Unafraid

"Holy shit balls, what the fuck is that?" I found myself yelling, in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

"I beg your pardon, Sir?" the waiter replied, bending closer as if to signal a quieter tone.

"Don't 'Sir' me, ya little prick. What the fuck is

that

on my plate?" I continued, unabated.

"

Jason

,

keep it down

, it really isn't worth a scene," my wife interjected, trying to hush me by talking through her teeth. That just pissed me off more.

"It's chicken, Sir?" the waiter replied, flushing red with embarrassment.

"I can see it's chicken you little rat. My question to you, is: what the fuck is it doing on our plates? I told you we were both vegan and here you are making mugs of us. Bringing cruelty to our wonderful evening. How would you feel if I shot your dog and laid it on your Christmas dinner table?"

"I, I, don't have a dog, sir. I must insist you not speak, speak to me like that," the waiter stuttered.

"Oh, piss off! We're out of here, and we won't be paying for our drinks," I said.

I stood up and put my jacket on, fully aware that everyone, in every corner of that wanky little establishment on curtain road, was staring at me; burning a hole through my body with their judgement.

"Oh, fuck of you lot, you..." I was just about to begin my Picasso of restaurant rants, when I felt my wife's hand on my wrist, dragging me outside.

"CUNTS!" I yelled, as loud as I could, as the door was closing behind us.

"Just what the

hell

has got into you, Jason? We can't have a night out without you throwing a punch at someone, starting on a bus driver, or kicking off in a restaurant, like an absolute thug! That poor kid was probably about 20. 20! Do you remember what it was like to be a kid working 12 hours shifts for a wage in this city? It's a bloody nightmare, and to have some oaf like you come in and pick on him, for a mistake, is, well, it's just bang out of order."

She had a point. It was a nightmare! £7.50 an hour. 12 hour days. Back to back doubles and a commute home to Zone... twelve. Fuck that.

"Sorry Ellie," I said. "I don't know where the anger comes from. I just, I dunno,

it pissed me off. You know I'm passionate about animals and..."

"No, no, no. Don't you dare try and spin this, so you look like the hero.

Besides, you? Vegan? When it suits you, maybe!" She was yelling now.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." I lifted both hands, palms open, to try and placate the beast; all 5 foot 2 of it.

"Let's just get a cab home, I'm done for the night," Ellie said.

The short journey back was totally silent. The cab driver could clearly tell something was up; he didn't once tell me about the state of the economy, or how 'the Hammers are getting on'.

When we arrived home, I chucked a tenner over the front seat at him and said goodnight. By the time I'd shut the door, Ellie was already inside.

"Fuck me," I shouted from inside the doorway, "it's like the old days. Paying cash! Lucky I even had any on me; didn't even think until we pulled up!"

Nothing.

"Ellie?"

Still nothing.

Fuck her then

. I waded over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of Peroni, before heading into the living room and plonking myself on the couch.

****************

"Oh, for God's

sake Jason!"

a nagging voice

bellowed from the darkness. "You are fucking disgusting sometimes."

My eyes shot open.

As my blurred vision subsided, there was incriminating shapes starting to form. Crusty tissue to my left, hand down pants, belt buckle sprawled to my right.

Babe Station?

I thought, as the telly started to come into focus.

"Babe Station?" I said, out loud this time. "I didn't even know that was still a thing."

More than mildly embarrassed, I was trying to make a joke out of it. It didn't go down well. As a thump started to appear at the back of my brain, I was getting flashbacks of standing outside a busy London restaurant, being shouted at by my pint-sized wife. At this point, what I wasn't thinking was:

what I really need right now is a nice little argument.

"Yeah well it's no wonder you never fuck me anymore, isn't it?" Ellie shouted from the kitchen.

That stung a little bit, but I didn't have it in me to respond. Luckily, she changed the subject.

"My brother and his mate are coming over tonight. He's got some work in town. We're having dinner and then he's off nice and early, so you're not to stay up all night drinking again. You know what he's like. And you and I are going to my parents tomorrow, so I don't' want any you flagging and reeking of sweat, beer and dried cum like you do at the moment."

I was quite disgusted by this image, frowning as if I'd caught a whiff of a four day old bottle of milk.

"Oh, you've got a problem with that have you?" she said from the doorway.

"Fuck me! I didn't see you there," I said, feeling almost winded.

