What I Should Have Said

Yuuri woke with a start. The unfamiliar surroundings causing a moment of confusion as he sat up in the unfamiliar bed. His muscles ached as he stretched his arms over his head. A dull throbbing radiated from his ass.

He slipped out from the covers in search for his clothes that had been hastily discarded the previous night. He pulled on the pants that had become wrinkled from sitting in a wad on the floor and began his search for the rest of his clothing. When he came across his torn button down, he exhaled a large sigh. Most of the buttons were missing, leaving his sex marked chest and neck exposed. He removed it, throwing it back down on the floor.

He slowly came to the realization that Victor had clearly slipped out sometime during the early morning. Yuuri's eyes watered slightly as he pursed his lips. Don't cry. You knew this would probably be a one time thing. Don't get yourself all worked up.

He felt embarrassed. Falling asleep had been foolish, he should have gone home.

He turned back to the bed and replayed the things that happened over again in his head. He could almost feel Victor's hands groping his thighs and waist. His lips and teeth marking his skin...

He turned to leave. A sweater hung on a hook near the door. He yanked it on hastily as he walked by. It smelled faintly of Victor's cologne. It smelled of citrus, pine and cloves.. like Victor. He inhaled deeply at the collar, pausing as his hand reached the doorknob. He made a mental note to return the sweater as he rushed out the door.

Victor gasped and held his hands, both of which held a cup of coffee, up and out of the way as Yuuri bumped into him. His eyes were wide with surprise as he blinked quickly.

"Oh, I, uh.."

"Sorry, I di-"

They both started and stopped talking in an incoherent jumble.

"I.. was just leaving..." Yuuri murmured as he avoided eye contact with the beautiful Russian man. Victor held out one of the coffees to Yuuri silently, his eyebrow lifting slightly. Yuuri's heart clenched a little. Ugh, why do you have to be so gorgeous? It makes it awfully difficult to walk away.

"Thanks". He said as he took the cup carefully. They stood there in the hall awkwardly for a few moments before Yuuri turned around and shuffled away. He glanced down the hall as he turned to the elevator, Victor still standing in front of his hotel door, coffee in hand.

Yuuri didn't relax until he was almost home. The hot coffee was appreciated against crisp morning air. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, turning it on. After the screen restarted, it began beeping with messages from Minako.

Minako

Wait? You what?!

Received at 9:37 AM

Minako

Hold up. WHO?

Received at 9:39 AM

Minako

Crazy gay boy, text me back. I'll call Mari, you know I will.

Received at 10:58 AM

Yuuri rolled his eyes but still hoped that Minako hadn't gotten desperate enough to call his sister.

I'm fine. I stayed the night. I'm almost home.

Sent at 11:17 AM

He pressed send just as he turned onto his block. He punched in the code to the front door and walked up the stairs to his apartment door. His phone beeped again as he jammed the key into the lock and popped the door open.

Minako

You better spill the second I walk in the door!!

Received at 11:20 AM

He chuckled and sighed as he undressed. The hot shower felt amazing on his skin.

He heard the front door bang open.

"Yuuri, where the hell are you?!" Minako sqwaked from the other room. Her feet stomped to the bathroom and the door for open. "Start talking or I'm whipping open the curtain!"

Yuuri's hands flew instinctively to his crotch, wanting to mantain some kind of modesty should she actually do it.

"What?!" He yelped.

"Who?!"

"Umm.." Yuuri stammered as he heard her feet stomp closer. "Wait! Jesus!" He piped as he gripped the shower curtain before she was able to grab ahold of it.

"Start. Talking." She yanked sharply at the curtain as Yuuri whined. "Now!"

"Victor! Okay?!"

She gasped. "The Russian?! Christophe's friend?!" She pushed him roughly through the curtain. "What?!"

"What!" He groaned. "Can I just shower?!"

"Oh man. Wait... Did you like... Do it-do it?"

Yuuri groaned even louder this time. Minako gasped again.

"You diiiiiid!"

"Minako!" He shouted. "Get out, would you?!"

"Shiiit... So like-"

"Minako!!"

"Okay, okay! I'm going!" She stomped over to the door. "But this isn't over!"

...

Minako continued to hound him over the course of the day. The one-sided conversation had lasted all the way from their apartment as they rounded the corner to Kachu.

"So like... It was good right? He looks like he would be good. He SMELLED like he would be good. When I did that body shot? I'm just saying-"

"Minako! Will you give it a rest? It was a one time thing. He probably already went back to Russia or whatever anyways."

