A Christmas Card From an Old Flame

A Christmas Card from an Old Flame

Johnny Boy had never gotten over Alexis' beautiful boobs

**

I came home a little late from work and saw that Mary had left the stack of mail at the usual spot.

"Anything interesting arrive?" I asked.

"It's mostly pleas from charities for last minute, tax deductible gifts. The only personal mail is a Christmas card from your old girlfriend," she replied.

Shit. Here we go.

"Her boobs still look great. Why is she trying to torture me?" Mary asked.

"Mary, she's just a provocative person. She doesn't even know you, and she's not trying to torture you!" I said.

"I guess you're right. She's just trying to titillate my husband," Mary said.

"Mary, must we have this argument every year?" I asked.

"Must she send you her boobs every year? What is it this time? Naked with pasties over her nipples?" Mary asked. That's what it was last year, I recalled. Alexis has seriously hot boobs. I secretly kept all of her Xmas cards; later, much later, I could use them to see how gorgeous boobs change as the owner ages. Maybe I could write it up for the

New England Journal of Boobs

or something. I can see the title now: A Statistical Study of Beautiful Boobs.

"You haven't opened it and looked?" I asked.

"It's addressed only to you and not to occupant. It's against US Postal Regulations to open someone else's mail. Unlike you, I obey the law," Mary said.

"I'm sure Louis DeJoy would be fine with you opening a Christmas card. We're married, after all," I replied.

"Do you hereby authorize me to open mail addressed to you from former lovers?" Mary asked, raising an eyebrow.

I grabbed the envelope and opened it. Uh-oh. Oh, shit.

"Let me see!" Mary cried out, seeing my face as I looked at the card. She grabbed it out of my hands. "Oh my! She's going all out, this time. Look, she wrote a note."

Mary proceeded to read the note. I hadn't read it yet, myself. Mary read it aloud:

My dearest John,

I hope you remember me. If not, maybe this photo of my boobs will jar your memory? Anyway, good news! I'm coming to New York. Want to meet for a drink and ...?

I still love you, Alexis

"Does the bitch know you're in love with me? And married to me?" Mary asked.

"We invited her to the wedding, Mary. Surely you remember the fight we had about inviting her? She gave us the blue bowl you love and serve fruit salad in every time we have company," I calmly said.

"So what does she mean 'for a drink and dot dot dot?' Does she want to roll around on a bed with you?" Mary asked.

"Probably. She always was very sexual. You may remember that she's the one where --"

"Yes, I remember. No need to remind me. It's hard to believe any woman with boobs like hers could be so limber," Mary sniped.

"Mary, are you jealous?"

"Of course I am, you moron. Your old flame Alexis has boobs that could take a gold medal in the Boob Olympics, she flaunts them at you in a Christmas Card, which must be sacrilegious somehow, and she hints she wants to fuck you like old times again, and you wonder if I'm jealous? Seriously?" Mary said.

I kind of chuckled.

"You know, I might not have been able to steal you away from Alexis if she hadn't betrayed you by fucking the Holden Twins. Remember? Not that I blame her. If I had boobs like hers, I'll bet I could have fucked the twins, too," Mary said.

"You had eyes only for me," I smugly replied.

"For you and for the Holden Twins. I'll have to ask Mary when I see her if the rumors are true, or not," Mary said.

"What rumors?" I asked.

May blushed. She's so fetching when she blushes.

"What rumors?" I asked again.

"That their cocks are identical, and both rather big," Mary blurted out. "What are you doing?" Her voice betrayed alarm.

"Texting Alexis. I'm telling her I'd love to have a drink with her, and I'll bring my jealous wife Mary with me," I said.

"Don't --"

"I didn't call you jealous; don't worry. I'd like to see Alexis again, and with you there, there'll be no worries. Wouldn't you like to meet her, finally?"

"No," Mary replied.

My phone beeped. It was a text from Alexis:

That's great. Please do bring Mary. I'll bring the Holden Twins. I married only one of them, since bigamy is frowned on, but really, morally, they're both my husbands

I looked at Mary. She was smiling. "It's high time I met your old girlfriend Alexis. Count me in."

"You just want to fuck the Holden Twins," I teased. "Again," I added.

"Well, Alexis can't fuck them both at once. She'll need a little help," Mary teased back.

"Of course, she can fuck them both at once. Alexis uses all three holes. Trust me; I know," I said, in one of my stupider moments.

Mary is excited you're bringing the Holden Twins

I texted back.