"Just get your shit together and clear this up!"

I must have really pissed her off last night

, I thought. She barely swears normally, let alone asserting herself so much.

Shit! What if she gets used to this?

I decided to clear up and make a quick exit for another lie down in bed.

****************

"Jason, come on they'll be here in a minute," a tender voice said from the darkness.

I felt a hand on my forehead and Ellie was there looking over me.

Ah, she's seems to have calmed down,

I thought. After four years together, I'd learnt a few things.

"I'm so sorry honey," I said. (It was super important to apologise first).

"That's okay!" she sighed, "we'll get this weekend out the way then I want to discuss your anger issues. I want you to get some counselling."

I lay quiet for a second.

If the words little man syndrome come out of her mouth now, I'm going to explode

.

"Thoughts?" she asked

"Oh, erm, yeah, I think I need to do something," I admitted.

I mean the last thing I wanted was to talk to some twat, who's paid double what I am, to say 'and how do you

feel

about that?' for an hour at a time. But, you know, you can only push a woman so far.

"Great! We'll talk tomorrow on the way to Mum's. In the meantime, Scott and Eddy are downstairs so come down and say hello when you're ready!"

Confused and half thinking she was joking, I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. I bolted upright and almost knocked her off the bed.

"Shit, it's four o'clock, I'm so sorry honey."

"It's fine, Jason, I'd rather you were awake than grouchy. We've been together four years and you've only met my brother three times. It's important to me that you get on."

"I know honey, it'll be fine, I promise."

Only met him four times...

I thought. I mean, it's not as if he makes any time for his own sister; why should we make time for him? The little prat. Well, maybe not little, but the rest is gospel.

**********************

When I got downstairs the food was just being plated. Scott, Ellie's brother, was owning the kitchen, 'carving' our vegan chicken. Course he was. Dickhead.

"Hi Scott, how are you pal? Looking lean as always!" I said, walking over to him with a huge (forced) smile on my face.

He turned and looked me up and down.

"And you're looking as skinny as ever, little man."

I felt a chill run down my spine.

Don't punch him, DO NOT PUNCH HIM.

"I'm five-foot ten mate," I laughed, "we can't all be six foot!"

"Six foot four, actually," he replied, smugly.

Then he put out his hand and gave me a solid shake, before embracing me

with his other arm. This was all for show of course; for Ellie, he couldn't stand to be near me.

He may be bigger and stronger, but he's as thick as a paving slab and I'd bang him out in a heartbeat;

it seemed

my inner voice was turned to up to 11 for the evening!

"This is Eddy," he pointed to his friend, who was already sitting at the dinner table, "he's helping me on a few jobs in town."

"Hey mate," Eddy responded, in some Northern tone I couldn't quite place.

As we sat round the table, I couldn't help but notice how big Scott was. Chiselled jaw, short thick black hair and biceps that look like he'd just sacked off going to the gym and had bowling balls surgically implanted. With so much blood pumping round those things, it's no wonder he can barely spell his own name.

"So, I hear you had a big night last night, little Jason," Scott said over the table, already lord of the manor, pouring wine for everyone.

Ellie giggled like a little schoolgirl.

"You sure you're not going to need a whole chicken to yourself there, big man?" I replied, holding his eye contact.

"Well, if you were man enough to eat a real chicken, maybe!" he countered.

"Okay, that's enough flirtin' there lads. Shall we eat?" Eddy said, breaking the tension, and raising his wine glass.

It was actually quite a pleasant dinner. Eddy was a right laugh. Him and Scott had played Rugby up North together for years and had so many stories about fighting, drinking and fucking. I was in my element, although I held back on the fucking stories, given my wife and brother in law were at the same table. Even I have my limits.

After dinner we were all pretty pissed. I can handle my drink, but I was half the size of these guys.

"You okay babe?" I said to Ellie, when we had finished our last game of charades.

"Yeah, just really drunk babe. I'm gonna go to sleep, do you mind? I've set the bed up for them in the spare room."

She went to stand up, but wobbled. Scott shot across the room and heaved her into the air, placing her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

Ellie shrieked like a teenager

"Where to, madame?" Scott yelled, at attention.

"Bed please, good sir," she commanded at the floor, and they disappeared upstairs.