"Uhhhh... No, I don't think he did." She squealed as they entered the club. Victor was sitting at the bar.

Seriously?! What? Does this guy live here now?

As they approached, Yuuri noticed Victor looked slightly distressed. His long fingers that generally were stroking his flawless lips were now buried in his hair. As they got closer, he noticed that Christophe was leaned over the counter, speaking in way that was very out of character. The normally sweet, flirty Chris's lip curled as he slammed a glass down on the counter, his nostrils flaring. Yuuri was shocked the glass didn't shatter from the impact.

Victor glanced around, clearly concerned about drawing attention but Christophe just glared, gritting his teeth. His eyes glanced up at Yuuri, still shooting daggers. Yuuri flinched as Christophe spun on his heel and stalked away.

Victor perked up as he noticed Yuuri standing not too far away.

"Ah. Yuuri. Hello."

"Erm. Hi." He spoke uncertainly. "What, um...?"

"Ah, I should probably go." Victor murmured. He stood, pausing in front of Yuuri. Yuuri's eyes instantly caught sight of the mostly hidden hickey under the collar of Victor's shirt. He felt a small amount of satisfaction as he glanced again at the reddish marks left by him. Victor looked for a moment like he might say something but he soon shuffled around Yuuri and out of the bar.

"What in the actual hell?" Minako questioned.

"I don't know. I'll... Um, I'll go check on him." he shuffled to the back room where Chris had disappeared to. Chris was sitting on the outdated breakroom couch, his head hanging low, cradled in his hands.

"Christophe? Are you... are you alright?"

Yuuri would have thought Christophe didn't hear him if he hadn't seen the slight flinch in Chris's shoulders. He took a wary step forward, his knee almost coming into contact with the other man's outer thigh. They stood there in silence, Yuuri standing over Chris, uncertain of how to help. He laid his hand gently on Chris's shoulder.

"Do you want to talk ab-"

He was cut off as Chris gripped Yuuri's hand that had been resting on his shoulder, pulling it downward so that Yuuri came crashing into the man. His other hand reached up, cupping Yuuri's chin.

Yuuri's eyes widened as Christophe pulled their mouths together in a strained but gentle kiss. Oh god. What are we doing? We work together. This is bad. This is ...

Christophe's tongue darted across Yuuri's lips, seeking entrance. Yuuri stiffened, but his mouth opened in a small gasp. Christophe tongue danced expertly in Yuuri's mouth, their lips doing a strange tango as they kissed fervently. Chris pulled Yuuri closer, their chests pressed together.

Footsteps outside of the breakroom snapped back into his common sense. He pulled back from Christophe, a hand flying to his mouth as if covering it meant covering the evidence of what had just took place. His eyes darted to the door.

Christophe said nothing as he stood and exited the breakroom.

Well... Shit.

...

The rest of the week was a little awkward, to say the least. Christophe returned to his flirty, outgoing self but never mentioned their kiss. In fact, he acted as if it hadn't happened at all. He probably realized what a mistake that was. I'd be embarrassed, too.

"Yoooohoooo... Yuuri!" Minako waved a napkin in front of his face, " Is anybody home?"

"Yeah, sorry." He apologized, snapping out of his daydream.

"What's on your mind lately? Your debut? You really don't have a reason to be nervous. You've got all the moves, you've got-"

"It's not that." He interrupted, stealing a glance down the bar. Chris smiled cheerfully his way. He returned a slight grin.

His debut. He hadn't thought too much about it. Minako and him had gone through the routine more than enough times. He felt confident.

"Is...something going on with you two?"

"No! I mean.. I don't know?" Yuuri kicked at the floor. "He kissed me... last week."

"Seriously? Why? I mean, other than the obvious."

Yuuri shrugged. "No idea."

As if he knew he was being talked about, Chris sauntered over to the two friends. "Oh, Yuuri! I can't wait for you to make your debut this weekend! I'm a little sad I'll be working, I won't get a chance to see you up close".

Yuuri chuckled, "You won't be missing much."

"Mmm. Not my Yuuri. Men and women will be tripping over each other just to be near you."

Yuuri blushed, unused to such flattery.

''Thanks, Christophe."

"Ah! I have an idea! Let's celebrate! Let's go out for drinks and some food. Yes?"

"Uhh, yeah maybe. I think Minako and I were going to meet up at the studio later to practice again after work though."

Chris leaned in, speaking softly. "Could I come? I'd love to see a private show. You can pretend it's just for me."

Yuuri blushed. "Umm.. sure. You can come."

