We Loved the Silent Sun

Chapter Two: The Party

The first thing that I thought of when I woke was Julian. Hannah woke me up at noon, she had made some breakfast for us. It was cold now.

"Whatcha do last night," she said, smiling but looking intensely at me. I feared she knew about Julian. Like she had followed me or something.

"Nothing, you know just... walk around," I said.

"Oh, you do like to do that," averting he eyes down to her phone.

I said nothing more, as I didn't want to stick on the subject for too long. I mean she thought I was straight. Heck, I don't know what the fuck I was. Like I fucking hate saying the word gay. You know why? Because it makes me what to throw up; I get butterflies in my stomach, too. Like somehow someone will read my mind and know my 'secret.' I mean was it a secret? Am I admitting to myself that I am gay (butterflies)? Oh, hell no. Because you know what, I'm not. Totally not 'that word'. I am straight (-ish).

"Do you wanna go with me to the market today?" Hannah said questionably, cutting off my various thoughts. "I need some things for the week."

"Sure," I murmured as I finished eating my superbly delicious eggs.

"You are welcome! Do you want something to drink from the kitchen?" She asked.

"You know my answer," I said before gobbling down some bacon.

"Orange Juice coming up."

I finished up my breakfast relatively quick and got dressed. I was wearing something that showed off what little

muscles I had. I don't know, maybe I could run into Julian. I mean, it's basically impossible in a city of 8 million but you know, I did it once, I could do it again.

Loud music wasn't playing as it was the night before, and the cool colors had vanished. The lobby was quiet and humid, with light streaming in from the large windows in front of me. We walked out into the 84 degree weather, it was an exceptionally great day today. You know those days when everything is just great. Opposite of the days when I am borderline depression. I guess today is a great day because of Julian. I had met him and everything seemed beautiful, everything was beautiful.

We went to this Whole Foods just up the road, I had never been in one before, I got to say, it was pretty nice. I got some snacks and more orange juice. Hannah got a fair amount of things. It's a wonder that she doesn't have to pay for any of it, her parents are amazing. They literally paid for everything she'd ever done, and the only thing Hannah had to do was do well in school. I wish my family was like that. My family was a fucked up mess compared to hers. I mean her mom and pop had met when they were both 32. They waited four years to get married, and that was both their first marriages. They had her when they were 40. I mean if you asked me that was the way to do it. I didn't want to be like my parents. My dad had got my mom pregnant at 19, he was 18. It was the summer before college for both, and that screwed up everything. My mom went for 2 months then dropped out. My dad stayed and just graduated this year with a masters in biology.

They married when I was one. It lasted until I was two. My mom moved to Colorado and my dad stayed in Michigan. My dad, the womanizer, I call him. He's had four wives excluding my mother, having cheated on all of them.

My mom, on the other hand, is my most favorite person in the world. She has worked hard to earn a life for her and me. Even though she dropped out of school she started her own business and put me in the private school. She has tried to make due out of a bad situation and she has succeeded thus far. I mean, if I had been raised by my dad I would be crazy. Like he literally could care less for me. He smoked weed as a kid, like a lot of weed. He had this weird raspy voice that you could tell that he did, it was one more annoying thing about him I hated.

We got back to her house and chilled out all day. We played Xbox games and she beat me in Call of Duty every time. We talked for a while and also decided to go sightseeing tomorrow. We also talked about Ally. She brought it up and I got kind of mad at her.

"It's over! I've already talked about this with you a million times!" I yelled.

"I know I know, but you guys made such a good couple."

"Brad and Jenn Aniston made a good couple, J.Lo and Ben made a good couple," I explained. "But guess what? They all broke up!"

"Fine...Fine... Fine, I won't say nothin' about it anymore."

"Thank you!" I said relieved that she was giving up.

"I am having a party this weekend, though." Hannah blurted out without looking up from her phone.

My first thought was to Ally. I hope she won't be there. That party would be hell on earth. More so if she brings her brother. But what about Julian? I wonder if he will call me by then. Should I bring him? No, it's too soon. Well maybe, he could meet everyone. I don't know. I hated this constant thinking about what I am going to do or what is going to happen. It seems to take the fun out of life. Maybe, I should just get to it when it comes.