I sat there for a second, pissed again, and thought about this man coming into

my

home

and playing man of the house. I was trying to reason that it's family business and I should stay out of it. But somehow it felt like an attack; like I was less of a man than him.

Eddy had been talking at me all this time, but I couldn't understand the cunt before we were pissed.

"Eddy, do me a favour, shut the fuck up!" I said.

He looked at me, confused, and then burst out laughing.

Another pang of anger shot down my spine.

Laugh at me, will you?

I had a vision of leaping across the table and sinking my teeth into his nose. Then ravaging left and right until I tore it clean off.

I'm not sure how long I was staring at him, but he just closed his eyes and seemed to drift on into a carefree doze.

"All done, the lady of the house is asleep," Scott said, coming down the stairs and brushing his hands, as if to a job well done. "Well, one of them is anyway," he continued once his eyes had fixed on me.

"Hilarious," I replied. "Look, You and Eddy here are in the downstairs bedroom, I'll show you in. There's a big en-suite so you won't have to come upstairs again. Ellie tells me you're off super early?"

By this point we were in the bedroom. Scott just looked at me with a plain expression on his face.

"Eddy!" he yelled.

"Keep it down mate, your sister is asleep" I said curtly.

"Pal, she's off her 'ead, she ain't waking up for love nor money. Not that you give her either." As he said this, he patted me on the shoulder and left his right hand on me.

I looked down at it and then back at his face.

Stepping up to my toes, I leant my head back, propelling it forward and landing it on the bridge of his nose

. Score!!

I heard a crack and almost instantly blood started to trickle out. He let go of me, but just before I could land another punch to the side of his massive square head, he'd dropped down to my knees and wrapped his arms around them. Pushing forward, he lifted me off my feet, took three or four speedy steps into the bathroom and slammed me on the tiled floor.

I came down with a crunch. A 16 plus stone man on top of me, with his shoulder pinning my solar plexus to the floor. I was badly winded.

Eddy came round the corner, and said something like:

"Ay man hiba doba goba"

Even in pain, with no breath and fearing the worst, I still couldn't help but think he sounded like a fat fucking whale, stuck writhing on the shores of sandy beach.

Prick.

Scott signalled to Eddy to shut the door. I had no idea what was going on. My stomach hurt so much, I felt like I could throw up at any second. I tried getting up, but I was doubled over in agony.

Scott seemed to be acting on impulse. He picked me up with both hands and lifted me on to the toilet seat. I yelled and hunched over, clutching my chest, still gasping for air.

As I looked up, I saw a giant semi-erect penis bulging out of Scott's flies.

What the FUCK?

I thought.

What the fuck is he going to do with that?

"Get the f... off m..." I tried to scream, but I couldn't find my breath.

He pressed his penis against my lips, and I turned my head, blowing a raspberry to try and get it away.

I'm not gay, it hardly touched me,

I thought. I couldn't help but notice, that even facing a potentially terrifying ordeal, my brain still had these stupid kinds of thoughts.

He grabbed me by the throat. I looked up to see his strong, square jaw, clenched so tight it made him look like some kind of giant Lego solider. His arms really were huge, and his chest seemed to be twice the size of me.

Why did I think I could take this guy

? I thought.

He reached over and with his giant hands, and tore my t-shirt off me. I tried doing that to a girl once and all I did was hurt my wrists.

This guy is a fucking mountain

.

As he squeezed my neck, my stomach felt like it was being wrenched and shot pain all over my body. He rammed his cock into my mouth and the barrier my teeth had created was easily beaten.

In an instant I was choking on what must have been a seven-inch dick. Either way - and my only real point of reference - it was so much bigger than mine.

I'd never so much as touched another guys cock and I didn't realise they could be so wide. It took all the air out mouth, and I starting to panic.

"Oooogghh," I managed.

I wrenched back my head, but too far, and it thudded the wall behind me.

Dizziness ensued. It hurt, but I was free from his cock at least, able to desperately gasp for air.

I felt a heavy-handed slap across my face, I tried to push him back, but he was just too strong.

He forced his cock in my mouth again and grabbed my hair so hard I thought clumps were going to come out on his hand.

I cried and whimpered. Terrified, but above all, shocked.

This sort of thing doesn't happen to people like me.

"If you want this to be over, you'll start sucking me properly," he said.

"But I don't want to," I cried. I was

actually

crying. I felt ashamed of myself.

