Why Fear Can Be Your Friend

All are over 18. This is not about romance. It's about overcoming fear.

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As a younger guy, Women didn't seem to be my thing. It was easy to strike out on my own and move into the big city, where being a bit queer didn't matter. Where I lived, it could get your ass kicked or worse. A few of us knew each other for what we were. We were cocksuckers and ass-fuckers. We had to be in the closet for self-protection. That raised a lot of fear and anxiety. Hugging the family, I got in my truck and went down the freeway to LA.

I was nonetheless terrified sometimes by the thought of leather tops, pain, and even rape. The sight of a guy in leather in a magazine could make me instantly hard. I wanted to look away, but I also wanted to look. More muscles were better. I was scared by the thought, however. My fooling around with guys was pretty plain vanilla. Suckee fuckee. Nothing stronger.

In my 23rd year. I had been working construction and was getting a pretty decent build. Lots of vanilla sex with one guy, then another. I knew that in LA, there were bathhouses, parties, and plenty of possibilities. Some of them seemed like fun, others still terrified me. And they also got me hard as stone thinking about them, just on the edges, denying that I might really want something 'hardcore' like an orgy.

It wasn't a month after I arrived, that I was looking in an adult paper and found an ad for just what I wanted and feared. There was a picture of a leatherman, super-buff, looking right in my soul. It was this 'fuck you' sort of look. There was a number to call to get the info. A week passed. Then I called.

It was a recording. There was an admission charge. "No pussies". Friday nights. Call another number for the address. I called it. A guy answered. I asked for the address. This week, he said, then an address in West Hollywood. I hung up. I'm sure my face was flush and I know my heart was pounding. This was taboo. That address is etched permanently in my memory.

Friday, I sweated a lot at work, unable to concentrate. I told myself I should go for some beers with the other guys. Don't get your ass into trouble, said my mother's conscience embedded in my brain. Resist the temptation. You'll thank yourself on Saturday. This part of me argued with the seeming constant hard-on in my work clothes. I was torn but I thought that the vanilla side of me was winning. Somehow that seemed reassuring. The group grope started at 10pm. At nine, I had two beers under my belt, and was joking it up with my co-workers.

Then, at 9:30, I got up to drain the beer and on the way back from the restroom, I said goodnight to the gang. I got in my car and hit the freeway. I can't tell you anything about the journey. I got to the place at 10:30. There were dozens of cars parked nearby. The sign on the front pointed me to the side door. I walked over there, almost shaking. When I got to the door, a bouncer was standing outside. He looked me over. Dressed in a tshirt, tight jeans, construction boots, I had taken a shower after work. A long shower.

"Ten bucks," he said. Two other guys were a few steps behind me. One had on leather pants and a vest. His nipples were tied to a chain, and the chain was being led by the other guy. My stomach did a flop. The door opened and it was smoky inside. Music was going. Loud thumpa thumpa music. It was dark, almost totally save for a mirror ball and some strobes.

I went inside. A guy standing nearby said he had to frisk me. I assumed the position. He patted me down, really well. Then he started to fondle my crank.

"Hey, wait a minute," I told him. He stopped.

The door opened and I saw the smile on the guy's face. "Fooled ya!" he said. He jutted out his hand for a handshake as he introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Chaz. Welcome," he said. I reached out to shake his hand and he pulled me towards him and in that second, he put a lip lock on me.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. As he kissed me he unzipped me and jammed his hands into my jeans, searching for my cock. He found it fast and started stroking it, pulling it out. He broke his lip lock on me and took my now rock hard cock and whipped around. The backside of his jeans were gone and he bent over, lewdly shaking his ass at me. He tried to pull me toward him.

Don't ask me why but I just jammed it up his ass. He howled; you could hear it above the dance music, but nobody seemed to care. His ass was hot and tight and already lubed up. I wondered with what. But it was fine and my tension was enormous. I plowed him, not ten feet from the door, as the guy with the nipple chains looked on at us. His cock was out, a small uncut one, hard and bobbing. His buddy with the chain occasionally pulled it as he talked to another guy.

The whole scene was too fucking wild for me. I blew, soaking Chaz's ass. It felt really good but I had a huge impulse to get out of there immediately. When I shrank, Chaz spun right around and started sucking me clean. I couldn't believe it. I'd never seen a guy do that before. It felt really good. He took my cock and stuffed it back into my jeans, carefully zipping me up as the music banged on. Then he patted my cock, and yelled NEXT!

I shook it off. I just stood there as the crowd and its size became clearer in the dark light. I had to get something to drink. I slowly made my way through the crowd. Guys were dancing, some naked, some in leather, some in street clothes like me. It was getting packed. Finally I found the bar and ordered two beers and put one in my pocket. The coldness of it against my cock somehow grounded me. As I stood against the wall watching, a huge Latino showed up with another guy wearing leather chaps. The Latino pushed the guy down to his knees and whipped out his cock. It was immediately swallowed as I watched, right there!

The guy slobbered over the fat uncut piece as the music played on. Another guy wearing a black jock came by to watch. He pulled out his cock and got it stiff. Almost right next to me, he got down on his knees behind the leathered cocksucker and pushed his cock up the cocksucker's tailpipe forcing him to swallow the Latino down to the pubes. He seemed to be loving it from what I could see, and I had the perfect viewing position for it. He pulled off only a second to yell out an 'oh fuck!' before he swallowed the Latino again.

I looked up at him. He was tall with black bushy hair and had to be 6'6", easily. He looked down at me, pulled on his beer and smiled as he watched the crowd. There was a hand on my crotch suddenly. I turned and it was a black guy, leather vest on and nothing else. His cock was hard to see, but it was pointing up at me. He yelled into my ear, "Take 'em off, man. Go on."

