There's nothing worse than two divorced guys sitting around watching television on a Saturday night. Lamar lost everything when his wife took everything he owned. All he had left after he got home from work that day was the car and the clothes he had on his back. I wasn't much better off. The only difference seemed to be in the bills that were left behind. In this department, I was the ultimate loser. Still I managed to get a tiny apartment behind an old house on the outskirts of town. When I found out Lamar's troubles, we decided to chip in together.
On this particular night, I didn't find much on television that excited me. In fact, I ready to head to bed. The window air conditioner was barely spitting out any cool air and I was drenched with sweat. Since we were both in jeans, it just became a matter of time before someone asked the awkward question.
"Dude," said Lamar, "What is wrong with that stupid air conditioner?"
"I don't think it worked since we the day we moved in," I said.
"I hate to say it," said Lamar, "But I got to lose the jeans."
"Okay," I said, tentatively.
Lamar chuckled.
"What's wrong?" asked Lamar, "Are you afraid of a black man's dick?"
With one raised eyebrow, I nodded. I found it strange that Lamar would ask such a thing. I knew Lamar exaggerated his sexual exploits to the guys at work. In fact, I didn't know many men who didn't stretch the truth somewhat when it came to sex. Since I wasn't much of a ladies man, I kept my mouth shut when the boys at worked talked about sex.
In fact, the last year or so was a disappointment. I had a feeling my wife had someone on the side, but I could never prove it. In fact, my wife made the past year a living hell. Her language had changed and I became of object of her anger and scorn. After a while, I actually looked forward to going to work. I did a great job of hiding the truth from everyone, but all the sleepless nights on the couch created bags under my eyes. Since there was never any money or food in the house, I started to lose weight at a dangerous rate. People were actually worried about me and how sickly I looked. When the truth came out about my wife leaving me, many people had already guessed at what had been happening all along.
"For all I know," I said, "You might have some twelve inch dick."
Lamar frowned.
"How did you know?" asked Lamar.
I put my hands up in protest.
"Hey," I said, "It was just a joke."
"What?" asked Lamar, "Are you looking in my pants while I sleep?"
Suddenly, I realized that Lamar was serious.
"Really?" I asked, "Is it really that big?"
Lamar nodded his head.