He pulled back my hair so hard I thought he'd actually break my neck. I started to panic and out of pure survival I grabbed his cock with both hands and started to massage it.

I licked the tip of his penis, it was wet, I gagged and almost threw up over myself.

He pulled my head back again, "don't you dare throw up on me, you little fag!"

"I'm sorry," I cried.

I lifted his penis up and slapped the underside against my lips. It was something Ellie used to do to me, and it drove me crazy.

"Uuuh, good boy," he said, "you sure you haven't done this before?"

My shoulders were hunched over, and Scott was towering over me. I felt so small. Eddy laughed from the doorway and I could have died of shame.

All my life I've been able to stand up for myself, to the point, I've maybe even walked over other people, but to be stripped of my dignity like this. I was too scared to think much more; I began to shake. I prayed Ellie wouldn't walk in. As much as I wanted this to be over, I couldn't let anyone see me like this.

Without being prompted, I put his cock back in my mouth. This time I pushed my throat up and down it. Faster and faster.

I can't believe this is happening,

I thought.

"I didn't think you ate meat?" Scott said, making himself laugh. Eddie broke into hysterics from the doorway.

Scott, then pulled me off the toilet and made me kneel in front of him. My knees screamed in what would be tomorrow's pain, but I was numb enough all over to ignore them. A few drops of blood fell from his nose and landed on my face, I tried to wipe them off, but it got mixed up in all the saliva.

He put his hands behind his head, and I continued to rock my head back and forth; pumping with both hands and using my excess saliva to dribble back on to the shaft. I had no idea where the inspiration had come from. Maybe it was the years of porn, or having woman do this to me, whilst I was leering over them. Either way, I continued for a few minutes, until my jaw was close to locking.

By now the pain in the rest of my body had started to ease and it was only then I realised the head of my penis was poking out the top of my jeans. I was fully erect. I had precum dripping from the tip of my cock and my balls felt like they were bulging.

I looked at his cock, covered in mucus, saliva, blood, tears. I think I wanted it back inside me; but I was afraid to enjoy it.

He grabbed my face and suddenly an arc of yellow liquid sprayed over my face and down my chest. He was pissing on me. He was PISSING ON ME?

I clenched my mouth shut and muffled a scream. I pushed him away and tried to crawl toward the door.

Eddy came rushing round to my side and booted me just under the ribs; almost winding me again.

"Open you're fucking

mouth,"

Scott said, as Eddy backed toward the door, leaning against it.

I shook my head at first, my final act of defiance. He grabbed my hair again and brought me back up to my knees. Holding my ribs with arms folded around me, I closed my eyes and opened my mouth.

When it first hit my tongue it didn't taste as bad as I'd expected, like rusty metal? Then, when trying to breathe, I accidentally swallowed a bit and it made me cough and wretch; I spewed the rest all down my chest.

"Don't waste it you little cunt. I can't go much before I cum. Savour. Every. Drop," he snarled, before spitting in my face.

The spit somehow felt even more degrading. I wanted to kill him, but I had nothing to give. I opened my mouth slowly and he dripped the last few drops into my mouth.

"Gargle it for me," he said.

I started to cry again, but did as he said. Then I dribbled it down my chest in disgust; he slapped me for that.

"Right, stand up, turnaround."

He helped spin me around and pushed me against the wall. He kicked my feet apart.

I was crying into my shoulder, but he'd already unbuckled my trousers and, before I'd really noticed, he'd pulled them and my boxers down to my ankles.

I heard him spit, and something thick and wet landed on my arse crack. I closed my eyes.

"I suggest you spread as wide as you can, cos this is going to hurt," he said.

I tried to, but I was restricted. Shaking, I stood on my jeans with one foot and pulled the other out. He bent over and freed my other leg, before kicking the clothes aside.

For some reason I bent down to take off my socks, like that's where the shame was; standing there naked in just my tall white socks.

"No!" Leave them, he said pulling me back upright.

I heard him take his t-shirt off and saw it land in my periphery.

"Hang on?" he said, and began laughing hysterically, "you're erect! you dirty little faggot."

Before he'd finished the word, I felt the tip of his penis against my hole and starting to push. I tried to loosen my muscles, but it didn't work. He spat again and started to ram harder. My legs tightened up and my butt-cheeks clenched, I jumped forward in agony. Then I felt a punch swing down into my kidney and I buckled over slightly.