That fear feeling suddenly struck me again. I think I froze.

He seemed to take that as a challenge. He grabbed my hand and put it on his cock. It was thick and cut and shaped like mine. It was also dripping. I think I was, too. Fuck, I thought. I'll pay for this.

I stripped naked, putting my wallet into my boot. There was this feeling of liberation suddenly. I was hard as stone, naked, the beat of the music going, the heat, the scent of man sex, cigarette and cigar smoke, beer. I looked over at the leather guy and the Latino had gone. Now he was getting a royal fucking as another guy took the Latino's place, and the guy behind him pulled out and walked off, replaced by still another guy.

The black guy had dropped to his knees and sucked me as I was watching. I, too, pulled on my beer, watching it all, feeling the sensation of his tongue on my cockhead. I started to pulse with the beat of the place. He stood up, a hot look on his face. I dropped down and swallowed his bone into my throat, much farther than I thought I'd be able to. He grabbed my shoulders and started thrusting. I put my finger up his ass as I pinched his nipple. With almost no preliminaries, he blew. I never tasted it. In a daze, seconds later, he was gone. I stood up shakily and took a pull off my beer. I realized I was washing his load down. Oh well.

My cock was as hard as stone and was now dripping like crazy. I could feel it running down my cock and balls and my thigh. It just pointed straight up and out, proudly. I stroked it a bit as the leatherman changed partners again. I turned to the side to watch him and then nearly leaped out of my skin when I felt a cock rub itself into my trench. I turned around and a super-built Adonis looked at me.

Fuck-- it was the guy in the ad! I was stricken with fear and lust and my heart started pounding. There he was-- the same leather vest, the same leather cap, the same van-dyke, the whole ad right in front of my eyes, looking me over!

He looked at me with this cold smirk. I couldn't move! He put his hands on my shoulders and drew me to him. I thought he was going to lip lock me when he reached forward and bit my lower lip, hard! I was shocked! Before I knew it, he'd spun me around and raked his cock between my cheeks again. It was hot and something had made it wet. Fuck I was scared shitless and so fucking turned on all in the same instant! It flashed through my mind that I must be acting like a schoolgirl. Oh fuck. The things that race through your head!

His arms locked around me, his hips moving his cock up and down to the beat of the music. I think I was rigid. The next thing he does his lick my neck. I fucking melted. He kept it up, and I slowly started moving with him to the beat of the music. He used his left hand to push his cock occasionally directly against my hole. He seemed to know right where it was with a perfect aim. He moved me around.

Then I watched as he grabbed the leatherman cocksucker by the hair and lifted his head up. The guy saw what was in front of him and started sucking immediately. His body and mine continued to move to beat of the music as he got sucked off, still holding me in his grip. I had my eyes closed.

The leatherman was using this guy's sucking as his lube. I didn't realize that at the time. Then I would.

I heard him spit, and jam two fingers in my ass for as second, and then in a flash, his cock was jamming its way up my ass! He grabbed me tight-- I couldn't move-- as he worked himself inside of me, never stopping his body's beat to the music. The pain shot through me, I think I saw stars.

As fast as it came, the pain went. Now I was impaled on him as he held me, his fuck toy, riding his cock to the music as people walked by and took note. One of the onlookers started stroking his cock as he watched us. It didn't take long until he shot off like a fountain. He stopped for a moment, smiled at me and walked on-- all while my ass is getting pounded, my cock smacking my abs back and forth, back and forth! I was a public bottom bitch for a leatherman. And I wanted it. Yeah. I squeezed his cock with my ass to the rhythm of the beat. Nowhere in my mind was the browbeat of my folks, wanting to castigate me for my truly public homosexual behavior. I felt really really free.

He got more physical still and suddenly he lifted me off his feet, pushing his cock so far inside me that I thought he'd certainly drive it right through me. He thrust awkwardly, deeply, then relaxed his grip. Now I was wet down there, seriously dripping and he was sliding more slowly now, and far more easily. He kept pumping, pumping, pumping until he finally pulled back, pushing me, and fell out.

His cum ran down my legs, everywhere. I straightened out a bit, shocked. I was dazed. I turned around to him. He, too, was dazed, his cock drooping down there. I was tempted to do what had been done to me, and clean it off but before I could move, he put his hands on the wall and jutted his ass out towards me obscenely. Big hard glutes, twitching in the dark to the beat.

No invitation was necessary. I got behind him, and feeling him already lubed from something, shoved it all inside of him. Payback was going to be a bitch. He didn't even twitch! Instead, he started pounding back at me, milking my cock with his ass muscles. I pounded my ass in, and he'd squeeze it, all while throbbing to the beat of the music. I lasted a long damn time. Then I thought turn-about would be fair play and I suddenly lifted him high onto my cock and that's when I blew as he flailed, startled that I was that strong. Now it was my turn to plant a load hard and deep.

I let him down, my load planted far up his chute. He turned around. The expression on his face was priceless. Fucking lust and surprise. He hugged me tight to him. And we danced, danced, cocks rubbing each other. Then he bit my neck and split. I never saw him again, except in the ads. That ad would forever make my cock hard.

And so: There I stood. Naked. Drenched in sweat. A scent that only a manlover knows. My ass was buzzing. My cock was super-sore. All my energy was blown. I downed the beer. I reached down and got into my clothes. I got my watch from my pants pocket. It was 4 in the morning.

As I walked outside, my ears were buzzing. I could smell the night air, so different from the fog and smoke and man scents behind me. It was incredibly quiet. I had wondered what I might feel like after I'd gone there, if I'd gone there. My greatest fear was that I'd like it. That fear was realized.