"Who's coming?" I said looking eagerly at Hannah.

"Oh, she's not coming. If you'd bothered to talk to her you'd know she is in St. Barts for a family cruise."

Relief poured out of me. Hannah must have seen it because she rolled her eyes at me and exclaimed she was going to bed.

"Fine, good night," I said bluntly.

"Night." She answered, slowly slipping into her room.

*

A couple of days past, and nothing happened. Ally and I enjoyed New York City, it was a sweltering 96 degrees on Tuesday. We went to Coney Island and got New York-style hot dogs. They tasted amazing, with huge chunks of onions to gobble down. We walked along the beach and talked for a while. There were tons of people, but particularly there were tons of guys. Many had little Speedos on that showed off just the right around of bulge. They had really gorgeous bodies too, with the sunlight reflecting off of them like they were bronze Gods. God, thinking about them made me so horny. Butterflies formed in my stomach at the thought of it.

The most annoying part was I couldn't keep myself from looking. Hannah would be talking to me about some crap, but all I could focus on was the ass of the almost naked guy in front of me. He was wearing nothing but a speedo; it was black and just showed the two little bums that were his nice behind. Ironically the word on the back of his tiny Speedo read 'A$$' in large white bold lettering. I did chuckle a little when I saw it, but the even funnier part was when we stopped at the bar to get something to drink. The guy that had been in front of us had stopped there too and was now drinking a tall glass of beer. As if absentmindedly, I sat next to him and Hannah followed. And guess what? He fucking started flirting with me. And guess what? I flirted back, albeit badly. He had long flowing blond hair that was still wet from the ocean. He was a little tan but so was I so we made a perfect match. He looked like the stereotypical surfer dude. Oh and he had one of the nicest smiles I had ever seen. It was big, and his teeth were as white as snow. He made a comment on the type of drink we got, ice-cold lemonade, and it started from there. We talked for a good couple of minutes. When I mean 'we' I mean me and him, Hannah looked on without saying a word. I learned that he lived on Long Island, and had just graduated from college. He was moving to Australia in the next couple of weeks to take up a job.

"I have always wanted to go to Australia," I said as I looked into his deep gorgeous blue eyes. "I heard there are tons of animals that could kill you in the second though."

"No, I am way too strong for all that, all those animals wouldn't bother to mess with me." He exclaimed in his deep voice. I chuckled a bit and smiled at him shyly.

"Uh.., Olive, we got to go to that... that... The thing we saw on the billboard a way back." She said cutting into the conversion. She was such a bad actress. I mean no one in their right mind would believe that.

"Umm, okay," I said as we got up ready to leave. "It was nice talking to you."

"You too." He said with a faint smile on his face. "And if you are ever in Australia you should give me a call." He suggested, taking a pen off the bar and scribbling his number on my palm.

I shyly waved and left with Hannah, a little mad that we had to go so quickly.

"Wow, he was really flirting with you." She said astonished as we walked back the way we came.

"Really? No. No. No. He wasn't... Really?" I said as I was thinking about too many things at one time.

Hannah looked at me weirdly for a second, but she didn't say anything more about it. We went back to the subway station quietly and headed home.

*

Wednesday came and went fast, and so did Thursday. We went shopping, with nothing eventful happening like Tuesday. We went shopping in SoHo and got clothes and things for the party. I got this really nice (and expensive) tank top from Topman. Boy, did I look nice in it. My dirty blond hair fit nice with the color, black. To me, it made it stand out more. I also had some extra money so I bought these nice boots. It was a little hot for all that, but with my faded black skinny jeans and the new tank plus the boots, I looked like a fucking model.

I asked Hannah what she thought and she said, and I quote, "You look like the biggest fuck boy I have ever seen." I tried to get her to tell me what it means and she wouldn't. When she didn't respond I said, "Well it must mean I am fuckin' gorgeous cuz' I am bitch." She rolled her eyes and smiled at me. "I know," she agreed before adding, "Bitch."