Great. Mary can enjoy my husbands, while I enjoy you. We'll have a husband swap. Can't wait!

came the reply text.

Mary blushed. "Well, I can try. I don't have Alexis' boobs, but I'm told my pussy is fantastic."

"Who tells you that?" I said, faking jealousy.

"I wonder if the Holden twins will remember my pussy? They've certainly forgotten about my boobs by now," Mary wondered aloud.

"I thought you didn't know about the cocks of the Holden Twins? You said that earlier," I pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess I did. Well, I don't remember exactly, since I was so stoned and drunk at the time, I wasn't all that aware, but they both fucked me, and one time during the night I think they double penetrated me," Mary said, with a faraway look in her eyes. The look her in her eyes meant to me that she was remembering all the orgasms the twins gave her. "This time I'll pay attention. Maybe even I'll bring a tape measure."

"They both fucked you?" I knew it had to be the case, but I wanted Mary finally to admit it.

"Yeah. You didn't notice, because you were worshipping at the altar of Alexis' boobs. We could hear her moans and screams as you fucked her, but good. Small wonder she wants a repeat. I get you all the time, and I suppose it's cruel to the rest of humanity not to share you, but frankly, my dear, I don't want to," Mary said, channeling Rhett Butler from

Gone with the Wind.

She relieved a little anxiety that was building up inside me.

"However, if I can relive the Holden Twins, while you get your rocks off with Alexis and drive her to paradise again, well, that might work out fine, don't you think? One thing: I want to see those boobs for myself, okay? I mean, want to see them in-the-flesh," Mary said.

"I'm not okay with this, Mary. You really want to fuck the Holden Twins?" I asked. "You're my wife; remember?"

"Do you want to fuck little Miss Gorgeous Boobs again?" Mary shot back.

"It's Mrs. Gorgeous Boobs. She's married, you know. Like us," I said.

Mary glared at me.

"Well, her boobs are, indeed, truly gorgeous," I said. I was going to add it's different if I stray, a little, in pursuit of boobs perfection, but wisely, I didn't.

"They're sexy as all get-out, too," Mary agreed.

"This isn't going to work. I can't handle you in bed with other men. I'll text Alexis back to forget it," I said.

"How about we don't use a bed then? Or, Alexis and I could have some girl-on-girl action, first? You can watch. Then you can fuck each of us?" Mary proposed. "We could leave the Holden Twins out of this if it threatens your delicate masculine ego?"

**

Alexis and the Holden Twins came out for a New York visit during the week between Christmas and New Year. It was not propitious for marital fidelity. I had long since gotten over Alexis and her amazing boobs. I was immune to her sex appeal, which was ten times stronger than the force of gravity.

It turns out I was wrong. Nevertheless, don't get me wrong. I love Mary with all my heart and with all my soul, but Alexis is an instantaneous hard-on generator. She is the sexiest woman on Planet Earth, and she's coming to New York, at least in part, to have some nostalgic sex with me. I finally viscerally understood the power Cleopatra had over Marc Antony.

You have to understand: Alexis can have any man she wants, any time she wants. Married, single, old, young, it doesn't matter. She's irresistible. And she wants me. Talk about an ego boost! Can I handle, however, Mary taking on the Holden twins (again, apparently)? That slutty behavior was before we married. Now, however, we're married. Is nostalgia sex, especially with Mary taking on twins, who are rumored to have big cocks, really a good idea?

¡NO, OF COURSE IT'S NOT!

I decided all this was a bad idea, and Mary readily agreed. So, it was with relief that Mary and I went to meet Alexis and her husbands, the Holden Twins, in midtown, at their hotel. We had no intention of doing anything sexual. It was just seeing someone who once was special to me, and to let Mary finally meet her in person. That's all it was; really!

Their hotel was the upscale Sofitel, part of a French chain. The NY Sofitel was infamous for being the hotel where the powerful French politician Dominique Strauss-Kahn, known as DSK, attempted to rape a young hotel maid, from some African country; Guinea, I think. She was named Nafissatou Diallo.

That, of course, is why Alexis chose to stay there. She even asked for the "DSK room," but the receptionist just said, "Of course," and gave her whatever room the computer had assigned for her. It's not easy to work in the service industry.

We met in the bar of the Sofitel. Alexis was not there. She was in the bathroom, we were told, which is two flights down, in the sub-basement. 'Take the elevator, around the corner.' The Holden Twins took one look at Mary and they smiled broadly. Mary looked as if she had suddenly been hypnotized.

