Chapter 4
Alex
For weeks, I had felt that something was off about Levi. He just did not seem like himself. Even after we had sex and went about our normal routine, I knew that something was missing.
It did not help that shit at school was as crazy as ever. Of course, our monogamy blew up the campus as if someone had announced that Cher was coming to town and was committing to selfies with whoever showed up.
You would think that would have deterred women and men, now that they knew I had committed to Levi. However, they seemed to throw themselves at us more than ever. The guys who hit on me were even more persistent than the women, and there were a few times I thought Levi was going to get into a few fights.
There were a few instances where I felt like I needed to physically throw guys away from Levi. Fortunately, they would usually cave under the pressure of my posturing, size, and glare.
None of it helped our growing tension. What they did not understand was that my attraction to men really only extended to Levi. I found him incredibly attractive. I didn't want to open that can of worms regarding my sexuality, so I focused on what was currently the issue: fixing whatever was broken.
The only person I could think of who could provide insight was Corey. That's how I found myself sitting on his couch, eating a turkey sandwich and verbally vomiting up what I felt was wrong.
"...yeah, dude, what's up with Levi and how can I fix it?" I asked after a long-winded monologue in which I explained all the ways I thought Levi was acting off.
His eyes were wide as he watched me munch on a sandwich.
"Okay, first off, that's probably the most I've heard you speak on any topic besides sex," he sighed. "Secondly, I can see how much this is bothering you, which makes me actually believe you can be committed to Levi."
"Of course, man, it's my Levi!" He held his hand up. "I will table the possessiveness and just call it cute, but can you blame me?" He looked at me pointedly.
"Look at it this way, until recently you were neck-deep in pussy, ew, by the way. You were never in a monotonous relationship. You just realized you are attracted to men. You sure as hell never been in a committed relationship with a one."
I leaned back. "I guess I see your point."
"Good, then you can also begin to see what Levi may be feeling," he said. I frowned, but then it dawned on me.
My eyes widened, and I put down my sandwich.
"There it is," Corey says. "And that, folks, is how it's done," he announces. Reggie chuckled from the living room. "Okay, Dr. Phil, now how about you figure out how to fix the stove because I'm tired of cold-cut sandwiches," he announced.
I laughed. "You make a mean turkey, bud."
"Thank you, it is good to feel appreciated." It didn't take much for me to guess that there were eyes being rolled from the couch.
"I've got to go, I need to fix things." I stood up making my way to the door. They waved me off as they started an argument about the possibility of living on a raw food diet.
I needed to show him how much he meant to me. I needed to show him how much I cared. That I wanted a partner and not just a best friend. I decided to tackle this like I tackled anything new: Google, Reddit, and a shit ton of beer. A tried and true method for all of life's mysteries.
When I knew Levi was going into a three-hour evening class, I set about my tasks. I cracked open a beer, cracked my fingers, and turned on my laptop. That is how I started my deep dive into gay sex, and holy fuck was it extensive.
Also, who knew that Cosmopolitan magazine had an article that gives you 37 tips on giving an awesome blowjob. Too bad half the girls I have been with did not read it. I guess that did not matter now since I learned that men, particularly Levi, can blow better than anyone I have ever been with.
When I typed in "how to bottom" into the search engine, the results astounded me. It was as if a horde of gay netizens had come together to provide the ultimate guide to all things prep and lube, ushering in the next generation of gay and questioning men. I took notes like a good boy.
I ended up running to the stores to get the required supplies. Not knowing what type of douches to get, I ended up with two types that the local grocery store sells. I went to an adult store to get a small dildo because, according to the gay bottom netizens, it could go a long way in adjusting. A giant bottle of lube later, because I was not messing around with not having enough lube (another pro-tip), and I was all set.
I found myself in the bathroom with my shopping spree, reading instructions on douching, and holding the bulb like it was a football. I was getting sweatier as I worked myself up. I had tucked the more complicated-looking one under the sink and eyeballed the bulb dubiously. I was concentrating so much that I didn't hear the door open until I heard Levi speak.
"Alex, are you in here?"
Aaaaaand, of course, I didn't lock the door. So when he opened it, I did the only thing my tiny brain could think of at that moment. I chucked the douche over his head, where it landed in the living room, and stepped in front of the sink to hide the rest of the goods behind my back.
Levi was gobsmacked. "What the fuck did you just throw?"
He started to turn to see what i threw.
"No!" I reach out and turn him towards me.
"Levi, what a surprise! Um you are home early?" I say in a panic. He rose his eyebrows confused.
"Actually, if anything im a little late. Alex it's 6:30 pm" he replied.
"Are you ok?" He continued. Now he looked concern. I was flummoxed as how to how I could have turned this situation around.
He looked towards the sink. "Alex, is that a dildo, and holy fuck, where did you get that industrial-sized lube bottle?!"
"No, it isn't," because I can be dumb on the fly when I'm flustered.
"Yes, it is, Alex. I can see it in the mirror," he refuted.
I freeze like a gecko, hoping my movement will allow the danger to pass. "What is all this, babe?" He chuckles at my obvious embarrassment. "And what did you just throw?" He turns to make his way to the living room.
I panicked and launched myself at him as he was picking it up. I had the foresight at least to move in the direction of the couch, so the landing wasn't as painful, but it sounded like I knocked the wind out of him based on the "ooooof" he made.
"Ugh, fuck, Alex, would you get off me?! I already saw what it was!" I slowly moved off him but kept myself straddled over his waist as he partially turned with the offending douche in his hand. I rubbed my face with my palm. Of course, this would happen.
He pulled my hand down with a smirk.
"Not a word, Levi," I said, moving to sit next to him on the couch, and he sat down next to me.
"Is this what I think it is?"
I stopped speaking and quietly sulked.
"The lube, the dildo, the douche? Are you implying that you want to try with me... you know, to bottom?" He said, trying not to break into a huge smile but failing miserably.
"Maybe," because I may be a slut sometimes, but I need to stay classy. This ass has been in an outward trajectory for 20 plus years, and I will be damned if I don't get wooed for its first deep exploration into anal sex.
"So, ugh, how did this come about?" He said.
"I don't know, babe," I turn towards him. "Look, I hope it's obvious that I'm into you, like I am trying monogamy for you type of serious, which you know, based on my history, is not a small thing." I shake my head. "I know things have been different and I want to show you that you fucking matter, Levi. You always fucking matter to me," I say. His mouth moves open but nothing comes out, so I continue.
"I lo...I wanted to be with you and it was only fair that I tried to do this 100%," I stood up and paced. "I spent all afternoon trying to figure this out and even after numerous articles and going shopping, I still hadn't said absolutely no to this...does that say something to you?" That I loved you. I didn't speak those words, however.
I stopped and looked at him, and it was obvious he had been trailing me with his eyes.