Friday night came, it was the day before the party. Some of Han's New York friends came over and they talked for a bit. They also brought some stuff over for the party. They were actually really nice, someone smelled of weed but it wasn't a big deal. I knew there was going to be some weed at the party. I didn't like it, but I couldn't just ban all weed, but they were going to bring tons of alcohol. That was okay with me. Apparently there was this guy in Jersey that doesn't card for alcohol, but only if you tip him some tons of money. So of course, the rich kids got all the booze. Although, I've drunk alcohol before when Ally and Jace had their parties, but I've never fully gotten drunk. Maybe I will this time. I felt like getting piss drunk, without a care to the world.

What care did I have? I mean I had no incentive to go out there and find myself. If I did I guess I would have been in a place that I would have meet someone already. Not a person that I just met in Times Square. Well, I guess it was the same thing. Meeting someone you don't know in a club and dancing and barely talking. While I meet Julian outside where there was no music, no other people yelling loudly. There was just the sun and Julian and New York City. We talked, not a lot because of course I wasn't the small talking type, he wasn't either though.

By the end of the day I had made my decision, I was going to forever alone. That was it, exactly it. I was going to become an asexual, and live in a hut in New Zeeland and not talk or look at anyone ever again. That actually seemed appealing to me by 6pm on a Friday evening. Yeah, I was at home on a Friday evening in the biggest city in the whole USA. Hannah was gone somewhere, out with friends. She asked if I wanted to tag along and I whispered a quiet, "no."

"Okay suit yourself," she said in this somehow condensing tone that was rather annoying. It made me not want to talk to anyone at all for a couple of days. Also, it made me really want a couple of glasses of beer, maybe vodka if she came back earlier.

By 7, the city seemed even more alive than before. There was no alcohol in the house for some god awful reason which made me turn to my second coping method, reading. I looked around the house and didn't find a single damn book. Not a fucking thing, not even a porn mag which I didn't remotely expect Hannah to have, but a guy can hope can't he? I decided to go to this large bookshop up the street. I still had enough money left in my checking account and I needed to take my mind off life.

I stepped out the front door a minute later, and walked along the brightly lit sidewalk hastily but quietly. It was a few blocks up and didn't feel like paying for a shit cab. The sun was fading but was still lighting up the sidewalks amazingly. It seemed like one of those lazy summer days. You know the days you don't do anything that helps you or society. You just lie in bed all day or eat junk food, not giving a shit what it does to you. I guess I did that, I cried all day about stupid things that I could fix if I wasn't so damn stubborn.

I got to the bookstore in a haste. It was a nice little shop. They were all used books, and they were nice and cheap which was good for me. I saw such titles as 'Slaughter-house Five' 'Cather in the Rye' 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' and my all-time favorite book 'The Great Gatsby.' Why was that my favorite book of all time? I really didn't know, I could say all these complex things, evaluating Jay Gatsby, the main character. But the truth is that when I first read the book in 9th grade, I fell deeply in love with him. When he died in the end, I went into a deep depression for a while. I know it sounds pointless, but he loved Daisy so much and love like that should burn and rage for a lifetime. Not die and wither off as if it has never happened. Although I've read the book 3 times, each time better than the last, each more and more falling in love with him.

I picked 'The Metamorphosis' by Franz Kafka. It's been on my list for ages, but I kept putting it off for some reason. Today seemed like a good day to read it. I paid for it and walked back out into the smooth summer air. I decided that since I've never been to Central Park that I should go and read, why not? I hopped on the subway, just across from the store. I paid quickly as I hopped on a train that arrived in a rush and left the same way. I got off by Columbus Circle, it was a huge roundabout with this nice monument in the middle. There was a lot of what seemed to be tourist around. Some were speaking what I recognized to be mandarin, some spoke Spanish. I rushed past them and onto Central Park.

I whined to myself because this would be an amazing place to take someone on a lazy summer evening. Some children were playing in the background and the sounds of the city were quite loud, but at the same time it was all so silent. Birds chirped and the leaves rustled as a gentle breeze swept over everything.

I laid down on a nice patch of grass and started reading softly. Everything felt perfect and exact as if nothing can ruin this moment. I was laying here reading and thinking nothing about Julian or Hannah or Ally, not even Jace. I wasn't thinking about anyone but Gregor Samsa as he was turned into a beautifully ugly monstrous insect.

*

"Oliver?"