"Come on, Mary. Our room is great. Want to see it?" the twins said together, rising as one, and the mesmerized Mary did not even look at me as she rose, to follow them to their hotel room. The twins asked me to wait for Alexis. I did, and a few minutes later she appeared. I was glad Mary was upstairs, looking at the Twins' room with its 'spectacular view,' and she didn't see my reaction to the fabulous sight of Alexis, all dolled up in a top that had more sequins than Elton John could ever even imagine wearing. My reaction to this second coming of the incarnation of Venus was akin to an iron filing meeting a super strong magnet. All Alexis had to do was to smile at me, and I melted like an ice cube in a hot oven.

We sat and talked. It must have been at least twenty minutes, and Mary and the Holden Twins had not returned. I became alarmed. How long does it take to look at a small hotel room and its view, anyway?

Alexis saw me looking at my watch. "Are you worried about Mary?" she asked. I nodded. "Don't worry, John, the twins won't hurt her. They'll be gentle, especially with her ass."

"We agreed to no fucking," I said.

"That's disappointing, John. Well, as for Mary, I'm afraid the no fucking ship sailed away around 20 minutes ago," Alexis said, smiling broadly.

"Don't be silly. Nobody could seduce Mary that fast, especially when she's married to me. She couldn't, she wouldn't do that," I gamely said. Being gone for twenty minutes, however, did make me wonder.

"It's going to be a while. They want to fuck her every which way but Sunday. You know, it's really nice of you to lend her to them. It gives me a nice rest. The twins can really wear out a girl. You always were such a sweetheart. Mary will be so happy when they finally bring her back to us."

"You're wrong. Mary would never betray me like that," I said. Alexis just smiled. It was the smile a woman gives a child who does not understand how the world works.

"Why did we, you and me, break up, anyway? Was it because you met Mary? You know I still love you. And I still haven't even met Mary yet!"

"You might have if you had shown up at our wedding, you know. Shall we go to your room and I'll introduce you?" I asked.

"Oh, I'd hate to interrupt the good time the twins are having with her! You must know that I couldn't have gone to your wedding, and see you betrothed and in love with some other woman. No, I couldn't possibly have done that," Alexis said.

"Boy, she's certainly flexible!" Alexis added, looking at her phone. "She's really pretty, too. Nice boobs. Oh! Oh, my! She's got a great ass, too. Mark sure likes her ass. He's an ass aficionado, you know. Andy always goes for the pussy. She can take him easily, too. That's a good sign. You married well, John, but then, you always do things well."

"The Twins sent you a video of them enjoying Mary's charms? Already?" I asked. I felt sick.

"Yes. Does Mary do tantric yoga? Or is that Kamasutra stuff? Want to see?"

"I think it's better for my marriage if I don't look at it," I said.

"Are you sure? It's really hot. Mary is having the time of her life," she said.

"Why don't you send it to me? I can use it during the divorce," I said.

"You haven't lost your sense of humor. I always loved that about you," Alexis said.

"What else did you love about me?" I asked.

"The way you kiss, of course. Listen, the twins have your Mary in our room, having fun, but the hotel has great bathrooms in the sub-basement that nobody seems to use. There's an elegant couch in the woman's room down there. Want to go?" Alexis asked. "I'll show you my boobs in person?"

"Lay on, Macduff," I said.

Alexis led me downstairs to the women's room, and sure enough there was a lovely couch it, sitting on a marble floor, with marble tiled walls, soft lighting, and sticks in a jar giving off the scent of pine trees. It was perfectly suitable for a woman indisposed, due to menstrual cramps, to lie on comfortably. As it turns out, it was also perfect for a naked woman with championship boobs to lie on, while she spreads her legs, and welcomes her former lover as if he was her one and only, and not one of her many.

"You're even better than I remember," Alexis said. "I've missed you, Johnny Boy." I had forgotten that Alexis liked to call me Johnny Boy. "Too bad we can't smoke. I have some dynamite weed."

"Hey remember how we used to get stoned, and you'd go topless on campus while we kissed?" I asked.

"Do I ever!" Alexis replied. "You know, John, you gave me my first ever orgasm? It was your fault I became the promiscuous slut that I am. I was always trying to recapture the magic of the orgasms you gave me, that time we were making out on the floor of my sister's apartment, and you managed to get my bra off for the first time. Do you remember?"

"Yes, of course. I remember every detail," I said.

"I'm sure you do, because you're hard again. Doggy style this time?" Alexis asked.

