergarment lifted her large breasts and accentuated her deep cleavage. It made it appear as though her chest might even rival Janet's.
"Very very nice," I commented, ostensibly about the office. "But why are we here?"
"I'd first like to ask you about your week. How did things go with your wife?"
I told Dr. Madeline all of the details I could remember and how my week had been more difficult than usual.
The psychologist listened intently to my story. She nodded knowingly when I mentioned the panic setting in as my wife spoke of her breasts growing from pregnancy.
"I couldn't even do the homework that Seema assigned. Clearly, I need to work with her a lot more to get past this. Where is she anyway?"
"Listen," Dr. Madeline said with a concerned voice. "I saw what happened last week. Some of what Seema did was unethical and, worse yet, it set back your progress."
"Do you really think so?" I asked.
"I know so. Seema will no longer be meeting with you. To get back on track, I'll be taking over our sessions. I'm confident we can undo some of the damage that was done."
I was shocked. I thought Seema was helping me...and I liked the way she was going about it. On the other hand, I felt relieved that there was some explanation for what had happened this week and I was happy to get more time with Dr. Madeline, who seemed much more experienced and confident than Seema was.
Dr. Madeline continued, "I'll admit that Seema was onto something in her approach. However, she did not appropriately assess your hierarchy of fear. We need to take a more methodical approach to make sure that we don't overwhelm you with the exposure exercises or get...distracted...by activities that do not provoke your fears."
I wasn't quite sure what she was getting at, but I nodded along with her. I was captivated by the unwavering eye contact she was making through her dark-rimmed glasses as she spoke. She projected an air of extreme control and competence. I believed she could help me and I felt ready to do whatever she asked.
"Now, we know that each week you've had a panic attack as you prepared to have sex with your wife. We suspect this is due to your fears of starting a family. However, Seema's decision to go straight to intercourse exposure was likely too intense for your body to handle. I'm interested in other things that are associated with fertility that might produce a more manageable response in your body."
"Like what?" I asked.
Dr. Madeline rolled her chair around the desk so that she was now right in front of me. She pressed her knees together, ensuring I saw nothing under her skirt. "Well, I've been thinking. At our first meeting, we were struggling to find a trigger for you. Then that little mishap happened with the spinning exercise, remember?" She grinned playfully.
"Oh yes, I remember!" I could detect a hint of the flowery perfume I smelled that day when I had been smothered by her bosom. The scent stirred up a slight urge in my loins.
"I record my sessions from the observation room, and I rewatched that part. I noticed that when you were on the ground, you raised your hand up. Was that to indicate panic symptoms?"
"It was," I replied. "You had fallen on me and I found it difficult to breathe. I was choking."
"Yes, I see. I also know from your sessions with Seema, that there is an important link between arousal and fear for you. Would you say that you only experience the panic when you are also aroused?"
"I think I've learned that through this therapy, yes."
"Then, I'm wondering, when I fell on you, you were having those panic symptoms, therefore..." Dr. Madeline paused, her eyes narrowed and she pulled her shoulders back just slightly causing her chest to rise and push towards me. "Therefore, you must have also been aroused by these."
"Well, I..." I had to suppress the fleeting desire to reach out and get a handful of her magnificent breasts.
"You don't have to say it. I know you were because you left a little evidence on my leg. It's a good thing I found it before anyone else did!"
I froze, glancing at her wedding ring.
She smiled warmly again. "It's ok, I'm only teasing you! I know these are automatic processes. But I do think I gained some insight into how to proceed."
"What are you proposing?"
"It seems to me, from your experience this week with your wife and at our first session with me, that breasts may be an additional, lower intensity trigger for your panic symptoms. It makes sense. The bosom is a source of life-giving sustenance and a symbol of motherhood. I think we should start our exposure exercises there."
"I think I'm following you Dr. Madeline," I said, unable to prevent my eyes from looking down at her rack. She caught me this time.
"Mmhmm, that's the spirit!" she encouraged, teasing me, and raising a hand to playfully lift one of her heavy mounds. "However, I have another idea, if you're ok to proceed down this route."
"You're the doctor," I said, embarrassed from being caught.
"Great, then I'll be right back." Dr. Madeline left the room.
She returned a short time later gesturing to someone in the hallway. "I believe you two have already met..."
Into the room walked Janet, the full-bodied redhead receptionist, looking as cheerful as ever.
"Let me introduce you more formally. Janet has worked here for almost six years now. She is wonderful at her job, and she's the proud mother of five beautiful children. In fact, she just came off maternity leave."
Janet beamed and a ruddy blush formed on her light freckled cheeks. "Oh, you are too kind!"
"In preparation for our session today, I spoke with her this week about helping out with your treatment."
"Maddie told me all about your little attacks, and I knew I just had to help!"
I started thinking about breaches of confidentiality, but at that moment Janet crossed her arms across her chest, elevating and expanding her enormous tits. My dick jumped and my mind went blank.
Dr. Madeline continued, "Janet is going to help us with something called graded exposure. We'll begin with an exercise that causes you just a moderate amount of fear and work our way up in small increments until we reach more challenging stimuli."
"That makes sense," I agreed, looking at Janet as took a seat in the chair directly in front of me.
"The trick, in your case, is that we must strike a balance between fear and arousal. If you are too afraid, then the panic will overwhelm you. If, like last week, your arousal surpasses your fear, then no new learning will occur and your progress will stagnate or regress."
"I see."
"Instead of you telling me your SUDS, I'd like to monitor your heartrate with this wristband." Dr. Madeline knelt down in front of me and slid the device over my hand. She turned her laptop around and my heartbeat became a silent, jagged line on the screen.
"Shall we begin?" Dr. Madeline moved behind my left shoulder, just out of sight. Her voice lowered. "Close your eyes. We'll start with some mindfulness. Try to focus on your breathing, in and out, there's no need to speed up or slow down your breath."
Her voice had become soothing, hypnotic even, and almost instantly I felt the tension start to leave my shoulders and back.
"Keep following your breath and if you notice thoughts or feelings creeping into your consciousness, gently bring your attention back to your breath. We'll do this for a few minutes."
I did the exercise as best I could, but I was distracted by the knowledge that Janet was watching me do this. Behind closed eyelids, all I could see at first was the tantalizing abyss of her cleavage. After three or four minutes, I noticed my mind seemed less busy and I was able to wrangle my attention back to my breath more easily.
"Now," came Dr. Madeline's deep voice, closer to me than before, "as we visualize the following things, we'll watch to see if anything elicits the panic symptoms."
She continued, "Imagine your wife is here with you in the room. She's sitting in the chair in front of you."
I could see the image in my mind. I loved my wife and was very attracted to her.
