U-N-I

Rob must have been really tired because he quickly drifted off to sleep in my arms. I squirmed out of his grip and as I did so, he rolled over onto his stomach. I lay on my side next to him and just watched him sleep for a moment. It was something I always enjoyed doing, that alone time with him after sex, when I would just watch him and caress him. I knew he did the same sometimes.

I ran my fingers along his strong arm before raising myself up to rest my head on his back. For a moment, my hand travelled up and down the small of his back, to his ass cheek and his tigh. I loved his body and I knew it so well, nearly all of his extra-sensitive spots. I knew where I could just slightly tickle him, I knew the location of the scar that he'd acquired when he had fallen off his roof at eleven years old. I loved him, every inch of him, and admiring his body was a way to remind myself of who I was, a gay man.

After a while, I kissed his lower back and pulled the bed cover over him a little.

It was only 8pm and I didn't feel like spending the evening alone so I got dressed and went back to Jordan's.

I rang the doorbell because the front door required a key to open it from the outside, and I didn't have it with me.

"Hey mate," he said as he opened the door to me.

"Hey, where's everyone?" I asked him as I peered into the living room.

"They went to Rachel's to have dinner."

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

"I wanna catch up on Game of Thrones since you've all watched the last episode without me," he complained jokingly.

"Les absents ont toujours tort," I retorted in French, as I knew he could understand that expression, which basically meant 'Those who are absent are always wrong'. We would always watch that show together but he was out on a date that night.

"And I'm not that hungry. I'll join them later. What's Rob doing?"

"He fell asleep."

He looked at me with a grin,

"You wore him out!"

I laughed,

"I guess I did!"

"Seriously? You just had sex?" he asked amused, as he sat back down on the couch.

"Yeah."

He must have seen a bit of a blissful expression on my face because he asked with a laugh,

"That good?"

I just let out a small chuckle as I sat down next to him,

"Oh you have no idea, fucking amazing!"

He shook his head,

"So unfair, how many times d'you have sex a day anyway?"

I laughed,

"Well, at least once! Can't resist him!" I grinned slightly.

Jordan frowned at me.

"How come?" he asked me with an inquiring tone.

I thought about it for a brief moment,

"I dunno, I've stopped asking myself that a long time ago." I answered.

"Seriously, what is it about him? I bet that even though you're out, girls are still gonna go crazy over him!"

I shrugged with a smile,

"Are you jealous?" I teased him.

"A little." he confirmed jokingly and added, "Just trying to understand his secret."

"Oh come on, you get your fair share of attention!"

"Yeah sure, but, it's like, if he's around, it's like we don't exist anymore."

"Yeah, well, I don't care. I'd rather stay out of the spotlight as much as possible."

"Hey, I don't mind it!" he said as he continued to wonder why Rob was so popular, "Yeah, everyone's attracted to him. Even I have to admit that he's hot!" he said with a laugh. "Why is everyone so attracted to him? Why are you?"

"I don't know, just because he's perfect and gorgeous and intelligent and interesting and fun and loving and charming - I could go on and on," I grinned.

"Well, so am I!" he exclaimed.

I let out a laugh,

"Alright, you wanna know, there's just an intensity to it with him, there's just something about him I can't get enough of."

"Yeah, that's it! Even on stage, there's an intensity to him. I have to work on that!" he pondered for a few seconds.

I laughed,

"Just be who you are!"

"Yeah, but with a bit more intensity though!" he nodded.

"Damn, I do talk to you about Rob a lot!" I exclaimed, I hadn't realized how much I shared private things about our relationship with him.

He laughed,

"Hey, don't worry about it, I don't mind!"

I smiled.

"Well, not that I don't enjoy your company, but I'm starving. I think I'm gonna go to Rachel's too."

"Yeah, well, me too then," he said, turning off the TV.

We walked out of his place and went to Rachel's. They were all having take out on the coffee table watching TV when we came in, and we immediately noticed there were two boys and a girl that we didn't know, but who looked familiar.

"Hello!" Jordan told them a bit surprised, "Who the hell are you?"

Damon laughed. "Hey, be nice! We found them waiting in the cold when the delivery guy showed up. They moderate the fans forum, we figured we needed them on our side."

"Oh I see, you're the ones who can erase compromising pictures or nasty comments," Jordan joked.