Yuuri was glad that Chris seemed to be back to his normal, risque self. He thought of Christophe as a good friend and would hate for that to be jeopardized by one silly kiss.

"You two go ahead", Minako practically shouted over the music. "I'm gonna help Phichit restock quick then I'll come to the studio."

"Come my Yuuri!" Chris grabbed Yuuri's hand, linking their fingers together tightly as he lead him hurriedly out the door. They sighed, the chilled air felt refreshing against their skin.

Chris refused to release Yuuri's hand as they walked through the busy New York streets. They peered in through a few shop windows as they chatted idly about various topics.

When they arrived, Yuuri immediately stripped down to his work shorts. He almost always practiced in them for a few reasons; they were comfortable, short enough that they allowed his thighs to grip the pole and he was going to have to wear them when he performed anyways.

He paused for a moment before lifting his shirt over his head. Chris watched him with a curious smirk.

"Okay, Yuuri, dance for me!" He sat on the floor, leaning back on his hands. He watched Yuuri intently as he rubbed talc powder on his palms.

Yuuri took a deep breath as he hummed the music in his head, his feet danced expertly around the pole. His ballet years made this part easy. He twirled swiftly around the metal, his hands cupping his body as they traveled down to his waist, accentuating his curves.

He hummed a little louder as the music increased in tempo, swinging his leg to rest against the pole, his legs making a straight line against it.

Chris's lips parted slightly as Yuuri shimmied up, spinning and giving a few quick, sexy poses on the way. About halfway between the ceiling and the floor, Yuuri grasped the pole between his thighs and with one hand, his other arm extended and reached out to Chris. Yuuri looked at himself in the mirror. His abs looked far more defined as they stretched and flexed to hold his body up. Even he could admit he looked good.

He sounds around again, striking a few poses as he worked his way down, he twisted himself into a kneel with his arms outstretched behind him and head lolled backed, eyes closed.

A warm breath of air invaded his space. His eyes shot open to find that Chris had stood, and was now leaning over him... Their lips incredibly close. A small gasp escaped his lips as he heard the studio doors clicking and fell to the floor.

"Oof."

"Yuuri! Are you alright?" Chris asked, concerned.

"Yeah." He pulled himself up and brushed off his butt.

"You haven't fallen in days! Are you nervous?" Minako asked as she walked in.

"I guess." Yuuri shrugged.

"Do it again from the top." Minako demanded.

...

Yuuri sighed as he plopped himself onto the couch when they arrived home. Chris had come over for wine and a movie with Minako.

"Showering sounds so harddddd..." He whined as he flopped around the couch.

"Move and wash your stanky self, so we can watch a movie" Minako teased as she threw a sweater that was draped over the couch at him. He threw it back. She ducked and it hit Chris. He chuckled as he examined it, the smile falling from his face instantly.

"I know this sweater. It's Victor's." His hand seemed to squeeze the material in a vice-like grip.

"Oh! I must have forgotten to return it..." Yuuri trailed off as Chris grimaced. The atmosphere turned suddenly tense. "I'll uh... I should give it back. I'm gonna shower first. You guys can start your movie."

Yuuri shuffled to the bathroom quickly as the realization hit him. Oh my God. How did I not see it before? He's pissed about Victor and I. Does he... have feelings for Victor?

Yuuri rubbed his face under the hot water of their small shower. No wonder he was pissed. They seem really close. He could have mistaken Chris's flirtiness for attraction. I mean, he did kiss me... But if he wanted to pursue me, wouldn't he have talked to me about it? No. There was no way. He definitely was in love with Victor. It was the only explanation.

He toweled off and sighed. Speaking of Victor...

He hadn't seen or heard from Victor in almost a week. He hadn't meant to keep the sweater. But, he also hadn't exactly forgotten about it either. It had sat, draped over the couch. Unwashed, still smelling of Victor.

There was a few nights Yuuri had sat down on the couch, catching a wiff of the fading scent of spices and pine. He had been avoiding calling Victor.

He tapped his fingers on his knee, contemplating for a moment before digging the business card out of his wallet. His heart skipped a little as he dialed, the line trilling.

"Hello?" Victor's voice sends a shiver down Yuuri"s spine.

"Hey, um... It's Yuu-.. Yuuri," He kicks at the ground as he stumbles over his words. "... from the club."

"Ah, yes, Yuuri. What can I do for you?"

"Sorry, it's stupid. I, um, I still have your jacket. I felt I should return it."

"Dah. So you do. Come over now, I've just come home." Yuuri loved the way his voice rumbled, his tongue rolling his r's beautifully. He had never loved his own name more than when Victor spoke it.