**

Two hours later we were upstairs, back at the bar. Only two women had entered the elegant, marble tiled women's room in the sub-basement, while we were, uh, busy, and they ignored us and simply did their business. You've got to love New York. Resurfacing, I quickly saw that Mary and the twins were nowhere to be found at the bar. I began to get concerned, but Alexis was calm.

"The Twins are just showing Mary a good time. You'd be surprised how many women have never had a threesome with two men. It takes time, you know. I feel sorry for those women missing out. Is this Mary's first time with two men?" Alexis asked. She didn't know, or had forgotten, that long ago the Holden Twins had introduced Mary to the debauched side of sexual fun.

I sent Mary a text, but there was no reply. Alexis, however, got another video from her husbands, and a naked Mary was once again the star. "Mary's quite a girl. It's not easy to deep throat like that. She's taken Mark's entire schlong down her throat. It's even harder to do that when Andy is fucking you fast and hard. Trust me; I know," Alexis said.

So, it was true: The Twins had seduced Mary, for the second time in her life, and she was cheating on me in real time. Of course, I had just finished cheating on her with my first true love, the amazing Alexis, the incarnation of the goddess Venus, come to life.

"John, why did you dump me for Mary? Was it because she had that blue-ribbon education, and all I had were great boobs? I always figured you wanted a smart woman, someone you could talk with. All we had in common was sex. It was great sex, to be sure, but that's all it was, was sex. I know I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer," Alexis said. "We're both good people, though, not full of hate like some others. We had that in common, too."

"No, you're wrong. It wasn't that. I just couldn't handle you fucking the twins behind my back," I said.

"Yeah, that was my other theory. It wasn't really behind your back. I let you watch, remember? It was just for the first time, however. You declined from then on," Alexis said. "No woman in her right mind can resist the twins, both at once. They're like an orgasm generating machine."

"The first time, you will recall, I was tied up and had no choice but to watch," I said.

Alexis giggled. "Well, you could have closed your eyes; but yeah, I guessed wrong. I thought you were kinkier than you were, and I lost you, because of it. Like I said, I wasn't too smart back then. I'm still not that smart, I suppose. Well, live and learn, I always say. You really are great, you know. The Twins can't compare to you, and there are two of them, too!"

"I'd give up the twins if I could have you back, John. I'm glad you still like having sex with me. It was fun watching the face of that woman who entered the bathroom while you were fucking my ass. I think we blew her mind!" Alexis giggled. "I think she was jealous."

"I think she was about to tell us to go get a room, but she thought better of it and just shook her head in disgust," I said.

"I know! Exactly! You know what I would have said, if you had paused long enough for me to be able to speak?" Alexis asked.

"No. Something clever though, I'm sure," I replied.

"I would have said 'I have a room. My husband is in it, and he's using the bed.' It would be the truth, too, you know?" she said.

"Yes, sadly I do know."

"Listen," I said, after a brief pause. "I hope Mary agrees with you, about preferring me to the twins."

"Of course, she will. She may be glassy eyed this evening, but that's just due to the drugs the twins doubtless gave her, I'm sure. Tomorrow's a new day, and we can hear what she has to say."

"The twins drugged Mary?" I asked.

"Just a little ecstasy, I'm sure. Nothing to worry about. After all, they seem to remember that's what Mary was on the last time they tag teamed her. They told me Mary is a highly sensual person, with a strong sex drive. They love women like that. Apparently, a little ecstasy, combined with a love of threesomes, goes a long way for women like your wife."

Alexis got a text. "They're done. Mary wore them out in record time! She must be quite the little woman. Let's go upstairs. Finally, I'll get to meet this wonderful woman, who's stolen your heart."

"Be kind to her, Alexis. She's more insecure than you are," I said. "She just broke her marriage vows and just had wild sex. She may be worried about how I'll react." I had just done the same down in the sub-basement, I didn't say aloud, but thought to myself.

"You know, lover boy, if I wanted to, I could steal you from her," Alexis said.

"You wouldn't want to lose the love of your Pittsburgh friends," I said. I remembered Alexis always had a thing for Pittsburgh, and especially the Squirrel Hill neighborhood. "Or, your big Hoosier fan club. I don't share my wife."

Alexis raised an eyebrow when I made that pronouncement, since Mary was having a one-woman-two-men orgy upstairs, and I seemed relatively calm downstairs with my own lover, the amazing Alexis.

"Touché," Alexis said.

"Okay, stiff upper lip, and let's go see our cheating spouses, shall we?" I said. I stood, looked down Alexis' blouse at those parts of her gorgeous boobs one could see that way, and I took Alexis' hand as we walked to the bank of elevators.