Not gonna lie, I got a boner staring into his eyes. It was so fucking embarrassing, and I panicked thinking,
"What the fuck dude!"
I'm not even into guys! I hope he doesn't notice. I wanted to look away so badly, but this was no ordinary staring contest. Tristan's Men's Circles were all about challenging your self, doing the work - raising your vibration and your consciousness.
His Shadow Work session the night before was awesome. So many Guys integrating their trauma, becoming aware. So many bear-hugs and tears of relief. The yurt was hot with the sweat and steam of thirty Men supporting each other thru their own personal journey toward wholeness and higher understanding.
We danced hard after that, barefoot and sober round the fire - at one with our Divine Masculine. Osara's Ecstatic set at the Kundalini Stage was incredible. Never knew you could get such a rush without substances. Then in the wee hours, about sunrise, every Fella took his bird back to his tent or camper van and fucked her on the Aztec throws.
My girl Amber was tired, but I wasn't letting that get in the way of a Tantric shag. And mate, Yoga Bros don't use johnnies. I bet there wasn't a single solitary condom on the whole Festival site. How many yoga chics you reckon came home with a baby on the way? Honestly, the best Medicine Festival yet!
Either way, after a party like the one Saturday night, I wasn't expecting everyone to rise for Tristan's Sunday morning Circle. But when I got there it was just me. I rose early, still buzzin'. Even had time for a skinny dip in the lake before doing my Ashtanga yoga routine, and a little breath-work and meditation. I thought SOMEONE else would be up and about to join us. But no. Just me.
Tristan was unbothered. Seemed pleased in fact, saying we got a chance to do a one-on-one, and go deeper than he could with a large group. I was so up for it. I really look up to Tris, with his two little kids, and his conscious podcast taking off everywhere. AND he's a sick trance Dj. He just seems so sorted and handsome. He's like ten years older than me, but if I can achieve half the things he's done by that age I'll be glad.
His sacred geometry tattoos are unreal, covering his whole back and neck. I've had work done on my forearms, thinking it could become wicked sleeves eventually, but it's nothing to compare with Tris.
The chance to get a one-on-one session with him was rad.
"Let's tackle vulnerability," he smiled, tying his dreads up on top of his head, "Men struggle with this maybe more than anything else, but opening up, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is a gift to ourselves, and to others."
Entering the yurt with him, I nodded with exaggerated eagerness.
"Vulnerability will teach you things about yourself you never realised. It's the other side of the Warrior archetype, and relates to the Fool and the Lovers in the Tarot. If you can fully integrate your vulnerability, it will mirror and temper your shadow. It will complete you."
"Sounds incredible," I beamed with admiration.
"It is. You ready to begin?"
"Let's do it."
And so we sat down and stared into each other's eyes. Dudes never make long eye-contact, and Tris knew it would be awkward. But did he know it was giving me a stiffy in my pants?
"I can see this is hard for you, that's good though don't fight it," he told me, seeming not to have blinked this whole time.
His choice of words made me squirm within, but I tried not to show it.
"It's ok," he continued, "look into me. The eyes are windows to our soul. We're sharing our souls - you and me."
I wanted to connect, to share Tristan's soul, but I couldn't get over the shame and nerves. It felt like forever - me breaking a sweat, worried he would notice the tent in my crotch! But when time came to ease off the mad stare-down, what he said next flipped me right out,
"Ok, I know exactly what your sticking point is. We need to get naked, bro."
"Wha... " I protested, but Tristan gently cut me off.
"You're feeling shameful and defensive about the hard-on in your pants, but we're seeking true vulnerability. I'm not going to judge, I'm here to hold space for you. An erection is natural - it's the Divine Masculine! Give me the gift of your vulnerability..."
Tristan had already pulled his clothes off as he was speaking. Standing before me in only his thick wooly socks and plaited bracelets, he was a bronzed Apollo.
Not wanting to let Tris down (or myself for that matter), I followed his lead and slipped out of my vest and Harem pants. I might not have had his tan, but I've been doing my weights, and have bod I can be proud of. My stiffy on the other hand was something I was still trying to cover up.
"I'm telling you, let it swing, bro!" he chuckled, "Free the stiffy!"
I let my hands drop, and there it was! My big boner on show, telling on me right in front of my Man crush.