"Oliver?"

"Olllliiiiivvveeerrrrr."

"I can see you... what the hell are you doing?"

I, Oliver Harrison was possessed with fear. Why do you ask? Well, I know that voice very well. It was this voice (albeit drunk but nonetheless) that I kissed on his bed after the party. It was this voice that I probably will never get over. It was this voice that had amazing abs and jet black hair. It was the voice of Jace Christianson.

How was he in New York? Wasn't he supposed to be on the family cruise with Ally and their parents? Did Hannah lie? Why would she do that? I had so many frickin' questions and never enough answers.

I pulled down 'The Metamorphosis' that was covering my face. I had fallen asleep, it was definitely darker now but the sun was still up, just barely. Jace looked at me with puzzlement in his eyes, he was still drop dead gorgeous. The last time I had smiled at his face was a little over 4 years ago, that night. Since he has been away he had got a little buffer, most likely from all the football. He had cut his hair, it was shorter which made him look even sexier. Fuck. I hated this. I wanted out. I did not want to be around him. It made me feel weird.

I was just about to leave when Hannah came up from behind him.

"Who are you talking to?" She asked as she looked forward and saw me. Her eyes widened and she smiled awkwardly.

"SURPRISE!" She yelled, throwing her hand up in the air suddenly.

"Ally what the hell is happening?" I said looking at her, not at the hot guy next to her.

"Ugh!" She said throwing her hand up again. "I wanted to wait and tell you this later but Me and this fuckboy are dating."

"What?" I yelled surprised at her answer. "But... But... How? When? What?" I stammered, dumbfounded.

"I will tell you later, what in hell's name are you doing in central park sleeping at this hour?" She said sounding like my mom. "This is not small town, USA, Oliver. You that right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I was reading and I feel asleep, I guess." She looked with concern then motioned for me to get up. I did and walked over to her, keeping my eyes off a still confused Jace.

We walked and talked a while through the various sidewalks of Central Park. She and Jace had just been out to dinner the minute he got in, and they decided to go walking in Central Park. "A nice romantic evening" as Hannah put it. I, as you can guess, almost threw up. Like literally, I choked when she said it. When she asked if I was okay I heard the bastard laughing. I was really starting to hate him. He hadn't said a thing since Hannah saw me. I think he was kind of scared, I wondered if Hannah told him I was here? It really doesn't matter, I just knew in my head that I would keep as far away from those abs as possible.

After a while, I said bye to them and said I would meet them later at the house. I decided to just start walking again. Part of me wanted to forget him, part of me wanted to find Julian and explain everything. Part of me wanted to go and shout at him for all the world to hear.

"YOU'RE DATING HANNAH?"

"HOW IN GOD'S NAME COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?"

"I FUCKING LOVED YOU FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG."

I walked to Times Square half expecting to see Julian sitting on the red steps smiling. He wasn't there though, I missed him. I really did, I missed his face. He provided a sense of security somehow like nothing could go wrong with him there.

I wanted to stay out long so I didn't have to face Jace. I went to look at some clothes that I had no intention of buying and got some food from this little shop down the street. It tasted amazing, I added some really hot sauce. I ate that and walked along Broadway, heading back towards Central Park.

I walked for a while after that and read while I walked. Not the best thing to do in New York but I was bored. I decided when it turned 10 o'clock that it was time to head to Hannah's and face life. I wasn't that far away and was there by about 10:30.

Hannah had a couple of friends over, with Jace nowhere to be found. I said hi to everyone and shuffled into my room quietly.

*

I was being shaken and then my eyes popped open and I saw him. The light from the street and the faint moonlight illuminated his face in this weird blue glow. He smiled when he saw my eyes open and I did the same. 'Fuck don't smile you dipshit,' I thought. I couldn't help it. He was amazingly beautiful. I reached up my hand and felt his stubble on his face. Part of me wanted to slap it; part of me wanted to keep rubbing that face forever.

"Listen Oliver, I am sorry," he spoke deeply while turning away from my gaze.

"About what?" I answered, sitting up in my bed, and playing innocent as if I hadn't had a clue what he was talking about.

"You know, high school and now me with Hannah. I am really sorry for all that shit in high school."