"Sure. I can do that." Once they hung up, he promptly received an address.

He hailed a taxi, being that he didn't have a car and the address was about 20 miles away. His hands felt sweaty despite the cold and felt as though he had drank one too many cups of coffee. He felt jittery and anxious.

He arrived at Victor's apartment complex, pressing the buzzer to apartment 12.

"Come on up." Victor's unmistakable voice rang through the speaker as the door clicked unlocked. It was a nice building with a small lobby in front. Yuuri walked up the stairs slowly, his nervousness creeping up steadily. He realized he was wringing the fabric of Victor's jacket as his feet reluctantly shuffled to the door. Yuuri barely knocked before the door swung inwards, revealing a casually dressed, grinning Victor. The air wafted the scent of something delicious into Yuuri's nostrils.

"Come in," Victor grinned. "Are you hungry? I've just made dinner and I'm afraid I've made far too much for one man to eat alone... Plus I believe I still owe you a promised dinner."

Yuuri hesitated. He had figured he would probably just drop off the jacket and leave, but there was a small glimmer of hope that Victor might ask him to stay a while. Yuuri didn't really have time to make up his mind as Victor ushered Yuuri in. He closed the door, returning to the kitchen. Yuuri followed, hanging the jacket over the chair. He stole some glances around the apartment as Victor stirred what looked to be some kind of stew. There was a tower of boxes in the corner of his living room. An opened box or two near the couch. Other than a few essential pieces of furniture, it was very bare.

"Make yourself at home. I apologize for the mess."

"Did you just move in?"

"Mmm." He responded, taking a spoonful of stew into his mouth, nodding. He pondered a moment before tearing open a box that contained jars of spices.

"Ummm... Where did you live before?"

"St. Petersburg" he mumbled distantly as he wiggled his hand over the box, moving jars around until he found the one he was looking for. "Ah! There you are."

"Is that in Russia? Why did you move? I mean, didn't Chris say something about you visiting New York? Does he know you're living here?" He paused, realizing he was bombarding Victor with questions. "Sorry."

"Dah, Russia." Victor smiled gently as he dug out some bowls from the cupboards, scooping some stew into each. He placed a bowl at each end of the table, gesturing for Yuuri to sit.

"Sit. It's been awhile since I've shared a meal." They both settled in at the table. "Yes, Christophe knows that this is a little more permanent than it was previously supposed to be. I suppose part of the reason he's..." He trailed off, taking a bite from his spoon.

"Thank you for the meal." Yuuri bowed his head slightly before taking a spoonful of the broth. It was hot on his tongue but the flavors were plentiful and tasty. "It's delicious."

"My pleasure." He paused, chewing his meal slowly as his finger came up to brush his lips. His eyebrows furrowed together as he studied Yuuri, who silently enjoyed his meal.

A million questions ran through his head. Where were you born? What is your family like? Do you miss Russia? Why New York? What is your life like? Have you been busy with work? What is your work? Why haven't you come to the club lately? Why didn't you call? Do you not like me?... his thoughts trailed off as the insecurities set in, his head and shoulders drooping slightly. He let out a small sigh.

He glanced upwards at Victor who was intently watching Yuuri. He broke the eye contact quickly, feeling self conscious.

"I can help with dishes" Yuuri suggested. Victor smiled warmly but declined the offer as he stood, removing the dishes from the table and bringing them to the sink.

Yuuri took this as his cue to leave.

"Have somewhere to be?" Victor asked curiously, turning away from the sink.

"No, I just thought.. Erm."

"You could stay." Victor proposed, his shoulders shrugged as he returned to the sink, scrubbing out their dishes and setting them on a drying rack. Yuuri was glad the man didn't see the telltale grin that broke out over his face. Yuuri walked over to the couch and sat down, waiting for Victor to finish cleaning up. He entered the living room a few minutes later, wiping his damp hands on his jeans.

"Sooo..." Yuuri bit his lip and looked up at the smirking man.

"So." He echoed simply. Yuuri shifted uncomfortably on the couch as Victor eyed him up from the other side of the room. His fingers rubbed over his lips and chin again as he leaned against the wall. "Would you like to watch something?" He asked, gesturing at the TV.

Yuuri fought back the automatic, polite response forming in his mouth.

"No." He stated. It sounded almost like a question. Oh, God that was rude. "I mean..."

Victor's eyebrow twitched upward as his head tilted to the side. His lips curled into a mischievous smile, still partially hidden behind his fingers.