"Yeah, exactly," one of the boys said. "It's so great to meet you, we can't believe we're here," he said, as they stood up to shake our hands.

"Well, nice to meet you!" I told them.

"Likewise," the girl said with a lot of admiration in her voice, as she stared at me.

"You look familiar, have we seen you around here before?" I asked her.

"Yeah, we've come here a few times, and you must have seen us at your gigs, you've signed us autographs once."

"I thought so. How come you know where we live?" I asked with curiosity.

Damon and Dylan looked at them.

"You've already asked them that, haven't you?"

They nodded,

"Ok, never mind."

She answered nonetheless,

"There really aren't that many people who know where you live, but everyone's asking on the forum, but we always answer that they must write to BMG if they want to send you something. I think the few who know where you live don't tell others anymore."

"Let's hope so!" Jordan said.

"Rob's not coming over?" Damon asked me.

"No, he's sleeping."

"Already?" he asked in surprise.

"Yeah, he was knackered."

I could tell the fans were very disappointed, but they didn't say anything, just looked at each other and pouted. Jordan grinned at me and I knew he wanted to make a joke so I pushed his shoulder with my hand as I told him to shut up.

"Was he feeling a bit better about coming out?" Rachel asked me.

"I'm not sure. I think it needs to sink in. He's just stressed out."

"What about you?"

I just shrugged.

"Well if you need a little help, these three are very supportive," Dylan said, pointing at the fans.

I looked at them with a slight smile and asked,

"Did you suspect?"

They looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders slightly.

"A little," the girl replied shyly, "I mean, there was a lot of suspicion going on around Robbie, but the two of you together, I don't think anybody really believed you were a couple."

"Despite the myemers thing!" her friend added.

I just laughed,

"Oh Gosh, you're all having so much fun with that, aren't you?"

"Just the beginning," Rachel joked.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so," I agreed.

I knew there would be even more chemistry between us on stage now.

"How long have you been, like, an item?" she asked shyly again.

I supposed everyone was wondering on the forum and she wanted to be able to tell them.

I hesitated but finally answered,

"For five years."

"Basically since we started gigging with the band," Jordan added.

They looked at each other, as if there had been a bet going on between them. The girl smiled broadly, whereas the boys just looked surprised. She must have been the one who'd had that one right.

We spent the rest of the evening playing board games, laughing a lot, and just enjoying the time spent together.

As Rob wasn't answering his phone, his mum called me to say she'd be at our place around 9am the next morning.

When I went to sleep, Rob had changed position and was lying under the sheets, his head resting on his pillow. I stripped and slowly spooned myself against him. I felt him stir a little and he held my hand. After a few seconds, he sighed heavily,

"Oh fucking hell!"

"What?" I asked in surprise.

He sighed again,

"Uh, fuckin' nightmare! We were stalked down by reporters."

I had to laugh at that,

"Probably gonna become a reality."

"What time is it?" he asked and rubbed his eyes wearily.

"Almost one," I said as he turned around to face me.

"Relax," I whispered to him softly as I placed my hand on the side of his face. He nodded and I stroked his bottom lip with my thumb. He was warm and he leaned his face into my touch. We lay in bed silently together, our bodies pressed against each other and our foreheads touching. I caressed his face for a moment, sometimes kissing him softly to soothe him. I knew the exact texture of his skin, the soft wetness inside his mouth, my hand traveled to the curves of his muscles in his arm. I think at that instant, I knew his every emotion, and it was comfortable that way. And I knew he felt the same.

"I know it stresses you out. Just go back to sleep, don't worry so much about it."

He closed his eyes and leaned into me a little more, resting his head on my chest. I held him tight against me as we went to sleep.

--------------

I woke to the sound of my phone's alarm. It was 8am and I wanted to be up for when Rob's mother would show up. I wasn't sure if Rob was still sleeping but I quietly got out of bed and he didn't move much. I got ready and headed downstairs to make breakfast. Fifteen minutes later, she was ringing the doorbell.

"Hey... good morning sweetie," she said softly, embracing me with a motherly warmth.

I hugged her back and we went to the kitchen. She opened her bag and retrieved a bunch of newspapers that she dropped on the kitchen counter. I just laughed.

"I've just bought all the newspapers that published something about you this morning."

"Oh god, I'm scared," I told her as I picked up 'the Sun'. I rapidly found their article and was relieved to see they hadn't used the picture of us kissing that they had. Like the others, they wrote an article about the fact that we had come out on social media, and it was not too bad.

"Alright," I heaved a sigh of relief, "it could've been so much worse!" I said as I picked up The Daily Mail, another bad tabloid I was a little wary of as well.

"Is Robbie still in bed?"

"Yeah, he's been spark out since eight last night! Seriously, I don't know why he's so tired."

"It must've taken a lot out of him. He sounded very tired and worried last night."

"Yeah, he was." I confirmed, then smiled at her. "It's nice that you came."

"Of course, I came!" she said with a smile.

We sat at the table to have breakfast and she asked kindly,

"So? How are you doing Mark?"

"Oh, you know, I'm okay. There are worse things that could be happening," I answered.

She nodded slightly,

"It sort of makes it official."

"Yeah," I smiled, "next thing you know, Rob's gonna ask me to marry him," I joked.

"Wouldn't that be a lovely wedding!" she smiled broadly.

"I was kidding," I laughed

"Maybe one day, you won't be."

"Oh come on! I wouldn't even want to get married if I were straight."

"Well, your parents didn't set a great example to you."

I just snorted. She then asked in a serious tone of voice,

"How do you feel about everyone knowing about the two of you?"

I looked at her with uncertainty, trying to find the right words for it.

"I'm just a bit apprehensive right now." I sighed, I was silent for a moment. "It's just something we had to do. We'll have more freedom, and that can only be a good thing, right?"

She nodded,

"Let's hope so."

I could sense a bit of apprehension in her voice and in her attitude.

"You think we should've waited, don't you?"

"No, no," she reassured me, "I think you did what you thought was right... and I'm sure everything will be fine. It's a big step, that's all."

She looked at me with a motherly expression on her face.

"What?" I asked, chuckling.

She shook her head,

"You're all getting so big. You have changed so much in the past few years, so fast. Sometimes, I wish you were still twelve years old."

"Oh no, you don't really want that," I told her, remembering our childhood. "we were so out of control at that age, we were driving you crazy."

"Oh no, you were good kids," she remembered with a smile, "you know, in my mind, you just ran off without giving me the time to realize you were not little boys anymore."

"Oh, don't worry, Jane, we may be twenty-three, but I assure you, we're still kids."

She laughed slightly,

"I wish you were! But I'm afraid there's not much I can do now to protect you from the outside world. But then again, you don't seem to need it. I'm very proud of you," she smiled, "of everything you've achieved already. I'm amazed every day at what you're doing, and how well you're handling everything."

I smiled,

"We have come pretty far, haven't we? I can hardly believe it sometimes."

"Yes, you have. It's pretty amazing."

"I know, it really is. I love it so much, everything we do. It's brilliant! You know, to be a band, to play music all the time. And God, having a crowd of people in front of you just going off is the most amazing feeling ever. And you know what the best part is?" I smiled wickedly.

"What is that?" she asked.

"No one ever asks us to turn it down!" I exclaimed as I remembered how she always used to tell us to turn the music down in the evening.

She laughed,

"Ah, if I had known, I would have let you."

"Yeah, sure!" I smiled.

"I'm glad you're all making your dreams come true. You should be proud of yourself, you know ... because it has a lot to do with you that you're all so successful."

This was a nice compliment, but of course it was bound to make me a bit uncomfortable,

"Aw, don't," I begged.

"No Mark, really," she told me. "You know, Robbie was always pretty special as a kid. And now, he still is... But you, I think you were even more special. There's always been something more to you. Something I think your parents could never quite understand. There was more to you than any other kid. You're a jewel, Mark. I can see why Robbie loves you so much."

I could feel my cheeks reddening here, I had never been really at ease with people saying nice things about me. I looked down, suddenly fascinated by my nails, and I guess the expression on my face was betraying me.

"Just because your parents didn't make you feel special doesn't mean that you're not," she said kindly as she placed her hand on mine and squeezed it tight, "you're gonna have to start believing in yourself."

I looked up at her and looked down again,

"I'm trying."

"Maybe you should try a little harder," she said in a whisper. "listen to what Robbie tells you."

"Oh I listen, but I'm not sure I can really trust his judgment." I joked.

"Why can't you?"

"Because, I dunno, he's hardly objective. He seems to think that everything I do is perfect."

"Maybe it is," she said.

I looked at her and chuckled,

"You know, he's hardly objective, and you're hardly neutral."

She smiled at me,

"So, do you think that love just makes him blind?"

I shrugged my shoulders as if to say that it was a possible explanation.

"I don't think he's blind at all," she said.

We grew silent for a moment.

"But you know," I started saying, "sometimes I wish he wouldn't put me on a pedestal like this. I can't help but feel... maybe this is a little too perfect. It's like we have the kind of relationship some people spend their lives trying to find."

"Yes. You're lucky. The only advice I can give is to never take each other for granted," she said.

"I agree. But the thing is ...we've always been there for each other, so I guess, we tend to think it'll always be that way."

"It could be, as long as you communicate with each other, and don't let the little things get in the way."

I nodded and she added,

"Whatever will happen in the next few weeks, it'll make your relationship stronger. Try to be there for Robbie," she added, "because he'll need your support more than ever. It may seem like he can handle the pressure and the critics, but he cares a great deal about what people think of him."

"I know. He doesn't fool me. Don't worry. The thing is that he feels like he needs to protect me, and be the stronger one like he's always been."

"Oh, he's insecure too, you know. He leans on you as hard as you lean on him."

"Yeah, but since we were kids, with my parents and all, he's always...been there for me. He's always given me more than I've given him."

"I don't see it that way. You did give him something. You gave him your friendship. So he wasn't sneaking to your house to escape. He had no obvious reason why he needed you, but he did need you, so much, Mark. I think back then, he already needed you to show him he wasn't different." she told me, I smiled and she continued, "You know, he's always loved you. Not like he does now, but he's always wanted to be there for you. He's always tried to help you .... I've always seen it, you know. I didn't think it would turn out this way. I didn't think you would become lovers... but I've always seen the special love he had for you."

Well, it sure felt good to hear that.

"He made the whole situation with my parents a lot more bearable. You all did!" I said.

"Well, someone had to be there for you," she sighed.

We grew silent for a moment, but I think we both knew where the conversation was headed ; she was the first one to bring it up.

"Your parents know. Your mother came to see me last night. Your brother had told her."

My brows furrowed and I hissed, I wasn't sure I wanted to know what her reaction was.

"Has she told you I was gonna burn in hell?" I sniggered, pretty sure she had to be thinking it.

"No. But she blamed me for it," she said, slightly raising her eyebrows with a baffled expression on her face.

"Why?" I asked, just as puzzled.

"I let you sleep with my son all these years," she snorted.

I just shook my head in exasperation,

"That's ridiculous! Like that's what made us gay!"

"Yes, that's what I told her. I kind of had a row with her. She can be so ignorant."

I agreed and added with anger in my voice,

"You wouldn't have had to do that if she'd been there for me in the first place," I sighed. "You know, you were a better mother to me than she ever was."

"I know. I feel like I've practically raised you."

"You have." I confirmed, making sure she could hear gratitude in my voice, "I don't know what I would've done without you. You taught me so much more than they ever did. I don't think I'd be the person I am today if you hadn't been there for me."

"Oh, don't make me cry," she said sincerely, "I hope someday, you can find the strength to forgive her and talk to her again."

"I don't think I will. I'm done with them," I said, sounding assertive.

"She's your mother," she said softly, trying to convince me to take the first step.

"Yeah, not much of a mother!" I said with resentment.

"She tried to do what was best for you, believe me, she did," she explained, sounding sincere, but I couldn't possibly believe that.

"What was best for me?" I asked her a bit aggravated, "Staying with you all the time was what was best for me? It wasn't right. You can't possibly think that what you had to do was right? How could I ever forgive her? She left me alone, she never cared for me. Oh sure, she fed me, she bought me clothes. Everything a parent is supposed to do. But, barely. Christ, I remember how you had to take me to the doctor once because she wouldn't. I never felt that she loved me. I was never good enough, nothing I did was ever good enough for them."

"Mark," she said softly trying to make me stop, but I wasn't done.

"But... I never felt loved by her. She's always kept a huge distance, and that's not right. I mean, I've always felt so much more love from you than her. She made me feel like I wasn't worthy of love."